Boundaries in Marriage by Dr Henry Cloud and Dr John Townsend - Research Paper Example

?Boundaries in marriage by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend Boundaries in marriage by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend Thebook “boundaries in marriage” that was written by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend has received a critical analysis from a number people. The book has been appreciated by a number of the Christian fraternity with most of the Christians observing the stated guidelines in the book. However, some people have stated that the book is designed to wreck homes of people as it is plain heresy (Cloud and Townsend, 2000). The book is criticized to offer nothing but dictatorial information that is not beneficial in the family setting. This creates a scenario where people are caught between a rock and a hard place, which is negativity to the concerned people, especially people in families. Some people do not feel theneed to read the book while some people are inclined to reading the book to get the teachings. As such, the Christian fraternity has been confused about the teachings in the book. In a keen reflection to the book, there are possible outcomes that will be discovered. Theory Critique First, the book “boundaries in marriage”defines the manner in which people define and maintain their individual sense. There is the aspect of personal integrity that is highlighted in this book. Similarly, the author statesthat personal freedom is an aspect that should be respected in marriage. In continued reflection, the author gives explicit information on how people should control their freedom,personal integrity and sense of individuality. This is an advantage to the readers as the book strengthens their reflection on freedom, personal integrity and sense of individuality. This will lead to a peaceful living where the people in the marriage understand each other.Similarly, the author states that people in marriage should learn to cope up with each other in different aspects. This will ensure they are living peacefully and are tolerating each other (Cloud and Townsend, 2000). It is obvious that people have strengthens while they also have their weaknesses. People in relationships have to know each other’sstrengths and learn to improve the strengths to make it better. However, people in relationships should learn each other’s weaknesses and learn how to improve on such weaknesses. Without such coping, it is obvious that the relationship will not be worthwhile. The author states that people should learn howto cope with different needs of their spouses. This is a positive aspect that is achieved by a family when they are vigilant on this particular point. Since this is a relationship that involves two people, therearemany occasions where the two people will have different needs. Some of these needs arebasic and will needurgency. However, some needs are not urgentand could take time before they are acted upon. Apparently the author is explicit in showing numerous ways in which the marriage can achieve these needs without affecting the other party. In deeper reflection,the author openly states thatthere is a need to establish a healthy relationship while in marriage. Thisis a strong point that wasmentioned by the author. A lasting marriage is one that is built on healthy communication. In many instances, a marriage that cherishes communication and communicates effectively is likely to have greater future as compared to a family that does not rely on the effectiveness of communication. Therefore, the author stated a strong point that is necessary in sprouting a relationship in marriage (Cloud and Townsend, 2000). This helps the people that are in the marriage to a greater deal. Without effective communication, it almostimpossible to have a healthy relationship since most of the people in the relationship will feel threatened especially in accordanceto their rightful place in the relationship. Consequentially, a relationship that does not savoureffective communication is not destined to last. The parties in the relationship are likely to separate as their feelings are not catered for. With such actions in a relationship, the marriage will also be affected to greater heights. Strengths of boundaries in marriage The author gives directives on how to solveproblems in marriage. This is a positive aspect that helps married couples to solve problems. Without finding an amicable solution, the marriage will not make positive accrual. The author openlystates that for a marriage to succeed there is a need to look at the problemsthat are occurring day in and day out. Some of these problems are prevalent in many relationships and will also be present in any relationship. Since the relationship partners have to stay together, there is a need to look at the positive side of the relationships and solve these problems. For instance, financial problemsare prevalent in many relationships and marriages. Therefore, all couples in a relationship must look for greater ways of solving such problems. Solving such problems in the means time prepares the relation to tackle other hardertaskswhich will not affect the future of the relationship. Therefore, there is a need to have utter reflection on the problems and find the most suitable ways of solving such problems (Cloud and Townsend, 2000). With greater solutions, the relation and marriage is likely to take a positive accrual as far as marriage is concerned. Weaknesses of boundaries in marriage The book “boundaries in marriage” has a number of contentious issues that arise, which are at times negative attributes ton some marriages. The authors are criticized in the way they advise people to respond to their problematicissues. For instance, most people encounter differentproblems atdifferent levels. Since these problems occur at different levels, they will require expertiseinformation to achieve this. This is on the contrary of the issues that are highlighted by the authors. While the author states a single way of solving these problems, some other people have far bigger problems and would need better preparation to deal with their problem. Therefore, the author should have provided a much better way of solving these issues. A single way of solving different problems does not give the desired results. The only scenario for a healthy relationship is when couples have respect for each other’s needs. Personally, this is not true and it is a disadvantage to couples. Each of the people in the relationship should know each other’s needs and learn to makefavourable choices to fit the other person (Cloud and Townsend, 2000). In a critical evaluation of this statement, it is openly seen that other ingredients of making a solid relationship are left out. These are vital ingredients that can never be left out when a couple wants to have a strong relationship. For instance, love is the main focus of a relationship. Lovingeachother in a relationship ensures all the partners are working in collaboration. This reduces any instances of scuffles in the relationship. A relationship that is not made out of love is not destined to last. Though some relationships have little love for each other, the love gradually develops to the brim.Similarly, trust in each other is a vital aspect that should be respected in a relationship. People that are in a solid relationship should learn how to trust each other and make the trust last longer. If a couple wants to have healthy relationship, there is a need to keep revitalizing their trust for each other and this will help sprout the relationship further. In case there is no trust in a relationship, there is a greater probability that the relationship will not last. The people in the relationship will keep suspecting each other and this could lead to serious issues. The book has a weakness when it is stating boundaries, which may nit assist the married couples. The categorical boundaries are instilled in a marriage to protect the marriage. However, this is not utterly beneficial to the couple (Cloud and Townsend, 2000). Marriages are bound for two people who are in mutual agreement. For instance, they have to agree on particular issues and reach at a mutual agreement. Since the marriage is mutual, all decisions ought to be mutual and agreed by both parties. However, setting boundaries is an aspect that is not welcome in many marriages. Setting boundaries is a personal decision that could affect the other person. When a person in marriage sets boundaries, it is obvious that these boundaries are unmoved. With such situations, there are many rules and regulations that will crop up. This might not be accepted by the other party in the long run. The second part of the book talks about two people uniting and making boundaries against outsiders. This is a negative attribute in the book and will negatively affect the couples in the marriage. In most instances, a marriage will not be successful without outside assistance. Friends, neighbours and the extended family are part oftheoutsiders that come in handy when a family is affected. Therefore, putting up boundaries to seclude the outside parties is not accepted. Most of the secluded parties will feel offended when the boundaries are erected to annihilate any relationship that exists. In such a setting, it is obvious that the family or marriage could be affected by a small problem that could be solved with the presence of outsiders. The book talks about six sets of conflicts and settingboundaries when the conflicts arise (Cloud and Townsend, 2000). This is negativity to the couple as they will be myopic about the conflicts that arise. There are wide varieties of conflicts and each comes with a different effect. Practically, there is no single solution to a problem. Therefore, setting limits reduces the number of options that could be used in solving the situation. Apparently, when a conflict arises, there is a need to be practical and considerate. This will be a better position in solving any issues. Lastly, the book talks about misusing boundaries. In the first place, there is no need for boundaries if they will be misused. Secondly, boundaries are set to an event that is predetermined and does not have complex situations. Therefore, boundaries in marriages are not practical solutions to conflicts and ensuring the marriage lasts. Reflection The book is steadfast in highlighting the key points that should be considered in marriage. Marriage is an institution where two people have to live together in enhancing their strengths whilst looking for better ways to reduce their weaknesses. This will ensure the family is living happily without any scuffles. However, there is a need to focus on other ways of solving situations while in marriage. Since marriage is an institution, it will encounter different problems arising from different issues. Therefore, the different problems will not be solved by a single avenue. There is a need to look for other avenues of solving these problems rather than sticking to the stated avenue. Similarly, boundaries in marriage need to be instilled to control the marriage. However, some boundaries are not worthwhile in marriage. For instance, restricting outsiders and other parties in marriage could be the downfall of the marriage. Some outsiders need to be treated differently since they hold the key to success. Instilling boundaries on everyone could be detrimental. Lastly, a family is an institution that is strengthened by dedication, agreements, disagreements and negotiations. Instilling boundaries leaves no place for negotiations. Reference Cloud, H. & Townsend J.S. (2000). Boundaries in Marriage, California: Zondervan. Read More