Boundaries in Marriage Critique - Book Report/Review Example

?What the book says The book, “Boundaries in Marriage” by Henry Cloud and Dr. Townsend help explain the friction and challenges that individuals normally experience in marriage and define the problems to the struggling society. Marriage is never an easy entity to manage and more often, individuals experience challenges that threaten to separate them. It is only through a higher form of respect achieved and a strong intimacy developed between the couples that these challenges can be overlooked. Townsend and Cloud develop these concepts in depth and explain that it takes cooperation and compromise to bring unity within a marriage setting. Once individuals get married, they are considered as one entity rather than two separate individuals. There is a further attempt to develop the importance of respect and the ability to allow the partners express their freedoms to promote better relations in marriage. This book is mainly written to target couples and those that are ready to commit to the bondage. It highlights the importance of boundaries, and through incorporating religious virtues, individuals are guided towards a healthy societal life. Boundaries are defined as the qualities that can be viewed within the individual setting in the husband and wife. Before they merge to become a single entity, the husband possesses separate qualities and the same fact applies to the wife. Cloud and Townsend expresses the need to define these separate attributes in their discipline to achieve a high stability form when the parties combine. Boundaries give the individual entities freedom and allow for personal improvement that most marriages fail to offer. Respect is obtained when this measure is undertaken promoting love and reconciliation in times of argument. With respect, the shared love between individuals would improve and easier resolve to tension would be managed without straining and seeking external assistance. God created marriage and is pleased when couples reconcile rather than abandon the responsibility of understanding the wishes of partners. There is a better understanding on the definition of boundaries and its implementation in the marriage life. The book helps couples understand each other perfectly and understand their partner fully, their origins and their reaction towards certain subjections in the society. Better knowledge of the partner and acceptance of their attitude and reactions would help battle the confrontations that are the greater marriage impairments. Before individuals make the decision to join into the affair, there are numerous factors that they consider and are always centered on knowledge of their partners. However, not every entity and behavioral reactions are highlighted because no assessment may achieve perfect results. Several qualities are revealed after spending additional time with their partners. In marriage, there should be a compromise involved providing room for the partner to develop. Boundaries in Marriage establish the compromise needed in the form of provision of freedom and trust between individuals joined together via marriage promoting continuity in their life. The authors explain that the marriage though mostly considered a difficult engagement to include in achieving progress several factors may be applied to limit the constraints people experience. The society normally defines individual behavior and the mode of upbringing complements the virtue within the personal characteristics of individuals. The book also looks at the issue of gender reactions towards the pressures realized in marriage because men possess different reactions to women when finding a solution to the problems experienced. Cloud and Townsend explains that, in a marriage, a third entity is introduced that links the man and woman to unite as a single entity in tackling their constraints. They also highlight the repercussions of external factors into the marriage. There are subjections that normally test the strength of the parties in marriage, and may be influenced by individuals in the couple’s lives or a society’s need that creates vices within the souls. The choices that individuals make towards achievement of better virtues may be subjected upon the principles that they contact. There should be measures taken to adjust behavior to limit extreme reactions that may inhibit progress towards achieving the desired virtues in marriage. The book is written to expound on the boundaries and the ten laws of boundaries to be applied in marriage. The first touches on Sowing and Reaping, which warns on the repercussions of spending that might lead to debt. God explains that every individual would acquire what they worked for, hence a need to prepare and face consequence. The second law talks on responsibility where people are responsible for their actions, managing their boundaries. Third law is of power and the ability of individuals to control certain entities in their life. Fourth law is of Respect, fifth is that of motivation. Sixth law that influences boundary talks on evaluation. Individuals are asked to evaluate the results of setting boundaries noting their effect on their spouses, with the reaction on how they interpret certain behaviors. Seventh law is of proactivity meaning a consequence of the same measure as the action that leads to its development. Eight law highlights envy while the ninth explains the activity aspect of humanity. The activity law explains the nature of reluctance and its contribution to boundary problems. It urges individuals to be active for them to discover their boundaries. Finally, he tenth law that is of exposure suggests that boundaries are defined well when people engage in relationships. The book begins by giving an example of an elderly couple, Harold and Sarah whom Dr. Townsend meets at a buffet dinner. The event had been full of couples in what is described as the Golden years because they had been in their marriage for a period not less than four decades. The story explains that though marriage may be legally binding and a connection made before God, there needs to be an understanding achieved to deliver emotional connection that strengthens love. Sarah and Harold fail to establish a connection in public and there is a desire for the wife to express her emotions towards the husband who depicted rebellion towards upholding marriage boundaries. On the other hand, Frank and Julia, in the book, are given as an example of a couple who have successfully defined their boundaries and their efforts to uphold respect. The desire to communicate and highlight the problems within the marriage lead to a period of intimacy, and a lasting continuity achieved in marriage construction. Boundary conflicts in the portrayed stories are what Townsend explains as a failure to achieve understanding and equality between participating individuals. When one partner abuses their spouse, a form of rebellion is the likely results a they look for freedom from the constraints of the marriage. There is a need to develop the marriage from the husband and the wife, but the book explains that at the individual front, there are needs the spouses possess. Major boundary conflicts arise when the form of abuse subjected towards the partner limits their freedom and hinder individual progress. A healthy relationship defined by the authors upholds the virtue of individual progress. A flaw in a constituent of an entity leads to the overall failure within the entire composition of the marriage. Couples tend to forget the value of continuity in the respect initially accorded when the marriage had blossomed from love. With time, the desire to neglect the spouse’s needs increases which later turns into abuse. Harold is the best example in the book that publicly portrays a form of disrespect for his wife; an attribute that Sarah explains emerged from a series of events that restrained her freedom. This example presents that there should be shared responsibility and position in the parties involved in a marriage to build a stronger bond. There can never be love achieved when a party portrays total domination over the other. Lessons Learned from the book Most couples appear happy when perceived by the society and people may never have knowledge of the constant challenges experienced when dealing with disturbing situations. Some individuals have applied appropriate measures to uphold the boundary entity, develop trust, and respect that foster freedom. There can never be a perfectly achieved state of satisfaction in marriage and problems would continue to increase if the previous situation is not properly handled. The strongest marriage relations are not easily achieved and it takes several steps to completely bridge the gap in understanding and according freedom to the partner. People possess different needs and there should be a defined level of understanding to achieve positive communication within a marriage setting. Some marriages present abuse to the partners while others find difficulty in expressing their internal desire. Cloud and Townsend expresses the need for individuals to gain comfort and achieve their freedom when around partners to develop a relation that would boost communication. Communication, in turn, is an attribute that would share the feelings towards certain behaviors and reactions that a marriage may present. There should be compromise and care for the partner giving freedoms concurrently as imposing rules. The boundaries set mean that there would be guidelines to be followed when addressing various situations curbing progress and love within a marriage. The points of major setbacks are to be generated within oneself and the society that possess qualities to challenge freedoms to be expressed in the marriage. Boundaries are broad and hold various definitions particularly in a marriage setting. Cloud and Townsend explain that it is only through acquiring the proper definition of the required boundary in marriage that the healing and mending process of the marriage would commence. The communication channels to be applied to bolster boundaries are included in the proper response to situations experienced by spouses. When individuals learn to reply a yes or no question properly while assessing the reaction of the partner, there would be a satisfaction achieved. Spouses should not always be submissive because various responses may lead to unsatisfactory results towards building stronger relations. Inappropriate responses may generate anger and eventually lead to physical and sometimes emotional abuse. Husbands have properties that they may be willing to protect and the wife may feel a need to conceal a behavior portrayed when single to limit confrontation. The book helps couples to understand these situations and prepare them for the hurts that are unavoidable. Once individuals develop a conscience to deal with most of the behavioral adaptations, a tense situation may be salvaged to generate peaceful coexistence within family members. A healthy family relies heavily on the relationship that a husband may have developed with his wife and vice versa. Both parties are vulnerable and may be subjected to anger with inappropriate response to the tense situation surrounding marriages. Partners share most factors when they make a decision of committing to marriage. There should be desire satisfaction within the couples because both the husband and wife rely heavily on their partners to offer soul/body fulfillment. God presents marriage as the ability to share burdens and love within two individuals, man and woman. He had created the woman as a companion for the man but dictates equality an understanding in his laws. Men are mostly fond of the belief that women must be subjective to their wishes and remain as the weaker partners, but the book tells of a form of rebellion that eventually leads to marriage failure. Sarah had explained that her husband had before shown her disrespect and decided to explain her wishes to her husband. A strong marriage is centered on love and companionship where couples find solutions to overcome hurt and selfishness. There may be further characters that support immaturity and abuse that lead to instability and discomfort among couples in the marriage. Townsend and Cloud remind marriages that love is the composition of their bond and this is the greatest commandment that God provides individuals in their life. A contrast to the point of the importance of love in the marriage that the book highlights is seen in their attempt to explain that a healthy marriage strives on attributes that surpass affection. There may be love between couples but if there is loss of understanding and respect, the book suggests that it may be bound for failure. The other ingredients that are pointed out include freedom and realization to share responsibility within spouses. It is the duty of both parties to uphold love but the husband and wife may share separate responsibility. Perfection in a marriage is a deceitful approach and may lead to the demise of shared responsibility. Boundaries in Marriage may be implemented to serve as a manual towards building relations within a marriage. The book helps in nurturing a strong affair between the husband and wife and preaches on the appropriate measure to be implemented to achieve a lasting relation. Freedom is the quality that most marriages require to prosper as dictated in the book. Couples are urged to provide room for mistakes and correct their loved ones appropriately without presenting harsh measures especially when loved are involved. Love is an entity that require special environment to thrive and before its inclusion is presented in a healthy marriage, there should be freedom in fulfillment of marriage obligations. How the book is helpful in my life The book is important in predicting conflict that emanates in marriage and implements measures to reduce these conflicts. The book leans toward developing a better character and establishes a stronger connection between spouses. Boundaries that individuals possess are defined though simple definition of marriage boundaries that must be upheld to build relations that promotes lasting bonds. Most couples and individuals in relationships are fond of upholding love as they predict it to be the only entity to support their affairs. However, Cloud and Townsend explains that a relationship devoid of freedom impair overall development. They further explain the immaturity in individuals and the evils that exist in the society to destroy strong bonds that a couple may have strived to achieve. The book helps to highlight the need of being considerate and understanding towards the spouses to create an impenetrable wall. Marriages need strength and dedication in both wife and husband because they have separate roles to play to provide a comfortable platform that is desired towards maturity. Another lesson that the book highlights is the religious entity involved in marriage. God is the ultimate provider and the strongest power available and He dictates that individuals live in total understanding and harmony. He gives a proper plan on the nature of life the marriage couples should lead free from abuse. The book is important in creating a healthy society and develops marriages to achieve a highly set standard by the Bible. Marriage is an entity that involves two individuals in one and their general input is required to bolster a strong relationship. Read More