Qualities of successful marriages - Term Paper Example

COMMUNICATION I consider communication as one of the most important factors which leads an individual towards success in married life. My ethnical background as an Armenian Christian male from Iran deeply influenced the growth and development of communication skills in me. As a religious minority group in Iran, the members of my community provide ample importance to communication because we are aware of the fact that proper communication is important to build up healthy relationships. Within our community, the younger members used to learn the basics of communication from the elder members. This is important for us because it helps us to sustain cordial relationship with other members. Besides, proper communication is helpful for us to acquire leadership qualities. Besides, the elder members in our community are aware of the importance of proper communication to socialize the younger members. I learned the basics of communication from my family. My parents used to make use of communication as an effective tool to sustain warm relationship between them. During my childhood, I used to wonder that why my parents provided utmost importance to verbal and non-verbal communication. Now, I realize the fact that communication is an essential quality to be maintained in marriages. The elementary education at the school helped me a lot to know more about the importance of communication in socialization. At my school, I became more conscious about my role in proper communication with other students because the classroom environment was entirely different from my home. Gradually, I developed cordial relationship with my classmates. This helped me a lot in my later life in the American society. Now, I am aware of my status as a student from immigrant population in America. Besides, I need to mingle with other students from different nations and races. Earlier, I used to consider that my status in the American society as an international student hinders me from communicating with other students. But now, I am trying my level best to rectify my fault because non-communication is not helpful for a student to excel in his/her studies. I would like to develop my communication skill because it is utmost important for me as student. Then, I can prove myself as an apt individual who is going to lead a successful married life in future. 2. EMPATHY & SENSITIVITY My parents taught me how to be empathetic towards others. During my childhood, I used to feel sympathy towards poor children. When I discussed this with my parents, they pointed out that mere sympathy will not be helpful for them. Instead, I need to be empathetic towards them or I need to understand their feelings and help them. So, I decided to understand the problems of poor children. Then I came to realize that their poverty hinders them from dealing with other children. I told them that poverty is not a curse but a problematic condition in life. Gradually, I began to interact with them and almost all of them became my lifelong friends and companions. When I am away from my family, some of my friends used to help my father and mother. Later, I came to realize that empathy leads to sensitivity. During my childhood, I used to visit my grandparents. The relationship between my grandparents was unique and they were self reliant. Gradually, I came to realize that there are similarities between my parents and grandparents. Once, my grandmother met with a minor accident and my grandfather undertook her household responsibilities. He washed clothes, cooked and treated her like a child. Gradually, I came to realize that my parents consciously acquired the qualities of empathy and sensitivity from my grandparents. My parents never tried to install the qualities of empathy and sensitivity in me. Instead, they helped me to know more about the relationship between my grandparents. This helped me to realize the importance of empathy and sensitivity in life, especially in successful married life. As a student, I am aware of the importance of empathy and sensitivity in life. For instance, the students who are empathetic towards others can excel in studies. They are ever ready to help others. When one is in trouble, one can realize the difference between sympathy and empathy. Most of your friends and relatives will visit you. On the other side, those who possess the qualities of empathy and sensitivity will consider your problem as their problem and help you to overcome the problem with ease. Now I realize the fact that my grandparents and parents helped me to acquire the qualities of empathy and sensitivity. When I was a child, I was not aware of the importance of empathy and sensitivity in my later life. I am of the opinion that our education system must provide ample importance to instill the qualities of empathy and sensitivity in students. But I need to develop these qualities to the next level because marriage is an unknown area to me in my personal life. 3. SPIRITUALITY AND VALUES As a child, I was not aware of the importance of spirituality and values. When my parents asked me to visit our church, I used to do so. When they asked me to pray to god, I used to follow their instructions. Once, I asked my father about the importance of churches in our life. Then he pointed out that it will help us to gain some values that are important in our life. This reply helped me to change my attitude towards spirituality and values. Now I am aware of the importance of spirituality in human life. My family provides ample importance to spirituality and values because our status in our motherland as minorities forces us to be more spiritual. Besides, spirituality is considered as important within our family circle. My parents regularly participate in the spiritual programs conducted by our church. Besides, my grandparents and relatives usually visit our church. Within our family circle, prayer is considered as an important way to realize the importance of spirituality in personal life. An individual who considers spirituality as a mode to reach the almighty cannot hurt others. Besides, spirituality is helpful to gain inner strength and to balance our emotional equilibrium. From a different angle of view, spirituality helped me to realize the importance of values in married life. For instance, my parents, grandparents and relatives consider that one needs to provide ample importance to moral values in personal life. Now, I realize that spirituality is an important factor in life which helps one to gain a number of values. At the same time, these values are important to maintain peace and happiness in married life. So, I am aware of the fact that my parents instilled spirituality in me and helped me a lot to learn about god. But I need to gain more values which are helpful for an individual to be successful in married life. 4. COMMITMENT When I was a child, I used to be loyal to my friends. But I was not aware of the importance of commitment in human life. At school, one of my friends was able to score better grades than others. This ignited jealousy in me and once I asked him about the secret behind his excellence in studies. Then, he pointed out that his commitment towards studies helps him to be an excellent student. Then, I came to know that commitment can help an individual to be successful in education. I learned the basics of commitment from my uncle who used to be loyal to his wife (my aunt). My uncle used to quarrel with my aunt. I thought that he hates his wife and began to hate him. Once, I happened to overhear (I know, overhearing a personal conversation is bad, but I was a curious child!) a conversation between them. Then, I realized the depth of commitment between them. Gradually, I came to know that commitment is one of the factors behind success in life. First of all, one needs to show commitment towards oneself. As an international student, this is important to me because I need to commit myself to education. Besides, my father taught me the importance of commitment in life, especially in married life. He never asked me to be committed to our family. Instead, he guided me towards commitment. I can assure that I am committed to my family, relatives and friends. But commitment in married life will be a challenge to me because I do not have firsthand experience. Still, I am optimistic about my commitment towards others and it will help me to be committed to my future partner. 5. COMPANIONSHIP Earlier, I considered that companionship is similar to friendship. Now, I realize that the scope of companionship in human life is beyond the scope of friendship. Besides, I consider companionship as an important factor which leads one towards success in married life. In our community, (say, Armenian Christian community), marriage is not regarded as mere agreement between partners. Instead, marriage is considered as the relationship between families. This is important for a minority group because it leads to cohesion or community sentiment. As far as I am concerned, I learned the importance of companionship in married life from my community, especially from my relatives. For example, the elderly people in our community used to advise us on the importance of companionship in life, especially in married life. They used to maintain cordial relationship in married life. For example, my mother’s uncle has deep relationship with his wife. They used to chat for hours, but occasionally quarreled with each other. But quarrels do not develop into domestic violence and related problems. At the same time, they (my mother’s uncle and aunt) are aware of the fact that they need to depend upon each other. One can easily identify that companionship in married life leads to cordial relationships and mutual understanding. My parents tried their level best to make me aware of the importance of companionship in life. Earlier, I used to ignore them because I was not aware of the importance of companionship in life. But now I know that companionship is an integral part of individual growth and development. So, I need to develop cordial relationship with my friends and relatives and this may be helpful for me in future life. 6. ADAPTABILITY, FLEXIBILITY I consider my life in America as one of the best examples of adaptability and flexibility in human life. As a student, I consider that these qualities can help me to be successful in studies and co-curricular activities. Besides, these qualities helped me to interact with other students in a successful manner and to change according to situations. Besides, our life in Iran as minorities is to be considered as the solid proof for our adaptability and flexibility. I can assure that these qualities will help an individual to be successful in married life. I consider my mother as one of the best examples of adaptability/flexibility. For instance, my mother adjusted herself and amalgamated into our ancestral family, consisting of my grandparents, my father and other relatives. When I asked about her personal experience in my father’s family, she pointed out that she tried her level best to adjust herself according to the change in family circumstances. Besides, my father used to adjust according to my mother’s character. Gradually, I began to learn more about the hidden secret behind the quality of adaptability/flexibility. From a different angle of view, the quality of adaptability/flexibility acquired from my family helped me to be a successful student. But I need to be more flexible because lack of firsthand experience beyond my family hinders me from being more flexible. In addition, adaptability/flexibility will be helpful for me to find out an apt partner in future life. 7. HONESTY, TRUST, FIDELITY Within my private circle, I used to be honest to my parents because I knew that it is the best possible way to be close to my patents. When my parents asked me to help them, I used to be loyal to them. Once, my father pretended that he lost his wallet. Then, he asked all of us to search for his wallet. We searched for an hour but we were not able to find it. Then my father pointed out that he was pretending. Then, he asked us (children) to write a paragraph on the feeling of losing one’s wallet. I wrote that losing one’s wallet and not recovering the same will create mistrust towards others. I concluded that one needs to be honest towards others and can gain trust and fidelity. Then I handed over the paper to my father. He read my answer loudly and appreciated me. This incident helped me to realize the importance of honesty in life. From a different angle of view, my father helped me to learn the importance of honesty in family life. For instance, he never tried to be dishonest to my mother. He was aware of the fact that my mother is able to find out any dishonest action from him. Besides, dishonest deeds will lead to domestic violence and hinder the progress of cordial relationship within one’s private domain. So, one can see that my father’s honesty towards my mother eventually led to trust and mutual understanding between them. Some of our relatives felt jealous of the relationship between my father and mother. They tried their level best to create problems between my parents. But my mother discussed this problem with my father and she requested those relatives to discard their effort to intrude into our family affairs. This timely intervention helped our family to be safe from further problems. Proper guidance from my parents helped me to gain the qualities of honesty, trust and fidelity. But trust and fidelity are by products of honesty, not separate qualities. I am aware of the fact that success in my life as an international student in America is indebted to the quality of honesty. I used to be sincere to my classmates, teachers and others. But I need to gain trust and fidelity from others because it will help me to be like my parents. In addition, honesty may help me to create trust and fidelity in the mind of my future partner and it will lead to success in married life. 8. RESPONSIBILITY As an international student, I am responsible to my conduct in our host nation. To be specific, I consider myself as the representative of Armenian Christians from Iran. This broader outlook helps me to be responsible to my community, my family, and me. I am aware of the fact that my primary responsibility to my community is to be an individual with a number of qualities. Besides, my primary responsibility to my family is to be responsible to my deeds, whether right or wrong. My grandfather taught me how to be responsible to one’s family. He did it an indirect way. He never told me to be responsible to my family. Instead, he guided me towards responsibility. He used to ask me to purchase grocery. Earlier, I was not ready to do so because I did not like to bargain with shopkeepers. Once, my grandfather took me to the grocer’s shop and asked me to select some items. I selected a few items and handed over to my grandfather. When we returned, my grandfather handed over the grocery items to my grandmother. My involvement in selecting the items created interest in me towards the responsibility to purchase household items. In our community, responsibility in family affairs is not fully vested upon husbands. Instead, most of our relatives used to share their responsibilities. Now, I realize the importance of responsibility in married life because the same can be shared by the partners. Still, I need to be a perfect individual. I am aware of the fact that responsible attitude is one of the key factors behind success in married life. But I need to undertake more responsibilities within my private circle because it will help me to be more responsible to my future life partner. 9. UNSELFISHNESS When I was a child, I considered that my father and mother belong to me, not to the other members of our family. Later, I came to know that my father is the son of my grandparents and my mother is the daughter of her parents. This changed my selfish attitude towards my parents. But I faced difficulty to change my attitude towards the other members of my family because I was selfish about my parents. Once, my grandmother asked me that if I am so selfish about my father, how I can love her as the mother of my father. Then, I realized my mistake because she allowed me to love her son and she is not selfish towards others. This was an important lesson in my life. My grandmother taught me to be unselfish in an indirect way. When I was in kindergarten, my grandmother used to ask me to share my possessions with my playmates. I never hesitated to do so because my grandmother loved me so much. Besides, she never punished me. This deeply influenced me and her influence transformed me into an unselfish individual. I am aware of the fact that unselfishness is one of the key factors behind success in married life and my grandmother proved the same. Besides, the quality of unselfishness is important for me as an international student because unselfishness is helpful for me to extend my service to the needy. Whenever my friends are in need of my help, I used to be with them. Moreover, my unselfish attitude helped me to gain a number of friends, especially international students from different parts of the world. But I cannot assure that I am completely unselfish because it is most difficult for an average individual like me. At the same time, I am trying my level best to help others without any selfish motive behind the same. 10. ADMIRATION AND RESPECT During my life with my parents and grandparents, I learned the importance of admiration and respect in life. As a child, I used to respect my parents. On the other side, I never knew that these qualities are important for an individual to be successful in future life. My parents never asked me to respect them. Instead, my father guided me towards admiration. My father used to respect his parents and treated them with care and attention. This deeply influenced me because my father was my role model. Once, my grandmother told me that they feel proud of my father because he never tried to hurt their feelings. Instead, he used to treat them with respect. She further added that admiration and respect originates from self-esteem and self-respect. My grandparents were aware of the fact that admiration and respect leads one towards success in life. Once, they pointed out to me that both the qualities are essential for me to be successful in married life. They further added that when one admires one’s life partner, there exists high scope for respect and mutual understanding. Then I came to realize that my parents used to admire and respect each other without any hesitation. This deeply influenced me because they proved to be successful life partners. From a different angle of view, my parents never tried to instill these qualities in me, but they guided me towards the same. I know that admiration and respect can transform my life. But sometimes, my ego hesitates to respect my friends. Almost all of my friends are so loyal to me. For instance, my best friend used to share the secrets in his personal life. I know that I need to respect his trust upon me. But I consider that we need not disclose our personal secrets to others. But I do not consider myself as an utter failure in gaining admiration and respect from others. Maybe, regular contact with my friends hinders me from respecting them because I am aware of their faults. So, I need to admire and respect my friends and it will help me to extend them same to an entirely different context, i.e. married life. Read More