The Development of the Self-Worth - Essay Example

? Reflection: Defining Self – Worth March 2, Word Count: 3827 Introduction The growth and development of the self is one which has several relationships with the theories applied and the practical applications. I can look at several instances where parts of theories and different ideals were related directly to the work in counseling and my association with working with others. Analyzing and understanding the significance of these various attributes creates deeper insight into how one grows and develops within society. By creating a different set of insight into the practice of counseling by combining theories with my work, there was the ability to further define what was needed to create a development of self among those who were receiving assistance. Inter-Relationships of Individuals and Surrounding Environment The first concept which is defined is with the inter-relationships of individuals and the surrounding environment. According to the theories of D.W. Winnicott, there is the sense of a true self and a false self. The false self works as a protective mechanism while the true self is out of feeling real or moving into the roots of one’s personality (Malcolm, 138). The mask that is created is one which is easily seen and pronounced when working in various scenarios. When a client first comes into a practice to see me, the same masks and sense of self are easily seen. The environment that is created is one which is professional and which instantly triggers a reaction from those who come in to behave in a professional way. Most clients will be soft spoken the first time that they see me and will avoid direct confrontations or contact. The body language becomes very subtle while trying to manage a straight posture and a business like tone. Most often, the voice is also soft spoken and restricted with the first impressions. The surrounding environment is followed by the one on one interaction which occurs. In the first meeting it is difficult to get a client to speak of specific problems or to be associated with the right type of influence to open up. It is only after speaking with the client about my own relationship to the practice and other confrontations that the client begins to show a different side. The shoulders will also begin to lift when a confrontation occurs. However, as the client moves through a session, the shoulders will drop down, the arms will relax and they will sit more comfortably. At this point, the voice begins to get louder and the individual begins to open up. This creates a sense of the true self, as opposed to the initial false self that was portrayed. An example of a client that has the true and false self in a different scenario is with one who had been in an abusive situation. The client wasn’t interested in speaking at first and gave the impression that the only reason why they were in the counseling session was because of a mandate they had to receive assistance. The information presented was given in a soft tone, and the client often spoke slowly. The false self continued with the ideal that the relationship was perfect and they didn’t know why they were there. The interpersonal relationship shifted when I began to speak about other situations or circumstances and began to show the cycles of abuse. The client slowly changed, gathered interest in the conversation and then began to speak of the problems. The reality of the situation was then able to become a part of the counseling practice. This shows how the masks slowly have to come off, dependent on environment and interpersonal interactions. Psychodynamic Theory and Counseling Practice The psychodynamic theory is based on the concept of the unconscious motivation that an individual has to be a part of a group or discussion and to work within the counseling practice. To create this specific scenario, there is the need to create a response to allow the individual to participate, even if they are unaware. The behaviors and emotions are the main ways to build a response and create a dynamic relationship between the mind, personality and psyche. These each relate to the motivational forces that one acts upon, specifically which come from the conscious and subconscious choices to react in a specific manner (Raphael – Leff, 2). The focus on psychodynamic theory was one that was able to create a different understanding of how to approach counseling. When first beginning the practice, I expected others to automatically make a shift and to eventually open up. However, there were some that wouldn’t allow this to happen and eventually would stop coming to courses. The group interactions had the same dynamics. To change this, I began to think about the application of the psychodynamic theory and how it could be approached to motivate others. I noticed that the behavior of those who were not motivated to speak, be a part of the group projects or to practice change had specific behaviors. They often held themselves in a position that was withdrawn. They would arrive late and leave early. There was often little group interaction and one – on – one sessions would end early. The behaviors were furthered by a lack of being able to relate to the stories or the environment which they were in. To change the problem with withdrawn clients, I began to change my approach to engage individuals emotionally and with behavior. The setting was changed by adding in pictures and posters which those who had been through more traumatic situations or a family crisis could relate to. There were also friendlier editions, such as some plants and designs with the furniture to create an open and inviting space. I also changed the beginning with my clients. Instead of beginning with the work, I would allow them to rest, have tea and begin to relax. I found that with the more tense clients, allowing them to rest for 5-10 minutes when they came in, playing soothing music and not jumping into the session provided a significant change. After the environment was changed, a client that had before been irregular and was not displaying a dialogue immediately altered their behavior and patterns. The environment showed that they were able to relax with their body language. They also began to speak about the more deeply rooted problems that were occurring. After a given time period of 2-3 weeks, I not only focused on environmental changes, but also worked on ways to open clients to motivating them to speak and work on specific problems by getting emotional responses. Instead of coming only from the perspective of a psychoanalyst, I found that there was a better response when telling stories that they could relate to. At times, I would offer a book to read that would show the progression which others made. Opening this up without expecting the clients to talk changed the way they responded. A woman who had been seeing me for 3 weeks began to tell me ways in which she related to the stories and how the same things had happened to her. From this point, the counseling was able to begin. The motivation of getting those working with me to speak and to take off the masks was one which directly related to the theory of psychodynamics. The same group changes were made after associating with this theory; however, it wasn’t as constructive because of the different dynamics in larger sets of individuals. The general approach to groups is to allow each individual to speak about the events that have affected them and to provide direct, motivational support. Since the support is already available at a conscious level, there isn’t the need to offer other options. There have been many times where a new individual to the group doesn’t want to speak; however, others in the group will tell a similar scenario and it will break down the mask of the individual that is in the group. The natural dynamics in this scenario then work more effectively for opening up individuals at a certain level. Use of Supervision with Counseling When using the supervision with counseling, there was an immediate change with those who were involved in the process of counseling. The self – expression, meaning, ideals and overall mannerism of the individuals changed. The sense of self, as referred to by Kohut, created the main understanding of how one relates to the given situation. It was noted that one of two main presentations will become the mask that creates the dynamics in the session. When the supervision was present, the client would either become narcissistic, where there would be continuous speaking about the self. This would include talking about the good things which were done, the problems which arose and the way in which those who were interested in the stories could relate to what was occurring. Often, the client would try to develop a relationship with the supervisor to create a stronger presence. This particular response related directly to the theories of Kohut where the individual would become unconsciously motivated to place up a mask and focus on the self – worth. However, when looking at the particular focus, it can be said that the individuals were feeling insecure, and reacted in a specific manner. The second mask which was given with the supervision in the counseling was based on the opposite behaviors as a part of the main response. The individuals would stop opening up and wouldn’t speak or reinforce what had been done. The idea of keeping the concepts personal and building a sense of confidentiality was the main ideal. The clients would be seen first with body language that showed a sense of closing up, such as folding their hands in front of them, leaning back in the chair, avoiding eye contact, fidgeting with their fingers or becoming anxious. These behaviors were followed by avoiding the questions and not working on the same concepts which were a part of the counseling the week before. The mask created was one which wouldn’t allow the supervision to be a part of the counseling session and which created a sense of awareness about low self – worth, specifically because of the cohesion of the self as an object. The main concept which was associated with the individuals who held these behaviors moved into attachment theories as well. The interactions of wanting to always be close, maintaining safe distance or trying to find security outside of danger were all noticed. When the client spoke a lot with supervision, it was always noted that they wanted to be closer to either me as the counselor or would try to move closer in proximity to the supervisor. Leaning of the body and finding a sense of security was often attributed with this. The safe distance was noted as consistent with the client who was interested in shutting down when speaking in front of a counselor. The safe distance was noted in the body language to create a sense of self – protection. The attachment theories for finding protection, as stated by Bowlby, weren’t found. However, this may have been attributed to the characteristics of the clients as well as the beliefs of the specific group which was worked with. Relationship of Human Growth and Development The human growth and development that I noticed with the clients was based on developing self worth through the sessions. It didn’t matter what the situation was or how those which were in a different arena developed. When most came in, there was a case of having a disorder of the self. This led to anxiety, narcissism and the desire to find a sense of approval through another individual. The behaviors were a way of the clients acting out what was occurring in a given situation; however, each of these were based specifically on how the client viewed themselves and what the main problems were with the idea of the self. This created the main conflicts, while each individual had to redefine what they loved and who they were. A progression which can be seen with this was from a woman who had recently gone through a divorce and came in for counseling. The woman at first was withdrawn and wouldn’t speak much. The divorce had led to a suggestion by the community she was in to receive counseling and wasn’t completely on free will. The statements of the woman at first were restricted with noticed body language of a tense throat and of sitting far on the other side of the room. While the woman offered factual information, there wasn’t any motivation to change behaviors or become emotional about the situation. There also wasn’t the ability to create a different approach to the counseling, and instead it was only for the sake of the community she was in that she received help. After the first counseling session, the woman was given a book to read about others who had been through divorces and the psychological problems which were based on this. The woman took the book and said she would think about reading it. This particular stage worked as a way to create a psychodynamic basis that would motivate the woman to open up the next time that a counseling session occurred. By having others relate to her situation there might be the ability to move into speaking about the central issues from the divorce. The next time that the woman came, she stated that she had read through parts of the book and had become motivated. However, I noticed that the same need for self - worth had developed. At this point, I was able to define the attachment theory, in which the woman was moving closer to me physically. She was also leaning in and speaking with her hands while speaking with a loud voice. While doing this, I noted that she was not speaking about the divorce or the problems which had occurred. Instead, she was only referring to stories about herself, including her marriage, her children and the daily activities that she was in charge of. The change moved from an anxious demeanor to one which was based on the narcissistic point of view that the woman had while trying to find a sense of self – worth. After the first three sessions of the woman speaking in this way, an assignment was given to begin to change and motivate what the woman was doing. The central issues hadn’t worked and there wasn’t a focus of moving into the deeper issues and building self – worth. The main focus with this particular client was to help her to develop a way of feeling worth of self first, then to move into the deeply rooted issues of the divorce. The only work that the woman was required to do was to take up a hobby until the next session that she loved to do but had not been doing because of the conflicts which had occurred in her life. The woman started going to the gym to participate in aerobics, which she used to do through college. When the woman came back, there was a change in behavior and in demeanor. The break through which occurred after this point was based on the understanding that there was the desire to find self – worth from another individual instead of from the self. This led to the woman breaking down emotionally and beginning to cry. After this occurred, there was the ability to analyze what had occurred. Phrases like, “I wasn’t good enough to be in the marriage” began to come out. Being an unworthy mother and unworthy wife was the main approach to the conversation and allowed for the woman to recognize that it was the self – worth which was the main problem. After this point, there was motivation from the woman subconsciously to begin to change. I noticed that the psychodynamics which had occurred from the book, activities and the break down led to a new set of motivations for the woman to begin to find a sense of self and to re-define the image which had been created. Instead of the woman trying to wear masks at the counseling sessions, there was true analysis of what had happened, why it had happened and which parts the woman was responsible for. The woman stopped restricting her answers or try to attach physically to something in the room or with over speaking. This was combined with her beginning to take actions differently in her life, such as going to the gym, caring for her children in a different way and redefining her priorities in her life. The motivation to change had come from the loss of self – worth and the ability to work with the psychodynamics of unconscious motivation, which showed that the woman could work toward defining who she was beyond the divorce. This particular sample shows that there is a direct relationship between the psychodynamic theory and the capacity that each individual has toward practical application of self – worth. The subconscious motivation that is attached is one aspect of this. However, identifying worth through the attachment theory and the ways in which individuals react can be seen in this sample as well as others that are similar in practice. The general pattern was noted in those which were going through the program, showing significance with the ideal of self – worth and how it relates to the several theories of psychodynamics. By understanding this particular concept, there is the ability to find ways to assist those who are having difficulties with motivation. Other samples also show the same ideology. One of the concepts that I noted was more frequent with clients was with the problem of depression. The group work as well as individual counseling sessions all had frequent use of those who felt depressed. There was always an admittance of not feeling good, not being motivated to work or be a part of specific activities or to create a sense of building capacity and self – worth. The main focus was to find a type of remedy, such as depression pills, that would solve the problem quickly so basic functioning could be used. However, unless there was extreme depression, I wouldn’t recommend this because I grew to believe that this was also a mask for those who were in need of attaching. Working with depression as a counselor was one of the most common and most difficult in helping to develop a sense of self – worth. I found that the depression was more addicting than other forms of self – worth, such as narcissism or anxiety. The ability to stop functioning and to become saddened was one which could easily be stimulated and provided a simple solution for those who didn’t have a sense of self – worth. Those with this particular disorder would be withdrawn and wouldn’t want to communicate. Frequent absences, tardiness and the inability to create the right approach to self – worth then became the main focus. To overcome this, there was the need to find several subconscious triggers through each counseling session to allow the client to start talking and to build a response that defined the behaviors and emotions differently. Personal and Professional Development through Course The course has helped me to grow both professionally and personally. Personally, I have found my own masks and been able to define the body language and other aspects as a part of my needs. This has been combined with the ability to develop in my own understandings with others. The relationships that I now have with others are changing in dynamic. I try to eliminate masks that I may have toward others while trying to analyze and understand what I may be doing to either motivate or restrict others. There is also an understanding that I need to evaluate the dynamics of relationships and how these work to restrict or motivate me into a different form of the relationship. Eliminating or building the different relationships then provides a different way of changing the dynamics with those in the relationships. I noticed that my application of ideals such as the psychodynamic theory either enhanced or stopped the relationship from working in an effective manner. The approach that I take toward my professional practice is now different than what I did before. I recognize that working within counseling and psychology is one that needs to be based on motivation. Instead of asking questions, giving suggestions or only listening to those that come in, I can evaluate what they are trying to say in a different manner. The body language is the first indicator that I now look at, followed by the formation of sentences and the understanding of what the individuals are saying in a given instance. I was able to listen to my clients in a way that allowed me to understand the several dimensions of motivation that was allowing them to build masks or speak in a different way to me. The listening approach was followed by the implementation of different concepts that I now use to motivate those that come into my practice. Finding ways to get the clients to speak differently to me and working in a manner where those who are involved with the counseling practice are able to have deeper insight into the core issues is the main approach used. After understanding the various theories and concepts, I was able to build a deeper understanding of what clients need and how they need to be approached. I also found that with the simple changes and options, I could easily build a better sense of progress on developing the sense of self with the clients. By doing this, there was the option of creating a different way of breaking down the resistance of clients and instead helping to bring up the emotions and ideals that were important to helping each individual find the self outside of the masks which were worn. Conclusion The concepts associated with the development of the self are shown through complex levels of behaviors, emotions and responses that show a lack of self – worth from various angles. When looking at my own practice, I was able to see how the concepts of psychodynamic theory and the work of various theorists had a practical role. Various situations would show how the conscious and subconscious began to work to trigger specific responses and to create behaviors in the session and outside of the counseling room. The ability to assist those who had difficulties to overcome the problems with self – worth and to develop a healthier ideal not only was the goal, but also was able to build into practical applications within my practice. Works Cited Malcolm, Janet. Psychoanalysis: The Impossible Profession. Oxford University Press: London, 1995. Raphael – Leff, Joan. Parent Infant Psychodynamics – Wild Things, Mirrors and Ghosts. John Wiley and Sons: New York, 2005. Read More