Methods on muslim arrange marriages - Essay Example

Arranged Muslim Marriages: Hypothesis: The perception of the practice of actively promoting arranged marriages in the Western World among Muslims andNon-Muslims alike is more positive the older they are. Also it is more likely that a younger Muslim male than female will agree with arranged marriages. This was proven to be true, in addition to that almost all the participants of the questionnaire believed that arranged marriage do in fact last longer than Western love marriages. Introduction: Arranged marriages have happened in all cultures throughout the centuries. In the twentieth century this institution became an icon of the past in the west, because of the women’s rights movement the freeing of sexuality. However, this does not mean that the actual institution of arrange marriages is bad and restrictive to the women’s rights. In fact in many cases, in the past, an arranged marriage was used by the family to ensure their daughter would be sufficiently provided for and protected. This discussion is going to explore whether Muslim arranged marriages are a positive or negative institution. It will do this by exploring the literature of the women’s rights movement; as well as referring to Islamic law. It will then consider the results of a ten point questionnaire that was performed on variety of Muslims and non-Muslims in the UK. Finally it will consider the research a long the lines of correlating the data that was obtained and considering the theoretical basis of whether arranged marriages are in fact a positive or negative institution. Literature Review: The main contenders against arranged marriages are women’s rights theorists, because it is a way to sell your daughter to gain economic or status benefits. Therefore this discussion will focus on the women’s rights theory for and against arranged marriages then consider Islamic law and the benefits of the institution. Inequality is a reality for women at all levels of life, in the home, in the labor market and as a citizen of the state. The laws of liberal democratic states have set up value neutral laws that are based in an androgynous view of the sexes; however this is not the reality of situation, because the state, family and labor market is based on systemic discrimination of women, i.e. men have created the system and have inherently based the position of women, at best as second class citizens and at worst as the property of men. Within the Islamic world these traditional roles are still celebrated and marrying is tantamount for the women at an early age to produce a family, which results in the parents endeavoring to find a suitable partner to look after their daughter and the family name. Women’s rights theorists both within Islamic countries and the west are arguing that women should have equal economic opportunities in the workplace and although having a family to many women is still important this does not meant that a women has to sacrifice her career. This has made the theory of re-distribution key to creating equality economically, socially and politically for women. Therefore this discussion will consider the theories of re-distribution and then apply them to women’s social and political situations, which then should cause changes in women’s social image and therefore create a situation of equality in the family. Women’s groups would argue that if women were allowed to live up to their full capabilities in the workplace then arranged marriages would not be necessary because women would not be at a disadvantage. They could choose a life partner and mate without the protections of their family. Inequalities within the labour market and domestic home life have been the focus for theorists that emphasize the need for a level playing field1. It is necessary for this systemic discrimination to be tackled by re-distributive justice, which feminists such as Mackinnon2 purport. Also the home life or private life has been greatly ignored it is not until recent years that domestic violence has become socially unacceptable, even so authorities still turn a blind eye. There are other theorists such as Kymlicka3 who argue that re-distribution is the only manner of ensuring that inherent inequalities are eradicated in the political system. Such lines of arguments come from feminist thinkers, such as MacKinnon4. At the moment because the state and economic situation is only playing lip service to equality this re-enforces the inequality in the family where the wife is not only a career women, but also a cleaner, caretaker, nanny and a personal servant to her husband, which can beaten if any of these duties have not been fulfilled at his whim because she is the property of her husband. In order for this attitude in society to change feminist theory needs to be incorporated in the state and the economy further, with re-distributive justice; which will illustrate that women are more than mothers and do not need the protections of arranged marriages. By bringing true systemic change it will cause a change in social views and policy, which will bring true equality to the family home, which arranged marriage Westernized Asians and Western theory would argue is not possible.5 This is supported by Bawer: “While non-Muslim Europeans live in democracies, most Muslims in the same countries inhabit theocratic enclaves where they are expected to  tread a narrow path or suffer the consequences. Muslim women have it worst. Not only are they subject to the often  tyrannical authority of husbands, fathers and community leaders, if  they seek to escape that authority, they cannot necessarily expect  support from the police and other government agencies, which often  feel that ‘intruding’ in such matters would show disrespect for  immigrant culture.”6 The Oslo-based Organization Human Rights Service produced a book entitled, Female Intergerin which illustrated that “the systematic abuse of ‘family  reunification’ [through the practice of arranged marriage] has dramatically transformed the way in which spouses are chosen within the Muslim community. This has not only made real integration [within the new culture] all but impossible; it has also resulted in a pattern of exploitation of young women.”7 Introduction The subject of arranged marriage is a very timely one. As greater numbers of Asians emigrate to the West, issues of cultural assimilation versus adherence to tradition cultural norms have to be addressed by both the immigrants and the host countries. In the U.K., there is a public perception that arranged marriages are forced marriages, which has caused a negative backlash, including calls for legal intervention to protect girls against such practices. There is also growing suspicion that some Asians may be using the tradition of arranged marriage in order to expedite immigration for relatives still living in Asia. The traditional practice of arranged marriage primarily involves the parents of the spouses conducting a search for a suitable mate. Contrary to widespread public perception, most prospective spouses meet each other at least once, and both consent to the marriage before it is performed. It is similar to the practice of the utilizing the services of a matchmaker in other cultures, and the social and personal compatibility of the proposed couple is an important consideration in conducting the search and choosing candidates. Overall, it is considered a practical approach to marriage in the cultures in which it is commonly practiced cultures in which the wisdom of one’s elders and respect for one’s parents is an important and common value. Even without moving to a new country, traditional cultural practices everywhere are coming under increasing pressure from modern, and largely Western, ideas. Recent emigrants tend to gather in neighborhoods with other emigrants, and in the beginning of their residence maintain the “old ways” as much as possible. However, as the new residents interact with the media and population of their new home, and as their children are born into or raised in the new culture, traditional practices are challenged outright or at least modified. These modifications often occur good reason, such as where legal statutes define the minimum age at which a girl or boy can marry, or how many spouses one may have. In the study, “Perceptions of arranged marriages by young Pakistani Muslim women living in a Western society,”8 the attitudes of second generation female Muslim Pakistanis towards arranged marriages was examined. It acknowledged the challenges of adapting to life in the West as far as language, culture, and religion. The study sought to see whether Western values had been assimilated to the extent that they influenced how the immigrants chose their mates. Not surprisingly, the study found that the children of Pakistani parents tended to be more adapted to the Western way of life and its culture, and that this was a significant source of conflict between children and their parents, especially when it came to the question of marriage. The problem with this study as with Western Feminist Literature is that it does not recognize that arranged marriages are a form of protection for their children from undesirable matches. This is the same as the Western mother in law syndrome where the person who has married their child is not what they would have chosen. In the article “Arranged Marriage and the Holi Festival,”9 the benefits of arranged marriage that are the focus, such as a lower divorce rate. This is because parents look at the long term compatibility of the couple not the fallacy of love. The practice is not only common; it is the norm in India where 95% of the population marries through arranged marriages. Prospective mates are chosen based on social caste and other factors, such as economic status and educational level.10 Therefore the Western fallacy that women are not empowered through arranged marriages may not be true, because there are a lot of successful married women in India; rather than the outdated beliefs of sati, i.e. new wives being burned to death as a result of the bride’s family being unable to meet the demands of the groom’s family, a recent development in urban families has been to do away with the dowry altogether.11 There are many variations on the practice of arranged marriage in India based on geography – primarily North and South - and tribal affiliation. In India, A Country Study, the details of the practice in one such subculture are described: “…it is the boys familys responsibility to find a suitable wife for their son. After an appropriate family has been selected, a third party is sent to inquire whether the family is interested in making the match. This practice allows the boys family to maintain their dignity if he is rejected. If the arrangement works out, the couple meets and the wedding is arranged. The boys family is responsible for bringing a dowry. In the past, people of the Nayan caste were ideal third part messengers since they were the news carriers of communities. Today relatives usually act as a third party.”12 There is no doubt from a review of the existing literature that the issue is large and complex, with many ramifications, predictable and otherwise, for both the Muslim population in the West and the West itself. Ongoing research in this area will no doubt serve to help separate fact from fiction and sensationalism from cultural identity so a clearer picture of this practice and its implications for the future can begin to emerge. Methodology: The following study will assess attitudes and perceptions towards the practice of arranged marriages in Asians living in the U.K., both young and old, natives and immigrants. The practice has become a very controversial subject in the media of late due to perceived abuses of the tradition, and use of the practice to achieve other goals, such as expedient immigration for family members still living in Asia. This study includes a definition of arranged marriage and the details of the practice as well as current research and perception about it by both Asians and non-Asians living in the U.K. In this study, we selected participants to complete a questionnaire based on their age and parental status; that is, we selected equal numbers of Asian mothers, fathers, young women, and young men (under 30). Once chosen, the participants were given a survey of ten questions (in addition to questions regarding demographic information), all of which were closed or forced choice questions. This method was chosen to make statistical analysis of the information easier in what is admittedly a highly personal and subjective topic area. Every effort was made to construct the questions in such a way that they provided clear delineations in the information we were trying to measure. The Results and Questionnaire: Participants: The following questionnaire was completed on 2 Muslim teenagers (1 male and 1 female), 2 young Muslim Professionals between 20 and 30 who are unmarried (1 male and one female), 2 Muslim Professionals between 30 and 50 who are married (1 female and 1 male) and finally 2 Muslim elders who are over 50 (1 female and one male). The same questionnaire was given to 2 non-Muslim equivalents of the various age groups. The Questionnaire and Results: 1) Is arranged marriage an outdated institution? Muslim Teenagers: Male – Yes; Female – Yes Western Teenagers: Male – Yes; Female – Yes Muslim Young Professionals: Male – Yes; Female – Yes Western Young Professionals: Male – Yes; Female – Yes Muslim Professionals: Male – No; Female – Yes Western Professionals: Male – Yes; Female – Yes Muslim Elders: Male – No; Female – No Western Elders: Male – Yes; Female – No The younger participants believe that arranged marriages need to be eliminated, whilst the Muslim and male Western elders promote it; as well as the older male professional. Therefore the older the Muslim the more likely the institution will be promoted. Also it is more likely for a male to promote the institution than a female. 2) Does arranged marriage promote inequality in the household? Muslim Teenagers: Male – Yes; Female – Yes Western Teenagers: Male – Yes; Female – Yes Muslim Young Professionals: Male – No; Female – Yes Western Young Professionals: Male – Yes; Female – Yes Muslim Professionals: Male – No; Female – No Western Professionals: Male – Yes; Female – Yes Muslim Elders: Male – No; Female – No Western Elders: Male – No; Female – No The younger participants believe that arranged marriages promote inequality, whilst the Muslim and Western elders disagree; as well as the older and younger Muslim Male professionals. Therefore the older the Muslim the more likely the institution will be promoted. Also it is more likely for a male to promote the institution than a female. 3) Does arranged marriage promote the traditional housewife and breadwinner of the wife and husband respectively? Muslim Teenagers: Male – Yes; Female – Yes Western Teenagers: Male – Yes; Female – Yes Muslim Young Professionals: Male – No; Female – Yes Western Young Professionals: Male – Yes; Female – Yes Muslim Professionals: Male – No; Female – Yes Western Professionals: Male – Yes; Female – Yes Muslim Elders: Male – No; Female – No Western Elders: Male – No; Female – No The younger participants believe that arranged marriages promote traditional roles of women and men in the household, whilst the Muslim and Western elders disagree; as well as the older and younger Muslim Male professionals. Therefore the older the Muslim the more likely the institution will be promoted. Also it is more likely for a male to promote the institution than a female. 4) Does arranged marriage eliminate the choice and empowerment of women? Muslim Teenagers: Male – Yes; Female – Yes Western Teenagers: Male – Yes; Female – Yes Muslim Young Professionals: Male – No; Female – Yes Western Young Professionals: Male – Yes; Female – Yes Muslim Professionals: Male – No; Female – Yes Western Professionals: Male – Yes; Female – Yes Muslim Elders: Male – No; Female – No Western Elders: Male – No; Female – No The younger participants believe that arranged marriages eliminate the choice and empowerment of women whilst the Muslim and Western elders disagree; as well as the older and younger Muslim Male professionals. Therefore the older the Muslim the more likely the institution will be promoted. Also it is more likely for a male to promote the institution than a female. 5) Is arranged marriage an institution that has been only practiced in the Islamic world? Muslim Teenagers: Male – Yes; Female – Yes Western Teenagers: Male – Yes; Female – Yes Muslim Young Professionals: Male – Yes; Female – No Western Young Professionals: Male – No; Female – Yes Muslim Professionals: Male – No; Female – No Western Professionals: Male – No; Female – No Muslim Elders: Male – No; Female – No Western Elders: Male – No; Female – No The results of the answers are mixed, but the older the person the more likely they know that the West and other cultures; as well as the Muslim world have had or still have arranged marriages. 6) Does arranged marriage promote long term marriages? Muslim Teenagers: Male – No; Female – No Western Teenagers: Male – No; Female – No Muslim Young Professionals: Male – Yes; Female – No Western Young Professionals: Male – No; Female – Yes Muslim Professionals: Male – Yes; Female – Yes Western Professionals: Male – Maybe; Female – No Muslim Elders: Male – Yes; Female – Yes Western Elders: Male – Yes; Female – Yes A majority of the results illustrates that there is a common belief that arranged marriages are more stable regardless of they are Muslim or Western. The teenagers disagree. 7) Does arranged marriage indicate that parents can act as a neutral observer to ensure the long term happiness of their children? Muslim Teenagers: Male – No; Female – No Western Teenagers: Male – No; Female – No Muslim Young Professionals: Male – No; Female – No Western Young Professionals: Male – No; Female – No Muslim Professionals: Male – Yes; Female – Yes Western Professionals: Male – No; Female – No Muslim Elders: Male – Yes; Female – Yes Western Elders: Male – Yes; Female – Yes A majority of the participants regardless of being Islamic or not believe that parents are not neutral observers in choosing the partners for their children. The exceptions are the Western and Muslim elders. 8) Does arranged marriage protect the interests of the wife in the relationship? Muslim Teenagers: Male – No; Female – No Western Teenagers: Male – No; Female – No Muslim Young Professionals: Male – No; Female – No Western Young Professionals: Male – No; Female – No Muslim Professionals: Male – Yes; Female – No Western Professionals: Male – No; Female – No Muslim Elders: Male – Yes; Female – Yes Western Elders: Male – No; Female – No All the participants except the Muslim elders agreed that the interests of the wife are not protected in a arranged marriage. 9) Is an arranged marriage going to last longer than a marriage based on love? Muslim Teenagers: Male – No; Female – No Western Teenagers: Male – No; Female – No Muslim Young Professionals: Male – Yes; Female – Yes Western Young Professionals: Male – No; Female – Yes Muslim Professionals: Male – Yes; Female – Yes Western Professionals: Male – Yes; Female – Yes Muslim Elders: Male – Yes; Female – Yes Western Elders: Male – Yes; Female – Yes Again it is believed by a majority of the participants, except the teenagers, that arranged marriages last longer than love marriages. 10) Do you agree with arranged marriage? Muslim Teenagers: Male – No; Female – No Western Teenagers: Male – No; Female – No Muslim Young Professionals: Male – No; Female – No Western Young Professionals: Male – No; Female – No Muslim Professionals: Male – Yes; Female – No Western Professionals: Male – No; Female – No Muslim Elders: Male – Yes; Female – Yes Western Elders: Male – No; Female – Yes A majority of the participants, except the elders and older Muslim males, disagree with the institution of arranged marriages. Summary: A majority of the persons questioned disagreed with the institution of arranged marriages; however it was acknowledged by both the Western and Muslims that they do in fact last longer. Therefore arranged marriages could possibly be a better institution of marriage because it creates stability of families and therefore better protections of children. The main problem with arranged marriages is that it devalues the equality and the role of women. In the Western world where women’s equality is paramount and protected then this makes it a negative institution in the eyes of the West. Yet is it possible that their views are distorted by Westernized beliefs that arranged marriages are in the interests of connections and affluence, i.e. selling their daughter on the basis of gaining a better status or money. The main positive that arranged marriages do have is that they last longer, therefore promoting more stability within the family home. This is the main positive that the questionnaire and the literature bore out, whilst the main negatives are the fact that the women’s status is devalued. This is not agreed to by the older Western and Muslim generations, because up until just the last 50 years arranged marriages were still present in the UK. Therefore not a wholly Muslim practice, which illustrates the current ignorance of youths today in the history and benefits of the practice. Rather, this paper would argue that the benefits and negatives have to be properly balanced and possibly and compromise be met where there a practice of bringing suitable suitors for sons and daughters together and allowing a free choice to be made. Guidance from parents is necessary to promote long term marriages, rather than rushing in on the basis of a naïve love. In addition the empowerment of women should be promoted rather than the traditional values of women when arranged marriages are considered, because the happiness of the wife in the relationship will most likely be more than just bearing children. If the fulfillment of the wife’s goals and ambitions were respected outside of the family home and providing her husband and his family with children, then arranged marriages would be seen as a much more positive institution. This is because that arranged marriages are generally seen as an institution that denies the equality of women, especially with the frequent occurrences of Muslim males returning to their country of origin to choose a suitable wife; whilst Western Muslim girls are sent back to marry. It is this practice that should be limited because it does deny equality of women and perpetrate the belief that arranged marriages are wrong and unfair: Human Rights Service figures for henteekteskap, or "fetching  marriages" in which one spouse is "fetched" from the others  ancestral country - are staggering. From 1996 to 2001, 82 percent of  the men marrying the Norwegian granddaughters of Moroccan immigrants  were themselves Moroccans; another 14 percent were of Moroccan  origin. For Norwegian granddaughters of Pakistani immigrants, the  corresponding rates were 76 percent and 22 percent. In that five-year  period, only three granddaughters of Moroccan immigrants married  ethnic Norwegians; only one granddaughter of a Pakistani immigrant  did so.13 Bibliography: Bawer, 2003, “A trap for Muslim women in Europe,” International Herald Tribune: June 27th 2003 Hege Storhaug, 2003, Female Interging Oslo-based Organization Human Rights Service Domestic Abuse Project can be found at www.mndap.org Follingstad, D.R., Wright, S., Lloyd, S., &Sebastian, J. (1991). Sex differences in motivations and effects in dating violence Family Relations, 40, 51-57 Gin, N.E., Rucker et al (1991) Prevalence of domestic violence among patients in three ambulatory care internal medicine clinics Journal of General Internal Medicine, 6, 317-322. Hamberger, L.K et al (1992) Prevalence of domestic violence in community practice and rate of physician inquiry Family Medicine, 24(4), 283-7. 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