Take-Home Exam for Non-violent Communication Class - Essay Example

Take-Home Exam for Non-Violent Communication NVC makes a distinction between feelings and thoughts. (a) Explain what “feelings” refers to in NVC, (b) give three or four examples of how the word “feel” is commonly used to express thoughts, and (c) explain how expressing pseudo or “faux” feelings can impede a compassionate connection between ourselves and others. a. Feelings are specific reactive thoughts that one develops following external or internal stimulations (Barran X). Mainly, such thoughts are developed when one remembers an earlier occurrence which had tangible influence on their personal lives. Moreover, NVC notes that feelings can involve emotional and sensational perspectives. Such emotional orientation is integral in orienting the state of mind of a given individual. Indeed, various psychological studies are indicative that feelings give rise to emotions. b. In many instances, feelings and thoughts have been interchangeably confused. Sample instances are highlighted in the sentences below: i. I feel my mother was too happy during her birthday party ii. I feel the achievements of Martin Luther King Jr. should be celebrated worldwide iii. I feel Rio de Janeiro is the greatest city in Latin America. iv. I feel he was being over-confident based on his pre-contest speech c. The world is a complex association of individuals with different orientations and preferences in life. As such, what may please one person may not be appealing to another person. To this end, openness is an integral requirement for inclusive systems. Through expression of faux feelings however, people tend to hide their true feelings and thoughts on various issues. As a result, the persons with whom they interact may continue to do that which is not pleasant to them. For instance, one may be angered by another person’s character of meddling in their businesses, especially private life. However, they may try to hide such feelings. As a result, their counterparts would not be able to realize their wrong-doings. This may hamper peaceful co-existence between the two parties. In addition, NVC notes that pseudo feelings are rather judgmental and though oriented. As such, they may not be a reflection of what one truly feels, but a manifestation of their judgments and beliefs. 2. NVC identifies some common forms of language that tend to disconnect us from others (sometimes called the “4 D’s of Disconnection”). Identify and give an example of each of these forms. There are several barriers to effective communication. The four primary barriers are discussed herein: a. Diagnosis; this involves attempts to critically evaluate conversations, a prospect which leads to judgmental and comparative approach to communication. This may culminate into criticism of other persons’ views on discussion or communication subjects. Using such languages that judge the credentials of other people has proven a great factor in disconnecting communications. For instance, telling a person that they are lazy as opposed to informing them on what is expected of them may disconnect a conversation. The reality may be that the person is not lazy, but simply lack what to do b. Denial of Responsibility; in many instances, people partake actions and express feelings for which they do not which to assume responsibilities. According to NVC, feelings are an expression of the level to which a person’s specific needs have been met. In this sense, many tend to blame their actions on occurrences outside themselves. Such denials may be based on external uncontrollable forces. For instance, one may claim that they smoke because they have no control over their addiction to the practice. c. Demands; this involves imposition of threat of punishment in the course of a conversation. This instills fear in the correspondent making them to do what they are required to do as opposed to doing what they feel is right. For instance, schools are marred with instances of threats. A critical example is seen when instructors issue threats to have work done within given timelines. A case scenario is elaborated in the statement: submit your assignments by 5 pm, or you get a zero grade. d. Deserve: this aspect links various behaviors to specific rewards or punishments. This aspect has been used to manipulate systems and mentalities, with people believing since childhood that wrong people deserve punishments. A sample reward statement would be; if you do not score a grade A, then do not bother asking me for a new computer (Brummer 5). 3. Several characteristics of what NVC calls “needs” can help us distinguish a need from a strategy for meeting a need. Identify these characteristics of needs and indicate some undesirable consequences likely to occur if we confuse needs with strategies. NVC views needs as hidden energy within a person, an energy that seeks fulfillment. Indeed, such needs may be viewed as advocation to be natured by others. In addition, needs are characterized with universality. In this sense, it is assumed that virtually all humans have the same needs. What varies is the differences in strategies employed to contain the needs. If the needs and strategies to meet them are confused, the needs change into demands. Moreover, it is appreciable that needs have different mechanisms of meeting them. As such, confusing the needs with the strategies limits the scope of response that can be directed towards meeting a particular need (Barran X). 4. Explain how NVC views anger, indicating what NVC regards as the cause of someone’s anger and why anger is called a “secondary“ or “superficial” emotion. Then describe the process NVC suggests for fully expressing our anger (rather than physically or verbally attacking another). According to NVC, anger is a secondary development that signals occurrence of some internal or external changes in the environment. It is hence an expression of a need and should be fully expressed. It is outlined that anger results from pre-occupation with other peoples activities at the expense of our personal focuses. Through such lose of self-consciousness; one loses hold on their emotional being leading to outward expression of anger. Nevertheless, NVC proposes strategic measure to realize success in anger management. Among the proposals, adequate breathing is fundamental. It is essential that one identifies the root cause of their anger. Thence, one should identify the needs associated with the feelings. Finally, one should strive to meet those needs (Wilson 4). 5. Suppose a bicyclist you know says: “I was riding my bike last night and this a-hole car driver nearly ran into me!” a. What might you say to this person to respond with empathy? I understand your frustration. Indeed you would have definitely lost your life. I suppose the car was being driven at high speed. Do you feel frustrated by your presence at that point at that particular moment in time? Do you more of hate the driver, or its just out of frustration that you have used such strong language? b. Identify and give an example of three different kinds of non-empathic responses one might make in this situation. Some of the responses may include: i. The driver must have been in a hurry ii. Next time try to avoid such roads iii. Why were you competing with cars? 6. Explain what is meant by saying that an effective request is expressed in specific, positive, action language and give an example of such a request. The specificity of the request implies that the request should define what it is targeted towards, and the timeline in which the target request should be accomplished. Positivity implies that the focus of the request is directed towards what the requester wants done, as opposed to what they do not want. Action language, on the other hand, means that the request should be accomplishable rather than a mere imagination. An example of such a request would be; work hard in your academic activities to get better grades. In this particular request, it is specific on the manner through which better grades are achievable. In addition, it is presented in a positive format. 7. What are the four options Marshall Rosenberg identifies for how we receive a negative message? What might he have said using each of these four options in responding to the gang members in Cleveland who laughed at him in a mocking way? The first option is to blame ourselves. This involves acceptance of the other person’s judgment of our characters and personality. In this sense, accepting the blame helps in avoidance of further conflicts. This Jackal ears inward approach, however, is characterized with deterioration in a person’s self esteem leading to feelings of shame and guilt. Second option involves putting the blame on others. However, this approach which is commonly referred to as Jackal ears outward technique is likely to increase anger among the parties. The third technique is the giraffe ears outward. This involves consideration for other people’s perspectives. Finally, the giraffe ears inward technique involves focus on personal feelings and needs. This may lead to a richer conversation. Therefore, it would have been ideal for Rosenberg to use the giraffe ears inward approach to learn more on the cause for such a response from the people. 8. According to Rosenberg, people in certain careers have even more difficulty than the rest of us in identifying and expressing feelings. What careers does he mention and what explanation does he offer for this difficulty among those people? How does this accord with your own experience? According to the philosopher’s observations, police officers, engineers, lawyers military personnel and managers of corporate entities have lower tendency of showing emotions. This is because their careers are governed by codes of conduct which inhibits emotional expression. In my view, this is an accurate observation. For quite some time, I have interacted with some of my friends who are practicing lawyers and one war veteran. As it came out, neither would show emotions during discharge of their duties. However, I noted that emotional suppression would occasionally manifest when they reflect on their day’s or old-days’ activities. In the case of the war veteran, there were instances when he needed psychological assistance to get over the haunting memories of war scenes. On the contrary, I hardly believe that there is lack of emotional expression among engineers. 9. Explain how the expression of gratitude differs from praise or compliments and identify the three components NVC suggests for expressing gratitude. Give an example of how you might use an NVC approach to express gratitude to someone who has enriched your life. According to NVC guidelines, an expression of gratitude is an act of appreciation for the enrichment that other people have brought into our lives through their specific activities. On the other hand, NVC cites praise and compliments as manipulative acts aimed at attaining specific target objectives. In offering gratitude, the NVC offers four guiding principles which must be observed. These include; what one has witnessed, the specific needs that were met through the actions carried out by the other person, how the subject feels about the result and a follow-up to determine whether the gratitude has been received or not. A sample case is where one is new to a city. Within the city, he meets a friend who offers them accommodation as they stabilize. Thereafter, one gets employed in a leading firm within the city and is able to survive on their own. In addition, the person is now earning well. In such a case, the person may opt to show gratitude for the help accorded to them through material or immaterial appreciation (New England Nonviolent Communication 2). 10. Explain several ways in which having NVC consciousness and skills can be helpful in working with people who are abusing substances. By all indications, drug and substance addicts are mainly driven by aspects of shame and feelings of unworthiness. As such, it is important to engage such persons in a manner that would make them feel valued. In this regard, NVC promotes engagement of the victims in a non-shaming and non-coercive. This approach is essential in bringing the employees on board. Moreover, NVC views drug abuse as a strategic orientation of the addicts towards satisfaction of specific needs. This is contrary to other common approaches which deem substance abuse as a retrogressive act. Consequently, the NVC strategy enables the addicts to feel understood and cared for. The strategy further focuses on unveiling the needs that the addicts may be interested in satisfying through substance abuse. Following determination of the needs, strategic policies can be implemented to help the addicts out of their conditions. in summary, NVC acts as an ideal negotiation tool between the two parties (Wayland 2). Works Cited Barran, Garry. "Connecting Compassionately, The Fundamentals of Nonviolent Communication". Substance Abuse Prevention Program, 2015. PDF. Brummer, Joe. "The Four D’s of Disconnection Language". Joebrummer.com, 2008. Web. New England Nonviolent Communication. "Gratitude". New England Nonviolent Communication, 2011. Web. Wayland, Myers. "An Attempt to Define a Nonviolent Communication Approach to Addictive Behaviors". Waylandmyers.com, n.d. Web. Wilson, Lawrence. "Nonviolent Communication: The Language Of The Heart". Drlwilson.com, 2014. Web. Read More