Communication within Family Context - Essay Example

Communication within family context Introduction The purpose of this essay is to discuss a communication event within family context, with a focus on the issues and difficulties which surfaced while communicating with close family members my decision to marry into a different culture/religion. This discussion will be achieved by connecting aspects of Kaye’s Matryoushka-doll-analogy to my communication experience, particularly with my father who was totally opposed with my mixed-marriage decision. I will also relate this event to other communication concepts; in particular perspective transformation, locus of control, code of ethics, Kolb’s learning cycle, double loop learning, phatic communication, and extra-dimensional communication for improved interactions. I was brought up in a household where socializing with people from a different race/religion was against the norm. As a child, I did not stop to question why Caucasian people did not mix with people of other races/religion due to the circles in which I was exposed to at that time, I had a ‘simplified mental model’. A mental model is what individuals form to view their world in a simplified manner (Mlcek, 2013a, p.5). Little did I know that as a grown up, I would have such resistance when conveying my intention of marrying someone from a different race and religion, including lots of verbal abuse. My Father, communicated I could only marry someone from the same cultural-background and beliefs. Due to his upbringing, he did not understand different cultures and religions, nor did most of my family members. Even the community I grew up in frowned upon mixed marriages. Going against my father’s/family’s/community’s expectations was influenced by my development and interaction within my environment. Bronfenbrenner’s ecological systems theory discusses increased complexity in child-environment interactions, as the child’s physical and cognitive growth and maturity heightens (Paquette & Ryan, 2001, p.3). I began forming my own analysis and having a change of perspective when I attended high school, where mixing and communicating with people from other cultures and religions were inevitable. I recognized and came to terms with the fact that my father, and other family members sharing his opinion, had a different way of thinking, different beliefs and communicated unwittingly, in a very racist fashion. This resulted in Perspective Transformation for me (Mlcek, 2013a, p. 11). I began to think, communicate and mix in different circles from those in which I had been raised, enabling me to better understand different cultures/beliefs and contributing in meeting my now husband who is of a different culture/religion from myself. I had a strong sense of self about who I was, what I wanted from life and whom I wanted to spend my life with, but needed to be careful how I conveyed this information to my father; knowing a conflict would arise because of our different perspectives on mixed- marriages. The innermost self-doll describes communication at intrapersonal level, and Kaye’s (2013, p.86) asserts that understanding and defining one’s self facilitates effective communication through self management. In this case, I was able to analyse my own values and beliefs which relates to intra-personal intelligence (Mlcek, 2013c, p.7) in communication management. The immediate problem that surfaced when I insisted on marrying out of our culture was communication breakdown for many years between myself, my father, and other family members who shared the same opinion as my father. At intrapersonal level, I now observe my emotions such as feeling upset that my family did not see things from my perspective, and the stressful event (Mohan et al., 2008, p. 147) of learning to cope with all those years of being shunned. The experience helped me to develop strong locus-of-control knowing that the situational and emotional reaction of my mixed-marriage would not make me denounce it. I developed a control of the situation rather than be its victim (Chaousis, cited in Mlcek, Moorhead & Norris, 2013, p.3). I also realized that developing expressive abilities is one of the requirements of communication-competence (Kaye, 2013, p. 88) and decided to keep the door open and sent letters/photographs to my father and family just to greet them and assure them that I was doing fine in my marriage. This was phatic-communication (Mlcek, 2013b, p.9) and I intended to use it in the hopes of re-establishing a rapport with my family members. At this stage, I can make the link to the matryoushka-interpersonal-doll, which represents how the self relates to others, the meanings created from these interactions, and the nature of their relationship (Kaye, 2013, p. 86). Communication is achieved when the information has an impact on the receiver (Sperka, 1996, p.2). My father communicated that he was glad I had initiated the communication between us. I used language/words to express myself (Kaye, 2013, p. 147) without showing feelings of anger/resentment towards my father despite our differences. Even when my father would still complain via telephone about my decision, I suspended judgement which is a critical skill of being a good listener (Kaye, 2013, p. 211). Kaye (2013, p. 232) explains that conflicts are inevitable during interpersonal-communication but practical ways can be used to resolve/manage them. Despite our struggle in communication, my father and I finally managed to develop an understanding towards each other. I understood my family’s harsh reaction regarding my mixed-marriage. My family were brought up believing that that our culture and beliefs were the right way to live, thus marrying into a different culture was marrying beneath our family-status. This event helped me learn through concrete-experience and reflective-observation (Kolb Learning Cycle Tutorial, 2013) by having family members, and being raised in a community that disregarded mixed-cultural relations. Applying my values, knowledge and experience from working in the Community-Services-field, I strive to be assertive within the relationship with my family by helping them understand that just like everyone else, people from other cultures, deserve to be treated with respect and integrity (AASW, 2010, p. 12). Several years later being married in a different culture, and having a lot more experience and competence with my communication helped my father change his beliefs and he came to love and accept my husband. Competence occurs when we are able to engage in reflective practice on a day-to-day basis as it helps us anticipate difficulties and thus plan ahead to make effective use of our time (Thompson & Thompson, 2008, p.12, 16). I intend to improve competence in our interaction through continual reflection upon my thinking-doing-being which is applying extra-dimensional communication (Mlcek, 2013a, p.15) to express myself in ways that will encourage my father/family members to transform positively. The relationship with my father improved through double-loop learning involving management of changes in interactions (Dooley, 1999, p.12). Double-loop learning is basically a theory of action where participants constantly reflect on what they do and discover new meanings (Mlcek, 2013d, p.21). Conclusion This paper has examined a communication event within my family context, focusing on my marriage in a different culture/religion, which resulted in a conflict with my father/family members opposed to mixed marriages. Kaye’s matryoushka doll analogy has been helpful in highlighting aspects that brought competence in my communication and those that need improvement through extra-dimensional communication. My perspective on communication has now changed and I’m more adept at communication leading to better relationships with my father/close family members. References: Australian Association of Social Workers (AASW). (2010). Code of ethics, Commonwealth of Australia, Canberra. Retrieved from http://interact.csu.edu.au/portal/site/HCS102_201360_W_D/page/e3010aa3- 0099-4e60-800b-881625b19c7d Dooley, J. (1999). Problem-solving as a double-loop learning system. Adaptive Learning Design, pp. 1-58. Retrieved from http://interact.csu.edu.au/portal/site/HCS102_201360_W_D Kaye, M. (2013). Listening and assertiveness. In S. Mlcek, B Moorhead, & G. Norris (Compilers), Communication management and beyond (pp. 205-227). Frenchs Forest, Australia. (Reprinted from Communication Management pp. 131-153, by M. Kaye, 2010, Frenchs Forest: Pearson Australia). Kolb Learning Cycle Tutorial - Static Version. (2013, April 21). Retrieved October 6, 2013, from Kolb Learning Cycle Tutorial - Static Version: http://www.ldu.leeds.ac.uk/ldu/sddu_multimedia/kolb/static_version.php Mlcek, S. (2013a)._Module 4Extra-Dimensional Communication: [HCS102 Communication and human services Modules]. Retrieved from Charles Sturt University website: http://interact.csu.edu.au/portal/site/HCS102_201330WD/page/dd461ebd-2862- 45cb-80a1-751fb24bf60a Mlcek, S. (2013b). Module 2_Inter-personal Communication: [HCS102 Communication and human services Modules]. Retrieved from Charles Sturt University website: http://interact.csu.edu.au/portal/site/ HCS102_201330_W_D/page/dd461ebd-2862-45cb-80a1-751fb24bf60a Mlcek, S. (2013c). Module 1_Intra-self Communication: [HCS102 Communication and human services Modules]. Retrieved from Charles Sturt University website: http://interact.csu.edu.au/portal/site/HCS102_201330_W_D/page/dd461ebd-2862- 5cb-80a1-751fb24bf60a Mlcek, S. (2013d). Module 3_Trans-system Communication: [HCS102 Communication and human services Modules]. Retrieved from Charles Sturt University website: http://interact.csu.edu.au/portal/site/HCS102_201330_W_D/page/dd461ebd-2862- 45cb-80a1-751fb24bf60a Mohan, T., McGregor, H., Saunders, S., & Archee, R. (2008). Concepts and applications in interpersonal communication. In Communicating as professional (2nd ed.) (pp. 147- 179). South Melbourne: Thomson Learning Australia. Retrieved from Charles Sturt University website: http://www.csu.edu.au/division/library/ereserve/pdf/mohan-t1.pdf Paquette, D. & Ryan, J. (2001). Bronfenbrenner’s ecological system theory. Retrieved from http://www.cms- kids.com/providers/early_steps/training/documents/bronfenbrenners_ecological.pdf Sperka, M. (1996). Sperka, M. (1996). Psychologie der kommunikation in organisationen: Eine einführung auf systemtheoretischer grundlage. Essen: Die Blaue Eule. Retrieved from http://interact.csu.edu.au/access/content/group/HCS102_201360_W_D/Introd uction%20_Preliminary%20_Units%20Resources/Fisher%20references%204, System_Abstract.pdf. Thompsom, S., & Thompson, N. (2008). What is reflective practice? In The critically reflective practitioner (pp. 7-31). New York: Palgrave Macmillan. Retrieved from http://www.pdfdownload.org/pdf2html/pdf2html.php?url=http%3A%2F%2Fww w.csu.edu.au%2Fdivision%2Flibrary%2Fereserve%2Fpdf%2Fthompson- s.pdf&images=yes Read More