Ways of Healthy Grieving - Essay Example

In literature, the discussions that are common are about stages of grief, models of grief, and ritual grief (Hood, Hill & Spilka, 2009, p. 198).

          Kubler-Ross & Kessler (2005, p. 7) stated that there are five stages of grief. These “five stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance” (Kubler-Ross & Kessler, 2005, p. 7). These are the process that each person should undergo once they experience the loss of someone. According to them, these are only identifiers of what a person feels when in times of grief, but it does not conclude that a person will experience all of these stages (Kubler-Ross & Kessler, 2005, p. 7). Also, Kubler-Ross & Kessler (2005, p. 7) state that it does not need to be exactly in the same order as how they presented the stages of grief. These are only tools for people to identify easily what they are going through in times of grief.

          The first stage, which is denial, does not literally mean that the people who lost their loved ones do not know it. This denial is “more symbolic than literal” as noted by Kubler-Ross & Kessler (2005, p. 8). The second and third stages are anger and bargaining. Anger, according to Kubler-Ross & Kessler (2005, p. 11), “does not have to be logical or valid.” A person can be angry with themselves or even with the loved ones whom they lost. “Anger is a necessary stage of the healing process” (Kubler-Ross & Kessler, 2005, p. 12). Also, bargaining is the stage wherein people want to bargain their lives for the people they loved. However, “bargaining changes over time” quoted by Kubler-Ross & Kessler (2005, p. 20). After that, depression is the next stage. A person who lost someone feels empty and alone during this stage. Hence, it does not mean that when a person feels this way, it is a sign of mental illness (Kubler-Ross & Kessler, 2005, p. 20). Depression is normal for a person who just lost someone. Further, the last stage is acceptance. This is the point where the person accepts the reality that someone is dead. At this stage, the person will learn to live with it.

          On the other hand, the five stages of grief have many critics. There are some psychologists who also proposed other multi-stage models of grieving. Musgrave and Bickle (2003, p. 46) have drawn one of the popular stories of the Bible which is the story of Job. They stated that the story focuses on how someone heals through grieving. In the story of Job, Job deals not only a human grieving but also included God (“The Book of Job,” 2011). Though Job experienced the worst way of human grieving, it shows some of the stages of grief. The story of Job only shows three stages among the five stages of grief from Kubler-Ross and Kessler (2005). These would be bargaining, depression, and acceptance. It may sound unusual, but it seemed that acceptance comes first in the story of Job. It came first because Job is a believer in God. Thus, Job knew that his trials are part of God’s plan (“The Book of Job,” 2011). Since Job’s love for God is strong, he did not feel any anger or denial. Moreover, there’s one thing that Job showed - joy (“The Book of Job,” 2011). Though Job is suffering, he still shows hope that one day he will meet God face to face. Hence, it somehow gave him joy. In comparison between joy and the grieving process, a person can obtain joy once he/she frees himself/herself from any negative thinking, just like what Job experienced. On the other hand, the process of grieving gives another room for obtaining joy. In the grieving process, one can ultimately attain joy if he/she already passes the process of grieving (Musgrave & Bickle, 2003, p. 46).

          In relation, each of us has one’s own way of grieving. It may be the five stages of grief. It may be just one or two out of the five stages. It can even be another stage or process of grief. In my own point of view regarding the grieving process, I prefer the five stages of grief in which one undergoes denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. However, this research made me realize that most likely, bargaining and depression are not usually felt once you lose someone. Nevertheless, it still depends on the person’s character in handling grief. Whatever it is, we have our own ways of dealing with the pain of losing a person so dear to us. Therefore, it is normal to grieve. The significant part is acceptance with a deep-rooted faith in God that this too shall pass.