Communication during Conflict Situations - Research Proposal Example

Communication during Conflict Situations Institution Student’s Name Communication during Conflict Situations 1. Introduction The social behavior is determined by the assumptions that one makes on the motives, beliefs, and knowledge of others (Krauss & Fussell, 1991). Such a coordinated behavior can be determined during a structured interaction in which participants make moves in anticipation of what the other party believes, wants, and knows (Dawes, McTavish, & Shaklee, 1977). According to the social comparison theory, people evaluate their beliefs and abilities through comparing themselves with others thus making effective communication important (Festinger, 1950). Effective communication entails being understood and the same time understanding others (Schelling, 1960). It is a set of skills that can be practiced and learned. Communication is a process that entails sending, receiving, interpreting, and inferring information among people. The process occurs simultaneously and has got not end or beginning. There are several ways in which communication can be made effective. First, the use of ‘I’ statements are critical in making communication effective (Burr, 1990). The use of personal pronouns when talking makes the statements influential and powerful thus contributing to direct communication. It enables one to simply say what the feel or think about something (Festinger, 1954). For instance, ‘I feel humbled when people are appointed based on their merits as opposed to their ethnic groups.’ As opposed to, ‘Some people think that appointment based on ethnic groups is a positive venture to their community.’ Second, effective communication enhances the use of words to describe people’s behaviour without evaluative or judgment statement. For example, ‘You occasionally interrupted me during the staff meeting' versus ‘you do not care for others but always seek for attention'. Third, effective communication should be used to describe the feelings of a person (Roberts & Bucksey, 2007). It is the most important part of the information that is often skipped despite the fact that it colours the message directly. It is important that the feelings are expressed to enable the other part to understand what is happening. For instance, ‘I felt stupid when you kept correcting my presentation.' Effective communication should ensure that the congruence between the non-verbal and verbal messages (Campbell & Scott-Kassner, 2010). In explanation, any form of talk should be accompanied with a non-verbal expression. It should be noted that a sarcastic tone or expression will close communication and decrease trust. Body language is, therefore, important in communication since physical and verbal congruence will clarify the intent and enhance trust. Most of the people need a lot of practice to become effective communicators. It is important that the feedback is based on timing, delivery, and clarity of the message (Ross, Greene, & House, 1977). Even though such an attempt might deem risky, whenever initiated, it increases trust and confidence among the work mates. The uses of ‘you’ and ‘I’ statements are critical in communication during conflicts. In most instances, the ‘you' statements sound as blame and accusation thus more likely to fuel conflict. For example, ‘Why don't you listen to people?', ‘Why are you late always?', and ‘You prove to be of no help to me.' The ‘you' statements are often used in communication since it is easier to blame other through pointing what they did or not do (Gnaulati, 2013). However, the statement can also be used to acknowledge what is wrong or right or what one should not do. In most instances, the statements sound like a blame or accusation and seem to convey judgement. Since no one liked being judged, the use of the ‘you’ statements closed down the communication lines. In explanation, such statements make the second party go for defence thus making unwilling and unable to open to what one has to listen and say. However, the statements are common in our daily lives and often associated with the conflict we experience. Statements such as, ‘you are irresponsible, you scared me to death’ only tend to evoke an indifferent and rebellious attitude among the second partner. As a result, it is often difficult to feel sorry, yet the person is busy ignoring or defending his or her rights. Such statements only escalate tension as they enhance negativity. The same way positive communication can be a great reliever in times of conflict, negative communication can make the matters worse. According to Kubany et al. (1992), ‘You’ statements can cause great anger and antagonist response among the adolescents compared to the ‘I’ statements. On the other hand, ‘I’ statements are of several benefits. Such statements include, ‘I feel unheard, can we talk’, ‘I feel overwhelmed and would appreciate some help’, and ‘I feel not loved and would like to feel so.’ As seen in the examples, ‘I' statements make the speaker more responsible for his or her emotions thus eliminating the blame factor. It also enables the speaker to understand and acknowledge his or her emotions better since it is only the speaker that can know what they feel. On the contrary, when one talks of the other thoughts, behaviours, or feelings such as ‘you don't understand or love me', it is merely an assumption. The reaction is just a perception of the situation while the reality of the matter might be completely different. As a result, we need not assume thus important for people to talk only what they are sure of which is themselves (Gupta, 2012). When people get in touch with their emotions and share them, a bridge is created to the other person to whom they communicate to thus enabling them to understand their feelings. As a result, empathy is developed and making the other parties to which they communicate to understand them better. In explanation, the ‘I' statements make the second party feel that they are being opened to thus nudging them to be there for the person. A focus on one's feeling is inoffensive and non-threatening during communication as opposed to expressing one's opinion on a given issue. In response, the person will not jump to his or her defence but instead allow him or her open up. It is, therefore, important for one to always say and identify their feelings of a particular situation as opposed to what other people are doing.  2. Justification of the Topic The topic enables the understanding of the difference between “I” and “You” statements and the benefit of the communicating perspectives: self and other. In addition, it enables the understanding of when the statements should be applied and how (Brower & Darrington, 2012). The study also enlightens on the better statement to use between the two. Furthermore, it differentiated between the appropriate and inappropriate “I” statements as encouraged in therapeutic processes. 3. Research Questions and Hypothesis The main goal of the study is to determine if the “I” statements are better than the “you” statements during conflicts and the effect of communicative perspectives ‘self’ and ‘others.’ As a result, the specific research questions are; i. What is the difference between the communicated perspectives (self and other)? ii. What are the effects of the communicated perspective? iii. What is the importance of “I” statements in communication during conflicts? iv. What is the shortcoming of using “I” statements in communication during conflicts? v. What is the benefit of “you” statements in communication during conflicts? vi. What is the demerit of “you” statements in communication during conflicts? vii. What are the appropriate “I” statements during conflicts? The hypotheses of the study are based on the research questions. The four main alternative hypotheses for the study are; i. There are different communicative perspectives. ii. The different communicative perspectives have distinct effects. iii. “I” statements are important in communication during conflicts. iv. “I” statements have shortcomings when communicating during conflicts. v. “You” have merits in communication during conflicts. vi. “You” statements have demerits in communication. vii. There are appropriate “I” statements during conflicts. 4. Hypotheses are based on Prior Research The hypotheses are based on the work of Thomas Gordon in 1960s concerning the “I” statements. Gordon contrasted the “I” statements with the “You” statements and was able to find that the former allowed the speakers to be assertive minus making accusations and blames thus not making the listener defensive (In GoodTherapy.org, 2015). On the other hand, the latter statements shifted attributions and blame to the listeners thus making them defensive (Fussell & Krauss, 1992). Gordon argues that "I" statements can enable a person be aware of the problematic behaviour and make the speaker take the responsibility of his or her feelings and thoughts thus avoiding conflicts (Love, 2014). Such an act is opposed to the “You” statements that attribute the feelings and perceptions unfairly or falsely to the second party (Darrington & Brower, 2012). “I” communication is, therefore, used to develop a positive communication among parties in relations and enable them to become stronger. It also enables for the thoughts and feelings to be shared in an honest and open manner thus making the partners grow closer on the emotional levels (Chapman, 2014). Fussell and Krauss (1992) also argue that “self” and “other” perspective of communication should be taken into consideration. The communicative perspectives include ‘self’ and ‘other’. The perspectives can help define the goal of communication. In communication, the goals are linked to the thoughts and feelings of an individual. The ‘self’ perspective tends to show the selfish interest of a person. It majorly talks of who the first person is and how they want other people to view them (Fussell & Krauss, 1992). The ‘other’ perspective is often used to achieve the instrumental goals. They are used to indicate how to manipulate other people and gain compliance. In addition, it can be used to manage interpersonal conflict. It can also be used to utilise and recognise influence strategies among people. In explanation, it can cause the contrast and anchoring effects, scarcity, authority, social proof, liking, commitment, and reciprocity among others. “I” statements have often be used in therapy as opposed to the “You” statements to solve conflicts. The mental health professions encourage the use of “I” statements when communicating to the other parties during therapy (Burr, 1990). The technique is often called marital counselling in which the couples often find themselves in a vicious cycle of blaming one another without addressing the underlying attachments issues and feeling that causes the conflict (Kellas, Willer, & Trees, 2013). “I” statements, therefore, offers the solution to the problem as it gives the couples the opportunity to work through their points of disagreement through expressing their feelings and opinions to one another without straining the relationship further since no blame is assigned in the process (DeFrain, 2012). According to GoodTherapy.org (2015), couples that are in the early stages of the marital counselling may use the “I” statements in a wrong way. For instance, a woman might tell he partner, “I hate when you do not listen to me.” (Hargie, 2011) Even though the statement states with the “I” word, it is still accusatory and not the healthiest way of communicating to a partner or express feelings. It would sound better if put as, “When you do not listen to me I feel unloved and ignored.” (Fussell & Krauss, 1989) Therapists often assist the patients to use the appropriate “I” statements when they explore ways that enlighten the communicators on the meaning of the feelings communicated. “I” statements are also effective in family counselling since they focus on the effects of a parent or child’s action as opposed to the action itself (Drussell, 2012). The family members might find it easier to communicate when a particular action is not singled out and blames focused on them (Hargie, 2011). The young adolescents and adults are more receptive to hearing how their actions affected others when the language used does not accuse them. Reference Brower, N., & Darrington, J. (2012). Effective Communication Skills: Resolving Conflicts. Retrieved from: http://digitalcommons.usu.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1786&context=extension_cur all Burr, W. R. (1990). Beyond I-Statements in family communication. Family Relations, 39(3), 266-273. Burr, W. R. (1990). Beyond I-statements in family communication. Family Relations, 266-273. Campbell, P. S., & Scott-Kassner, C. (2010). Music in childhood: From preschool through the elementary grades. Boston, MA: Schirmer Cengage Learning. Chapman, G. D. (2014). Now you're speaking my language: Honest communication & deeper intimacy for a stronger marriage. Nashville, Tenn.: B & H Publishing Group. Darrington, J., & Brower, N. (2012). Effective Communication Skills:" I" Messages and Beyond. Retrieved from http://digitalcommons.usu.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1791&context=extension_cur all Dawes, R. M., McTavish, J., & Shaklee, H. (1977). Behavior, communication, and assumptions about other people's behavior in a commons dilemma situation. Journal of personality and social psychology,35(1), 1-11. DeFrain, J. (2012). Getting connected, staying connected: Loving one another, day by day. New York: iUniverse. Drussell, J. (2012). Social networking and interpersonal communication and conflict resolution skills among college freshmen. Retrieved from http://sophia.stkate.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1021&context=msw_papers Festinger, L. (1950). Informal social communication. Psychological review,57(5), 271-282. Festinger, L. (1954). A theory of social comparison processes. Human relations, 7(2), 117-140. Fussell, S. R., & Krauss, R. M. (1989). The effects of intended audience on message production and comprehension: Reference in a common ground framework. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, 25(3), 203-219. Fussell, S. R., & Krauss, R. M. (1992). Coordination of knowledge in communication: effects of speakers' assumptions about what others know. Journal of personality and Social Psychology, 62(3), 378-391. Gnaulati, E. (2013). Back to normal: Why ordinary childhood behavior is mistaken for ADHD, bipolar disorder, and Autism Spectrum Disorder. Boston: Beacon Press. GoodTherapy.org (2015). “I” message. Retrieved from http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/psychpedia/i-message Gupta, M. (2012). Communication: “you” v/s “I” statements. Retrieved from http://innerspacetherapy.in/self-help-and-improvement/communication-you-i-statements/ Hargie, O. (2011). Skilled interpersonal communication: Research, theory, and practice, 5th edition. Oxford: Routledge. Kellas, J.K., Willer, E. K., & Trees, A. R. (2013). Communicated perspective-taking during stories of marital stress: Spouses’ perceptions of one another’s perspective-taking behaviors. Southern Communication Journal, 78(4), 326-351. Krauss, R. M., & Fussell, S. R. (1991). Perspective-taking in communication: Representations of others' knowledge in reference. Social Cognition, 9(1), 1-38. Kubany, E. S., Richard, D. C., Bauer, G. B., & Muraoka, M. Y. (1992). Verbalized anger and accusatory" you" messages as cues for anger and antagonism among adolescents. Adolescence, 27(107), 505-516. Love, A. (2014). Manager's Guide to Mediating Conflict. Packt Publishing. Roberts, L., & Bucksey, S. J. (2007). Communicating with patients: what happens in practice?. Physical Therapy, 87(5), 586-594. Ross, L., Greene, D., & House, P. (1977). The “false consensus effect”: An egocentric bias in social perception and attribution processes. Journal of experimental social psychology, 13(3), 279-301. Schelling, T. C. (1960). The strategy of conflict. Cambridge, Mass: Harvard UP. Read More

', ‘Why are you late always?', and ‘You prove to be of no help to me.' The ‘you' statements are often used in communication since it is easier to blame other through pointing what they did or not do (Gnaulati, 2013). However, the statement can also be used to acknowledge what is wrong or right or what one should not do. In most instances, the statements sound like a blame or accusation and seem to convey judgement. Since no one liked being judged, the use of the ‘you’ statements closed down the communication lines.

In explanation, such statements make the second party go for defence thus making unwilling and unable to open to what one has to listen and say. However, the statements are common in our daily lives and often associated with the conflict we experience. Statements such as, ‘you are irresponsible, you scared me to death’ only tend to evoke an indifferent and rebellious attitude among the second partner. As a result, it is often difficult to feel sorry, yet the person is busy ignoring or defending his or her rights.

Such statements only escalate tension as they enhance negativity. The same way positive communication can be a great reliever in times of conflict, negative communication can make the matters worse. According to Kubany et al. (1992), ‘You’ statements can cause great anger and antagonist response among the adolescents compared to the ‘I’ statements. On the other hand, ‘I’ statements are of several benefits. Such statements include, ‘I feel unheard, can we talk’, ‘I feel overwhelmed and would appreciate some help’, and ‘I feel not loved and would like to feel so.

’ As seen in the examples, ‘I' statements make the speaker more responsible for his or her emotions thus eliminating the blame factor. It also enables the speaker to understand and acknowledge his or her emotions better since it is only the speaker that can know what they feel. On the contrary, when one talks of the other thoughts, behaviours, or feelings such as ‘you don't understand or love me', it is merely an assumption. The reaction is just a perception of the situation while the reality of the matter might be completely different.

As a result, we need not assume thus important for people to talk only what they are sure of which is themselves (Gupta, 2012). When people get in touch with their emotions and share them, a bridge is created to the other person to whom they communicate to thus enabling them to understand their feelings. As a result, empathy is developed and making the other parties to which they communicate to understand them better. In explanation, the ‘I' statements make the second party feel that they are being opened to thus nudging them to be there for the person.

A focus on one's feeling is inoffensive and non-threatening during communication as opposed to expressing one's opinion on a given issue. In response, the person will not jump to his or her defence but instead allow him or her open up. It is, therefore, important for one to always say and identify their feelings of a particular situation as opposed to what other people are doing.  2. Justification of the Topic The topic enables the understanding of the difference between “I” and “You” statements and the benefit of the communicating perspectives: self and other.

In addition, it enables the understanding of when the statements should be applied and how (Brower & Darrington, 2012). The study also enlightens on the better statement to use between the two. Furthermore, it differentiated between the appropriate and inappropriate “I” statements as encouraged in therapeutic processes. 3. Research Questions and Hypothesis The main goal of the study is to determine if the “I” statements are better than the “you” statements during conflicts and the effect of communicative perspectives ‘self’ and ‘others.

’ As a result, the specific research questions are; i. What is the difference between the communicated perspectives (self and other)? ii.

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