Main Reason for Divorce - Essay Example

Main reason for divorce Introduction Just as people have many reasons for getting married, they also have reasons to divorce when faced with the situation (Rls 61). Divorce is becoming more prevalent in modern marriages than it was before. Several studies and interviews have been conducted to ascertain the main causes of divorce. A list of reasons has been blamed for prevalence of divorce. However, the main reason affecting marriages leading to divorce in the long run is poor communication skills. Though there are other causes of divorce, most of these causes are pegged around poor communication skills by married partners. Communication is the key to a healthy relationship in a marriage and with other people. An analysis of the impact of communication in a marriage helps understand how poor communication leads to divorce. Discussion Among the major reasons couples use to seek divorce through a court of law for civil unions and religious institutions in religious marriages are infidelity (Clarke-Stewart & Alison 2). Infidelity occurs when a partner in a marriage is involved in a sexual relationship with another person not partner in the marriage. Religious teachings condemn infidelity so does the civil laws in most countries. Therefore, when a spouse learns of a partner’s infidelity, it is a sure reason for asking for divorce. However, the root cause of infidelity is what most people tend to ignore and blame infidelity instead (Senate 84). What drives a partner to have extramarital affairs in most cases is unsatisfied sexual desires. Poor communication skills will see the partner keeps silent on the unsatisfied need. In the end result, the unsatisfied partner will have to find another source of satisfaction from outside marriage. Good communication skills involve listening and expressing oneself clearly (Potter-Efron 82). If the couple were able to express their sexual desires to their partners and learn to listen to each other keenly, most infidelity caused divorces would be avoided. Finance is another communication related cause for divorce for couples. Presence or lack of finances can lead a couple to divorce. There is a relationship between finances and divorce (Xiao 346). Financial assets are a factor that attracts some couples in a marriage relationship. However, the same finances are the cause of divorce. When one partner has more financial wealth than the other, insecurity comes in. Unable to express their feeling of insecurity, the partner with lesser finances may ask for a divorce so as to get a share of the wealth for themselves. On the other hand, when a marriage lacks finances, there is dissatisfaction between the couple. Failure to communicate their dissatisfaction to each other will see animosity brew in the marriage relationship. The spending habits of partners in a marriage may lead to a divorce. Failure to communicate family financial priorities may lead to a partner using family finances for other purposes not intended to lead to straining of the family’s resources. Through proper communication, the couple can be able to share their worries and devise ways of combining efforts to improve their financial position. However, without communication, the couple will not be able to withstand the conditions for long leading to divorce. A partner’s expectations of the marriage which are not met can also lead to divorce (Thomsom 10). Most couples express anger over their partner’s failure to meet their desires and expectation both sexually and socially. However, these same angry partners have never expressed their expectations to their spouses (Markman, Scott & Susan 336). The assumption such partners have is that their spouse knows everything they desire and like; this is has never been the case. Without communicating their expectations to each other, a person’s desire in the marriage can never be fully satisfied leading to frustration. It is only during the divorce proceeding when the partners speak of their unmet expectations to the shock of their partners who had no idea of them. Another major factor for divorce is the inability to reconcile differences. In most cases, couples who are unable to resolve their daily challenges in their marriage and fail to communicate end up divorcing (Margerum, Jerome & James 9). Individuals are brought up in a different background, different environment and family settings and learn different morals and ways of doing things. Marriage between close relatives is prohibited by both civil and religious laws; thus no two relatives can marry. As a result, couples are always different in one way or another prompting the need to marry the norms and beliefs of each partner to form a healthy relationship. The union of the relationship is only possible through communication. Differences between the partners are what cause problems in the marriage, which can be solved through communication. When a couple fails to communicate, problems are not solved thus a gap forms between them giving way to divorce. Further, drugs and alcohol abuse cause major harm to relationships resulting in divorce. Substance abuse alienates the user from the rest of the family, hampering normal family life and communication (Golden, Fred & John 101). The drug abused will see the user lose their normal state of mind temporarily when under influence of the drugs. In most cases, drug users end up being addicts thus it becomes a routine for them to be under intoxication. As a result, the partners are not able to express their dissatisfaction with the use of the drug for the user is mostly intoxicated. Also, drug abuse leads people to behave in unsocial manner and in some cases users become violent. Unable to communicate their frustration from a drug addicted partner, a marriage partner will opt for divorce. Failure f the addict to admit addiction and communicate their desire to reform will see no help come to them. Moreover, conflicting priorities is a potential source of divorce in a marriage (Trifonas & Bryan 60). Priorities range from personal goals, financial goals, family and social status. While one partner desires a good future financial standing through investments, the other may desire a higher social class, preferring to use the money to improve social status. Such simple differences are a potential source of major conflict dividing a couple. Another major issue where couples have different priorities is in the family setting. When one partner is unwilling to have children at a particular time, the other partner feels dissatisfied. For couples to coexist well in a relationship, communication is necessary to ensure both reach an agreement on their priorities as a couple. Converging thoughts together lead to the formation of a strong relationship based on more than just love; understanding and oneness will be part of their foundation. Conclusion In conclusion, it is evident from above that poor communication in a marriage is a prime source of divorce. Lack of communication skills has seen parties unable to co-exist in a marriage and instead opting for divorce. Though other factors have been used as excuses for divorce by couples, the root of the problem is in the communication. Couples engaged in extramarital affairs do so due to their inability to communicate their sexual dissatisfaction with their partners. Failure to communicate financial needs as well as discussed finances lead to insecurity and financial dissatisfaction from couples. Unmet expectations are caused by the inability of a marriage partner to inform their partner of their expectations in the marriage. Most differences that couples face can be reconciled through dialogue. However, failing to dialogue leaves differences unsolved. Further, alcohol and drug abuse create a barrier between couples and in some cases lead to violence, thus not only separate the couple emotionally but also physically. Finally, mismatch of priorities may also lead to divorce. If couples were to learn and practice good communication skills, most divorce cases would not be taking place. References Golden, Robert N, Fred L. Peterson, and John Haley. The Truth About Drugs. New York, NY: Facts on File, 2009. Print. Margerum, Judith, Jerome A. Price, and James Windell. Take Control of Your Divorce: Strategies to Stop Fighting & Start Co-Parenting. Atascadero, Calif: Impact Publishers, 2011. Print. Markman, Howard, Scott Stanley, and Susan L. Blumberg. Fighting for Your Marriage: A Deluxe Revised Edition of the Classic Best Seller for Enhancing Marriage and Preventing Divorce. San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass, 2010. Print. Potter-Efron, Ronald T, and Patricia S. Potter-Efron. The Emotional Affair: How to Recognize Emotional Infidelity and What to Do About It. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2008. Print. Rls. Life, it’s all about choices. Xlibris Corporation, 2011 print. Senate M. the secret of joy. America, Simon and Schuster, 2009, print. Thompson, Talaun S. Couple Conflict Leading to Marital Instability: A Content Analysis of Marital Preparation Programs. , 2006. Print. Trifonas, Peter P, and Bryan L. Wright. Critical Peace Education: Difficult Dialogues. Dordrecht: Springer, 2013. Print. Xiao, Jing J. Handbook of Consumer Finance Research. New York: Springer, 2008. Print. Clarke-Stewart, Alison, and Cornelia Brentano. Divorce: Causes and Consequences. New Haven, Conn: Yale University Press, 2008. Print. Read More