Happiness: Formulas, Stories and Insights - Essay Example

If we ask this question to anyone, ‘What do you want in life?’ the answer will be ‘Happiness’. Nobody will refuse it. Yet, if a genie appears before us and says, “I will grant you happiness. Tell me what will make you happy.” The genie gives us two minutes to answer the question, yet we will be excited and unable to specify what will make us happy. The desire for happiness is foremost in our minds eternally; still we will find it difficult to answer the question. Happiness is an inner feeling, a state of the mind. According to Merriam Webster’s Online Dictionary, it is “a state of well-being and contentment, a pleasurable or satisfying experience.” It is the opposite of pain and sorrow. Happiness is a pleasant feeling so every individual craves for it and is obsessed by it. Happiness is universal in the sense, nobody wants to be unhappy. Happiness is a pleasant feeling. People derive pleasure from different things. Some may get pleasure from material possessions while others may get pleasure in reading, playing games, listening to music or watching television. Some find pleasure in consuming alcohol or drugs. Some get pleasure in inflicting pain on themselves while others get sadistic pleasure in torturing others. A robber may experience a tremendous sense of pleasure in looting money. A serial killer gets pleasure as murder cases are added to his list one after another. People are also known to get pleasure in destroying property, ruling others, getting power and authority, dominating situations, eating foods of their choice or over eating, enjoying sex or abnormal sex or excess of it and so on. On the other hand, there are people who get joy in serving others and making them happy. Martyrs willingly sacrifice their lives for the sake of a good cause or for their motherland. Thus we can conclude that if the source of happiness is different in case of every individual, happiness is subjective. Happiness and sadness are not only subjective, but relative terms. An occasion of happiness for one will be an occasion of sorrow for another. Marriage can be a happy occasion for the bride and bridegroom but a sad one for the bride’s father. The notion of happiness changes with time for the same individual. After a certain age, people lose interest in sex. In an attempt to reach a state of happiness, people desire for certain things which they believe will make them happy. Some of them come from within like a desire to dance or sing or to play a musical instrument. Some notions are formed on the basis of what we see around us, our experiences and what we observe in other people. For instance, we may come across a rich person who enjoys all worldly pleasures and we presume that he must be happy. Hence, we strive to achieve them and make our lives miserable. If we do not succeed, we keep striving and even if we succeed we get a sense of temporary pleasure because one step of achievement leads to another and the pursuit for more and more continues endlessly. It is human tendency to desire for more. Thus the sense of dissatisfaction remains. Otherwise, a time comes when it no longer holds any charm for us and we lose interest in it. Happiness is not the result of achievement of one or two goals. A person may want enough money to live a comfortable life, at the same time he may want to have a wife and children. He may enjoy taking the responsibility of his family members, and also the work that he does for earning his livelihood. Thus, there is a combination of factors in differing degrees that build up the entire situation that can give happiness. Truly, it is not easily achieved. An individual cannot contrive to bring about every situation according to his wishes. One can understand if you desire something that is practical and attainable, like educational qualification. For example, people in India desire for sons, something wit is al so human tendency to desire for something that is unattainable. Many people in India desire for sons which is something beyond human capacity. In order to gain happiness, and avoid pain and suffering, a man desires for things which he assumes will make him happy. Pain and suffering can be overcome by maintaining good health. A healthy body is the first essential condition for happiness. Desire is different from needs. A desire is created in the mind. It is a mental flight that originates in personal experience. There are certain needs which are common to all human beings. Basic needs precede desires. Maslow (2014) has stated the hierarchy of needs in the form of a pyramid. According to him, one does not proceed to higher needs until the basic needs are fulfilled. At the base of the pyramid are physiological and biological needs like air, food, water, shelter, sleep and sex. When these are fulfilled, the next level is safety, security and stability. Man cannot set goals or ambitions in a state of constant fear and insecurity. Man is a social animal so the next level creates in man a need for belongingness. He wants to be loved, he wants to belong to a social group and establish relationships with other human beings. Higher up are the needs related to self esteem, status, a good reputation and a respectable position in society. A large number of people do achieve status and reputation according to their abilities and lead respectable lives, if they are lucky and able to earn enough money. Most people believe that money gives happiness. Money is important in life, no doubt, because money can purchase most of the basic things that are responsible for happiness. Physiological needs like food, clothing, shelter, comfort and security can be purchased with money and enable one to lead a respectable life. Only money cannot make one happy, which is so evident in the famous story of King Midas. People who believe that money is happiness are disillusioned like King Midas. While possession of material comforts gives a sense of well-being, possession of wealth gives a sense of security. This is because money has become so important today that until you have it, you cannot satisfy any of your needs. “Today, those with higher incomes are on an average, happier. However, raising the incomes of all does not increase the happiness of all.” ( Easterline Richard 1995). Even those who have a lot of money do not stop striving for it. Amy Novotney ( 2012) has rightly observed in his essay, “No one is saying, ‘Poor me, I have a lot of money’." Happiness is reciprocal. Just as happiness is a consequence of certain circumstances in life and is affected by these external factors, happiness in turn affects the external factors positively. “Happiness comes from within and happiness comes from without. We need the guidance of both ancient wisdom and modern science to get the right balance” (Jonathan Haidt 2006). A happy person carries an aura of happiness around him wherever he goes. Martin Selignan (2002) says, “Why do we feel happy? Why do we feel anything at all? Why has evolution endowed us with emotional states that are so insistent, so consuming, and so …well, so present…that we run our very lives around them?” Selignan has raised a very important issue about human beings in these simple words. His question is so basic – why do we feel happy or why do we feel anything at all? We feel happy or sad or jealous because we have a thinking mind. We consider ourselves the epitome of evolution, the best and supreme creation of God because we have the capacity to think. This capacity sets us apart from other living creatures and we take pride in it. It has enabled us to bring all other creatures and also nature in our control. Logically it must make us very happy. Unfortunately, it is this very capacity of thinking with which man is endowed that leads him to sorrow on several accounts. It has made our emotions acute, and hence, they are so insistent and so consuming that we suffer. It is rightly said that there is bliss in ignorance. Happiness affects man positively as well as negatively. The desire to be happy urges him to run after money and his ever increasing desires keep him dissatisfied and restless. This may affect his health. He loses peace of mind and remains obsessed with his own desires and possessions. Happiness, as a positive feeling allows us to enjoy peace of mind, it gives a sense of satisfaction and fulfillment and reach beyond ourselves to attend to the needs of other people in society. What is this positive happiness and how can one achieve it? The very fact that attainment of one goal leads to another and that we try different goals prove that these goals cannot give real happiness. It is necessary at this juncture to differentiate between pleasure and happiness. Getting what we want, like a life of luxury and material wealth gives a sense of pleasure. A student who studies hard for the whole year experiences joy when he gets good marks. A child is overjoyed when he gets a toy. These are instances of pleasure or joy which are short-lived and should not be confused with happiness. Happiness is a permanent state of mind. Joy that is temporary and makes you wish for other goals is not real happiness. “True sustained happiness is a permanent state of being” (The Rev. Thomas Shmidt 2007). Feeling of joy is spontaneous and natural. Happiness has to be deliberately cultivated. Of course, pleasure is a source of happiness. The short lived pleasures are like goals made during a game of football. The unsuccessful attempts are the fouls. We cannot judge a game as good or bad until the end. The success of the game is the sum total of all the goals and fouls in the course of the game. Similarly, a happy life cannot be assessed on the basis of the intermittent trivial achievements. The ‘happiness’ in one’s life is the sum total of all the successful and unsuccessful attempts of getting pleasure. Ultimate sense of happiness implies several things like satisfaction, contentment, a sense of well-being, fulfillment, achievement and pride. In other words, we can say that there is no place for any kind of pain, suffering, desire or craving in state of complete happiness. If happiness is a state of mind, one has to make deliberate effort to create that state of mind. For example, if past memories are sorrowful, one has to forget them. Thus, happiness lies in shutting out everything that is unpleasant. One must train the mind to look forward into the future. If this future vision is also pleasant, there will be happiness. How can we make the present and the future conditions pleasant? Happiness lies in human values like love. Love cannot be purchased with money. Love is a drive, a force, a joy in itself which can motivate an individual to sacrifice his whole being including money; moreover, he will experience pleasure in the act of sacrifice. It can be love of a mother for her child, love for the motherland, love for fellow-beings or love for the entire world. “Love and work are crucial for human happiness”, says Jonathan Haidt ( 2006). Happiness transcends the material wants and desires. It is at the apex of Maslow’s pyramid that happiness dwells. Desire leads to craving and restlessness. One must conquer one’s mind and get rid of desires and wants. One must train one’s mind to be satisfied and contented. One must try to see happiness in existing circumstances. We cannot get everything that we desire. The grapes that we cannot reach might really be sour. This does not mean that one should be pessimistic and lose hope. One must keep trying to achieve and fulfill desires, at the same time, be prepared to face failure. Money is not everybody’s privilege forever. How can happiness rest on something which is not stable and permanent? One may face a loss in business, lose a job, be cheated or be compelled to spend all savings on a sick member of the family. These are matters of fate and destiny. A person may be contented and have a sense of well-being, but be temporarily affected by events. This should not make him lose his balance and collapse. For example, a person may be well settled in life, has a happy family, a respectable position, contented with his possessions and happy in life but someone in his family may fall ill or die. Such incidents have to be accepted as facts of life and only slightly disturb his overall sense of happiness. “Well-being is a complex construct…. Current research on well-being has been derived from two general perspectives: the hedonic approach which focuses on happiness and defines well-being in terms of pleasure attainment and pain avoidance; and the eudaimonic approach, which focuses on meaning and self-realization and defines well-being in terms of the degree to which a person is fully functioning.” ( Ryan Richard & Deci Edward 2001) Almost every religion advocates means to gain happiness, which is not so easy to achieve for a common man. All religions advise us to gain control over our minds (because desires are aroused in the mind). Religions tell us to put some kind of constraints on the mind, to discipline minds so that they do not soar high into imaginative flights of desire. Religion is concerned with the well-being and happiness of all, including animals, birds and all living creatures. Real happiness cannot be found in the things of this world. It requires a life full of meaning, full of purpose. When we lose a near and dear one, we feel that we have lost everything in life and life is not worth living. We begin to think of suicide or death. We live for some purpose, for something that gives meaning to life. Great souls like Mother Teresa made their lives meaningful by devoting it to service of others. Adding meaning to our lives not only gives a cause to live but leads to happiness. Our very existence would be worthless without a genuine cause to live. Every individual must devote at least some time and resources for a social and noble cause. This will certainly lead to happiness. If we lose one dear soul, we can look for another. We must learn to love another equally. If a toy breaks we cannot cry over it forever. It can be easily substituted by another. Similarly, one cause that lends happiness can be replaced by another. One must be flexible, accommodating and have the capacity to adjust. These are the keys to happiness. Sharing sorrows with others can also lighten our minds. In his book ‘Authentic Happiness’, Martin Seligman ( 2002) says that Positive psychology focuses on strengths rather than weaknesses, asserting that happiness is not the result of good genes or luck; it can be cultivated by identifying and using many of the strengths and traits that people already possess – including kindness, originality, humor, optimism and generosity. He believes that by frequently calling upon their ‘signature strengths’ in all crucial realms of life, people will not only develop natural buffers against misfortune, but they will move up to a more positive plane. A happy person leads a quality life. “What is quality of life, happiness, and meaning in life?...The meaning of life is connectedness and development. It is about realizing every opportunity and potential in one’s existence.” (Soren Ventegodt et al. 2003). If happiness is a state of the mind, it is up to every individual to maintain that state of mind. It can be done by training the mind. If sources of happiness are subjective, there cannot be a single, unique formula of happiness. This is the reason why it cannot be defined. Several factors work together to create a sense of well being and happiness. These factors cannot be specified. What cannot be specified cannot be defined. Last but not the least, it must be remembered that we have a right to be happy. As Rabbi Noah Weinberg ( 1999) says, “Happiness is an obligation. You have an obligation to yourself to be happy, for when you are happier, you will be healthier and accomplish more.” I tried to change goals in order to gain happiness. One should not change goals but pursue the right goals. My ratings as regards most of the questions directly related to happiness are high. I feel that life is rewarding, I have warm feelings for others and a cheerful effect on them, I am flexible, energetic and laugh a lot. My ratings are comparatively low on the vital issues that affect happiness. I am not pleased with the way I am and there is a gap between what I would like to do and what I have done. I am not happy with my looks and I do not keep good health. All these are indications of a sense of dissatisfaction. If I don’t think that the world is a good place, it implies that I fail to see the good things in life. I find beauty in some things only. The fact that I am committed, involved and have a great deal of energy should enable me to lead a meaningful and purposeful life devoted towards worthy goals. As per the questionnaire, sadly, I don’t have a sense of meaning and purpose in life. The ability to have fun with others is already a positive trait that I possess. My past memories are also unpleasant. Forgetting the unpleasant past, pursuing goals that will add meaning and purpose to life, maintaining good health and looking forward to a good future will help to increase my happiness quotient. -------------------- WORD COUNT 3000 11 REFRENCES FOR 9 PAGES REFERENCES: Diener Ed & Biswas Deiner Robert 2011. New York. Happiness: Unlocking the Mysteries of Psychological Wealth. Available from: John Wiley and Sons. Easterlin Richard. (1995). Will raising the income of all increase the happiness of all? Journal of economic behaviour and organization. 27 (1), 35-47. Haidt Jonathan (2006). The Happiness Hypothesis: Finding Modern Truth in Ancient Wisdom. New York: Basic Books. 44-55. Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs – Simply Psychology. 2014. Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs – Simply Psychology. [ONLINE] Available at http://www.simplypsychology.org/maslow.html.[Accessed 24February 2014] Novotnel, Amy, Money can’t Buy Happiness. American Psychological Association. [Online] 43/7. 24. Available at https://www.apa.org/monitor/2012/07-08/money.aspx[Accessed 24 February 2014] Pliskin Zenig 1999. Happiness: Formulas, stories and insights. New York. Available from Mesorah Publications. Ryan Richard & Deci Edward. (2001). On Happiness and human potentials: A review of research on Hedonistic and Eudaimonic Well-Being. Annual Review of Psychology. 52, 141-166. Seligman Martin 2002. Authentic Happiness: Using the new positive psychology to realize your potential for lasting fulfillment. Available from Simon and Schuster Soren Ventegodt, Niels Jørgen Andersen, and Joav Merrick. (2003). Quality of Life Philosophy I. Quality of Life, Happiness, and Meaning in Life. The Scientific World Journal. 3, 1164-1175. The Pursuit of Happiness 2014. The Pursuit of Happiness. [ ONLINE] Available at http://thoughtsandstories.com/id76.html. [Accessed 24 February 2014] Read More