Emotional Intelligence and Interpersonal Communication - Essay Example

Emotional Intelligence I chose Emotional Intelligence as the area of interpersonal communication to describe and analyze my personal experiences. The capability to distinguish, manage and assess emotions refers to Emotional intelligence (EI). Some researchers suggest that emotional intelligence is an inborn characteristic while others presume that it can be learned and strengthened. Peter Salovey with John D. Mayer have mentioned in their prominent editorial "Emotional Intelligence" the concept of EI by defining it as, "the division of societal intellect that engages the capability to examine ones own and others stance and sentiment, to distinguish amongst them & to use this information to steer ones thoughts and dealings" (Salovey and Mayer 185). I recall an incident in which I had a conflict with my fiancé. He was enraged at me and started scolding me in front of his family. We were on the phone and I could hear his family’s voices from behind. I felt embarrassed and since he was not in a mood to reason with me, I disconnected the call. This enraged him even further. He just couldn’t accept the fact that I hung up on him. He cared not to understand the reason as well at that time. He went too far in his anger that he convinced his parents to officially call off the engagement. This left me dumb struck. I couldn’t believe our relationship was that fickle? At first I was hurt and thought to let him do as he wishes. Then I gathered my senses and thought if he is being stupid, I should not. I should come up ahead and make sure he does not take this decision based on his anger feelings alone. Once if he declares in his right state of mind that he still doesn’t want to carry on with me, then I should step aside. I approached him forcibly, as he blocked me on his cell phone and would not respond to my messages or emails. He also lived 1300 miles away so I could not make it up to him easily. I called him from another number somehow and tried convincing him to talk to me. His family was not very happy about his unstable decision as he attended my call when he was forbidden to do so. After talking to him for a while I asked him to give me one genuine reason for finishing a relationship that I thought was built on trust, feelings and a hope for a better future together. He could not come up with any valid reason and kept stuck on why I hung up on him. Anyhow we settled the matter a bit between us as we are both interested in one another. This all did not end up here. He wanted me to apologize to his parents and convince them such a thing won’t happen again. I did not know what to apologize for and I thought whatever I did was between us so I could not understand his reasons. At this point I set myself neutral for a while and thought what is important, apologizing for something I didn’t do to them but get him in return or not apologizing because I didn’t do anything wrong and losing him forever at the same moment again. I chose the former option on the grounds that the person and relationship is far more important to me than the two words of apology I have to say to someone I never made a mistake to. At least I know what the actual story was and I am self satisfied that I saved the relationship at that moment by not being egoistic. Another incident I recall is when I was working on a very critical project that had strategic importance to the company I worked for. I required an experienced resource in it to meet the demands of the client. By mentioning to my managers that I required an experienced resource, I meant to have someone I will not have to train and can work independently as we were working in crunch mode. I was given one of the best senior experienced resource to work with. A misconception started developing between us as the project progresses. He failed to realize that the modules given to him were his set of responsibility and he thought since I am the lead of the project, so I should own it. I on my part failed to verbally communicate my expectations to him and assumed he will own responsibility of the modules he worked on. Our manager came to know that my expectations are not being met. The mistake he did was to discuss this issue in front of the entire team. The best part I and my team member did at that moment was to deny we had any issues at all. Since my team member was senior from me, I hated to discuss any flaws I thought he might have in front of other resources. I still think my manager should have arranged a private meeting to discuss it. I am going to carry out the analysis of each experience based on one of the model for Emotional Intelligence. According to the Ability Model the emotions drive a person to assess the social environment and respond. Also every person has their own level of emotional competence to understand the happenings. The first element of this model is to perceive emotions. In the first scenario I discussed above my fiancé was in a state of anger and so was unable to understand mine or his own emotions. Maybe he realized after a couple of hours what is happening but he chose to let his ego take the better of himself rather than reason. From my end I was too hurt to realize that I should try to approach him soon rather than letting him sulk in his anger. I did understand the gravity of the situation but did not imagine things to go out of control as I was expecting some reconciliation from his side as well. The second characteristic of the model is using emotions. My fiancé used his emotions to indulge in rage by feeding his ego. I used my sad feeling to take a positive step to try to reason so that we don’t have to regret any decision made in haste and anger. Understanding emotions is the next unit of the model in which my fiancé did understood the seriousness of the issue so he decided to talk to me when I reached out to him. He realized I was being hurt and it was hurting him too. As for the last part in managing emotions, we both agreed to decide on a way that could help us attain our goal i.e. to be together again. In the second scenario I perceived my emotion of expectation not met. My team mate was surprised and realized more was expected of him. We used our emotions to find some middle way that would help us both help work effectively. He understood I had some other reasons to request him in the team rather than working as a resource under me. I understood I should have mentioned my expectations explicitly to him. We managed our emotions when our manager tried to bring this discussion up in front of everyone and we showed unity and declined we had any other conflicts than our own ideas of working in an innovative way. Emotional Intelligence grooming if better employed helps save people from embarrassments and helps them to learn and prosper more. It drives a positive energy that can assist people communicate more effectively and most importantly, achieve goals by moving forward together in life. References: Salovey, Peter, and John D. Mayer. "Emotional intelligence." Imagination, cognition and personality 9.3 (1990): 185-211. Read More