Self-Disclosure and Gender - Research Paper Example

Self-Disclosure and Gender There are several differences between males and females that range from biological differences, psychological differences, and emotional differences amongst others. Males and females differ in their behavioral patterns and the manner in which they react to various circumstances. There are usually biological explanations for this difference in behavior and reaction. While males and females react differently in various circumstances, they also express their feelings in different manners. This can be because of different personality traits amongst various people as well; however, the expression of feelings varies with gender largely. People tend to disclose themselves in numerous ways and in differing situations. The focus of this paper is the difference in self-disclosure between males and females in a romantic relationship and to what extent feelings are expressed within each of the genders. The paper defines self-disclosure as “sharing information with others that would have otherwise been unknown to them” or they would have unlikely discovered. Such information includes personal information, feelings, emotions, dreams, and ambitions amongst other things. Sharing such personal information obviously is risky for the person disclosing the information and puts them into a vulnerable position in front of the person that the information is disclosed to (Stokes, Childs, & Fuehrer, 1981, pp. 511-512). The scope of the paper ranges around analyzing the extent of self-disclosure in romantic relationships between the two genders and an analysis of why such differences may exist or if they truly exist. This paper will aim to criticize the information available regarding variations in self-disclosure between males and females in romantic relationships and compare/contrast the various explanations offered regarding the differences in behavior. Particularly, the paper will summarize all the data available and attempt to analyze the arguments in support of the theories mentioned with the arguments made against them and draw a conclusion regarding the differences in self-disclosure between genders. Self-disclosure is a personal process from which many individuals are quite wary and tend to use it sparingly. Others may feel relieved once they reveal their personal feelings to someone and may feel less burdened with their own personal thoughts. Several functions are performed with the act of self-disclosure. It may be regarded as a means of discovering information regarding another person or being able to analyze, predict, and foresee another person’s feelings and thoughts. Some people view self-disclosure as a reciprocal process in which they expect the other person to reveal his/her feelings and thoughts as well after they have disclosed theirs. Disclosure may lead to an enhancement of trust and belief in a relationship and may make both parties feel more comfortable with one another. This usually happens when both parties accept the other person after their revelation and do not react negatively (Dindia & Allen, 1992, pp. 110-112). However, there are adverse consequences involved in self-disclosure that are perceived as serious risks and is the reason why some people prefer not to disclose personal details about themselves. There is no guarantee that the person to whom one is disclosing this information to will respond in a favorable manner or will accept after what one has told him/her. It is not necessary that self-disclosure leaves a positive impression on the opposite party and they may perceive you in a different manner than how they did previously. An additional higher risk is that disclosing too much information to a party gives that party an advantage over the other and gives them additional power in the relationship, leaving one more vulnerable and more likely to get hurt. Hence, too much self-disclosure is also perceived negatively while too less may also be damaging to the relationship (Miller, Berg, & Archer, 1983, pp. 1240-1242). Self-disclosure can be explained through the aid of the Johari window that is shown below: Known to self Unknown to self Known to others Open Pane known to self and others Blind Pane blind to self, seen by others Unknown to others Hidden Pane open to self, hidden from others Unknown Pane unknown to self and others (Johari Window, 1992) The Johari window explains several forms of information that are known “to others and oneself, hidden from oneself and known to others, known to oneself and hidden from others, or unknown to oneself and others” (Johari Window, 1992). The open pane includes information that is known to everyone which may be information regarding physical appearance and other obvious information. The blind pane includes information regarding one’s personality that is known to others but one may not be able to see it personally. This may include particular personality traits, such as confidence level, insecurity, and other such traits that may not be fully evident to the person him/herself but may be evident to others around him/her. The hidden pane include details which can be disclosed in the process of self-disclosure as these are known to the individual themselves but are not known to other people. This may include dreams, ambitions, feelings, and other such hidden information. The unknown pane includes information that one may not know themselves and may not be evident to others either. This part includes our unconscious brain that has certain information embedded in it, which is unknown to others and us. Self-disclosure enables one to open some windows while closing others while indulging in the process of revealing our feelings to other people. Usually information in the hidden pane is disclosed to another person while trusting that person with that information. However, the extent to which various people disclose such information varies between individuals. It is said that males and females have a different way of expressing their feelings and emotions. In a romantic relationship, many females have the problem of getting their male counterpart to open up and disclose their thoughts and emotions. It is said that this process is harder for men as they are egoistic and are expected to be strong. Hence, they are hesitant about discussing feelings and emotions that may make them seem weak or vulnerable. Men are also perceived to be less trusting and less revealing; hence, at times they may refrain from self-disclosure. However, this may vary from person to person as some men think it is acceptable to be revealing and express their feelings. Some have an emotional personality while others have a more hidden personality in which they prefer to keep to themselves. Hence, personality traits may be just as important when judging a person’s level of self-disclosure instead of just discriminating upon gender (Sparrevohn & Rapee, 2009, pp. 1074-1075). In the same manner, women may also vary in their level of self-disclosure. It is assumed that women are usually more trusting and revealing while in a romantic relationship and tend to self-disclose themselves more than men do. Women are perceived to be more expressive and vocal regarding their feelings and emotions generally. However, this can be debatable according to a woman’s personality as some women are more trusting than others while many women are highly conscious about what and how much they reveal in a relationship. Such women are egoistic or are afraid to get hurt, which makes them lack the tendency to self-disclose. In romantic relationships, the level of self-disclosure is very important as it helps enhance trust in a relationship and build bonds. Once a person trusts their partner and engages in open communication with their partner, they are more likely to develop a long-lasting relationship that can endure several different types of hurdles. However, there may be some differences in the way due to which male and females indulge in self-disclosure in a romantic relationship. According to certain stereotypes regarding gender, it is usually assumed that males prefer to speak less about them than females do. This remains a fact according to popular belief and according to research that women do tend to disclose more than men do. Aspects such as previous romantic relationships, feelings regarding friends, their personal problems, and their views regarding their personal relationships are more revealed by women to their partners and other people. Women usually increase their level of self-disclosure as the relationship becomes more intimate or as time passes (Sparrevohn & Rapee, 2009, pp. 1074-1075). Men usually do not change their level of self-disclosure at different stages of the relationship. Some topics are taboo topics that are not supposed to be discussed. Women usually have a tendency to have less taboo topics while men tend to have many more that they do not wish to discuss. Women may also tend to disclose more information regarding themselves to extended relatives rather than men do. There are exceptional circumstances, such as initial encounters in which men tend to be more revealing than women are, possibly as an attempt to control the relationship or guide it in the direction that they wish to take it in. However, some men belonging to certain cultures tend to be more expressive than even women are. They find it acceptable to reveal certain aspects of information regarding them or converse on certain topics the way that women feel comfortable in those topics. The debate begins when considering that while there may be differences in the level of self-disclosure that males and females indulge in according to their gender; these differences are also dependent upon a number of other factors (Collins & Carol, 1994, pp. 22-25). Such factors include cultural differences, personality, reciprocating effect, and other factors, which influence the level of self-disclosure. People belonging to certain cultures are more self-disclosing than others are while some cultures are highly conservative and expect men to be stronger and less self-disclosing. People who are extroverts and highly social and talkative are more likely to self-disclose more than others who are less social and introverts. Personality traits, such as high levels of confidence also affect self-disclosure as more confident people are more likely to disclose more than people who are less self-confident and less competent and able (Collins & Carol, 1994, pp. 22-25). Culture is also a big determinant of self-disclosure as various cultures prescribe different things as appropriate and non-appropriate behavior. Some cultures perceive it to be inappropriate for men to show emotion in certain ways or on special occasions while other cultures may not regard it to be highly inappropriate. Some cultures impose the stereotype of being tough and unemotional upon men and do not hold it to be appropriate for them to diverge from this stereotype while other cultures feel that is okay for men to act in an emotional manner. Cultures, such as the Japanese culture restrict certain forms of communication such as financial matters between two people as other cultures hold other topics as taboo. Moreover, it is also dependent upon how reciprocating the other party is. If the other party reciprocates by self-disclosing then a person is more likely to engage in self-disclosure. It enables a person to feel less burdened and less vulnerable when the other person also reciprocates by disclosing personal information about them (Joinson, 2001, pp. 190-192). Other factors also determine the level of self-disclosure between genders such as the topic that is being discussed. Men are less likely to discuss financial circumstances as they may consider this a taboo topic and are less likely to discuss family circumstances and such problems. Moreover, both genders are likely to disclose positive information rather than negative information about themselves. There is also the aspect of the medium being used, an important determinant of the level of self-disclosure that a person engages in. In both genders, it is found that self-disclosure is easier in online communication rather than face-to-face communication. This is because the person feels anonymous or invisible while communicating online and feels more conscious when communicating face-to-face (Fuebert & Sholley, 1996, pp. 280). Hence, these factors tend to vary with the level of self-disclosure that a person is willing to engage in along with their gender. Gender may be the one of the determinants of disclosing behavior but it is arguably not the only determinant. Even in romantic relationships, the level of self-disclosure that the male or female engages in is not only dependent upon their gender, as this would mean that all relationships would face the same problems. However, there are various reasons that explain these differences. While there is a connection between gender and self-disclosure, self-disclosure in romantic relationships is not only based upon gender. A romantic relationship requires self-disclosure to some extent to build intimacy and trust. However, it has been noted due to popular study that too much self-disclosure can also be negative and disclosing too much at an early stage of the relationship can prove to be highly hazardous. However, disclosure in romantic relationships is dependent upon the time in the relationship, the personality traits of both parties, the type of information being disclosed, and the personality of your partner and how understanding they are. These differences may vary and may cause the level of self-disclosure to vary accordingly. For example, while men tend to be unexpressive and tend to keep their personal thoughts and feelings to themselves, in a romantic relationship, their partners may be so encouraging and reciprocating that men may change their normal habits and become more expressive. In some cases, while women are stereotyped to be more expressive and self-disclosing, previous bad experiences, or the judgmental nature of the man may cause the woman to be less expressive and reveal little or no personal information in the relationship. Hence, such generalizations cannot be made without the consideration of other mitigating factors that affect the situation of self-disclosure. While certain studies were conducted regarding the differences in self-disclosure in romantic relationships of people who had social phobia, it was revealed that while people with social phobia had problems in self-disclosure in their romantic relationships, there were no differences in gender. Romantic relationships require self-disclosure from both genders and are a relationship in which both genders must participate equally. Hence, there may be less gender differences in levels of self-disclosure in romantic relationships rather than other scenarios. Moreover, while both parties may engage in self-disclosure, both genders may do this in their own way and may differ in behavior patterns. Women may do so while in a depressed state or when feeling emotionally burdened while men may do so in normal circumstances or in the course of casual conversation. Various differences exist in self-disclosure activities whether it varies from topic or level of self-disclosure. After analyzing the above-proposed arguments, it is safe to say that while there may be general behavior patterns regarding self-disclosure and its relationship with gender, more specific behavior patterns are determinants of other factors besides gender. It can also be safely assumed that romantic relationships differ from general circumstances and because both parties are expected to participate in self-disclosure, one observes less influence of gender and more influence from circumstantial factors that affect the level of self-disclosure in the relationship. It is also important to note that while gender differences may exist, other factors add to the gender differences such as culture, the personality traits of the person, the person who is listening, and the topic or channel used for communication. Hence, conclusively, one can state that gender differences do exist in self-disclosure but are much less influential than the stereotyped scenarios that have been assumed previously. Gender differences are dependent upon other mitigating factors that have much more influence in self-disclosure, especially in the case of a romantic relationship. While certain assumptions can be made, such behavior is very difficult to generalize because of the number of factors involved. People are different and act differently in various situations; hence, it is difficult to analyze such a vast topic properly based on one specific factor. The conclusion that can be drawn though is that there is no significant relationship between gender and self-disclosure while there does exist one. However, situations tend to change and males and females may behave in different manners from the way they are perceived or expected to behave (Derlega & Berg, 1987, pp. 57-60). While some of these differences may occur because of their biological construct, most of these differences are because of their psychological makeup and their situational factors. Hence, it may be worthwhile to analyze relationships amongst other factors along with the factor of gender when attempting to explain self-disclosure. There may be ways to improve self-disclosure or perfect the art in romantic relationships. Such factors must be analyzed equally by both the genders when pouring their heart out to their loved one. Accordingly, it has been noticed that too much of self-disclosure at an early stage of the relationship may be harmful as it may cause the partner to feel burdened or annoyed with the other’s problems and their knack of pouring their heart out all of a sudden. It may be preferable to ease into the relationship before self-disclosure should begin. Women do tend to disclose more than men do while some men may divest some details in initial encounters more than women are likely to. Moreover, it has been noted that revealing too many negative things can also cause harm to relationships as this may add to the amount of negativity in the relationship. While it is important for the partner to listen to the self-disclosure, it is also important for the partner to understand the other partner. Revelation of too many negative things at once can cause negative perceptions on behalf of individuals. Hence, it is advisable to balance out the positive and negative elements of self-disclosure instead of just making self-disclosure a whining process. It has also been noted that usually people tend to engage in self-disclosure to make others like them more. Obviously, when one divests their secrets to another person, the person tends to like them usually more because of their trusting nature and finding them worthy of telling their secrets to. However, sometimes this may backfire because the person listening to the other partner may not respond favorably to the information being disclosed. Hence, it is important to determine the correct time for the type of information being disclosed in a romantic relationship. As mentioned before, expression of feelings and thoughts is highly essential in romantic relationships and needs to be exercised to some extent because of both parties to enhance the relationship. It is advisable that when there are problems in the relationship or when there are disagreements, self-disclosure, and expression is more important than before. Keeping one’s feelings to themselves and not confiding in the partner regarding your emotions is not regarded as progressive step in a relationship. Both genders must express their feelings and thoughts regarding the disagreement in the nicest way possible, before such feelings become grudges and lead to undesirable behavior. Hence, it is highly essential to maintain a good level of communication between both parties and gain a level of trust with regard to the other party that enhances intimacy and closeness. To do so, it is important to divulge personal details about oneself in intervals or according to the length of the relationship. Too much self-disclosure all at once may be harmful to the relationship and too little self-disclosure while the relationship lengthens may also be highly harmful for the relationship as this is cause for misunderstanding and a lack of communication. Negative details should not be disclosed at large but must be discussed minutely. While it is essential to share all aspects of life when in a romantic relationship, too much negativity can also pose harm. It may prove to be beneficial to discuss some positive details about oneself instead of just focusing upon the negative aspects. Another way to improve communication between couples is by using the internet or text messaging. If it is difficult for one party to disclose their feelings to the other party face-to-face, it may be beneficial to do so via another medium such as an email, instant messaging, or through a text message. These mediums have been proven in making self-disclosure easier and communication more free. This relieves a person of the hindrances that face-to-face communication may offer and the interference of body language that may give out the wrong signals while communicating. Lastly, it may be worthy to study the differences between cultures, increase your confidence level, and attempt to conform to the other person’s style when practicing the art of self-disclosure. It is also highly important to be an attentive listener and accept the other party if you expect them to accept you in return. While keeping in mind all of the above-mentioned factors, there may be high scope for further study in this subject. There may be a connection between self-disclosure, gender, and the manner in which internet communication is used for self-disclosure and this can be an interesting topic to research while examining the same realm of psychology. References Collins, N. & Carol, M. 1994. “Sex Differences in Self-Disclosure: A Meta-Analytic Review.” Psychological Bulletin. Vol. 116, No. 3. Derlega, V. & Berg, J. 1987. Self-Disclosure: Theory, Research, and Therapy. London: Plenum Press. Dindia, K. &Allen, M. 1992. “Sex Differences in Self Disclosure: A Meta-analysis. ” Psychological Bulletin. Vol. 112, No. 1. Foubert, J. & Sholley, B. 1996. “Effects of Gender, Gender Role, and Individualized Trust on Self-Disclosure.” Journal of Social Behavior and Personality. Vol. 11, No. 5. Joinson, A. 2001. “Self-disclosure in Computer Mediated Communication: The Role of Self-Awareness and Visual Anonymity.” European Journal of Social Psychology. Vol. 31, No. 2. Miller, L., Berg, J, &Archer, R. 1983. “Openers; Individuals who Elicit Intimate Self-Disclosure.” Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. Vol. 44, No. 6. Sparrevohn, R. & Rapee, R. 2009. “Self-Disclosure, Emotional Expression, and Intimacy within Romantic Relationships of People with Social Phobia.” Behavior Research and Therapy. Vol. 47, No. 12. Stokes, J., Childs, L. & Fuehrer, A. 1981. “Gender and Sex Roles as Determinants of Self-Disclosure.” Journal of Counseling Psychology. Vol. 28, No. 6. Read More