Instead of Praise, Acknowledgment Should Be Given to Kids - Research Paper Example

Children Should not be Praised Caregivers should not praise children. Praising children has become second nature to parents and children. Alfie Kohn’s article “Five reasons to stop saying ‘good job’” and Robin Grille’s article “Rewards and praise: The poisoned carrot” give statements about the impact of praising children. Instead of using the positive reinforcement, both authors in different ways explain how detrimental positive praise has become. Both articles show ways to replace detrimental positive praise. My perspective is children live in the real world; they are not Pavlov’s dog. Children need both positive and negative reinforcement in today’s society. “Five reasons to stop saying ‘good job’” Alfie Kohn’s article is about positive reinforcement or praise. The article does not condone negative reinforcement like time out or physical punishments. Kohn believes that praising children tends to benefit the parent, caregiver, or teacher more than the child. Praising a child is letting the child know that they have earned the praise. Five reasons praise should be limited are manipulation of the child, creating praise junkies, theft of a child’s pleasure, lost of interest, and reducing achievement. The first reason children should not be praised is manipulation. Heaping praise on a child for picking up after themselves benefits the adult. Instead of communicating that picking up toys is necessary and the benefits, the adult manipulates the child. The manipulation technique of praise creates dependent children, always searching for praise. The second reason not to praise children is the child becomes creating a praise junky. The more praise given to a child, the more praise a child craves. This makes a child dependent on the caregiver in order to receive more praise. Praise junkies are always looking for approval. This leaves the child vulnerable to the adult’s whims. The praise junkies will go to any length to receive praise. These children become unsure of themselves, since the goal is to please the adult. The third reason is praising a child steals their pleasure. Any accomplishments a child achieves should be theirs to feel good about. When a caregiver gives praise, a little part of that pride is taken away. Instead of praising the child, the caregiver should let the child tell them about the feat. This helps a child be more dependent. Losing interest is the next reason. If a child is praised continuously they generally lose interest in the action. The action or deed becomes more the adults’ than the child. It becomes boring for the child. Those that are frequently praised miss out on the doing just to do. Instead of reading, thinking, creating, and other activities for themselves, they only do the act for the praise. The activities become pointless. Frequent praise can reduce achievement. What is the point of trying hard when an adult is going to praise anyways? If all children are praised the feeling of achievement is reduced. True achievement can only be achieved within the child’s self. Praising can reduce achievement among children and their peers as well. The five reasons praise should be limited are manipulation of the child, creating praise junkies, theft of a child’s pleasure, lost of interest, and reducing achievement. Alfie Kohn is an opponent of resisting the praising of children. He believes that children that are frequently praised are more dependent. “Rewards and praise: The poisoned carrot” This article is more to the point. It believes that praising and rewarding are intertwined. The author also points out that our society has a bad habit of always praising. She believes that instead of praise, acknowledgement should be given. “Praise can make children feel robbed. If we are hungry for admiration ourselves, we can sometimes err by deriving it through our children's triumphs. We use them to make up for our own wounded self-esteem or pride. If we are praising them because they have made us feel good about ourselves, they sense this. This takes away from their good feelings about themselves; our praise can act as rain on their picnic. Some children refuse to produce what they are naturally good at, because they are repulsed by their parents' gloating.” Acknowledgement raises a child’s self-esteem more than praise. She thinks that praise creates a dependent child. However, acknowledgement and appreciate will allow the child to become more independent. Grille also agrees with Kohn that praise is a form of manipulation. The child is manipulated into liking, disliking, loving, or hating be the praise of a parent. However, she believes that in order to make a child happy, they must be independent. Praise seeking children are dependent. They do not care what is right or wrong, only the reward they will receive. If a child operates on their own self intuition, they might choose what is right. This type of decision is what makes children happy. Grille pointed out that adults want to guide children because of the fear a child might be bad. This is a religious concept of everything being inherently evil. An example is if a child has to make the decision to steal or not to steal, the child will steal without the proper praise or adult approval. Instead of letting the child figure out right or wrong, adults tell them how to act. Praise just reinforces this concept. A child does need to be trained, but should think and decide upon actions themselves. This author also points out the positive reinforcement might work with lab rats and animals, but rarely work with children. Praise impacts children differently because they are human. Positive reinforcement works so well, because it gets results and it is easy. While psychologists and behaviorists agree positive reinforcement works with animals and in the lab, but what about in real life? “Contrary to popular myth, there are many studies showing that when children expect or anticipate rewards, they perform more poorly. One study found that students' performance was undermined when offered money for better marks. A number of American and Israeli studies show that reward systems suppress students' creativity, and generally impoverish the quality of their work. Rewards can kill creativity, because they discourage risk-taking. When children are hooked on getting a reward, they tend to avoid challenges, to "play it safe". They prefer to do the minimum required to get that prize.” (Grille) This shows through research that it does not work. Negative and Positive Reinforcement Children have deteriorative behavior ever since positive reinforcement was introduced. I believe that both positive and negative reinforcement should be used with children. Both authors are right, we praise children too much. It gets to where the children are teenager and feel they do not have to be accountable for their actions. Positive reinforcement needs to be used less, while time outs and taking possessions should be given more. This allows a child to choose their direction. As it stands now children have no responsibility for their actions until grown. Thus we are raising children to be prisoners. Both positive and negative reinforcement should be used. That is how it works in real life. Detail your perspective and support it with evidence. Be sure to weigh the evidence that supports your position as well as refute evidence that does not support your claim. Conclusion: Children Should not be Praised Kohn and Grille both are against praising a child. Kohn thinks that five reasons praise should be limited are manipulation of the child, creating praise junkies, theft of a child’s pleasure, lost of interest, and reducing achievement. Grille, on the other hand, believes that praise and rewards should be limited. Both authors agree praise should be limited. My opinion tends to agree and disagree with both authors. I believe that children should have positive and negative reinforcement. A child’s action should be held accountable. Bibliography Grille, R. Rewards and praise: The poisoned carrot. The Natural Child Project. Kohn, A. (2001). Five reasons to stop saying “good job”. Young Children. Read More