Is It Better to Stay Together For the Sake of the Children - Assignment Example

Is it better to stay together for the sake of the children? Discuss Philosophy teaches mankind that every action and behavior must be brought forwardby the amalgamation of logic, reasoning, education and understanding for each other. Relationships unfortunately do not manifest the very same logic that one speaks of in the larger context. Thus whilst making pertinent decisions with respect to differing relationships, it is necessary to take care of reason more than emotion itself as the latter could mean having decisions which are based on intent favored for a particular party or person so to speak. Thus it would be wise to state here that reason has got more weight when the comparison is made alongside emotions and feelings, all of which come under the jurisdiction of a couple in marriage. This is because emotion could mean favoring for one particular side while the other side might just lose out in a balancing act which seems to be the missing link in such a scenario. One needs to be fair on all counts before making a decision that has a number of different consequences in essence. Emotion within treatment of one another in marriage could prove to be a decisive factor at times when devising pertinent decisions but then again it cannot be compared with the importance that reason and logic brings to the table. Philosophy has been equally strong at suggesting a possible link between reason and emotion when the talk goes out loud of the divorce issue. The same is present when emotion and reason work in harmony with each other and thus present a combination of decision-making solution for one and all to see. This however is a post remedy when the marital relationships have already been seen and decisions as per the future life of the person under question are concerned. These kinds of decisions assist philosophical thinking regimes as well as offer something creative and ‘different’ right from the onset of such a mindset from the very beginning. (Powell, 2003) Staying together as a family is one of the most beautiful things that a child can ever have within his life. He derives happiness seeing his parents and siblings interacting with him as well as each other. His source of strength is the bond which exists within his family members. Now any step taken to thwart the oneness of a family leaves a lasting impression on the young minds since they never envisage their family to break up into pieces. They expect a lot from their family and their parents’ divorce is the last thing on their mind undoubtedly. Divorce destroys the fabric of a family. It is an element of mental destruction that happens between families. Children seem to be the worst affected in the whole scenario. They store pictures of torture and fights within their memories and this is one feeling which is pretty difficult to get rid of. Psychologically, it affects them more than the persons who were in a marriage before they decided to forego the bond itself – the bond of marriage, now changed into a divorce deed. (Shaw, Winslow & Flanagan, 1999) Socially, it leaves a scar on the children so much so that they start getting alienated from other kids of the same age. They converse less and as a result open up negligibly. They seldom speak out what is within them and hurting from inside. They seem to be in a constant fight with their existence and life for them becomes a problem – a problem that has got no bearing on their actions and yet they are on the receiving end. Academically, these children fall back on the track of education and are less interested at gaining the new avenues of knowledge and information. (Koo, 1989) They seem unwelcoming to the new technological changes and are happy with their lives, in a desolate area with no one in company. Life for them is a slow killer but a killer for sure. In this paper, the aspect of family remaining as a single knitted unit is highlighted and all the significant elements of keeping a family as a solitary entity are discussed so that a relational basis with psychological comprehension and relationship binding is established in essence. With the passage of time, these children grow up to a less secure financial environment and they fall back on their expenses most of the times. They are usually dependent on one of their parents, with the one they live most of the times or in instances where both the parents have let gone on them, they are dependent on their guardians, which could be just about anyone. They are always trying to make both ends meet and in this quest cry their hearts out for having more of the finances since they seem to go broke on most of the times. As stated before, academically, divorce leaves an indelible negative impression, which means that education takes the backseat for them. They seem to focus more on the material gains and yet fail to realize the importance of gaining quality education for their own betterment – education and knowledge which will guarantee them success in different areas of life. They do not think of making a respectable career and their attention is more or less bent on extracting short term gains rather than long term profits, which could only be had in the wake of attaining education and that too in a consistent manner. Since these children are on the receiving end, they seem to end up using substances which are illegal and morally wrong for them. They indulge in bad practices and drink alcohol and consume cigarettes as they feel that this is the only way in which they could bring their life to a chosen standstill – a desolate life full of lonely satisfaction. As young adults, these children do not come to terms with receiving jobs and those the unemployment factors keeps on worrying them for a long period of time. What this does is to kill their self-confidence and boosts rage within them. They seem to turn their back on the society and look to get out of the norms through sheer rage and usage of aggression. They are not good at handling their own conflicts and it takes considerable amount of time to get over with their problems. Chronic conflicts suggest that these children are at war with their own selves and their inner insecurity prevails large on their actions and behaviors. They seem to fear the unknown and not make a move which is risky. They like to keep away from worldly distress and tension and focus on the short term relieving mechanisms, no matter how ethically incorrect these might be. They do not value the art of negotiation and compromise since this is something that was never taught to them through their parents, when they actually divorced each other – thus leaving a huge gap on the negotiating and compromising attributes which could have been possible for the betterment of these children in the long run. Genetically, divorce seems to be transmitted from parents down to their children since these children have already suffered at the hands of their parents and thus they could not come to terms with their own lives, which pretty much suggests that they end up divorcing their own spouses at a later stage of life. What this means is the fact that a single divorce could have long lasting effects on the generations to come and a husband and wife must think a hundred times before they decide to let go of each other, more so when the children are present in the equation. (Hendrix, 1995) Further, the personality aspect also has its say in the children who have been affected by divorce in their past life. They seem to take a hard stance on their spouses and thus end up their marriages due to strong resilient nature that they have inherited from their parents. They do not value the true meaning of compromise and understanding and thus commit acts which are irreversible. (Amato & Cheadle, 2005) Thus the family conflicts seem to continue for a long period of time and eventually the whole basis ends with the basis of divorce, which is something that is very much expected within such children. The effects of divorce can be understood only through customized research where each and every child is asked upon questions in relation with his/her personality traits, mood swings, behaviors, different characteristics and features and so on and so forth. It is only after a subject is understood properly, then one can predict what the likely outcome of this child would be in the coming times and how best he could change his stance as concerns to marriage and the divorce issue that usually crops up in case of a fight, misunderstanding or unfulfilled promises. Still continuing with research on genetically transferred traits within children affected negatively by the issue of divorce, one must understand that emotional and behavioral problems could exist for a long period of time and this could come in handy with the understanding thus developed in line with their substance usage and abuse, low achievement levels – both academically and socially, social incompetence and a lack of trusting one’s own instincts, getting discouraged from within on every assignment or task in life, low self-esteem and a lot of aggression to back it all up. Therefore, the need is to comprehend that most of these aspects come from the genetic basis of these children and they have been transmitted the same from their parents who took miscalculated decisions when it came to divorce and thus leaving their children in the lurch. Having said all this, divorce is not the only reason for the psychological and behavioral problems within the children who have been at the receiving end due to their parents’ divorce. Also the fact that divorce itself is not the real reason behind these children getting all agitated and depressed but the lead up to the actual divorce is something that forms their opinion of life, education, people around them, etc in a negative manner. The constant fights and bickering at home between the parents makes them realize that all is not well not only within their parents’ lives but also in their respective lives and thus social and academic downfalls start to creep in all of a sudden. This process of divorce unfolds over a long period of time and makes it eventual mark when the parents decide to separate and let go the bond of marriage for good. (Wallerstein & Lewis, 2004) This process leaves an impression which is hard to get over with as far as these children are concerned and they cry day in day out initially since they cannot digest the fact that the two people with whom they relate the essence of attachment and love within their lives would not be around together ever again to support them and hence give them an understanding of the basis of a complete family. This is such a negative picture that it literally kills the basis of love and affection within a kid right from the beginning of fights between parents and the eventual divorce decision which ends it all. The stress that these children take during this while is immense since they seem to relate every bad thing happening around them with their own lives, which in essence is not the true picture of the world. However their thinking regimes are very difficult to change and rectify at such a stage in their life and much needs to be done to make them understand what is right and what is not for their betterment in the coming times all said and done. The well being of these children in the years to come is affected in a negative manner and it is the duty of the parents and guardians to understand what the kids are going through and how the issue of divorce will affect their lives in the years to come. Parents need to ensure that their kids do not feel left out in the whole equation and are taken care of in the wake of an underlying divorce scenario. (Specter, 2003) Parents must make sure that after their divorce their kids are given all the love and protection that they need and no stone is left unturned in the process of their sound upbringing. It is only with an earnest effort and endeavor on the part of the parents that the kids try to take their lives in a new stead and look at resolving their problems with more zest and enthusiasm. They remain proactive in all their actions and behaviors and thus pinpoint the grey areas within their lives, which are eventually removed by them whilst working hand in hand with the motivation that is within them and which drives them to excel in different avenues of life. One should believe that staying together for parents is essential for the eventual well being of the family. However this would be negated in the wake of differing problems that are marred by financial, cultural and socio-economic aspects. These problems arise due to a family’s standing within the society that it is a part of. The family undergoes trouble at the hands of meeting its financial needs, has distortions in its planning phases with respect to issues and subjects of common interest and so on. These troubles cause a great deal of stress on the eventual well being of the said family but what it does is to prepare the individuals for the worst that could happen. It also brings them close with each other and they start appreciating each other’s company as compared to what was the case in the past. They start believing in their oneness more than their individuality which is a sure sign of unity and wholesome basis that one gets to know through a family. Family values do not grow on an overnight basis. They happen with a sense of calm, patience and understanding on each other’s sides. Staying married and keeping away from divorce eventually helps in the long run. This is because marriage is a knitting force that knows no exceptions at all. Marriage builds trust and a sense of empathy for each other in the marriage. This helps develop the mental basis of the couple and they start understanding each other as regards the intrinsic and innate details that they have for their own selves as well as for each other. They start respecting each other’s rights and value hierarchy systems. (Previti & Amato, 2003) They tolerate the weaknesses, encourage the strong points and look to stop their own selves from fighting with their spouse, for their own selves, for their children (if present) and more than anything else, for the sanctity of their family. They are a singular unit and they will remain so until they break off which is indeed the point of disaster for any family as long as they are alive and a singular whole. The older generation has invested a great deal of time having individual experiences. They believe in sound logic and reasoning more than anything else. They are of the view that perception and experience go hand in hand whilst age is a barometer of one’s experience that he has attained all his life. They usually do not buy the theory of divorce and thus all related things that come along with marital tensions and break-ups are rejected forthwith. Thus elders remain pretty strong as per their understandings and they do not like to change their stances on different issues, more so when the talk goes out loud concerning marriage issues and family bonding subjects as well as the world under which these aspects are spoken of. For them, living in a broken world of relationships is full of madness and divorce is something more insane than that. (Schoenfeld, 1996) This is because they have worked all their lives to attain what they are today and they do not believe that breaks in relationships and ultimately a marriage could come anywhere close to love, lust and commitment towards human basis in life. Their belief is pretty valid in the related scheme of things but then again divorce issues have their own perspective within the lives of the young people as well as the grown up and mature adults. On an end note, parents must realize what their undertaking of divorce could mean for their young ones and how they would view the world after they are left hapless, without the love and support of their friends. It is only with the dedicated efforts of the parents that the children get over with the troubles attached with divorce and the related repercussions. (Gordon, 1998) It would be better for the parents to stay together than to find reasons for fighting. It causes no one any benefit and thus a lot of destruction happens all said and done. Parents have a role to play which could only be remarked as quintessential right from the onset. They must understand that marriage is a responsibility more than anything else and all issues that have a negative connotation related with marriage and the like result in heart break, loss of human value basis and so much more. All said and done, the role of parents in such undertakings are immense as stated earlier and the children must also understand what pain their parents are going through within the turbulent times such as that of divorce. However kids can be spared the trouble since they are their own fragments which they have brought into this world with the passage of time. They barely understand what life has in store for them and thus they should not be given such a future which is full of broken families and single parents. This essentially thwarts the basis of a loving and happy family once and for all. It is better to stay connected, in touch and as a single unit for not only the sake of the children but also the love that exists between the couple. (Hughes, 2005) Bibliography Amato, P. R., & Cheadle, J. (2005). The long reach of divorce: Tracking marital dissolution and child well-being across three generations. Journal of Marriage and Family, 67 Gordon, Robert M. (1998). The Limits of Limits on Divorce. Yale Law Journal, 107 Hendrix, Lewellyn. (1995). Spousal Interdependence, Female Power and Divorce: A Cross-Cultural Examination. Journal of Comparative Family Studies, 26 Hughes, Zondra. (2005). Save Your Marriage Now! Divorce-Busters That Work. Ebony, 61 Koo, Helen D. (1989). Determinants of Divorce. Social Security Bulletin, 52 Powell, Dennis E. (2003). Divorce-on-Demand: Forget about Gay Marriage-What about the State of Regular Marriage? National Review, 55 Previti, D. & Amato, P. R. (2003). Why stay married? Rewards, barriers, and marital instability. Journal of Marriage and Family, 65 Schoenfeld, Elizabeth. (1996). Marriage Menders. Policy Review Shaw, D.S., Winslow, E.B., & Flanagan, C. (1999). A prospective study of the effects of marital status and family relations on young children’s adjustment among African American and European American Families. Child Development, 70 Specter, Gerald. (2003). Expressed Attitudes of Adolescents toward Marriage and Family Life. Adolescence, 38 Wallerstein, J.S., & Lewis, J.M. (2004). The unexpected legacy of divorce: Report of a 25 year study. Psychoanalytic Psychology, 21 Word Count: 3,044 Read More