Defining the Empty Nest Syndrome - Coursework Example

Empty Nest Syndrome The “Empty Nest Syndrome” refers to the sadness, melancholy, or even grief when one or more children leave a parent’s home. This Syndrome can affect some individuals mildly, while others are affected severely. There are factors that can predict how an individual will react, but since dealing with the psychological nature, only loose predictions can be made. Western families tend to experience the Empty Nest Syndrome more deeply due to the logistics of parent and child. Women are more likely to experience the Syndrome more deeply than an man. Finally, due to the Empty Nest Syndrome, many parents allow adult children to move back in creating a “Full Nest Syndrome”. This event in a childs life is an important milestone. How a parent reacts to the feelings of sadness can affect the child/parent relationship permanently. A childs departure from home is a natural development in their progression toward becoming an adult. This event is what parents work toward from the day their child is born. However, the amount of time and energy used to prepare a child for adulthood consumes a parent for years. When the child leaves home, the event is rapid. The parent goes from daily hands on guidance to a limited influencing role. This can leave a parent with feelings of losing their child. It is natural to feel sadness. The Empty Nest Syndrome only becomes a problem when parents do not deal with these emotions in a healthy manner. Women tend to experience the Empty Nest Syndrome more severely than men. This is the case for various reasons. The first reason is menopause (Cushman, 2005). Menopause cause major changes in a womans biology. It leaves her mentally and physically vulnerable. Secondly, women are generally the major caretakers of the children. This creates a stronger bond between mother and child, which in turn causes more emotional turmoil at a separation. Homemakers feel the Empty Nest Syndrome stronger than working mothers. This is due to a homemakers identity being wrapped in the role of wife and mother, whereas a working mom can continue her professional life and still feel useful. Finally, women are the majority of caregivers for elderly parents. This stress can make the Empty Nest Syndrome more acute. Women begin thinking about aging during this time, making the perceived loss of their children more emotional. Men can also experience the Empty Nest Syndrome, but in different ways than women. Financial issues, such as college, rent, or helping adult children living paycheck to paycheck can put a strain on the fathers finances. This can be compounded by careers or jobs leveling off, with paychecks reaching a plateau (Yara, 2006). Another issue for men reported by Yara (2006) is the amount of alone time spent with their wives. The husband/wife dynamics are changed along with the parent/child dynamics. The husband and wife have to learn to communicate with each other without the interference of children. Siblings can also be affected by the Empty Nest Syndrome. When an older brother or sister leaves home younger siblings face changes in their lives. Jackson (2007) reports: It is a hard transition for some children. Their brother or sister is going away, and it will never be quite the same again. They may be excited because they are getting their own room and more independence, but in the process, they are still grieving. The loss of their sibling makes children left at home sad. Parents can focus more on the younger child, which can be good and bad. Like with parents, depending on how one chooses to deal with these feelings will determine the level and complications of the Empty Nest Syndrome. Culturally the Empty Nest Syndrome affects individuals differently. Westerners tend to feel the Empty Nest Syndrome more severely than individuals from more family oriented cultures. This is due to the fact most American and European parents expect their children to go to college or live independently from their family home. However in countries like Iran, Saudi Arabia, and India, multi-generations lives under one roof. For example, Gentleman (2006) explains “Traditionally, Indian parents have grown old in the home of their eldest son, surrounded by family members.” There is no Empty Nest Syndrome because adult children never leave home. There is a rise in India and the East of children leaving to find education and career opportunities. This leads to parents unable to cope with new situations. Gentleman (2006) reports: In the 1990s, hundreds of thousands of young, highly educated Indians left their homes to find work in the United States, many of them ending up as software engineers and computer technicians, helping fuel the global revolution in information technology. Large numbers received U.S. green cards, and what started as a temporary job became the shift of a lifetime. In Pune, a peaceful, green metropolis in southern India, there are thousands of retired couples experiencing the peculiar sensation of being parent-orphans, abandoned by their offspring who left India in search of better lives abroad. Parents left behind do not want to relocate late in life, but the children want to live a better life. Another side effect of the Empty Nest Syndrome is the one on the parents/step-parents marriage. Hartocollis (2005) states “Marriages pasted together for the sake of the children may fall apart, or relationships that have been strained by the demands of child-rearing may grow stronger.” If a marriage was held together only for the children, then the likelihood of a divorce is great. If a marriage was based on something deeper, then relationships might grow stronger. The only surety is that a marriage will be affected by children leaving home. The Empty Nest Syndrome is a perfectly nature feeling. It depends on how an individual deals with their emotions if this situation is a positive or a negative. Negative reactions, like dwelling on the past or trying to control the situation will only hurt the individual and their family. Some parents take to mourning their children to the extreme, missing work and ignoring spouse. Hartocollis (2005) gave the following example: Ms. Ripp found herself desperately rummaging through drawers in her strangely empty Upper West Side apartment for the inky prints of Emilys feet taken by the hospital at birth. She found them, and was plunged into memories she thought she had forgotten. Over the next few days she sorted through photographs she hadnt looked at in 15 years, thinking of making a scrapbook for Emilys birthday. She took the week off her work as an administrative judge so that she would have time to compose herself before facing colleagues and strangers. Some individuals become preoccupied with their absent child. This can become an obsession. This type of reaction is very detrimental to the parent. Continuous calling and visiting an adult child can also be a detrimental pattern that could alienate the child. One other major mistake that parents feeling the Empty Nest Syndrome make is letting adult children to return home. When parents allow children to come home a pattern emerges. Even if the child is working, the parent foots the bills. Parents then start to resent their free loading children. It is natural for children to leave, but not to return. If the parents accept this, it is easier to teach children this lesson. Tennon (2007) explains to make the transition easier teach you child: Teach your child some final lessons. Make sure your child knows how to write a check or has some basic cooking skills. Talk about dating safety and responsibility, and about home protection. Have a going-away party. This is a time of beginnings for you and your child. Give your child gifts like kitchen gadgets and cookbooks. Encourage your child to call you for anything. Be sure your child knows you are there. If the process is seen as natural, then it is easier on both parent and child. This helps both face this transition with a better chance of success. What parents must realize is when a child leaves home it is a beginning, not an end. Ritter (2008) suggests: In quiet moments, brainstorm about what youd like to do with the extra time and energy that this transition will bring. What makes you feel happy? What are your strengths? What do you now know and what have you wanted to learn? Have you always wanted to go back to school, start your own business, develop your artistic abilities, travel, or play golf? This time is a transition time. Parents have raised their children, now it is time to focus on their individual needs. This is very hard for selfless parents that have dedicated years to their children. If parents are informed about positive steps this Syndrome will not be a major problem in their life. The Empty Nest Syndrome can be a positive or negative transitional time for both child and parent. It depends on the individual’s reaction to the leaving of an adult child. Many women, men, and other groups have friends, family, and support groups to help during this time. Others may seek counseling, but they can be helped. This Syndrome can be conquered, because it is a natural part of life. If the sadness and depression is seen as part of life, it is easier to transition. The Empty Nest Syndrome can be conquered through communication. References Cushman, F. (2005). Empty nest syndrome. Psychology Today. Accessed 15 February 2008 from http://www.psychologytoday.com/conditions/index.php?term=emptynest&print=1. Gentleman, A. (2006). Indian parents hit by empty-nest syndrome. International Herald Tribune. Accessed 15 February 2008 from http://www.iht.com/articles/2006/10/30/news/parents.php Hartocollis, A. (2005). Early pangs of empty nest syndrome when the children leave home for college. The New York Times. 4 September 2005. Jackson, K.O. (2007). Siblings feel pangs of empty nest. The Journal Gazette. 14 October 2007. Ritter, E.N. (n.d.). Empty nest-An end or just a beginning? Parents at Peace. Accessed 15 February 2008 from http://parenting. parentsatpeace.com/empty_nest/empty_nest_an_end_or_just_the_beginning.php Tennen, M. (2007). Living it up in the empty nest. Lifesteps. Accessed 15 February 2008 from http://www.lifesteps.com/gm/Atoz/hc/wom/meno/alert10142004.jsp Yara, S. (2006). Father’s empty nest. Forbes. Accessed 15 February 2008 from http://www.forbes.com/forbeslife/health/2006/08/22/empty-nest-men_cx_sy_0823dads.html Read More