I Blame It on the Parents - Essay Example

I blame it on the Parents” A child’s behaviour depends mainly on the child’s age and the physical and motional development. The behaviour of a child may become a problem if it is not according to the expectations of the family or society. Good or normal behaviour in a child is measured by whether the child’s behaviour is socially and culturally appropriate. Each child is an individual with particular mannerisms. It has been observed that this difference is apparent even in new born infants. Some appear placid while others are more attentive. So, what makes people different from each other? We know that one thing, where people differ is their personality. The basic approach of identifying personalities is to find out the underlying dimensions which reflect the child’s behaviour and then to identify what caused the child to behave in this manner. Perhaps it could be the consequences of recent happenings and experience or it could be other reasons pertaining to the environment or happenings of earlier times, the memory of which is still clear in the child’s mind. Children’s behaviour can largely be divided into three broad categories: a) emotional response – how the child reacts to unfamiliar situations and people, how the child responds to certain stimuli like hunger, boredom etc. b) attention orientation patterns – how easily the children are distracted from an activity and how they can be comforted. c) motor activity – the vigour and frequency of the activity. Now these temperaments can be inherited from the parents. According to Hinde, “all behaviour has a genetic basis. Thus the three dimensions, Emotional, Activity and Sociability may have a significant genetic component. According to research done, it is seen that both genetic and environmental influences the development of a child. Thus personality results also from the experience that people encounter during childhood where individual differences are concerned like intelligence. Intelligence has been understood to manifest itself in early adulthood rather than in childhood. Thus Dunn and Kendrick point out “that children’s behaviour is not independent of the situations in which they find themselves.” In particular behaviour is influenced by the social concept that is the people who are present with the child. It is noticed that a child who is very low in adapting to situations will have an aversive experience. This is because of the erratic pattern which the parents had in caring for their child. The same child if cared by parents who are regular in their routine in bringing up their child will be well suited or better suited in adapting itself to situations. Take the case of Noel or that of Margie. Noel had behavioural problems. His parents separated and he and his sister moved in with his mother’s boyfriend and his two sons. Noel hated the atmosphere; he stole and destroyed many of the toys belonging to the sons of his step father. Margie is aged ten. She is constantly anxious, she is worried about doing poorly at school that her friends won’t like her and her parent would be worried about the way she did her household jobs. Margie was the eldest of four siblings and her parents who were anxious about her anxiety when interviewed revealed that Margie’s mother was treated with medication for anxiety over a number of years. Therefore a child’s behaviour is thought of as a problem only when we draw the line between typical and atypical behaviour. Also knowing the child’s age is essential in judging the behaviour of the child. If a one year old child clings to its parents it is observed that there is a strong attachment between the child and his/ her parents, whereas if a five year old behaves in a similar manner, it will be observed as over dependent. If children misbehave, it is a universal thought of blaming the parents and their parenting. It is said, “The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world”. Though the mothers may not be the prime caretakers of the infant it has been widely observed and portrayed that the biological mother is the sole ideal figure of the infant’s first attachment. Taking care of the infant involves looking after their bodily needs and seeing that they are kept warm, well-fed and healthy, but it is the development of the personal relationships that brings the greatest rewards. Thus mothers are responsible for their children’s welfare, to produce a powerful weapon of social control.As Kassen says, “-----if a social problem is not repaired by modification of the child’s first years, the problem is beyond repair.” Where maternal sensitivity is concerned Murray found out that children of mothers who were depressed were less responsive to their infants as they were more preoccupied with their own personal experiences and problems, rather than the needs of the child, Yet all mothers need not be like this As Zahn-Waxler in 1990 found out that some depressed mothers were able to care for their infants even though they were preoccupied with their own problems. Therefore one has to study the mother’s wider relationship problems and difficulties with her marital state and her relationship with her offspring. Depression has a strong association with marital disharmony and a history of attachment problems. A number of women Cox video-taped said that they themselves had experienced poor relationship with their own parents, with less warmth and severe discipline. They fared badly at school, married young and became mothers at a very young age. They viewed marriage disharmony as the major problem of depression. In a study done in Australia it was observed that mothers who had negative attitudes towards their infants even at the tender age of six months were sure to face behaviour problems when the children attain the age of five especially boys. When parenting skills are weak, the child does not respond to parental requests and are unreasonable on their demands not only on their parents but also on the other members of the family. Now let us observe the role of the father. Very low involvement or no involvement of the father can be associated with poor outcome for children. When the father was involved in child rearing, it was observed that the children were protected against psychological maladjustments in their adolescence even though the children may come from disrupted families. For boys the involvement of the father protected them against later delinquency such as trouble with the police and for the girls the involvement of the father protected them from subsequent psychological distress. The relationship which results due to the absence of a father and the difficult behaviour is a very complex issue. Thus it is observed that a child’s behaviour is often learned in early life. If the child shows violent or aggressive behaviour, it is the prime duty of the parents to help the child deal with their emotions without using violence. A safe and loving home contributes a valuable role in the temperament of a child. Every child needs a strong loving relationship with both the father and the mother in order to feel happy and secure. They have to develop a strong sense of trust in the parents. Thus it has been observed that behavioural problems and delinquency are less likely to be seen in children whose parents take a keen interest in their children and are involved in the lives of their children from the early ages into their adolescence and through their adolescence. It is not easy to show love to the child all the time and especially when one is a single mother or the child is one with special needs or if the parents are young and inexperienced. Here the parents are advised to seek advice from their elders or from the child’s paediatrician or a psychologist or others who can give valuable advice on bringing up a child. Children totally depend on their parents for protection, support and encouragement as they learn to think for themselves. Therefore they need proper supervision and guidance. It is mostly unsupervised children who have behaviour problems. Parents should take an interest in the friends of their offspring, know where their children are at all times and it is better not to leave the children home alone even if it is for a short time. School going and even older children should be encouraged to participate in supervised after school activities like sports, tutoring classes or other recreations. They can be enrolled in local community programmes run by adults the parents know and respect for their values. Parents can accompany their children to play activities and can observe them as they get along with other children. If other children use abusive language or insults or threats or deals with anger by hitting, kicking etc., children should be taught to respond appropriately, they should be taught that such behaviour is not appropriate and they should be encouraged to avoid children who behave in such manner. Another observation made by research is that children learn by example. Therefore the parents’ behaviour, attitudes and values have a strong influence on children. Values of honesty, respect and pride in your family and heritage and tradition can be a source of strength and courage to the children if they come across with negative peer pressure or if one is living in a violent neighbourhood or if the children are attending a rough school. Violent behaviour must not be encouraged. Firmness is needed in telling the children of possible dangers of violent behaviour. Children should also be given praise if they manage to solve a problem without resorting to violence for they are more likely to repeat good behaviour if rewarded with praise and attention. When parents make rules they must stick to them, for making rules and not enforcing them is confusing and children feel that they can get away with their mischief. It is also better if parents involve the children in setting up the rules. The children should be told what is expected of them and the consequences of not following them. This will help them and those around them to behave in a better way which is good for them. Violence at home can be harmful for children. They need safe and loving homes, not frightening homes. Even though a child who has seen violence at home may not become violent by nature but in all probability may resolve problems with violence. It is also researched that children who view a lot of violence on television or the movies and video games tend to develop a negative attitude and become aggressive by nature. Parents must control the amount of violence the child views on the media by limiting the time for watching television and also monitoring the show they watch on television, which movies they go out to watch and what kind of video games they indulge in. The parents can also discuss the violence shown in the media with their children and help them understand how painful all this would be in real life and the serious consequences it would have and help them stand up against violence. Lastly the world is one big family. Parents should help their children accept and get along with all racial and ethnic backgrounds. They should be taught that criticizing people is hurtful and one should not hurt anyone. Thus we have seen the important role parents have to play in bringing up their children as good citizens of the world and if children have behavioural problems it is usually the parents who are to blame. Sources: Instruction files attached Read More