Romantic Attachment Styles - Essay Example

Romantic Attachment Styles Tabitha Moyer Argosy We meet people every day that come from different types of backgrounds. Our parents try to bring us up the best way they know how. However, children learn from their parents. My lovely grandparents were brought up in a culture they believe in, “spare the rod, and spoil the child.” Therefore, they brought their children up in that way. In the time when my lovely grandparents were raised family also stayed together not matter how hard it was.

The men would provide, and the woman would take care of the house and the children. The families were much bigger than some women would have 8 to 12 children. The children were taught to help around the house. I often became over whelmed with my children so I could only imagine how this woman felt. Caring for that many children I am sure that some received more attention than other. Therefore, each child may have a different attachment styles. They would in-turn parent their children the way they were parented.

However, some would not like the way they were parented and choose to change their parenting styles.The attachment style that best fits me now is secure attachment. When one has a secure attachment they have trust that the other person will to provide love and support (Kenrick, 2012). My husband and I have been married for 10 years in July. It was rough at first because we both had attachment problems that we had to work through when we first started dating.My brothers and I were taken away from our parents when I was three.

My father was abusive, and my mother could not take care of herself let alone three siblings and one expected. My father would hit, kick and choke my mom. He pushed my mom down the stairs a caused her to go into labor with my brother. When he was born he only weight 3bl, when my dad traded my little brother for a car the court took up away from them and gave me and my two brothers to our paternal grandparents and my little sister was adopted by a friend of the family (Davila, et al 2009).

We lived in a small house with my fabulous grandmother, grandfather, and grandmother. My grandmother was a hard worker. She worked at a rag shop for 46 years. She called us her angle and we did nothing wrong. My grandfather on the other hand, was a retired painter. He drank a half gallon of vodka a day. We were often left with him because our grandmother was working. He would get drunk every day and become violent. I did not want him to hurt my little brothers so I would make him mad at me so he would hit me and not them.

He dies when I was 17. My grandmother who is 89 has live with my husband an I for the last 5years.My husband grew up with a loving supportive mother. His father was also and alcoholic, but he was not abusive to them. When we started to date, I possessed three siblings and in several relationship relationships all the time. I did not trust anyone. My husband on the other hand was divorce from a 15 year marriage. I also had become an alcoholic myself. I would take my children to their grandparents and leave them for days so I could party.

At the age of 30 was drinking every day and started to do drugs. I prayed one day and ask God to help me. He did but not in a way you would think. Within a month I received to DWI, I lost my license for two years and being imprisoned for ten years. I had to start addiction classes and go to AA. I meet some loving people in these programs who encourage me to do better.These were the changing point for all of my relationships. I started to forgive and learn to trust. Therefore, my attachment style changed from avoidant to secure.

Now I call my children every day to make sure they know I love them, and they are wanted. My parenting styles when my children were younger have affected them to be insecure in their relationships, but over time they will learn to trust.My parenting style was avoidance because I was raised that way. I did not trust. I did not let anyone get close. I would hurt them before they hurt me. Over the past 10 years, I have learned to trust. I also learn how to show love and to let myself be loved.

ReferencesDavila, J., Karney, B.R., & Bradbury, T.N. (2009). Attachment change processes in the early years of marriage. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 76, 783–802Kenrick, (2012). Social Psychology: Goals in Interaction (4th ed). Pearson Learning Solutions. Retrieved from http://digitalbookshelf.argosy.edu/books/0558220088/id/ch08box18