Love and Attraction in Psychology - Essay Example

? Love and attraction Introduction Several psychological scholars have studied the concept of love and provided diverse meanings; however, there is no definite definition of the word thus resulting in several relative definitions. Among such is the definition is by Peele and Brodsky (2007) who claim that love is an addiction. The two scholars investigated the components of love by dividing them into three thereafter investigating one, passion, which they discovered had similar tendencies as addiction thus validating their definition of love as such. Despite the relativity of the definitions by the several scholars, they all contend that love is different from attraction since attraction is a process while love is the result of such a process as the discussion below portrays. Love and attraction are two interrelated concepts with some of their best definitions incorporating each other. The Webster online dictionary for example defines love as strong feeling of affection for a person or the attractions that include sexual desires. Interpersonal attraction on the other hand refers to the attraction between people that result in relationships such as friendship and romantic relationships (Byrne, London &Reeves, 1968). In this context, attraction thus becomes a broader psychological concept concerned with the development of such feelings as like, love and hate. Through such an objective viewpoint, the difference between the two psychological concepts develops naturally. Physical attractiveness in humans is a smaller section of the concept of attraction, which refers to the evaluation of beauty in people. In the course of their interactions, humans evaluate the beauty among themselves; beauty is a major contributing factor to the development of love and sexual relationship. However, in evaluating the physical beauty humans evaluate the other personality traits of the people they interact with most of which will contribute to the extent of feeling they develop towards or against such people. Love refers to a variety of states, attitudes and feelings. Among such is affection, which people develop natural at times for people and things close to them such as family members and friends. Love can also refer to pleasure that one derives from doing or being with someone. Finally, the concept may also refer to the emotional attachment resulting from mutual attraction in people thus developing a relationship. As an abstract noun, love may also refer to the human virtues such as compassion and kindness both of which refer to the benevolent unselfish concern that one shows to another. While the above discussion may differ from the core of the paper, they all portray a similarity in love and the role that attraction plays in the development of love among people. In attempting to understand the concept, several scholars have developed numerous theories explaining love. Among such is the triangular theory, which provide for the components of love and their role in the development and maintenance of love especially in romantic relationship. Love for parents comes naturally and may not therefore involve such detailed investigation in this essay (Carson, 1969). Parents are always special people and despite the nature of the relationship among parents and their children, the natural love will always remain among them, as the two will have an attribute of compassion when handling the other. Such love is also a result of the cultural definition since the society places some attribution to the relationship between children and their parents and vice versa thus dictating the nature of the relationship the two develop thereafter. The rectangular theory of love provides three main components that develop the concept. Such include passion, intimacy and commitment. Intimacy refers to the closeness between the two people. Love depends on intimacy through which the two people learn each other thus amasses the nature of the traction they feel for each other. Love cannot suffice without intimacy between the two parties in the affair. After the first interaction, people develop opinions about others depending on their outward beauty and the basic perception they form about them at such meetings. However, it is in subsequent meetings and interactions that the feeling of love begins to develop. Through sustained intimacy, they gain objective assessment of the other people thus allowing love to flow into the relationship naturally. It is evident that in the first component of love, attraction plays an important role that brings the parties closer. After the first impression, which develops the attraction, the success of the subsequent interactions relies on the sustained attraction between the two, as they understand each other better (Botwin, Buss & Shackelford, 1997). The second component of love according to the triangular theory is passion. Passion on the other hand refers to the motivations that lead the parties to sexual or romantic engagements. Passion therefore includes all the factors that lead to arousal in sexual relationship. Passion builds up through sustained and mutually motivated interactions thus leading to sexual communication. In investigating the nature of passion, the role of attraction is equally substantial since the sexual attraction is a motivational factor that evidently leads to the sexual communication in loving relationship. Beauty is a major component of the sexual attractions that boosts arousal (Drayer & Horowitz, 1997). The selection of mates is natural, as people will always discriminate others in their selection of mates. At the prime choice, the feeling of attraction flows naturally. Among the most essential determinant of a mate is the physical beauty. With its relativity, beauty will help distinct a mat from the rest of the pack thus develop through attraction. Through the sustained intimacy discussed above, people spend time learning their mates through interaction. In such, it is factual that they discover never features of their spouses that boost the attraction thus revamp the drive towards sex. The final yet equally important component in the triangular theory of love is commitment. This refers to the decision one makes to love another thus maintain the relationship by growing the love. The decision to commit to a love relationship is always the result of several cognitive elements about the other party that one would thus wish to retain. This commitment in a relationship is the epitome of the attraction that one feels for another. As people interact and share interests through the discovery of each other, they learn the strengths and weakness in their partners some of which add to the drive to engage in sexual communication. When such feeling is mutual, the affair flourishes naturally with the three components developing naturally. However, the role of attraction in each of the three is integral in the development and sustenance of love shared by a couple. While in the analysis of the triangular theory of love above attraction is portrayed as an integral component of love, the two are different. While attraction may lead to love, this is never guaranteed thus proving that love is an underlying concept that develops naturally owing to the manifestation of other abstract psychological features (Montoyan& Robert, 2004). Biological theorists have posited that love is a mammalian drive similar to either thirst or hunger. This implies that love is fundamental in the development of human beings. Such a theory disqualifies the role of attraction in love. The theory is further supported by the development of the evolutionary theory of love, which asserts that humans unlike other animals rely on the parental care for longer. Love thus becomes a unifying factor among couples thus motivating them to offer love to their children for longer. To some extent, the theory is factual since in most cases the sustenance of a lineage becomes a major motivation to sexual engagement. People will always such analyze features in their possible mates as the traits they would wish their children to have. The two theories do not attribute love to attraction directly thus alienating love from attraction. Additionally, the biological and evolutionary theories assert that attraction is always short lived. According to the two attraction may fade away after the development of love. The love that couples share in their children is always greater than their attraction to themselves. After obtaining the best spouse they would identify among the rest, the two begin sharing features and as the relationship matures, the beauty may not fade in their spouses but its manifestation moves to the rear as other more important social factors take center stage. At such stages, the commitment to stay in the relationship and develop the love thus becomes the most compelling factor with the motivation often becoming the children in the family (Byrne, 1971). In such circumstances, unlike attraction that fades love does not as the two still stay in love. The love that evolves in such state is still sexual as the couples maintain their sexual communication. Love therefore becomes stronger with the presence of the children, this point to the important fact that love either develops with time or just as attraction may fade. However, unlike attraction, romantic love may fade but the couple would still show concern and empathy towards each other, which would still infer a manifestation of love. In most cases love grow even beyond attraction. As couples settle down in their marriages, which is often the embodiment of love, the two become more intimate with their other personal factors such as finances thus begin developing trust (Byrne, Clore & Worchel, 1966). They therefore formulate other forms of assessment for their love. Such life achievements as family investments and children thus become greater motivation for the two to stay together and develop their family. Another great difference between love and attraction is that love is gradual while attraction is spontaneous. Physical attraction is always the first to manifest in an interaction. People are always quick to judge others based on their interpretation of their looks. Several psychological theorists have analyzed the nature of interpersonal attraction. In studying the concept such psychologists have studied the nature of physical attractiveness, which is always the rashest form of attraction based purposely on the manifestation of beauty in a person. By evaluating the beauty of a person in the first encounter, people form perceptions about such people a feature that influences their subsequent interactions. Propinquity effect refers to the influence of interaction on attraction. Depending on the social context, either interaction or attraction may precede each other. In case interactions comes before attraction, Rolland Miller, a renowned psychologist explains that “the more we interact and see a person, the more likely that he or she will become our friend and sexual partner” (Miller, 2006). Miller explains that interaction provides people with adequate opportunity to study each other thus identify some of their admirable features that may attract besides the physical beauty. The theory is progressive but explains an approach to love and relationship that has proven to be the best. In such circumstances, people interact extensively before falling in love. Before the onset of the attraction, the two study and evaluate each other as they express themselves freely without some of the barriers that may arise from the conflicts of interest in case attraction precedes the interactions. The above phenomenon is also referred to as the principle of familiarity or the exposure effect. The other effect of such relationships arises when instead of the manifestation of the admirable attributes of an individual only the negative attributes manifest themselves over time. In such contexts, instead of attraction the two develop to resent each other over time thus resulting in hate. The theory is objective since it provides both the possibilities in interactions. People may either fall in love or develop strong resentment of each other over time depending on their attributes. The same just as discussed above manifests itself strongly in social interactions and is an attribute of attraction. Through the interactions, the physical attraction develops depending on the beauty of the other person. Such relative manifestation of beauty thus influences the approach one give the subsequent interactions. However, the perception may change depending on the personalities of the other parties. Some beautiful people may exhibit negative personalities thus resenting those who they had initially attracted. The same is possible in cases where someone may regard someone as ugly but in their subsequent interactions, they discover the other attributes of the individual thus instigating love between them (Aronson, Timothy & Robin, 2007). The principle of similarity in attraction explains people become easily attracted to their look alike and those who exhibit similar personality traits. Developed from the opinion that “birds of a feather flock together”, the principle helps explain the attraction that manifest itself in people with similar dreams or of similar ethnicity among other features that people consider before developing relationship with others. The selection of mates is an important process that requires the effective consideration of every feature that contributes to the likeness. Similarities attract in such contexts and it plays an imperative role in the developed of relationship christened self-affirmation. People always want to receive affirmation of their ideas, attitudes and beliefs a feature that is more evident when two similar people relate. In retrospect, love and attraction are two close concepts with each influencing the other. However, the two exhibit several differences that help distinct attraction from love and vice versa. Among such is the fact that love develops gradually yet physical attraction is spontaneous and relies on the manifestation of beauty in a person. Despite the differences, the two are fundamental in explaining each other. References Aronson, E. Timothy, D. W. & Robin, M. A. (2007). Social Psychology Sixth Edition. New Jersey: Upper Saddle River. Botwin, M., Buss, D. M. & Shackelford, T. K. (1997). "Personality and mate preferences: Five factors inmate selection and marital satisfaction". Journal of Personality 65 (1): 107–136. doi:10.1111/j.1467-6494.1997.tb00531.x. PMID 9143146. Buss, D. M. & Barnes, M. (1986). "Preferences in human mate selection". Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 50 (3): 559–570. doi:10.1037/0022-3514.50.3.559. Byrne, D., Clore, G. L. J. & Worchel, P. (1966). "Effect of economic similarity-dissimilarity on interpersonal attraction". Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 4 (2): 220–224. doi:10.1037/h0023559. Byrne, D., London, O. &Reeves, K. (1968). "The effects of physical attractiveness, sex, and attitude similarity on interpersonal attraction". Journal of Personality 36 (2): 259–271. doi:10.1111/j.1467-6494.1968.tb01473.x. PMID 5660731. Byrne, D. (1971). The attraction paradigm. New York: Academic Press. Carson, R. (1969). Interaction concepts of personality. Chicago: Aldine. Drayer, D. C. & Horowitz, L, M. (1997). "When do opposites attract? Interpersonal complementarity versus similarity". Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 72 (3): 592–603. doi:10.1037/0022-3514.72.3.592. Miller, A. G. (1972). "Effect of attitude similarity-dissimilarity on the utilization of additional stimulus inputs in judgments of interpersonal attraction". Psychonomic Science 26 (4): 199–203. Montoya, R. &Robert S. H. (2004). On the Importance of Cognitive Evaluation as a Determinant of Interpersonal Attraction. 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