The Study of Lying - Essay Example

? Lying in Romantic Relationships Lying can be defined as the ment of an untruth by one individual towards another or towards a group of people with the intention of either keeping the truth from them or for the purpose of ensuring that the individual protects his self-interest. In the context of this research, it can be said that when lying occurs in a romantic relationship, it often takes place because the partners within it want to keep information from each other that may be detrimental to their relationship. While lying is a common occurrence in many romantic relationships, with a large majority of partners in such relationships admitting to having lied to their partners at least once during their relationship, it has been found that these lies tend to be bigger than those that these individuals would normally tell those not in a relationship with them (Meltzer, 2003). Lies are some of the most detrimental aspects that take place in relationships because when they are revealed, one will find that these lies tend to bring about a strain on the romantic relationship and if the couple does not do anything to remedy it, then it is more likely than not that this relationship will come to an end. The fact that lies exist in romantic relationships is nothing new because it has existed for thousands of years, and in fact, many of these relationships tend to be based on lies. It is therefore imperative that studies be conducted to make a determination of why these lies take place and how they have come to affect romantic relationships in the modern age. It is a fact that lying has become an extremely important aspect of human relationships and it involves the systematic process through which a an individual may choose to lie to his or her partner, in order to ensure that their relationship remains effective as well as to ensure that they are comfortable in the said relationship (Turza, 2011). Lying can be said to be a means that has been used from time immemorial by partners in a relationship in ensuring that the partners that they are lying to remain motivated to be in a relationship with them. While some of the reasons for the statement of lies remain obscure, there are some individuals who actively state lies for the purpose of making their partners maintain a positive image of them (Roth, 2004). In addition, there are times when lies are told not because of the love for which one partner may feel for the other or for the fear that they would hurt these partners. Instead, these individuals often tell these lies for the sake of their own security and an example of this would be when a woman tells a wealthy man that she is expecting his child when in reality, the said child is not his. Such a lie can be concluded to be made for the sake of ensuring the financial security of not only the woman in the relationship but also for her child since it is possible that it is for the sake of the child that she may have stated such a big lie (Bernstein, 2013). In addition, it is also possible that the child’s real father may have refused to take responsibility for it and this may have led to her making the decision to lie. While the reason for stating such a lie may be seen by some to be noble, as a mother’s act to protect her child, when such a secret is revealed, it is likely to break the relationship between the couple because the man is likely not going to be able to trust his wife anymore. One of the basic effects of the statement of lies in a romantic relationship is the fact that such behavior is controlled by its consequences and the said consequences can and should be both formal and informal and both positive and negative. One of the reasons why romantic relationships often come to an end is the fact that a big lie by one or both of the partners has been revealed and this leads to plenty of heartbreak (Patwardhan, Noble & Nishihara, 2009). Within any given romantic relationship, it is important for the partners to have complete trust in each other and to share in each other’s secrets because to do otherwise would mean that such a relationship would not be stable. Most of the lies that occur in relationships tend to be based on the secrets that the couple keeps from one another and when found out; they end up making the relationship unbearable. While this may be true, it has been found to be necessary for individuals in a romantic relationship to also create an image of themselves that is desirable for their partners and this, more than anything, is what makes the partners in this relationship lie to each other (Gross, 2008). In other words, most romantic relationships can be said to be based on illusions by the partners concerning one another and these illusions tend to be maintained by the lies that they tell each other over the period of their relationship. In order for the individuals in a romantic relationship to prevent their lying to each other, they have to deal with the various issues affecting them effectively and appropriately in order to do away with barriers to their having a long lasting and successful relationship that will determine their happiness. It is often necessary to ensure that guidance and consultation be done between them because this is the only way through which they will be able to provide themselves with the incentive necessary for the maturity of their relationship. Despite many couples realizing that it is not good to lie to each other, they tend to go ahead and do so with the full knowledge that the consequences of their lies could be disastrous for their relationships (Gollapudi, 2011). It is also important for the couple to mediate conflict in their home, investigate and resolve complaints so that they can avoid the necessity of lying to each other. Among the worst lies that take place in a relationship are those based on infidelities as these have the potential of creating not only heartbreak among those who have been cheated on, but also create a situation where there is no longer any trust within the relationship (Shellenbarger, 2012). This has the detrimental effect of leading to the breakdown of the romantic relationship which leaves both of the partners in a situation where they are extremely unhappy with each other and when they move on to other relationships, they have trust issues. Lying in romantic relationships has become such a pertinent matter which needs to be addressed, since the significance of this act tends to be ignored in literature in favour of the other aspects. The literature that has to be analyzed has to provide a clear picture of just how limited the literature concerning lying is, and the need for more research on the subject. It has therefore become a moral obligation to ensure that a detailed study of this subject is conducted so that future research can be continued using this study as a foundation. Therefore, it is necessary that this subject be addressed because this is the only way through which the issues involved can be understood and addressed. One of the biggest limitations of this research will be finding primary sources for the purpose of gaining an insight into the nature of lying in romantic relationships. The fact that there is a limited amount of literature on the subject means that one will have to seek out individuals who have been in such a situation to interview. This might be a fruitless task especially if a majority of potential interviewees refuse to talk. References Bernstein, E. (2013, Mar 26). Bonds: On relationships: The little lies spouses tell - some experts call it 'buffering'; if not excessive, it can make a marriage happier. Wall Street Journal. Retrieved from http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424127887323605404578382403227014818.html Gollapudi, A. (2011). Why did Steele’s the lying lover fail? Or, the dangers of sentimentalism in the comic reform scene. Comparative Drama, 45(3), 185-211,313. Gross, P. (2008). Lying for God: The Dover debacle. Skeptic, 14, 72-76,80. Meltzer, B. N. (2003). Lying: Deception in human affairs. The International Journal of Sociology and Social Policy, 23(6), 61. Patwardhan, A., Noble, S. M., & Nishihara, C. M. (2009). The use of strategic deception in relationships. The Journal of Services Marketing, 23(5), 318-325. Roth, B. (2004). Negativity and lies in analytic group therapy: An inquiry into bion's ideas of K and -K. International Journal of Group Psychotherapy, 54(4), 477-89. Shellenbarger, S. (2012, Jul 31). The case for lying to yourself - some self-deception can boost power and influence; starts as young as age 3. Wall Street Journal. Turza, S. (2011). Lying in bed. The Booklist, 108(1), 45. Read More