Psychology of happiness class - Assignment Example

?Journal Establishing your happiness baseline What the questionnaires show is that I am generally very happy and very satisfied with my life. These scores were not a surprise, as I have always been a generally positive person, even when there were things that were going wrong in my life. The exception to this was during one period when I was put on medications for attention deficit, and these meds made me feel very jittery and unhappy. However, when those meds were stopped, I went back to feeling the way that I have always felt. That said, I believe that happiness is not just mental, but physical. If somebody has the right brain chemistry that produces the right amount of endorphins, than that person can be happier than somebody who does not have the proper amount of brain chemistry. Everything affects this, from what we eat, how much we sleep, and how much exercise we do each day. I was fortunate to have the kind of physical chemistry that has allowed me to be resilient and bounce back when things have gotten tough. And things have gotten tough in my life, as I have experienced heartbreak, death and defeat. How I relate to the elements of PERMA are that I have positive emotions much of the time, even when things are going stressful around me. For engagement, I always try to engage with the world, as I am very social, and like to meet new people. I also like to engage in that I like to try new things – new food, new restaurants, new movies, new experiences in general. Relationships is also something that is meaningful to me, in that I have many different relationships that give me great joy in my daily life. I have many friends whom I could call at a moment's notice, and they would be there for me if I had any kind of crisis. I am also close to my family. I have a great relationship with my mother, father and siblings. We don't have any kind of friction, most of the times, and, if there is any friction, we always try to resolve fairly quickly. In other words, things do not linger in my family. We say our piece, and move on, and we think that this is how it should be with other families as well. Meaning is another aspect of PERMA, and I try to create meaningful experiences, as opposed to experiences that are shallow and meaningless. My relationships are meaningful, because the people in my life have a purpose in my life, and I have a purpose in theirs. Sometimes I do like experiences that have less meaning, such as when I enjoy sitting down and watching reality television, for instance. However, these are diversions, and they are ways that I can try to destress if there is something in my life that is causing me some kind of misery. Most of the time, however, even my downtime is spent doing something meaningful, whether it is reading a book that will increase my knowledge, or volunteering at a local animal shelter. Accomplishment is also something that I strive for, and this doesn't necessarily mean getting the best grades, although that is certainly important as well. I try to have a sense of accomplishment in everything I do, because it is so important to move forward in life. What has meant the most to me in the PERMA scheme is the positive emotions. This is because, if you have positive emotions, all the other aspects of your life will be fruitful. If you have a negative outlook on life, your relationships, your accomplishments, your engagement and your meaning would be colored by your negative thoughts. Your friends will stop wanting to be around you if you are negative, and you might not seek out their company anyhow. You wouldn't want to engage much with the world if you are negative, and the meaning that you might see around you would be meaning that is also seen as being negative. In short, if you are positive, you have an excellent foundation for the rest of the PERMA schema. If you are negative, it is generally the opposite – you would not have a good foundation for your life. Journal #2 – Character Strengths and Perspective Taking There was a situation once, with my best friend, that happened during a spa getaway that we took together. In this case, I got a good deal on the spa getaway, as I bought one pass and got one for free. I was going to give the passes to my parents, but they didn't want to go. So, I asked my best friend if she would accompany me on the spa getaway. She did, and we had a great time. She bought all the meals while we were there, because I essentially paid for the actual room and board. What happened was that I had passes that gave us discounts on the spa services, and, included in these passes were passes to have a free hot tub service, which was valued at $40. I told my friend that I was planning on coming up to the spa again at a later date with somebody else, and that I wanted to use both of the $40 hot tub passes. She could use the discount for the service, but I intended to use both of the hot tub passes. She went ahead and used the pass, anyhow, without even asking me if this would be ok. I wasn't sure if I communicated my intentions for the pass clearly to her, but I felt that she should have asked if she could use the pass. So, I was angry that she didn't ask if she could use the pass, and I communicated this to her. She ended up giving me a check for the value of the hot tub pass, which I accepted. What happened was that she ended up being upset that I accepted the money that she gave to me, and didn't really tell me that for several months. She finally told me how she felt during a Jewish holiday, in that this particular Jewish holiday was one that people are supposed to tell others how they felt so that they could either seek forgiveness or try to let it go. I feel that my signature strength in this regard is my strength to think logically, along with my strength in trying to stand up for what I believe in. I believed that she shouldn't have taken the bath pass without asking me first, and I would have explained to her, if she did ask me first, that I wanted the bath pass for a later date. This was my logical way of thinking. Since I feel that I need to make sure that people are not taking advantage of me, this is how I approached the situation at hand. Her strengths was her perspective was colored more by emotion, and her emotional resiliency is what she is known for. Another of her strengths has always been generosity – she felt that she had done things for me in the past, and that it was petty of me to want her to reimburse me for the value of the bath. And, to be sure, she and I did go to San Francisco, and part of the trip was paid for by her work – that is, the hotel was paid for by her work, for the first three days, and I got to stay at the hotel for free because of this. She also felt that she has done other things for me in the past. I told her that the generosity issue wasn't the point – the point was that she should've asked me first, not just assumed. This exercise has helped me in that it makes me understand that people come into situations with different needs and perspectives. Some of the perspectives may be based upon emotion, others may be based upon logic. How two people negotiate a situation will depend upon how each person is approaching the situation – it is difficult to argue logic with a person who is operating on emotion, and vice-versa. The logical person will not understand the emotional person. If you can come to why a person is acting or reacting in a certain way, then it goes a long way towards helping one another see the other's perspective. This will help me reframe conflicts in the future, knowing that I need to see from what angle the other person is approaching the issue, and trying to understand it from that angle, not just my own. Because I do tend to think things out, and come at situations using less emotion and more head, it will certainly help me to think about things in a different way. Journal #3 – Best Life Exercise In my best possible life, I will be fulfilled in work and at home. Specifically, I am working in a position that I love, where I truly enjoy coming to work every single day. This may seem like a cliche – everybody wants that for themselves. But it is not always difficult to find. And, if you don't find it, life would be very difficult, indeed. So, in five years, I would like to be a successful writer. This would mean that I could be a free-lance writer, working from home. I would get projects off of the Internet, and write these projects. I would also be selling books on Amazon.com. This would mean that I could write short pieces that I could see on their Kindle Singles program, and I would also like to be a novelist and self-publish. This would bring the money that I need to live, but, more than that, it would be professionally satisfying for me. I think that I could make this life, could achieve this life, if I work hard, do my research, and learn how to promote myself well. The character strengths that I would possess to make this a reality would not only be creativity, and this is essential to my writing, but also I could display my strengths in promotion and marketing, and doing enough research to understand how self-publishing works, and how to market the products effectively by using social media or other kinds of media. Because I would like to be the type of writer who works from home, this would also fit in perfectly with my plans for my domestic life. I would like to have children at home, and be able to watch the children during the day. I understand that it might not always be perfect, because having children might mean that I couldn't work as much as I would like, but this is something that I could try to juggle. Because having a family is also very important to me – I can see myself with at least two children, preferably a boy and a girl, and they should be close in age, so that they can be emotionally close to one another. This fits in with my mission statement, in that my mission statement is that I am going to be fulfilled financially, creatively and domestically. I know that the previous generations didn't necessarily have all of this – they went to work, but didn't always like it, and they had families that were less than ideal because everybody was so closed off from one another. This is not what I want from my family and my profession – I want open communication between myself, my partner and my children. I want to be respected for the work that I do professionally. And I want things on my own terms – I really don't want to work for anybody else, which is part of why I envision a future where there is not a boss, although there will be deadlines. I would measure success, then, not just by how much money I make, but how much I am respected. This would mean respected by the public, who hopefully will buy my books and read my articles, but also respected by editors and the like. And respect must also come from my family and my children. They need to see what I do, and understand that what I do is difficult and challenging, but also rewarding. If I can have professional respect, and the respect of my children, then I will definitely consider myself to be successful. That said, there is also the monetary aspect. It would be foolish to state that I am a success if I am not able to support my family and send my children to college and give them what they need to be successful themselves. As crass as it may be to measure success in dollars and cents, it is still realistic, because I need to make enough money to not only survive, but thrive. I want to be able to take vacations, I want to be able to send my children to the best schools, I want them to maybe have private schooling, and I want to be able to own my own home and cars and the like. So, I understand that materialism is a necessary evil in society, so I would also measure success by how much money I make. Perhaps the old saying is that nobody ever says on their deathbed that they should've spent more time in the office, but, at the same time, money does make the world go round, and this should never be discounted. Journal #4 – Gratitude Letter There was once a lady who was in line with me at the Whole Foods, and I, much to my chagrin, found that I didn't have the money to pay for my purchases. It was one of those things where I thought that the money had hit my account, but it actually didn't, so I didn't have any money at all. Therefore, I was embarrassed, and told the clerk to put all the purchases back. This lady next to me stepped up and said that she would buy all my purchases. It was around $60 worth, so I tried to protest, but she insisted, and she wrote a check for all of it. I asked her for an address that I could send her the money, and she refused to give me her address. She told me to just pay it forward. “Dear_______, I was the lady who you helped while you were in line at the Whole Foods several years ago. I never felt that I properly thanked you. You showed me that there are generous people in the world, even when there is absolutely nothing in it for you. You helped me in ways that, perhaps, you don't even understand. I was broke during this period of time, and you stepped in and made sure that I had my needs met, when I was prepared to go home without the groceries that I bought that day. I still feel that I owe you a debt of gratitude for doing this, although you have told me that I should pay it forward. I have tried to pay it forward, in that I have tried to help others who are in situations where they may not have enough to eat or may be in a situation where they are short themselves at the checkout line. Because I understand where they are coming from. And I have also had more faith in the human race, because sometimes all you hear about are bad things. Such as bad people on the news and so forth. And you also see much callousness in the world, as well as thoughtlessness. But you were thoughtful, and you simply wanted to make somebody's day, and I wanted you to know that you just didn't make my day, but you made my attitude brighter in general. Journal #5 – Go Do Something! Today, I decided to go to the dog park with my dogs. This is something that I always like to do, because I love animals, and especially dogs, and I love that my dogs get to see other dogs and play with them. It makes me feel good to know that I am doing something that makes my animals happy. They are cooped up in the house a lot of times, as I am always busy doing something with school or work. They do have each other, though, and this makes me feel a little bit better. But when I take them to the dog park, they have a lot of fun. They chase each other around, and they chase other dogs around and make friends. It is also a lot of fun to be around a very lively atmosphere, where there are always a lot of other dogs. This is good for me, because I like to go up and meet different dogs, and I find that I meet people this way, as well. The topic of conversation between us might start out centering around our dogs, but I have often gotten to talking to other people about other topics as well. This is also a very social activity. It is something that I can get other people interested in. People like to come to the dog park, and this particular dog park is fun because it has a lake as well. There are also trees and trails, and the park enables me to get back to nature, and this is another great thing about this particular activity. Plus, it is just a generally happy thing to be outdoors when the weather is really nice. There is no better feeling than having the sun on your back, as you explore the woods and the trails with your dogs. There is also no better feeling in knowing that your dog is happy and in his or her element, not just because the dog gets to be social with other dogs, but also because the dog gets to be out in nature with you. The dogs love to explore the trails and the trees. They love to be out in the open air, and it gives them great exercise as well. Anytime I am around animals, I am happy, and the dog park not only brings me to the animals, but also brings me to the outdoor setting that I love so much. Journal #6 – The Power of Forgiveness Dear ________ It has been years since I last talked to you, and I wanted you to know that you hurt me very badly. More deeply than anybody else has hurt me. I felt that I did nothing to deserve how you treated me. You cheated on me, you lied to me about it, you lied to me when you kicked me out of your house, you made me believe that we might still have a future when we clearly didn't, and you never gave me good answers on why it was that all this happened. Then I found out that you were trash-talking me behind my back, even though I felt that I did nothing wrong at all. However, I want you know that I forgive you for all of that. Don't get me wrong, there were times when I felt like I wanted to get even with you. I wanted you to pay for what you did, and I had visions of going to the school where you work and letting everybody know what kind of a person is teaching their children. But, I also realize that you are mixed up, probably because your parents were not good parents. Your mother is very cold and withholding, and your father is a loud-mouthed pervert. So, you cannot help how you are. You do need counseling, though. Many years of counseling. In my family, forgiveness is handled in such a way that the person doesn't forget, but they do forgive. This means that I will never forget how you treated me, yet I am going to always try to understand you and wish you well. Because, in the end, I did love you. I really did. And, when you love someone as much as I loved you, you always have to wish that person the very best. And, as I said before, I understand you. I understand that you couldn't necessarily give love in the most healthy way, because you never were demonstrated how to do that by your family, including your sister. So, the way that I forgive is to try to understand. And, since I have tried to understand you, this is what has helped me to let things go. Journal #7 – Flow A time when I was totally immersed in what I was doing was when I participated in a 150 mile bike ride that took place over two days – the MS150. This was a day that was a beautiful day – it couldn't have been a better day. The weather was sunny, but not too warm – it was around 70 degrees. There were hundreds of riders who were also participating, and I even met another rider there and rode with her throughout this particular event. So, I made a new friend that day, even if I never actually talked to her again after this. I started the ride, however, by myself. I wasn't afraid of failing, because I had trained all summer for the event, and I had participated in other rides that were similar in length. Also, this was a supported ride, which means that there were stops along the way, providing food and drink, and there were also vans that would come along and could pick me up if I couldn't make it the whole way. So, I knew that I would be supported, and, if I didn't complete it, I would not be left high and dry. I did complete it, however, the entire 150 miles over two days. It was a lot of fun, too, surprisingly. The route was pretty flat, although there were some hills, here and there. The people were nice, and it was a lot of fun being at the campground that night. There were hundreds of other riders there in tents and that sort of thing, and they served us food as well. This was something that immersed me, because it was challenging, yet it was not so challenging that I felt that I couldn't do it. I felt a sense of accomplishment afterwards – the sense that I did something that I never thought that I could do, and that my body could hold up over hundreds of miles. It was also something that I could tell others about – like running a marathon. I felt that I could do anything at that point, even run a marathon if I really wanted to train for that next. I wasn't the fastest rider by any means. I came in towards the back of the pack, in fact. But this wasn't the point – the point was finishing, and this is what gave me the sense of accomplishment. Journal #8 – The Future of Happiness The way that I reacted to this article and to the video was anger, surprisingly enough. I feel that machines are taking over too much – machines are a lot of the reason why we have an employment problem in this country. Machines are now used to do the work of people, and, while they make businesses more efficient, they also make them so much more impersonal and they take jobs away from living, breathing humans who need to put food on the table. Therefore, I don't want to envision a world where machines take over, where computers are artificially intelligent, and are able to do the work of humans in an even more efficient manner. Because, here is the thing – the article also talks about people becoming immortal. That's all we need, in a world where there is 7 billion people, and growing at a rate where we add another billion every 7 years or so. The only thing that is remotely keeping our population in check is the fact that people are dying. Yes, they are living longer than they used to live, but they still die. What happens when there is suddenly immortality available? We would have people becoming immortal, all the while, there are more people being born. Eventually, our world would be so crowded with people, and limited resources, that something is going to have to come along and wipe out entire sections of the planet, just because the planet is going to reach the point of no return. It just seems selfish to want to live forever, and it is not as nature intended. Nature intended for us to die, so that others may be born. And, as I noted above, there is an unemployment problem anyhow because the machines have taken over. Imagine a world where the machines are still doing the work of 10 men, and there is also a population problem because there are entire swaths of people who have decided that they are not going to die. This seems to be the perfect storm, and a recipe for a lot of unrest. So, this article made me angry because it seems incredibly selfish and short-sighted. Journal #9 – Connection and Gratitude through Naikan Practice During the past week or so, there have been ups and downs with my life partner. The person has supported me, however, and I have supported this person, but I have also troubled this person (X). X has supported me in that X has given me the space to do what it is that I need to do to get through school and support myself. X has done chores that should be my chores, but X has done them because X knows that I do not have time to do them myself. X has also listened to my problems that I have had in my professional life, and X has cooked for me. X also helped me when I had a problem with a skunk, in that a skunk sprayed my dog. X showed me how to the get the skunk smell off of the dog, and how to make sure that the dog's eyes are clear. I have also cooked for X, and given my time and attention to X, in that I have given X backrubs and have also helped X take care of X's bills. I have made cheesecake for myself and X, and have made coffee for X, even though I don't drink coffee at all, so I wasn't making the coffee for both of us. I have taken a splinter out of X's finger, and I have also dressed some of X's wounds with Neosporin when X hurt X's fingers and hands through working on the roof. Working on the roof is another way that X has served me through helping our house become better. X feels that I have let X down, however, because there is an ongoing issue with me paying bills late. This is because the account runs low on money, and X has run out of money, so the bills have stalled. Then, when they are late, I get the blame for it. I also have fallen down on some of my chores, including picking up dog poop in the backyard. The reason for this is because X's dog has had diarrhea lately, and I find that, when I pick up dog poop and there is diarrhea around the yard, it makes me want to throw up. I do not tell X this, however, as X would say that I was only making an excuse. Journal #10 Today, I found a homeless man and decided to buy him a burrito at a taco stand and give it to him. I found a guy who was standing around, and it was obvious that he was either homeless or poor, just by the way that he looked. He has long hair and a long beard, and he was wearing a heavy coat, even though the weather outside was around 70 degrees. It was important to me that I give this burrito to somebody who is not a panhandler or holding up a sign. While it is a good thing to give money to people with signs, I also think that it shouldn't necessarily be encouraged, because I feel that sometimes people hold up signs when maybe they don't really need the money. Anyhow, this guy seemed to be hungry and homeless, so I went and bought a burrito and gave it to him. He was delighted beyond measure, and said that I made his day. He then went on to tell me his life story, basically. He told me that he has a girlfriend, but she threw him out, yet he was going to call her and I gave him the courage to do so. I kinda felt like I was paying back the Whole Foods lady, because she told me that I should pay it forward. It also gave me an idea to do this on a more regular basis. I often see people who are sleeping on the streets, or people who are rummaging through trash cans, looking for a meal or looking for cans and bottles to take into the store. I decided that I would try to do this every time I go into the city – go and buy a sandwich or a hamburger, and give this food to somebody who is sleeping on the street or rummaging through a trash can. I do not want to encourage panhandling, though, so I feel that I must give this food to somebody who isn't actually begging for it. Just people who are going about their business and look like they need a hand. This gives me some kind of joy, knowing that the person might be able to eat because I took the time to buy a sandwich and give it to them. And I feel that I might get to know people that way, as well – why they are in their situation, and maybe find out what I can do to help. Journal #11 I feel that I am an optimistic person, in general, although this survey told me that I have a problem with pervasiveness in good events and bad events. However, there are certain things that I know that I am optimistic about, and that is about the nature of people. I tend to think that best about people, and feel that people have the best motives. I tend not to think that people are going to be fraudulent or lying or that type of thing. That is a quality that is both good and bad. It is good, because it is a good way to look at life to think that people have good intentions, and that means that I do not automatically look at people in a cynical way. However, it also becomes a problem, because I find that people see that I am an easy mark. For instance, I went to Jiffy Lube and was taken for a ride, no pun intended. This is because I took in my car for an oil change, and I came out with a bill for all kinds of things that turned out not to be needed. Then, I saw investigations into Jiffy Lube where it showed that Jiffy Lube was caught on hidden camera actually defrauding people. At the same time, I feel that this is the only way to live. I feel that I am better off feeling that people are the best, rather suspecting that they are the worst. I do seem to have problems, however, thinking that bad things are going to happen because of me, some kind of character flaw that I have. This is what came out in my optimism survey, too. The survey tells me that I need to have more of a belief in myself, because it does seem that I have self-esteem issues in some ways. The disadvantages of this kind of thinking is that I am pervasive in thinking that bad things will persist, because I feel that I am at the middle of bad things. Since I feel that way, it stands to reason that there is a part of me that believes that things won't change, because I am at the middle of the bad things, and, since I can't fundamentally change, things also cannot fundamentally change. So, I need to work on this. Journal #12 Sometimes I feel that I am not a part of a community, and this kind of makes me sad. This is because I am white and heterosexual. I sometimes feel that marginalized populations are happy because they are a part of a community of people, and it is literally them and their people against the world. An example of this is the gay population – they are marginalized by much of society, although this is changing every day and with every generation. Still, they need one another, and they find strength in being with each other. This is how culture affects their happiness, in that they are able to band together. This gives them a commonality with others. This is also a way for them to meet other people – through the gay community. It seems like it is the same thing with other ethnicities, such as African-Americans and recent immigrants. They need support from each other to survive in the world. This is a good thing, because it gives them an instant way to meet others and find people who are in the same boat. On the other hand, if you are white and not religious, there really isn't a close-knit community for you. This is a good thing, in many ways, because it means that you are part of a population that is not oppressed.There is nothing wrong this. The bad thing is that it does not give you a way to automatically have common interests with a group of people. You need to seek out others based upon something that is not immutable or inherent. Rather, you must try to find others based upon common interests or some other way. Again, there is nothing wrong with this, and, really, if you think about it, there is much that is good about this. But there is not a common culture between myself and others. In fact, I don't really consider myself to have a certain culture. There is nothing about my heritage that binds me with others in the same way that immigrants, minorities and gays have. This is a way that culture binds others, and it is something that I am missing in my own life. Journal #13 Positive emotions is the best thing to concentrate in the PERMA schema, as I said before. That is because if I am positive, then I am happy, and I'm not experiencing negativity in my life. On the one hand, that is the best way to be happy. On the other hand, there is something bad about this as well, and that is that sometimes if you are overly positive, you are not being realistic. You must be realistic in life, and sometimes, if you feel that everything is great, then you are not living in reality. So, the trick is to be positive, yet realistic. You must look at your life and see the events in the most positive light that is possible, while assessing the situation in a logical way. Society should try to be positive, because there is so much negativity in the way. We should treat one another in such a way that increases the positive feelings of others. The golden rule and all of that – do unto others and you would have done to you. This is where meaning, accomplishments and relationships also come in. It is a great accomplishment to help others, and this also gives meanings in life. This increases people's relationships as well. In the end, positivity is the best thing possible. It is what gives everybody a reason to be happy. Unfortunately, there are a lot of people who are unhappy in the world, and part of the reason is because there is a lot of mental illness out there. Mental illness is not just schizophrenia or something like that, but might be depression, which comes through a variety of things. People should not just do things that help them be mindful about happiness, but they should also look into making sure that they are eating right, exercising and getting enough sleep. This is in addition to the meditation that people should do – meditation is a great thing to be mindful about the positive things in life. I feel like people should try much harder to be kind to others as well. If society could become positive and happy, we would have a much better world. Read More