Personal Response on Sexuality - Essay Example

? Personal Response on Sexuality Personal Response on Sexuality An individual’s sexuality is something that naturally comes beginning the time of conception. People tend to face a lot of challenges when it comes to making decisions related to their sexuality and sex life. For one, people are faced with the challenge of deciding whether to remain faithful and committed to a relationship or not. People’s decisions in relation to their sexuality are also influenced significantly by culture, religion and traditions, which dictate moral values as noted by Rathus, Nevid and Ficher-Rathus (2011). Most sexual decisions in life are determined by certain value-systems as suggested by Rathus, Nevid and Ficher-Rathus (2011). One such system is legalism which holds that ethical behaviors are derived from external sources like culture, religion and traditions. Another system is situational ethics which asserts that sexual decisions should be determined by the situation and genuine love for others. The third value system, as noted by Rathus, Nevid, and Ficher-Rathus (2011), is relativism which suggests that there are no objective means of proving one set of values over others. A case in point is where cohabitation among people in a relationship is accepted in some cultures but not in others. Hedonism as a value system suggests that the pursuit for pleasure is what guides individual’s decision making regarding sexuality. Asceticism is a situation in which an individual denies sexual craving in order to devote oneself to spiritual fulfillment. Yet again, utilitarianism suggests that moral conduct leads to the greatest good for the greatest number involved. The final value system is rationality which suggests that sexual decisions should be based on intellect and reasons, and not blind obedience. Out of the seven value systems highlighted above, the ones that mostly identify my sexual decision making in life are rationality and utilitarian. These are the guiding principles that have helped shape my sexual uprightness. For instance, I believe that decision making regarding sex and sexuality should be based on intellectual reasoning as opposed to blind obedience to peers. I grew up under the tutelage of my parents who trained me to always do good to others just the same way I would expect others to do to me. My parents believed strongly in living morally and doing good to as many people as possible in all undertakings. This has made me become faithful to my wife ever since we got married several years ago. Always, I ask myself: why should one become unfaithful to their partner when they themselves would not want their partner to be unfaithful? This is all about reasoning and intellect. Furthermore, before I make any decision that affects my sexual life, I take a break and focus on the whole event. For instance, I look at the advantages and disadvantages of doing any act. It is then that I do that which in my opinion is right and beneficial to me, my partner and other people. The utilitarian value system has helped shape my decisions regarding sex and sexuality. As previously noted, the system suggests that moral conduct should lead to the greatest good for the largest number of people involved. This implies that an individual in a relationship should always be honest and just, in their day to day activities so as to avoid wronging their spouse, parents, children, and friends. This form of moral conduct especially prevailed upon me immediately I got married to my sweetheart. This is partly the reason my wife and I have been happily married for the duration we have been together. How Critical Thinking Has Helped Me I apply critical thinking principles in making sexual decisions to a large extent. I apply critical thinking a lot of times when I face temptations resulting from my feelings toward specific people. More than often based of relativism as a value system, I stop and weigh out the advantages and disadvantages of acting in certain ways. For instance, I have been married for a long time now but sometimes I get tempted into being unfaithful to her. I normally take time to critically analyze every situation considering whether or not it is going to hurt me and my partner. At times, I may resort to seeking counseling or prayers with my wife to help overcome challenges and temptations. Based on this revelation, one can notice that I am not an individual who hurries at drawing conclusions. For this reason, we have vowed to maintain being faithful to one another for the rest of our lives. All this descriptions affirm how I use critical thinking in my day to day sexual life. Gender Identity Gender identity refers to an individual’s sense of being male or female as portrayed in behavior, appearance and other aspects in life. Gender identification starts remarkably early in life and is mainly influenced by biological and sociological factors. Other factors which notably influence gender identity are environmental, genetic, psychological and sexual hormonal factors. Furthermore, gender identity is consistent with sex in respect of chromosomal make up as noted by Storms (1979). My gender identity has been influenced by some of these factors. One among them is biological factors. I identify myself as a male since I have biological male sex organs particularly the penis, testes. These biological aspects are only found in males and not in females. In respect of these, it is only the males that are capable of producing sperm cells which, I believe, I do. Physically, I have a deep voice and a hairy face which are associated with males. Environmental factors also help me determine my gender identity. For example, what I do and how I behave in my daily life portrays that I am a male. In my life, I have never thought of being a woman and this makes me secure as a man. My manly manners also help me identify myself as a male. These include my dress cord, and the fact that I socialize more with males. I also play games mainly associated with males such as rugby and football. I also grew up being treated as a male. In fact, in most cases even before I could identify myself as a male, my superiors referred to me as a male which is congruent with Storm’s male identity characterization (Storms, 1979). My relationship has been characterized by many things with regard to attraction. For instance, I did not get married for the sake of having a wife. There are a number of thing that attracted me to her. Some were physical while others were behavioral in nature. Firstly, I looked at her physical appearance which matched my description of an attractive woman. In this regard, she is beautiful, clean and lovely to look at. I bet any male who sees her would easily admire her. Her attractiveness is also manifested in her walking, dress cord and the make up that she uses. Generally, I do not like women who overdo make up. Apart from her physical attraction, she is a woman of manners. She knows what to do at the right time and at the right place. She is truly very responsible, especially with regard to family issues. She treats me well - something that makes me get more and more attracted to her. In fact, I believe that every man would pray day and night to get a woman like my wife. These are some of attractions that have characterized my relationship with my wife. Rathus, Nevid and Fichner-Rathus (2011) identified six styles of love that an individual may associate with. These include: romantic love, game-playing love, friendship love, logical love, possessive, excited love and selfless love. These different types of love can, in one way or the other, pervade the individual’s romantic experiences (Howe, 2011) as has been in my case. In connection with the different styles of love, my romantic experiences have particularly been pervaded by friendship (storg, philia) and the logical (pragma) love. I have always believed that by first developing a friendship my intended life time partner, I would be able to know so many things about her which would otherwise be impossible in a new relationship. This is because; before I engage with her deeply I will have known some things about her - behavior, temperament, and her likes and dislikes, just to mention a few. This also gives her opportunity to know me better before deciding whether to accept my proposal or not. In fact, we became friends first with my wife before we got to the stage of dating and finally marriage. This, I believe, has contributed a great deal to our happy marriage to date. Logical love has also pervaded my romantic experiences. This is mainly because it assists in establishing a partner’s potential in a relationship. For instance, it helps an individual decide with whom to spend their entire. This explains why logical relationship has been of immense importance to me based on the duration that I have been married. Communication Techniques That Improve Relationships Antagonism in a relationship is virtually inevitable. In itself, a conflict should not be a problem, how it is handled, nevertheless, can bring conflicting parties together or tear them apart. Poor communication skills, misunderstandings, and failure to agree on ideas or principles can trigger anger and distance, or facilitate stronger relationships and a happier future (Segrin & Flora, 2005). The following communication skills can help improve relationships. Stay focused: In this regard, in case a conflict ensues in a relationship, an individual should stay focused in trying to solve the problem at hand and avoid bringing in past issues which may hurt the other party even more. Listen: In case of a conflict, both parties should be able to sit together and listen to each other. In this respect, one party should not dominate the other. This will give everyone in the relationship a chance to express himself or herself. By giving each other the opportunity to speak and listen without interfering, a compromise can easily be reached, and the problem quickly resolved as noted by Segrin and Flora (2005). Use of proper language: No problem in a relationship can be successfully solved using bad language or insults. For this reason, it is noteworthy that as much as the conflicting parties may be emotional, it is particularly important that each party minds the kind of language they use. Good or positive language will help persuade the parties to come together, compose themselves and find a solution to a problem. Take time out: Sometimes when people in a relationship settle down to discuss real issues that affect them, tempers rise making further discussion difficult. Under such situations, when one realizes that his or her partner is beginning to get angry and unconstructive, it is right for one to take a break from the discussion with a view of giving the partner time to cool down. However, good communication will entail knowing well when best to take a break (Segrin & Flora, 2005). Look for a compromise: It would be better for an individual to look for a win-win strategy rather than seeking a win-lose situation. This will ensure that the resolution arrived at meets both parties’ needs. This is because, healthy communication entails finding a resolution in which both sides of the divide can emerge happy (Segrin & Flora, 2005). Respond to criticism with empathy: As much as criticisms are hard to entertain as they are often exaggerated and mixed with the other partner’s emotions, it is vital to listen to their (other partner’s) grievances and respond to them with empathy. It is also beneficial to focus on what is genuine and what they are saying that can be of useful (Segrin & Flora, 2005). References Howe, T. (2011). Marriages and Families in the 21st century: A Biological approach. London, John Wiley & Sons. Rathus, S. A., Nevid, J.S., & Fichner-Rathus, L. (2011). Human sexuality in a world of diversity (8th ed.) Boston, MA: Allyn and Bacon. Segrin, C., & Flora, J. (2005). Family Communication. New York: Routledge. Storms, M. (1979). "Sex Role Identity and its Relationships to Sex Role Attitudes and Sex Role Stereotypes." Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 37: 1779-1789. Read More