Can Gay Men Have a Monogamous Relationship - Research Paper Example

? Can Gay Men have a Monogamous Relationship? Can Gay Men have a Monogamous Relationship? The number of gay men has increased in United States. Several states have policies that recognize same-sex marriage. These comprise of Connecticut, Iowa, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, New York, Vermont, and District of Columbia. In February 16 2012, New Jersey joined the list of the states that permit gay marriage. It is worth noting that the Federal government does not recognize gay marriage in United States. The question that lingers in many is whether gay men can have a monogamous relationship. Academicians and those who cling to popular opinions have voiced in their views over this issue. This paper will explore the thoughts of scholars in peer-reviewed articles and popular newspapers such as New York Times, Stranger, and Xtra. The paper will endeavor to compare and contrast popular resources and academic resources. Finally, the paper will identify the popular articles that share the same views with scholarly journals. The popular resources hold that gay men cannot be in a monogamous relationship. According to New York Times, the marriage of Rio and Ray evidently missed the wedding vows to monogamy and fidelity. The couple described their marriage as open and honest (James, 2010). New York Times carries a study that sheds light on the gay relationships which shows that monogamy is not a feature in many gay men couples. The gays point out that this openness gives them freedom and strengthens their marriages. The study involved 556 male couples whereby fifty percent indicate that they have sex outside their marriage. The researcher, Colleen Hoff, asserts that the habit of extramarital affairs is a common thing among the gay couples. The study reveals that these couples live in delight and last long enough. (James, 2010). New York Times also gives a story of other couples who found that without an open relationship their marriages could not survive. The couple is Chris and James who married in 2002. The couple embraces openness about their sexual encounters with other men. These partners have to agree before they enter into the sex with the other men. Authors such as Mr. Oakland view that the open relationship in gay marriages is an example of how to rejuvenate and restore marriage institution in American society (James, 2010). New York Times carries the thoughts of Dan Savage who advises on sex matters. Savage asserts that monogamy is difficulty to maintain and couples should allow infidelity in their marriages. He feels that monogamy does not work among the gay men. Savage points out that couple should allow extra marital relationships that strengthen their marriages. He notes that open relationship has a long history and modern philosophers such as Bertrand Russell support it. Savage points out that some marriages break due to boredom that sets in whenever there is no extra marital affair. Gay men go for extra marital affairs to avoid disruption of their marriages (James, 2010). Stranger newspaper of January 27, 2010 carries the Dan Savage thoughts on the question whether gay men can be monogamous. The columnist affirms that monogamy is not usual and couples have strong forces that push them to have extra marital affairs. To some extend Savage contents those gays can have one sex partner. However, the columnist points out that it is a hard thing to accomplish. According to him, gay men put little emphasis on value the value of one sex partner. Gay men do not view monogamy as a significant characteristic of a loving and committed matrimony. Savage alludes to the studies on gay men that indicate they permit extra marital affairs. Gay men attempt outside relationship on condition that there is honesty and either partner does not do anything that harms their marriage. The gay men value trustworthiness, love, respect, and commitment. Although most of the gay men devalue one sex partner, there is few couple who embrace monogamy. For instance, Hooper is a gay man in a monogamous relationship (Savage, 2010). This means that some gay men can be faithful to one partner. The Extra magazine portrays some disagreement between gay men on adoption of monogamous relationship or non-monogamous one. Kamal Al-Solayle, a gay man, admits that his partner is for a non-monogamous relationship but Kamal wants a monogamous marriage. The two have different perception about marriage because they belong to different generation. The interests of the partner in question is to get a strong matrimony that values love, care, trust, and provides emotional nourishment. The complainant points out those men below the age of thirty years embrace extra marital affairs. Infidelity characterizes the marriages and gay men feel that it is not realistic to have complete faithfulness in gay marriages. This is the spirit of gay community and nothing is to change soon (Al-Solaylee). Scholars have devoted their efforts seeking to know whether gay men can accommodate a monogamous relationship. LaSala Michael conducted a research on gay relationship. This scholar wanted to compare monogamous and non-monogamous relationships among gay couples. Michael used 121 gay male couples. The study reveals that those gay relationships that last embrace one sex partner. However, the study also indicates that there are many non-monogamous marriages. The study points out that gay couple agree on extramarital affairs. This means that the marriages invite infidelity in their relationships. Those gay men who engage in sex outside their marriages claim that they get sexual satisfaction that miss in their relationships. Other findings unveil that those gay men in monogamous have a quality life free of tensions. Michael alludes to study that McWhirter and Mattison carried. The sample of this research included 156 gay male couples having lived together for five years. These couple points out that their non-monogamous relationship is based on agreement and accommodating each thoughts (Ellard). Dr. Jeanne carried out a research on qualitative analysis of gay men’s relationships. The survey used ten open-ended questions to interrogate 1521 participants. One of the questions was to ascertain the possibility of gay men sustaining a monogamous relationship among other. The findings revealed that monogamous matrimony are not defining characteristic of gay marriages. The survey highlights that monogamous marriages is an option among other feasible alternatives in gay community. The gay men who are in monogamous relationship state that they agreed to adopt it. However, others reveal that there was no overt negotiation of the matter (LaSala, 2003). Both popular resources and scholarly articles agree to a wide extent that it is with difficulties for gay men to enter and maintain monogamous relationships. Most of the gay men confess that extra marital affair is inevitable in gay relationships. The popular resources reveal that most of the gay marriages tend to adopt non-monogamous. This is in contrast to peer-reviewed articles that report monogamous and non-monogamous matrimony share almost the same percentage. The scholarly articles reveal monogamous relationship among the gay men can last for long. For instance, the research that Dr. Jeanne conducted depicts monogamous matrimony as long lasting. This is in contrary to the views presented in the newspapers and magazines. For example, Savage who is a columnist in Stranger newspaper perceives one partner marriage among gay men as unachievable. Savage feels that those monogamous marriages that survive the initial stages are short-lived (Savage, 2010). Both popular and scholarly articles reveal that gays’ matrimonies agree before they enter in extra marital affairs. They have extensive negotiation to maintain trust, honesty, and love for understanding and strengthening of their marriage. The popular articles hold on to that there is no objection for extra marital affairs provided that the couples follow the right procedure. In contrast, the scholarly articles the states that the agreement can take a formal agreement or it occurs naturally. Scholarly articles present mixed thoughts about the level of satisfaction among the gay couples. Some scholars feel those gay men in monogamous relationship have a sense of security and are very comfortable in marriages. This creates and maintains close-knit relationship between the couples achieving a stable marriage. Other academicians feel that extramarital affairs bring happiness to non-monogamous matrimonies (LaSala, 2003). The couple in this relationship perceives that extramarital are solely sexual in nature. They have no emotional attachment and this protects their marriages. The popular articles believe that outside sex relationships defend and unite gay marriages. The opinions in New York Times lend a scholarly hand to the monogamy in gay men. The views presented in the newspaper draws lot of facts from investigators’ researches. This newspaper carries Colleen Hoff’s study which agrees with peer-reviewed articles that extramarital affair is unavoidable (James, 2010). Both New York Times and scholarly articles depict that there cannot be monogamous relationship among the gay men. Evidence from the researches the participants acknowledges that it is difficulty to maintain one sex partner. According to the scholarly articles, extramarital affairs characterize most of the gay matrimonies. However, there are no reports on cases of divorce that may arise from the outside sex affair. Ironically, the extramarital sexes strengthen the gay marriages. For instance, Dan Savage, a columnist in New York Times and Michael research described above reveal that outside affairs stabilize gay marriages. It is evident that only small percentages of gay men enter into committed monogamous relationships. Non-monogamous characterizes the gay matrimonies. It seems this is the culture of gay marriages. The few monogamous relationships deviate from the norm of gay marriages. The extramarital affair is health because it does not affect the stability of these marriages. This means that some gay men can maintain functional relationships despite the extramarital affair. However, more research is needed to ascertain whether gay marriages last a long time. References Al-Solaylee, K. The joy & agony of non-monogamy. Retrieved 20th Apr 2012, from http://archives.xtra.ca/Story.aspx?s=1379169. Ellard, J. ANET’s Gay Men’s Relationships Survey: Qualitative Analysis. Retrieved 20th Apr 2012, from http://www.afao.org.au/__data/assets/pdf_file/0018/4455/DP0708_Relationships_Survey_Ellard. James, S. (2010). Many Successful Gay Marriages Share an Open Secret. Retrieved 20th Apr 2012 from http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/29/us/29sfmetro.html LaSala, M. (2003). Extra dyadic Sex and Gay Male Couples: Comparing Monogamous and Non-monogamous Relationships. Retrieved on 20th Apr 2012, from http://ftfhalland.se/filer/MongamyArticlePublished.pdf. Savage, D. (2010). Gay Men, Monogamy and Joy Behar. Retrieved on 20th Apr 2012, from http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2010/01/27/gay-men-monogamy-and-joy-behar. Read More