Is the Desire for Monogamy a Concept that Is Culturally Encouraged or Is It an Instinct Innate - Term Paper Example

In attempting to explore the concept of monogamy, it is imperative to define the term first. According to the definition accessed online, monogamy can be simply defined as the practice of one man having one wife and one woman having one husband. According to Barash and Lipton (2001), monogamy is not natural but it is something that is socially created for reasons that are aimed at benefiting the people who create it. There used to be a belief that many of the bird species are monogamous but biologists have posited to the effect that they are not as would be discussed in detail below. Also contrary to the widely held belief that the male counterparts are the major culprits with regards to the issue of infidelity, research has shown that even females also play a similar role since the males cannot do it alone. Basically, there are two types of monogamy namely social and sexual. Socially, human beings have the belief that a monogamous marriage is more faithful in that only two people would be committed to each other unlike in a polygamous relationship. However, polygamy is acceptable even biblically but it is often shunned by many people in many societies for various reasons. During the contemporary era where there are a lot of sexually transmitted diseases including the deadly HIV/Aids pandemic, polygamy is discouraged. However, in African societies in particular, men are allowed to have many wives as a symbol of power and wealth. Given such a scenario, it can be noted that monogamy is socially constructed and is not a natural phenomenon. On the other hand, sexual monogamy entails that married partners should only have sex between themselves and no one should engage in adulterous relationships. According to the two authors mentioned above, behavioural evidence suggests that the tendency to have multiple sexual mates is natural whilst monogamy is not. With regards to human beings, monogamy is preferred as they believe that it is a sign of civilization. It is widely believed that there are high chances of understanding each other if people are in a monogamous relationship. This would also promote social order where people who are in a relationship mutually trust and understand each other. If there is trust, there are little chances of misunderstanding that may often lead into fighting or any other violent behaviour that may end up hurting other people. A polygamous relationship is often characterised by jealous and the wives married to one person would often engage in bitter quarrels over alleged favour to other co-wives or unfair treatment. Therefore, it is against this background that humans prefer a monogamous relationship as a way of promoting peace and stability in families. A monogamous affair is preferred to a polygamous one as it has high chances of creating a responsible society. When the parents mutually understand each other, the children are also likely to follow suit hence this would lead to stability in society which is why monogamy is preferred. The family is the foundation of the social structure in any given society therefore, instability at the grassroots level will lead to social upheaval. As noted above, polygamous relationships are often characterised by violent behaviour in some instances which is not good for the society as it may cause instability. Children born from violent families are likely to copy the same behaviour and some would be psychologically affected which may cause trauma, the reason why monogamy is often preferred. Monogamy is mainly driven by the need for companionship. Both human beings and animals have a similar behaviour when it comes to the need for companionship. Birds in most cases are seen as a pair for instance doves. In human beings, companionship is greatly valued as it allows the partners to confide in each other (Aronson1984). Usually people who confide in each other have better chances of solving problems and can easily manage difficult situations as they can give each other confidence to overcome the fear of failure. Some personal problems cannot be easily solved in a polygamous relationship where the husband would not be able to give the same care and attention to all the wives in the event that they are two or more. It is always important to show respect and understanding to your partner as a way of trying to minimise conflict in a marriage. The need for privacy and showing your companion that you really care and love him or her is very significant in a marriage. Indeed, a marriage is born out of love hence this love has to be maintained which may be a bit tricky when there are several wives against one man. The closeness of a monogamous couple or animals shows that there would be some form of affection. Love is one strong element that binds a couple together and it should be rekindled always to avoid a situation of cheating on each other. Where there is no love, one of the partners would be forced into adultery as a way of trying to find solace from an estranged relationship where in some cases the conjugal rights are being violated. Indeed, once sex is denied, happiness in a marriage would also have been severed. Biologically, it can as well be noted that both human beings and animals are driven to indulge into sexual intercourse by desire and this is a natural feeling which is inborn. Sex is widely regarded as a need in human beings and if a married person is denied that need, his or her senses may be wildly driven to such an extent of seeking another person to sleep with. It can also be noted that animals as well as human beings indulge in sexual activities as a result of the need to produce an offspring. Whilst human beings think logically, animals do not but their sexual behaviour is driven by the same purpose of producing off springs. Males in particular are concerned with producing as many off springs as possible while the female can not conceive many off springs with such tremendous rate. It can also be seen that both humans and animals usually mate with the opposite sex under normal circumstances. Though there may be cases of having multiple mating partners, the trend usually follows that partners mate on their own. All the same, the main role of the female is in providing eggs. This makes their role less significant compared to men who can get as many females as they want because they can easily produce plenty of sperms within a short period of time. Females can only produce limited eggs hence they have to be more careful in choosing the one they will mate with. According to the above mentioned authors, in some cases they may find a “better” male than the one with whom they are socially attached, thus leading to an extra-pair coupling. According to Cline (2009), biological evidence reveals that humans possess certain characteristics typical of non-monogamous species for example, monogamous species both males and females are the same size. Polygamous species however are different, the male is larger than the female and this is how humans are. It is also argued that monogamous species would eventually share their genes and with time they would look alike. A couple married and stayed together would in the long run end up looking similar facially. On the other hand, polygamous species are different in most cases where the male is bigger than the female. This would be a symbol of power where the male counterpart would yield more power over the female. In view of the above argument, it can be seen that biologically, monogamous as well as polygamous species are quite different. Research has shown that monogamy is rare in animals since the studies conducted show that there are a lot of animals that indulge in mating with different partners which are not their social partners. It was previously assumed that birds are monogamous but research has shown that between 10% and 40% of all chicks were fathered by males who were not the mother’s social mate (Cline 2009). Like in human beings, the aspect of infidelity also exists where both the male and female engage in extra sexual affairs with different partners. Whilst it was widely believed that it is only male s who engage in these extra sexual affairs, evidence from the research that was conducted by different researchers posit to the effect that no female can conceive without mating with a male counterpart. In the event that the social partners have not engaged in any sexual activity, pregnancy of the female partner would mean that she would have indulged in an adulterous affair. Indeed, it used to be believed that males play a great role in matters of infidelity but at the end of the day it would be illogical to give such a conclusion since they would not do it alone. Whenever there is a case of infidelity, two people would be involved. Whilst monogamy is a socially constructed phenomenon, reality shows that even married people often engage in extra marital sexual relationships. Infidelity is rife among many societies across the board. It used to be a widely held belief that it is only men who are promiscuous but research has shown that even females also engage in extra marital relationships (Barash 2001). It is natural in human beings to develop the feeling of just engaging in extra marital affair that is sexual. There are several factors that lead people to behave the way they do with regards to sexual relations and these range from social, financial even biological. In married couples, another partner may be bored by another and this would lead into him or her seeking sexual pleasure somewhere. If one of the partners is failing to satisfy the other, then the end result would be infidelity. Sometimes, one of the partners indulges in promiscuous behaviour for the sake of extra food or financial gain. Women in particular are more vulnerable to the dire consequence of poverty as they are not very energetic to work on their own for long hours doing hard labour compared to their male counterparts. Given such a situation, the women are forced into adulterous behaviour for the sake of survival. In the same vain, there are also men who are rich and are always out preying on the less privileged members of society. Infidelity in some cases would not be a result of desire but the design of the situation would just force some of the hard pressed members to take that choice. In some situations, the women are forced into promiscuous behaviour as a result of sheer greediness. Some people’s love for money often drives them into promiscuous behaviour such as prostitution. A married person especially females may not be satisfied with the support she gets from the husband so she will eventually look for other men who are a bit more liberal with their pockets which can be described as greediness. Some women often turn into infidelity for the sake of protection. The are some women or men who are in entangled in an abusive relationship where battering or even verbal abuse would be the order of the day. Such people end up seeking comfort in other tolerant people who are sympathetic. This often leads to infidelity as there would be a tendency of asking for sexual favours in return for the comfort given or in some cases as a way of revenging the abusive partner. Over and above, it can be concluded that monogamy is not natural but is a socially created concept that is meant to benefit the members of the society. Species in a monogamous behaviour are in most cases behaviourally and biologically similar. However, the act of having multiple sexual partners is viewed as natural in most cases both partners are involved contrary to the widely held believe that it is the male who is inclined to such a behaviour. There are various factors that lead people to infidelity such as the need for financial gains, protection or even loose morals in some cases. References Aronson E. (1984), The Social Animal, 4th Edition W.H. Freeman and company, New York Barash D.P & Lipton J.E (2001), The myth of monogamy: Fidelity and infidelity in animals and people, W .H. Freeman and company, New York Gray J.(1996) Mars and Venus in Love: Inspiring and heartfelt Stories of relationships that work, Vermilion, london. David P. Barash Deflating the myth of monogamy Retrieved on 24 Apr. 09 from: http://www.trinity.edu/rnadeau/fys/barash%20on%20monogamy.htm The myth of Monogamy: Fidelity in animals and human beings, Retrieved on 24 Apr. 09, from: http://atheism.about.com/od/bookreviews/fr/MythMonogamy.htm The myth of Monogamy: Fidelity in animals and human beings, Retrieved on 24 Apr. 09 from: http://atheism.about.com/library/books/summary/aaprMythMonogamy.htm Read More