An Argument in Support of Polyamory - Coursework Example

Introduction

Derek and David (2003) give a controversial discussion to enhance the understanding of Polyamory as an alternative to the failing monogamy relationships and marriages guarded by the law. Polyamory is the act of loving more than one partner at the same time while enhancing integrity plus honesty. Those embracing the practice believe that the enemies of monogamy have been deceit where one spouse betrays the other, leading to jealousy and, consequently, separation. Therefore, jealousy should not be a factor in separation when deceit and betrayal are factored out. From the discussion, Polyamory has different characteristics; first, they believe that romantic love should be unconditional. As such, when one spouse loves another person outside their marriage, there should be no jealousy because love is unconditional. Second, Polyamory gives room for long-term emotional investment where spouses do have control rights over the behavior of the other. Also, love is infinite and has no boundaries. Spouses love each other equally, and no one has power over the other. They hold that sex should be responsibe with honesty and trust. Spouses in Polyamory provide diverse needs, and as such, they cannot cheat on one another because when one need is not met by one spouse, the second or the third might address the need. Therefore, there are minimal cases of separation and lack of marital needs.

Polyamory is natural in state. Consider the animal kingdoms; all animals are polygamous, and some practice polyamory. It is surprising that most monogamous marriages are failing because a spouse fell in love with another person. Monogamy is experiencing high rates of infidelity, leading to divorce. Thus, if Polyamory was in play, there would be no infidelity, and thus, no divorce. The practice is considered against God's will, yet, modern society is experiencing serial monogamy that is against the family values. Actually, the entertainment industry is expressing the need for Polyamory as an alternative to a failed monogamous system of marriage.

Polyamory is being mistaken by many as a form of sexual orientation, thereby explaining it in the form of gender and sexuality. However, it is important to note that Polyamory is not a sexual orientation. Also, it is not a solution to failing monogamy because it also calls for integrity, fidelity, and mutual trust. Also, Polyamory is not swinging, whereas it considers love, sex, and intimacy as totally different; it is not casual and upholds connections created by intimate relationships. Polyamory eliminates jealousy as the root cause of evils found in a monogamous marriage. Therefore, the discussion of the essay will be based on the assertion that Polyamory is the solution to complications like divorce, domestic violence, and murder brought about by jealousy in monogamy.

Polyamory as a Solution to Jealousy in Monogamy

The issue of jealousy in marriages is fascinating and requires a closer look. Monogamous is becoming an impossible union because spouses are having sexual relationships outside their union. As such, jealousy is inevitable and reaches a point where it is intolerable, leading to divorce or separation. Some people view jealousy as a sign of love, and a spouse should be jealous if the significant other is having other romantic relationships. From this logic, other romantic relationships are one component of Polyamory. They just lack acceptance from the other spouse. Jealousy is so rampant in monogamy relationships that it creates room for an alternative to prevent prevalent breakups and divorce. Although Polyamory is contrary to the popular culture, and it is viewed as dangerous and unpleasant, engaging in multiple relationships when in a monogamous legal union is worse. This does not mean that there is no jealousy in polyamory relationships. However, the situation is different from monogamy. Additionally, jealous is different and does not result from sexual desires.

Non-monogamous unions have existed for long in human history (Ryan &Jetha, 2010). However, monogamy has been given superiority and privileges and viewed as the morally accepted form of union, family, and relationship. Despite this fact, its continuous failure has led to the establishment of other forms with discourse to guide their cultural practices. Barker (2005) explains that Polyamory provides that spouses have consenting multiple sexual, emotional, and intimate relationships where the parties involved are aware. It advocates for long-term relationships as well as emotional intimacy. It emphasizes gender equality where both men and women are free to engage in multiple relationships. Therefore no gender is oppressed as seen in polygamy where only a man can have many wives but not vice versa. It does not have cases of infidelity, as seen in monogamy. Jealousy results from adultery and can lead to diverse consequences such as diseases, children outside marriage, and hatred among spouses. However, Polyamory enhances honesty, consent, as well as total disclosure by the spouses involved, eliminating all negative consequences (Sheff, 2005).

Jealousy is a strong emotional behavior. People’s behavior and emotional responses are shaped by cultural constructions that defined how things should be; what is morally right and wrong. Monogamy has been culturally constructed as the normal and natural form of relationship (Baker & Langdridge, 2010, p. 750). Emotions and sexuality guide how people view relationships. Therefore, relationships are merely built on emotions of life, intimacy, sex, and commitment, and it is thus met by other negative emotions such as distrust plus jealousy. The approach is re-crafted by Polyamory to control jealousy and distrust. Polyamory, therefore, replaces jealousy with compersion. The term is used to express the response to sexual feelings among spouses and how they express it when the feelings are outside their relationship. Cultural norms are being redefined how spouses should relate I cases where they have sexual relations outside their first relationships to avoid instances of jealousy. Polyamory provides alternative rules, norms, as well as strategies to establish a culture that replaces jealousy. In Polyamory, there are rules that define open communication, discuss boundaries, plus structure disclosure. This way, a lifestyle is created where jealousy has no place and when it does, it is mutually solved by all the parties.

Jealousy causes excruciating pain that leads to extreme consequences such as murder. Jealousy is often followed by embarrassment. People in monogamous relationships pretend to be happy to maintain honor and pride to avoid embarrassment. Jealousy happens when love, anger, fear, plus hate combine as a result of betrayal from the spouse. Mixed reactions of violence and aggression are often experienced, revealing the unpleasant nature of monogamous relationships. Polyamory strives to achieve a lack of jealousy through agreements to engage other people in the relationships.

Polyamory often has primary, secondary, and tertiary relationships. The primary relationship is the key to making decisions about the relationship. Secondary relationships are long-term and have emotional attachments and come second in decision making. Tertiary relationships come third in decision making. However, all partners are treated equally and accorded the same respect. This can give birth to group marriage where all needs are provided, creating no room for the need to get satisfaction for one’s needs elsewhere. The relationships can be romantic or platonic depending on the feelings involved and the agreement of the partners. In this set-up, no person will feel threatened by the other, and it gives room for a partner to leave willingly without coercion. Such freedom is lacking in monogamous relationships, contributing to a broken society that lacks morality, enhances open relationships that are unsustainable, and developing unmanageable jealousy.

In monogamy, men respond fiercely when their female sexual partners develop sexual feelings with a different person, while women become jealous as a result of the emotional attachment of their men to other people outside their relationship (Buss, 2000). It happens to lesbians and gays too, when partners like other people from different sex. Men channel their jealousy in the form of anger and engage in fights and violence to avoid humiliation. On the other hand, women admit being jealous and seek to establish a harmonious way to solve their differences. The same is portrayed by the media where women are seen as clumsy and full of gossip and manipulative behavior resulting from jealousy, while men are portrayed as creatures full of aggression and range resulting from jealousy. The reality is true. When there is a mutual agreement between the spouses to have partners in situations where they have attractions outside the relationship, such social construction can be avoided to prevent tarnishing marriage because it works to some people, but to some, it does not.

Polyamory culture does not support mono-normativity and how it explains love and sexuality, and how jealousy develops. Currently, the practice of monogamy totally differs from monogamy as an institution. The modern form of monogamy is full of cheating, making it more swing than monogamy (Baker & Langdridge, 2010). Monogamy institution is built on love and trust, and spouses are expected to be faithful to one another. Therefore, asserting that true love can only be monogamous portrays that bleaching such an agreement could lead to jealousy. Therefore, it is important to create a boundary between love plus sexual relations to eliminate the chances of jealousy.

Managing Jealousy

I cannot assume the fact that every relationship is prone to jealousy, but how it is managed in different forms of relationships matters when a third party comes to play. Exclusivity does not control jealousy because jealousy is a combination of strong emotions or an episode that cannot be controlled in relationships where exclusivity is embraced. Jealousy can be quantified, ranging from mere sensations to devastating feelings (Hart & Legerstee, 2010). Jealousy can be symptomatic, pathological, or normal. Symptomatic contributes to mental disorders and possibly, drug and substance abuse. Pathological jealousy is a personality trait that is episodic. Normal jealousy occurs in polyamory relationships. Sometimes, partners feel like the other partner is not faithful and lacks commitment to the relationship. Also, primary partners can cause jealousy when they leave primary partners for a secondary or tertiary partner. This form of jealousy is easily controlled and lacks grave consequences as compared to monogamous relationships, which often experience symptomatic or pathological jealousy.

Jealousy is related to envy, which can be malicious. Envy is malicious in a relationship when a romantic partner wants something bad to another person. That is why a spouse has a desire to harm the third-party who is having romantic relations with their spouse. In this case, the rival is always in trouble, and the lover cannot defend them to maintain their honor (Yates, 2007). In this case, monogamous relationships experience malicious envy to cheating or undesirable spouses, leading to murders for the jealousy spouse not to lose materially. In this case, material envy was the cause of jealousy. Therefore, I would consider evaluating jealousy for what it is. It is not only psychological disposition, but also a relationship between social, personal, and collective factors. Jealousy emotions come to play when there is the resistance to certain emotions. Therefore, when personal feelings are transformed in a collective setting, they are neutralized because there is an alternative.

Just like any other emotion, jealousy can be controlled by evaluating the underlying conditions. When spouses decide to enter into a polyamory relationship, they let themselves exploit any jealous they may develop and validate them, but not criticize, to avoid having the same feelings when other partners are introduced. Additionally, spouses believe in the possibility of loving different people equally and unconditionally for the relationship to be successful and to avoid the development of jealousy feelings. If not, negative feelings develop when one sees their spouse in other relationships and thus views the third parties as threats to the primary relationship. The solution is avoidance plus denial to express emotions fully to enhance understanding of each other. It is normal to have emotions, but reacting on them should be based to the circumstance. As a result, polyamory relationships are guided by different beliefs on love plus relationships from those governing monogamous relationships. For instance, Polyamory has views such as, when my partner loves and values me, he or she trusts in the ability of our relationship to expand. Therefore, it will not be a surprise that a partner has another partner because it is general knowledge.

Problems related to Polyamory

Just like monogamy, Polyamory has some challenges, and in most cases, they are not instigated by jealousy. First, Polyamory is not legally recognized by law, and as such, people fear to get into it with the notion that they cannot make it public. As a result, spouses hind in non-satisfying monogamous relationships in fear of becoming a disgrace in society. The problem is mostly furthered by patriarchal societies that cannot allow women to have multiple spouses at their watch. Imagine a primary relationship that the spouses are unfaithful to each other, but they cannot engage in having multiple spouses publicly because they fear public outcry on their “unusual” behavior that goes against societal norms. Would suffering in such relationships be worth it or the alternative would bring them happiness? I would support this by an argument from Derek and David (2003) that if partners really love one another, they would not develop jealousy feelings if the other spouse is intimately or sexually relating to another party.

Considerations to make for the support of my argument

The discussion above cannot always receive positive critique from the reader due to different believes on love, sexuality, and jealousy. Also, other people may not believe that Polyamory is a practical institution that can be adopted in the modern world. However, I would like to request every leader to consider the situation in monogamous marriages today. How many are working as a whole institution and are guided by mutual love, trust, and respect? Most are not lasting because it reaches a point where love turns sour. The following questions should guide them in evaluating whether to agree with my stand or not. Is it possible to love different people at the same time equally? Is it possible not to develop jealousy emotions when having multiple partners? Why are today's monogamous relationships failing to work? How does jealous develop in relationships? Once they figure out possible answers to such questions, they will be able to understand Polyamory as an alternative to the failing monogamy.

Another important notion is understanding the differences between love and sexual relations and how the two should be differentiated to make polyamory arrangement work. If an individual cannot differentiate the two, it is possible that they will not understand the concept behind my argument. Understanding the difference enhances the understanding of how and why jealousy develops in monogamous relationships and is managed through polyamory engagements. I acknowledge that there may be other explanations, but I believe that these premises can offer a better understanding of what Polyamory is and why it should be legalized as an institution, just like monogamy or polygamy, to solve the dire need of eliminating the negative consequences of jealousy in monogamous relationships.

Conclusion

In conclusion, Polyamory may seem a good proposition but it is only workable when spouses understand what they are getting into and know how to manage and share their feelings equally to avoid causing extreme emotions. Also, it should not be used as a scapegoat when one’s relationships aren’t working because it is an institution that has rules too. As a result, there will be no need for marriage counseling or seminars on how to make it right in a relationship because there is an opportunity to enjoy a quality in one spouse that is lacking in another spouse. As a result, mutual benefit, satisfaction, understanding, and appreciation are achieved.

Polyamory as a Solution to Jealousy in Monogamy

The issue of jealousy in marriages is fascinating and requires a closer look. Monogamous is becoming an impossible union because spouses are having sexual relationships outside their union. As such, jealousy is inevitable and reaches a point where it is intolerable, leading to divorce or separation. Some people view jealousy as a sign of love, and a spouse should be jealous if the significant other is having other romantic relationships. From this logic, other romantic relationships are one component of Polyamory. They just lack acceptance from the other spouse. Jealousy is so rampant in monogamy relationships that it creates room for an alternative to prevent prevalent breakups and divorce. Although Polyamory is contrary to the popular culture, and it is viewed as dangerous and unpleasant, engaging in multiple relationships when in a monogamous legal union is worse. This does not mean that there is no jealousy in polyamory relationships. However, the situation is different from monogamy. Additionally, jealous is different and does not result from sexual desires.

Non-monogamous unions have existed for long in human history (Ryan &Jetha, 2010). However, monogamy has been given superiority and privileges and viewed as the morally accepted form of union, family, and relationship. Despite this fact, its continuous failure has led to the establishment of other forms with discourse to guide their cultural practices. Barker (2005) explains that Polyamory provides that spouses have consenting multiple sexual, emotional, and intimate relationships where the parties involved are aware. It advocates for long-term relationships as well as emotional intimacy. It emphasizes gender equality where both men and women are free to engage in multiple relationships. Therefore no gender is oppressed as seen in polygamy where only a man can have many wives but not vice versa. It does not have cases of infidelity, as seen in monogamy. Jealousy results from adultery and can lead to diverse consequences such as diseases, children outside marriage, and hatred among spouses. However, Polyamory enhances honesty, consent, as well as total disclosure by the spouses involved, eliminating all negative consequences (Sheff, 2005).

Jealousy is a strong emotional behavior. People’s behavior and emotional responses are shaped by cultural constructions that defined how things should be; what is morally right and wrong. Monogamy has been culturally constructed as the normal and natural form of relationship (Baker & Langdridge, 2010, p. 750). Emotions and sexuality guide how people view relationships. Therefore, relationships are merely built on emotions of life, intimacy, sex, and commitment, and it is thus met by other negative emotions such as distrust plus jealousy. The approach is re-crafted by Polyamory to control jealousy and distrust. Polyamory, therefore, replaces jealousy with compersion. The term is used to express the response to sexual feelings among spouses and how they express it when the feelings are outside their relationship. Cultural norms are being redefined how spouses should relate I cases where they have sexual relations outside their first relationships to avoid instances of jealousy. Polyamory provides alternative rules, norms, as well as strategies to establish a culture that replaces jealousy. In Polyamory, there are rules that define open communication, discuss boundaries, plus structure disclosure. This way, a lifestyle is created where jealousy has no place and when it does, it is mutually solved by all the parties.

Jealousy causes excruciating pain that leads to extreme consequences such as murder. Read More