Effective Interpersonal Communications - Term Paper Example

Dear XYZ, Firstly I would like to congratulate you on your recent engagement and am thrilled that you seek my advice to help improve your relationship. I am delighted to share whatever knowledge as far as communication is concerned with you with the hope its application would help strengthen your relationship. I will start with the mere basics and try to move on from there. Interpersonal communication exists in every moment of our life. Even when we sleep or even try not to communicate our facial expressions, our posture and body language make interpersonal communication inescapable. Effective Interpersonal Communications There are several underlying principles of interpersonal communication which form the basis of communication. The first of these is the fact that interpersonal communication is inescapable. With everything we do we communicate constantly to those around us; if not just through words, through tone of voice, gestures, postures, facial expressions etc. So automatically these channels become the source of us receiving communication from others as well. The second principle states that interpersonal communication is irreversible; words cannot be taken back once said just as people have the tendency to judge an individual by their behavior and not by their intention. The third principle: interpersonal communication is complicated. Communication in no form is simple due to the number of variables involved. Theorists observe that an individuals communication comprises of at least six ‘people’ involved: the first being who you think you are, the second being who you think another person is, who you think the other person thinks you are; who the other person thinks he is; who you are according to the other person; the last of which is the other persons perception of who you think he is. Communication takes place not through an exchange of ideas but an exchange of symbols which stand for ideas; this is how the complications arise. Symbols do not have inherent meaning and hence different individuals cannot perceive them in exactly the same way (Wiio, 1978). There are certain maxims used which effectively describe the complicated process communication can be. The first of these states that if communication can fail, it probably will; A message can be understood in different ways, most of the times being in ways that do most harm; There is always an individual who understands what you mean by your message a lot better than you do; As communication takes place more, it becomes difficult for communication to succeed. You see there are also many misconceptions about communication. A misinterpretation can cause problems between parties; however not communicating at all may cause problems as well. When two people do not communicate with each other, there is no way to express their feelings or intent about each other and thus people assume that the hostility will remain between each other unless clarified through communication.  Another factor of how miscommunication can take place is through having different communication styles. More predominately found in males and females who have contradicting ideologies about communication styles. An example of this is that if a student asks too many questions, to one person it may seem as if he is interested in studies while another will contradict the belief by assuming that he is disrespectful to the teacher by cutting her off again and again. Studies have shown that women tend to prefer intimacy when they communicate preferring to look at the person they are communicating with right in the eye while males remain predominately professional preferring to look around and shift at an angle which will reduce eye contact to a bare minimum. Women will also be sympathetic to each other and will prefer to talk to each other and men would rather push something under the carpet then deal with a problem with requires one to communicate (West & Turner, 2007).Fortunately, these breakdowns in communications can be repaired. Misconceptions can be cleared out, relationships can be restored and languages can be translated. Lastly and the most important miscommunication that occurs by people is the thought that words are not capable of hurting anyone. This is in fact not true, a wound can heal but when someone is hurt the scar is left in his heart forever. Words are perhaps the most effective weapon people can use against each other and thus proves at the end why it is so important for it to be used carefully. Nonverbal expression affecting interpersonal relationships An important part of interpersonal communication is that of nonverbal communication. This is communication that is produced in any way other than words such as eye contact, vocal cues etc (Knapp & Hall, 2002). There are five primary examples of non verbal behavior; the first being the ability to portray emotion, this is basically done with the help of the face, hand gestures and body; Second is the ability of showing intimacy using non - verbal signals such as gazing, touching and a loving tone of voice; then there is a synchronization of movements along with verbal signals which make sense when performed together such as the snapping of the fingers when hearing a melodious tune; also there is the ability one presents himself such as dressing up or the way you portray yourself gives an image to the people around you; lastly there are rituals such as shaking of the hand when meeting someone, nodding your head to show approval for somebody, shaking your head to say no and headbanging in a concert to show pleasure in the music are also an important part of non - verbal communication.   Physical attractiveness also conveys messages to those around you. Furthermore the space or freedom a person has shows privacy. It is also another way to convey a message in the non - verbal form (Argyle, 1988).   A person’s culture is another way a message can be conveyed. Liberal and conservative cultures will portray different messages in accordance to various scenarios (Wood, 2002).    Six types of emotions are conveyed through facial expressions; these being happiness, surprise, fear, sadness, anger, disgust/contempt (Ekman, 1982 cited by Argyle, 1988). Another way of non-verbal communication is touch. There are numerous interpretations when a person touches another, it can be in order to show approval or to show anger such as hitting/punching another person.   Eye contact is another way communication is established. The eyes also provide a clear picture of approval, anger or distrust. Similarly, your tone of voice also sends a message. If it is harsh you show discontent, if it is sweet it shows appreciation. Lastly, the mentality of a person also communicates to his surroundings. If a person is past-oriented one can expect a degree of historic aura about it, if a person is living in the present he has a different way of communication and the same goes to the future-oriented people as well so hence non - verbal communication varies differently in different scenarios and in the smallest of details (Virginia P.Richmond & McCroskey, 2004). Barriers to effective communication Communication barriers are a huge problem as far as effective communication is concerned. They not only frustrate people, cause misinterpretations but also cause a situation to take a turn for the worse. There are various barriers to communication, the most important one being physical barriers. Physical barriers are the problems caused by the non-presence of an individual during communication. This can through distances, closed doors and people who are usually separated from each other due to numerous reasons. These barriers prevent people from clearing up misunderstandings, getting to know people and reducing their ability to communicate. Today this barrier is somewhat reduced due to the advent of the internet, cell phones and software's like skype which aids communication. The second barrier is that of perception; when people start coming up with their own interpretations about different sentences it is difficult to promote understanding between two different parties knowing that clearly, they both understand what the other is saying.  Another problem which arises is that of emotional barriers. When people get emotional their ability to understand or communicate gets hindered and even the simplest of sentences can be taken in the wrong way. Emotions such as jealousy, anger, and fear are the ones which predominately cause communication barriers between individuals.  Culture is another barrier to communication. Different societies have different cultures and what may be true to one set of people may not hold true to another due to the different values, beliefs, and practices they have been raised with. To one culture night, clubs might be a way to interact and a way of life while to another it may be the root cause of evil so culture also plays a huge role in communication.  Language and gender are also two critical barriers which lead not only to misinterpretation but also serve as the basis for numerous complications which can otherwise be avoided (Serret, 2002). Understanding the impact of gender and culture on interpersonal communications The importance of effective communication practices is a critical part of our lives and the role played by gender and culture on communication is a significant one; the link between them being so as Arliss states that "communication is thought to be, at once, the process by which we learn to be male or female, and the product of our attempts to behave sex appropriately." Different linguistic practices are taught to males and females from a very early age. There can be communicative behaviors that are appropriate for boys but may be considered unacceptable for girls. So looking at all the research done on women and language there can be traces of women linguistic discrimination in two major ways: firstly in the way, they are taught to use language, and in the way, common language practice treats them (Lakoff, 1975). An example being the way a depiction of the role played by women in the social order is seen in their adoption of linguistic patterns such as the use of tag questions, qualifiers, and fillers to soften their words. This can be seen in the way the society even today has the tendency to imply that maleness is the standard for normalcy (a female committee chair may be known as the ‘chair' or ‘chairperson' but a male will most likely be called ‘chairman'). Moving on there are many key differences in the communication styles of men and women as observed by the sociolinguist Deborah Tennant, who observes "For males, the conversation is the way you negotiate your status in the group and keep people from pushing you around; you use to talk to preserve your independence. Females, on the other hand, use conversation to negotiate closeness and intimacy; talk is the essence of intimacy, so being best friends means sitting and talking. For boys, activities, doing things together, are central. Just sitting and talking is not an essential part of friendship. They're friends with the boys they do things with." The first step that can be taken to bridge the differences in the communication of genders is by understanding their variable strengths and styles. Women have a tendency to be more relationship oriented and they, therefore, place a great importance on building relationships in order to get work done. It is through these relationships that they find their comfort zone and know how to get things done. Men, on the other hand, are more task oriented and usually build relationships during the course of their work. Another difference is the way in which they process information. Women have the tendency to weigh their options out loud whereas have the tendency to process internally until they reach a solution. This is a key reason for women to assume that a man is being unresponsive as far as suggestions go whereas it leads men to think that a woman needs approval due to her tendency to process out loud. Furthermore, there is a key difference in the way women make the decision by leading a consensus whereas men include only those closest to them in their process of decision making. The communication style of women and men also varies greatly. It is common for women to nod their heads to show they are listening whereas men might interpret this as them agreeing to lead to surprise when later they find out that it wasn't the case. Research also shows that the neutral body language of men during a conversation tends to be interpreted as boredom or lack of understanding by women leading to an unbalanced situation. Men interpret face to face as too personal or perhaps aggressive whereas women men's preference for a side to side angle during the conversation as that of being deceptive or suspicious (Lieberman, 2007). Interpersonal Conflict Resolution Strategies Interpersonal conflicts are a natural part of everyone's life, be it between team members, a workplace conflict, disagreements within marriages, and conflicts which take place in communities. Since every person has their own perceptions and opinions disagreements are likely to result. Conflicts are not necessarily bad if managed effectively. The interpersonal conflict has the tendency to make a social relationship stronger or to weaken it; depending on the parties involved the perception of conflict resolution and the adoption of conflict management strategies. One of the most effective strategies used is that of collaborative conflict management strategy. It is through this conflict resolution strategy that the lines of interpersonal communication are kept open. Both the individuals hear each other's views and try to understand the way they see things. The use of a mediator is also a possible way to keep a balance on the situation. It is a continuous discussion that common ground between the two is reached. To be able to view the situation through each other's shoes is the key principle upon which this strategy operates. It also enables the sharing of knowledge, negotiation to take place and lastly an agreement to result. Perhaps an employee would reduce his demands, and it could be that his boss gives him a raise. The key purpose of conflict resolution of reaching a mutually satisfying decision is achieved. Another strategy is that of Cooperative Conflict Resolution strategy in which both parties present their argument with the sole purpose of promoting communication, cooperative problem solving and enhancing critical thinking (Klein, 1988). So you see my friends how something so seemingly simple can be of such vital importance in our lives. Effective communication is the key to building a successful relationship. If two individuals cannot effectively share their thoughts and perceptions with each other and successfully eliminate any conflicts which they face, building a life together would become a cumbersome chore and not something beautiful, which it is meant’ to be. So I wish you the very best and hope that my advice to enhance communication in your marriage becomes easier and way more effective – a solid base on which your relationship can flourish. Wishing you the very best, ABC. Reference Argyle, Michael. Bodily Communication (2nd ed.) Madison: International Universities Press.1988. ISBN 0-416-38140-5 Klein, M. Conflict Resolution in Cooperative Design. Proceedings of the AAAI Workshop on AI in Design, August 24, 1988. In Press. Liberman, S. Gender Communication Differences and Strategies. Web. 2007. Accessed 8th Oct 2011. Retrieved from: http://superperformance.com/gendercommunication.html Laurie P. Arliss, Gender Communication (Englewood Cliffs, NJ: Prentice Hall, 1991), p. 10. Lakoff, R. Language and Women's Place (New York: Harper & Row, 1975). Richmond, V & McCroskey. Fundamentals of Human Communication: An Interpersonal Perspective. Waveland. 2004. Serret, S. COMMUNICATING WITH OTHERS – HAVE WE LOST THIS ABILITY? Labor Tek. 2002. Accessed 8th Oct 2011. Retrieved from: http://www.labortek.com/images/articles/39.pdf Tennan, D. You just don’t understand. William Morrow and Company, 1990. Reviewed by Laura Morrison. Accessed 8th Oct 2011. Retrieved from: http://homestar.org/bryannan/tannen.html Wood, J. Communication in Our Lives. Wadsworth Cengage learning. 2002. Wiio's Laws--and Some Others (Espoo, Finland: Welin-Goos, 1978) West, R., Turner, L.H. Introducing Communication Theory. New York: McGraw-Hill. 2007 Read More