Holistic Medicine vs Pharmaceutical Medicine - Essay Example

Peer Review Does the paper have a Is it both interesting and informative Explain why you think so. Yes, the paper has a title. The paper itself is interesting and informative; however, the title is rather droll. It would be nicer if the writer of the paper had chosen something that really stood out. Instead of "Holistic Medicine vs. Pharmaceutical Medicine," perhaps the writer might want to consider having a title that is catchier, such as "Alternative Medicine or the Pharmaceuticals Industry: Which is Better" This would provide a platform for the topic and have the reader already start to think in his or her mind about an opinion to have before he or she would start reading the piece. The paper itself is interesting, but the title needs a major overhaul. 2. Show the author's claim. If you have trouble doing so, let the author know. Is the claim clear Is the claim appropriately qualified What are the qualifiers The claim is that patient power is low because we as a people have entrusted our care to the likes of doctors and pharmaceutical companies who we may not even be able to trust, given the fact that there are an alarmingly high number of deaths each year of people who are taking normally-prescribed medications. Increasingly, the threat of medications that are risky being placed on the market anyway is becoming a problem as well. The claim is somewhat justified by the numbers given later on in the paper, not to mention the possible side effects and warnings on Tylenol labels, etc. However, some of these claims are a bit irrational. Vitamin supplements being taken in excess is not a normal occurrence and it seems a bit illogical to put it in this paper, although it's a valid point. However, this weakens rather than strengthens the original point on which one is focused, which is basically whether holistic medicine or pharmaceutical medicine is better. 3. What evidence does the author provide to support the claim What additional evidence is needed to support the claim Should any information be deleted As stated before, the writer gives evidence to support her claim through use of statistics. However, other evidence should be given, such as the AMA's stance on alternative medicine, etc., and other pieces of useful evidence in order to determine how alternative medicine can be utilized. The information about Tylenol, vitamin supplements, and probably the arguments about the FDA putting bogus drugs on the market. Although these are all interesting factoids, it's not convincing enough as an argument unless there is more evidentiary support. 4. Is the essay well-organized How should the author improve the organization of the paper Where are transitions needed The paper should start out with, and not end with, facts about how many people die per year due to adverse side effects. Present more hard facts up-front, and then leave your audience thirsty for more about the topic so that they will keep reading. Ultimately this was an interesting paper anyway. However, people in the audience who are less interested in the topic are going to be asking themselves, "Why do I care about this paper and why should I keep reading it" As far as transitions are concerned, before the writer jumps into "According to the American Medical Association," she should start off by saying something like, "For example." This gives the reader a cue as to the fact that you are going to begin supporting your claims with evidence. There are various places in the paper where this turn of phrase may be used handily, not just in that one place. Other phrases which mean the same thing could be easily employed. 5. What does the author need to work on to make the argument better The author needs to use logical and concise evidence to support her claim. 6. Are there grammar or punctuation errors Has the paper been cited in the text and in the Works Cited or Reference page per MLA or APA rules There are no errors and the paper has been cited properly according to the APA style. 6. What evidence supports the claim What additional evidence might be needed Does all the evidence support the claim The writer has evidence she uses, as stated above. Additional evidence is needed, which was also the aforementioned, because not all evidence supports the claim well. 7. Describe the organization of the essay. Is the essay well organized How might the author improve the organization of the paper What transitions might be added to aid the flow of the paper and make it clearer The essay is well-organized. As stated before, the essay would be better organized if more facts were stated first. Transitions such as "For example," might be included. 8. How does the conclusion bring the audience to an acceptable ending How does the ending of the paper relate to the claims and the support The conclusion is not ideal. It ends with some more facts that actually make for good supporting evidence, but that should be placed earlier on in the paper. The ending of the paper relates to the claims and support in a logical fashion but it should be placed earlier on in the paper. 9. Does the paper convince you Why or why not What does the paper still need The paper is good but it doesn't convince me completely. Some of the statements made sound like one is arguing with a 5th grader. "Well, this is so because I said so" is not good logic, and that's what some of the arguments sound like. The paper needs more evidentiary support and solid footing on facts. That is what will make this paper outstanding. 10. Does the author use appropriate language Cite examples of inappropriate language, such as slang or informal expressions. The inappropriate sentence I would single out sounds a bit like whining: "This count doesn't even include medications prescribed in error, and we can't say we weren't warned, read through the list of warnings and possible side effects on your everyday Tylenol bottle! Is it really worth the risk" A sentence like this shows the reader of your paper that you are not serious about the subject because the writing sounds like a three-year-old whining for a bottle of milk. This kind of arguing is not going to pass the litmus test, so to speak. 11. Address any issues not covered in this peer critique. Please don't mistake these criticisms with the idea that the paper is not good; rather, on the contrary, this paper is very good. It just needs some extra elements to make it a better paper. 12. Has the author provided correct citation in the essay and in the Works Cited Did the author consistently and appropriately use MLA or APA format per the instructor's requirements Use the highlighting tools in Word to highlight each in-text citation. Highlight using the same color the matching citation in the Works Cited/Reference page. Is there a match for every in-text citation Does every source listed on the Works Cited/Reference page have at least one in-text The author provides correct citation in the essay and in the Works Cited. She consistently used citations as necessary according to the instructor's requirements. There is a match for every in-text citation. Every source listed on the Works Cited page has at least one in-text reference, except for one reference called Global Healthcare Survey. In-Text Citations Natural and herbal treatments are classified as food products and follow a different set of rules and regulations, and therefore are not required to undergo the same testing as pharmaceutical drugs (Cohen, M., 2003). According to The American Medical Association, more than 106,000 people die every year in the U.S due to adverse side effects from properly prescribed medications, and that number could even be as high as 196,000. That places it between the 4th and 6th leading cause of death in the nation! (Lazarou, et al, 1998) REFERENCES Cohen, M., 2003. Complementary and integrative medical therapies, the FDA, and NIH: definitions and regulation. Dermatologic Therapy, 16(2), 77-84.doi:10.1046/ j.1529-8019.2003.01614.x. Global Healthcare Survey Reveals Rise of Patient Power. (2009, February 18)Market Research World. Retrieved March 2, 2010 from http://www.marketresearchworld .net/index.phpoption=com_content&task=view&id=37&Itemid=43 Lazarou, J., Pomeranz, B., & Corey, P. (1998). Incidence of adverse drug reactions in Hospitalized patients. JAMA: Journal of the American Medical Association, 279(15), 1200. http://search.ebscohost.com Read More