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Peer Review - Essay Example

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Summary
Yes, the paper has a title. The paper itself is interesting and informative; however, the title is rather droll. It would be nicer if the writer of the paper had chosen something that really stood out. Instead of "Holistic Medicine vs. Pharmaceutical Medicine," perhaps the writer might want to consider having a title that is catchier, such as "Alternative Medicine or the Pharmaceuticals Industry: Which is Better" This would provide a platform for the topic and have the reader already start to think in his or her mind about an opinion to have before he or she would start reading the piece…
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Peer Review
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Download file to see previous pages Increasingly, the threat of medications that are risky being placed on the market anyway is becoming a problem as well. The claim is somewhat justified by the numbers given later on in the paper, not to mention the possible side effects and warnings on Tylenol labels, etc. However, some of these claims are a bit irrational. Vitamin supplements being taken in excess is not a normal occurrence and it seems a bit illogical to put it in this paper, although it's a valid point. However, this weakens rather than strengthens the original point on which one is focused, which is basically whether holistic medicine or pharmaceutical medicine is better.
As stated before, the writer gives evidence to support her claim through use of statistics. However, other evidence should be given, such as the AMA's stance on alternative medicine, etc., and other pieces of useful evidence in order to determine how alternative medicine can be utilized. ...
The information about Tylenol, vitamin supplements, and probably the arguments about the FDA putting bogus drugs on the market. Although these are all interesting factoids, it's not convincing enough as an argument unless there is more evidentiary support.
4. Is the essay well-organized How should the author improve the organization of the paper Where are transitions needed
The paper should start out with, and not end with, facts about how many people die per year due to adverse side effects. Present more hard facts up-front, and then leave your audience thirsty for more about the topic so that they will keep reading. Ultimately this was an interesting paper anyway. However, people in the audience who are less interested in the topic are going to be asking themselves, "Why do I care about this paper and why should I keep reading it"
As far as transitions are concerned, before the writer jumps into "According to the American Medical Association," she should start off by saying something like, "For example." This gives the reader a cue as to the fact that you are going to begin supporting your claims with evidence. There are various places in the paper where this turn of phrase may be used handily, not just in that one place. Other phrases which mean the same thing could be easily employed.
5. What does the author need to work on to make the argument better
The author needs to use logical and concise evidence to support her claim.
6. Are there grammar or punctuation errors Has the paper been cited in the text and in the Works Cited or Reference page per MLA or APA rules
There are no errors and the paper has ...Download file to see next pagesRead More
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