Critique on Dating and the Single Parent by Deal - Book Report/Review Example

Book critique on dating and the single parent Summary of the book The book dating and single parent implores the various intrigues and challenges faced by single parenthood and their dating desires. Having real life situations and circumstances, it offers very helpful insights to single parents on the various steps and requirements in order to develop successful relationships that do not impact negatively on their separate families (Deal, 2012). The book brings forward vital components that must be integrated into people’s marriages and relationships so that whole dating experience doesn’t become an exercise in futility. It encourages a purposeful dating. Once one needs to get into a relationship, then he/she must be able to know and define the reasons for such an engagement and have an intentional process o their dating. It encourages both partners to be able to appreciate the complexities of dating in a crowd, in cases where children are involved and to take their feelings and needs into consideration as well. The book notes that it is important to have all parties involved in the dating circus. Trust should be given utmost priority and this should be earned and with time (Deal, 2012). Pre-dating preparation often begin with single parents, in cases where they have the need to recover from something, either death and/or divorce that leads to a relationship breakup (Deal, 2012). The book urges this step to be considered cautiously and not in a hurry to overcome such loss and breakups. For successful engagements a lot of factors in play have to be considered; once this happens, then one has to realize that instead of just the relationship, he/she is creating a family. Considering the various existing attachments, interests start to compete (Deal, 2012). The book encourages a coherent existence such that either party does not feel left out or assumed. Self examination is also given attention. Before deciding to enter into a relationship that could potentially lead to marriage, one has to examine himself/herself and find out their respective drives (Deal, 2012). The children have to also be actively engaged in the process so that their feelings are given due consideration and also in helping them with the various anticipations. The book also examines the importance of time in relationships and marriage. The dating process should be slowed so that one is able to effectively determine how and when their different life trajectories might merge (Deal, 2012). Potential use for Christian couples Religion urges patience and a clear understanding of God’s role in people’s relationships and marriages. God usually uses families to teach on important life lessons about obedience submission and respect among people and for authority. When parenting, God allows people to learn about nurture and providing for those they love. In marriage and relationships, God advocates for commitment, sacrifice, forgiveness and selfless love (Deal, 2012). For single parents, they should be able to learn what God teaches them and pursue His needs. The singleness should help one to see more clearly and increase his/her trust in God. Singleness should help one in maturing so that they are able to make sound decisions once they decide to enter into relationships. In dating, people should be engaged in holy ways that does not make one lose sight of God and fulfill their earthly desires (Deal, 2012). The purpose for dating for single parents and couples with God’s goals in mind as brought forward in the book has been summarized as to whether; If the couples can discern if together they can walk humbly with God with a common heart, faith, value system and approach to life If the ones involved in the relationship or marriage can love each other sacrificially without reservation and with trust If the children involved in the union can be graced by the couples’ commitment to the Lord and their combined families If the purpose for being together does not pass these, then it is encouraged the relationship should be slowed or stopped altogether. If one gets to date for recreational purposes, then the children shouldn’t be emotionally involved. One should also be able to back away once he/she realizes that their different life trajectories, regarding issues such as parenting, family situations, values and faith walk, with their partner are divergent (Deal, 2012). Critique The book explains how blending families could be a complex exercise and gives several advices on when and how this can be carried out successfully (Deal, 2012). It considers the general aspect this has on the children and the emotions of the single parents involved. It tends to advice that when a couple undergoes a period of loss either through death of a partner or through divorce, then it could be prudent to the children mature and move out before he/she could get into an active relationship (Deal, 2012). This when considered creates a void in any person’s heart and well being. It is an emotional need for one to love and be loved in return. If for instance, the children take longer time to move out then it could result into an emotional breakdown for the single parent. Maintain a sound relationship after then could be harder and tasking for the single parent (Deal, 2012). The book also tends to give more attention to the children involved in such a relationship. The success of a relationship that could lead to marriage is pegged on more importantly on the children’s acceptance and feelings more than that of the parent. Healing takes a bit of a process to internalize and live with more so to children. A single parent thus shouldn’t let the emotions of his/her children to single handedly affect and dictate his/her dating progress. However much this should be given consideration, the parent should see to it the children would be able to accept and like their partners, eventually. References. Deal, R. L. (2012). Dating and the single parent: Are you ready to date?, talking with your kids, avoiding a big mistake, finding lasting love. Minneapolis, Minn: Bethany House. Read More