Analysis of How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie - Book Report/Review Example

Book Review: “How to Win Friends and Influence People”- Dale Carnegie In the book, “How to win friends and influence people”, the Dale Carnegie shares his personal experience related to how to handle situations and people in our day-to-day life. This book is a great tool for management since it assists in dealing with people in a better way. The book has been divided into four major parts. They are: i. “Part I: Fundamental techniques in handling people” ii. “Part II: Six ways to make people like you” iii. “Part III: How o win people to your way of thinking” iv. “Part IV: Be a leader: How to challenge people without giving offence or arousing resentment” (Carnegie, 1988). “Part I: Fundamental techniques in handling people” The essence of the part 1 of the book can be summed up into the following three principles: i. Don’t condemn, criticize and complain ii. Give sincere and honest appreciation iii. Arouse an eager want in the other person For us, it is very easy to criticize someone or condemn them about something. We never think that it is not going to benefit us in any way. It only satisfies our ego but it deteriorates the other person or the person may start perceiving bad about you. So if a person points out someone for his or her wrong doings, then definitely that person will not be perceived as kind or reliable. Instead of that, one must try to understand that there is a probability that the other person is not wrong and it is he or she who is wrong. Instead of making complains, one must try to understand why the other person is doing this way. This practice will help in understanding other people. It is not possible for every other person to understand other’s viewpoint due to our inner resistance and reluctance but if it is done, then it will result in happier relationship between the two people (Carnegie, 1988). The second principle emphasizes on giving sincere appreciation to others. If a person appreciates someone or make them feel important, then in return that person too will provide him or her with sincere appreciations. The feeling of importance is the most unfulfilled need of humans. If someone makes the other person feel important and appreciated, then he or she will be at your service since you fulfilled their true and basic need. When people do not feel happy or appreciated, they can go for absolute extremes, for instance they can involve in some criminal acts or even can get insane. They prefer to live in their own dream world of being important rather than facing the grim reality that no one is appreciating them (Carnegie, 1988). The important point to remember here is that one must mean what they say about others. Without feelings, mere words cannot make others believe that you are true at what you are saying. Many people have the ability to sense that the other person is lying. Facial expression, body languages, indeed everything depicts that the compliment is not true, when it is not. Therefore, it is essential to mean the compliment, which you give to others because when you do not then you lose the trust of that person. One appreciative sentence about someone brightens their entire day and brings smile on their face, and the best part is that it does not cost you anything (Carnegie, 1988). The last principle of the first part explains the mistake, which majority of people do. When they want something from someone, they usually ask it in selfish terms. Therefore, if someone wants something from the other person, he or she must tempt him or her by showing their concern or something valuable to them. For instance, if a mother wants her children to clean their room then instead of nagging them about their messy room and nasty socks, she must induce them with their favorite dessert or video game. In this way, they will cheerfully clean their room without feeling awful. “Part II: Six ways to make people like you” If someone wants them to be appreciated by others, then first they must appreciate others. When one gets genuinely interested in them, it makes others feel appreciated and worthy. Majority of people are interested only in themselves so when someone talks about them and appreciates them, then it makes them feel good and in this way, their response towards the other person gets positive. A lot of people love to listen good about themselves and are interested in knowing what others think about them therefore, talking about them ‘to them’, helps in building better relationships. This practice can be helpful when you meet someone for the first time. Appreciating and complimenting someone helps in breaking the ice and commencing a conversation in a friendly manner. Therefore, it helps in making friends easily (Carnegie, 1988). Another lesson, which the second part teaches us, is to ‘Smile’. It is said that smile is a curve, which straightens many difficult situations. It helps in reducing stress and frustration. Therefore, this part emphasizes on smiling frequently and making other people smile too. In addition to that, a very important and true point has been mentioned in this part. For every person, his or her name is the sweetest sound. Therefore, while talking to someone, if you often take their name then it retains their interest in conversing with you (Carnegie, 1988). This part also recommends being a good listener. Many people have the habit of talking only; they rarely listen to what others want to say. Therefore, it is essential to listen to what other person wants to say as it is said that; sharing is caring. Using polite statements is also very important while conversing with people. Many people hate autocratic styles so if instead of commanding them to do something, phrases such as “would you mind”, “would you please”, “I am sorry to cause you trouble” are used, then people do not take it seriously to their heart and let the inconveniences go in an easier and friendly manner. “Part III: How to win people to your way of thinking” The first and foremost thing on which this section emphasizes is to avoid arguments. While having arguments, it is required to give the other person chance to speak. If there are some areas where one is at mistake, then he or she must admit their mistake. It will assist in disarming the other person. It is said that “when two people agree, then one of them is not needed” so one must put forward their point of view in a polite manner. During arguments, it is a common phenomenon to shout and exclaim in order to put the other person under threat or pressure. It is an absurd way of winning argument. You might win the argument, but surely, you will lose the person. Therefore, it is better to defend yourself in a polite manner and listen carefully to the other person’s point of view. One must not be directly told that they are wrong instead, some respect must be shown for the point of view of the other person. Arguments are often easily resolved when the wrong doer emphatically and quickly admits their mistake instead, of defending themselves in an unjustifiable manner (Carnegie, 1988). People are more interested in talking about their success as compared to listening to your success, so while meeting someone let the other person do the talking about their success and accomplishments. One must be patient enough and attentive towards them and talk after when they are finished with talking. Moreover, one must begin conversation in friendly manner. In some cases, it becomes necessary to understand other’s point of view therefore; a person must put themselves in others’ shoes in order to understand their situations. In addition to that, a person must begin conversation on what the other person is likely to be agreed. It must be brought under emphasis that you too are striving for the same end. One must not give negative answers directly. It urges the other person to stick to the answer. Therefore, the person must respond from a mindset of being affirmative. “Part IV: Be a leader: How to challenge people without giving offence or arousing resentment” Leadership skills are the driving factor behind the success and popularity of a person. Dale (1988) provides some useful ideas about how to become an influential leader. A good leader is the one who possesses transformational personality. He does not need to command, enforce or compel his followers to do something instead his followers are so mesmerized by his personality that they feel joyful in sticking around him and learning from him (Carnegie, 1988). Before trying to take some work out of the subordinates, a good leader must emphasize upon the past performance of the subordinates. According to researches, it has been proven that 70% to 80% employees are not motivated by monetary benefits and increment but by appreciation and compliment. Therefore, before assigning new tasks, a leader must often review the previous performance and provide honest praise and appreciation. Another quality of a good leader as mentioned by Dale (1988) is not revealing mistakes of a person in front of everyone. This point can be linked to the previous point, appreciation must be made in front of everyone but mistakes must be pointed out indirectly or in a private place. For instance, instead of saying that you have not achieved your sales target, one must say that if you work hard you can achieve your sales target in the next quarter because you have the potential to do so. Moreover, before highlighting the other person’s mistake, one must talk about his or her own mistakes first. It eases out the other person and mentally prepares them in accepting their faults. In addition to that, a leader must encourage them by stating that their faults can be corrected easily (Carnegie, 1988). At the end, a good leader must make the other person feel cheerful and happy about what he wants them to do. Therefore, keeping a light, calm and polite conversation can help them feel more secure, appreciated and worthy. To be a good leader, one must pose such an influential personality that people get attracted towards him instead of getting repelled from him. In order to be a good leader, one must command or give direct order to his or her subordinates instead; they must ask for questions, feedbacks or suggestions. Autocratic style of leadership creates a lot of communication gap and discrepancies between the leader and his followers. Therefore, one must try to adopt the leadership skills of being a transformational leader. A good leader is the one whose’ followers want to become a person like him. Therefore, a good leader is mix of certain essential constituents, which include communication skills, inter-personal skills, decision-making skills etc. Works Cited Carnegie, D. (1988). How to Win Friends and Influence People. London: Cedar Books. Read More