Uncharted Territory: How the Transformation of Marriage is Changing our Lives - Essay Example

Analyze how gender and femininity are constructed in “Uncharted Territory: How the Transformation of Marriage is Changing our lives.” and what impact will it have on society. Introduction Breaking the stereotypical idea of women being the weaker sex, Stephanie Coontz’s “Uncharted Territory: How the Transformation of Marriage is Changing our lives”, attempts to point out the changing gender roles in the 21st century society and how it is affecting marriage. She exclaims, ""Old rules are no longer reliable guides to work out modern gender roles and build a secure foundation for marriage" (Coontz 283). Marriage is no more a simple bond between a weak female and a strong male where the weaker sex decides to "make the marriage work" (281) by submitting to the whims and fancies of the stronger sex. It is now a more complex but a healthy bond between two equal partners who decide to share responsibilities and liabilities together. The idea of traditional femininity is denounced by the author who redefines it based on the data received from sociological and psychological studies made in the past few decades. This essay thus, will analyze how the author defies the concept of traditional femininity and draws a picture of a 21st century woman who is strong, self-sufficient, bold and as much feminine as a woman can be. It will further focus on how this new feminine woman is changing the face of a successful marriage. Traditional Concept of Femininity Traditionally, as rightly pointed out by Coontz, femininity has always been associated with being meek, helpless, and dumb. The process of socialization, even in1950s, was such that women were tuned to be the weaker sex from an early age. Teenage girls were advised to maintain a list of likes and dislikes of boys to be successfully able to "catch and keep" (281) one. This points to the fact that the process of socialization began early in a girls life with her being taught to look beautifully dumb and by the time she reached the stage of adulthood, she had become adept in maintaining the facade of being the less intelligent. As mentioned in the text, Psychologist Clifford Adams points in his Journals how a wife saved her marriage by pretending dumb and losing card games to her husband. According to Clifford, the lady invented troubles to make her husband feel "needed" (Coontz 282). This strengthens the idea that many women in the past maintained a "facade" of being less intelligent than their husband to secure their marriage. Traditional Femininity and Marriage Being less intelligent than ones husband was indeed considered to be a key factor for a successful marriage and advice books, which Coontz vehemently criticizes in her essay, promoted these ideas further. It is interesting to note that in reality, the woman mentioned above was much more smarter than her husband as she had the intelligence of inventing problems. However, the fact that she was financially dependent on the male bread-winner and her social position relied on that of her husband made her situation difficult. Women, at that time, did not enjoy the freedom of walking out of a marriage without being blamed for its failure. The success or the failure of a marriage was considered to be the sole responsibility of the woman and she was expected to do anything under the Sun to save a relationship. Coontz points out how the philosophy of a mans work being important and not that of a womans has governed the Advice books for centuries and even today. She exclaims that unlike scientific studies that are reviewed and scrutinized thoroughly before publishing, the so called "time-tested rules" books for marriage do not go through any such rigorous process. According to her, these books are a mismatch to the present day world where female play as much an important role as do their male counterpart. Winds of Change: New Femininity According to the author, the winds of change started to hit the American societies from 1960s. Women gradually started challenging traditional ideas of femininity. Neither is being dumb considered to be feminine anymore nor is marriage thought to be a social security contract. This phenomenon has spread irrespective of the class a woman belongs to. Coontz propounds that the change has been brought by economic, political and social reforms which have empowered woman to a great extent. Moreover, it would be wrong to say that only women have changed through ages. According to Coontz, even men have changed in the past few decades and modern men do not hold the same ideas of women like their grandfathers. "Modern men tend to want mates who are on a similar level in terms of education or earnings potential" (286). Providing a classic example of the same, the author points out how one of her friends responded to a offer of courting a girl fifteen years his junior. The man reportedly said, "I dont want someone I have to help with her homework" (286). The fact that more and more women are now employed and establishing their position as a professional, has made changes in the way a man relates to a woman and the concept of femininity. From "desperate" to "anxious" In todays society, a successful woman is not "desperate" to find a man but "anxious" to get married to the right person. Negating the worries of professional women who claim that they are desperate to find a man, the author mentions that their worries are not signs of desperation but of anxiousness. A "desperate woman" will try to marry a wealthy man irrespective of his physical repulsiveness. She will keep her eyes shut on her husbands infidelity and hide the scars received from him. This is a desperation to "save" a marriage failing of which would have taken a toll on the womans life. On the other hand, women now, are less tolerant of infidelity and they would not enter into a wedlock with a man of her fathers age for social security. The author mentions that these changes have been noticed in societies where "women are approaching equality with men in economic and political affairs" (285). The priorities in a womans life has changed with time; capable of feeding herself, a survey conducted on 2001 revealed that 80% girls belonging to the age of 20 wanted to marry a person who is able to express his feelings than one who earns more. New approach towards settlement in life Women no longer depend on men to earn money. Coontzs essay points out how women from both the lower and the higher income group choose to remain single and rear their own family. Marriage is not deemed essential for having a family. Women belonging to the lower income group prefer to single parent than marrying a man who is not established or has a steady income. This is because she might end up feeding another mouth paprt from her own children. This points to the changing dynamics as even in lower income group, men are not the sole bread-earners anymore. The author also points at the rise in cohabitation as an alternative to marriage which allows the partners much more freedom. It also, according to her, makes the decision to get married easier as they already know about each other. Nevertheless, as Coontz points out, if marriages nowadays are more fulfilling and satisfying than before, it has also become extremely brittle (301). People now get more divorced than they ever got before. However, she suggests that rise in education might help to combat this problem as an educated lady will be able to make her husband understand the situation better and avoid a divorce. Therefore, to reach a healthy and happy society, education should be promoted more than "time-tested rule" books. Works Cited Coontz, Stephanie. Marriage: A History. City of Publication: Publisher, 2005. Print. Read More