Knapps Staircase Model for Assessing My Relationship - Essay Example

I met my ex-partner at a family gathering. We both were pushed and motivated by our relatives to put our best impression on one another. She initiated the talk and I approved the sensible approach she had; for most of the things we converse about.

Her tense shoulders and nervous smile assured me that she is also trying hard to make a good impression on me. We dated again to know more and experimented with how we felt about each other. There were differences in our understanding and lifestyle, but we both felt inclined to take it to the next level. Her expression of love was not customary; she liked to enquire for an expression of love in return, since I am an introverted person this task was difficult to perform. Though, with time I tried via my actions to assure her of her significance in my life.

In intensifying stage, I gave my support, submission, and love though not much verbally; but I proved it by changing my preferences according to her priorities. With the passage of a few months, I believe we felt one. Since our relationship was known to all. Therefore, we moved into social gatherings as a committed couple. I liked to be known by her reference and relied on her approval more than ever. We used to hang out more and I was not hesitant to show my affection and her significance in my life.

In the integrating stage, we compromised on the shortcomings and enjoyed our time together. We both wanted a legal relationship and wanted approval from our families to make it a real one. Hence, we declared our engagement and things became very certain for both of us. Our bonding was strong and we both wanted to continue it for the rest of our lives. She planned and decided all the necessary rituals which needed to be performed for the wedding. Although I am not much of a social wedding person, I wanted to proceed with her plan because it was pleasing and exciting for her.

This is how the bonding process becomes more evident and firm when one cares and the other realizes the invested efforts of the partner. Now the next phase of Knapp’s staircase relationship model entails differentiating, in this stage we both started highlighting the pessimistic personality effects we had. I did not like the interference of her sister’s boyfriend, Jack, and her submission to him, and she wanted him to be in all the significant decisions related to our marriage or life. She used to discuss important aspects of our life with him and used to act on his advice or suggestions.

This habit of hers annoyed me a lot. Similarly, she disliked my habit of becoming a decision-maker in our life. She liked to decide on her own and when I used to inquire about any important aspect, she immediately wanted me to quit the discussion. Later on, we started avoiding conversations on disputable matters. I did not inquire, why did she leave all of a sudden for a trip with her friends, and neither she explained anything. She simply told me she was leaving with her friends as it would be her last trip as a single girl, so I did not comment on the already-taken decision.