Loving Someone Is Different from Being in Love with Them - Essay Example

Gender & Sexual Studies Loving someone is different from being “in love” with them I do agree with the above ment that delves into the issue of love, and how one can express love to another person. Loving someone is different from being in love with someone. This is because the two exist primarily because of an individual’s idea about what they want from the other person. Loving someone is one way of showing them that you care about how they feel, or how they are. This love can be conditional or unconditional because individuals who love each other may/can manage to stay away from each other without talking to each other, and still be fine in the end. There is also the sexual aspect of such a relationship. Loving someone can go past the sexual aspect of a relationship where it is not necessary to engage in any physical acts just to prove one’s love (Lamanna 149). Being in love, on the other hand, is something that combines the power of love with a much deeper sense of belonging. Being in love requires one to be next to the other person, hold, hug, and even kiss the person they are in love with. Being in love requires that an individual loves the other person unconditionally. This is in order to provide the necessary attention that goes beyond the routine stops that people who love each other pull. In other texts on the same subject, loving someone or being in love with someone requires overlooking their flaws and accepting them for who they are. In this case, one has to accept that it may be difficult to change an individual just because they do not agree with, or conform to our way of life (Nelson 135). Self-love is necessary before we can love someone else The above statement is true for most people who try to comprehend the dynamics of loving someone else, as much as they love themselves. The reasoning behind such a statement is that, our partners are a true reflection of what and who we are. If an individual is ambitious, chances of having an ambitious partner are high. This is why in most separation, divorce, or other different cases one gets to hear another individual claim that their partner changed along the way. This attraction may not be simply a physical or sexual one; it could be a metaphysical attraction. This means that how an individual views their life may influence the kind of person they attract. The belief system that people are exposed to makes them unique to their own ways, which in turn, influence the kind of people they are and who they might attract (Curtis 19). When people like each other, there is often a phase where they get to ask each other questions, and get to find out everything they can about the other person. The idea behind such a move is for people to find out if the person they like is on the same wavelength as they are, and if the emotional response is likely to be similar to their own. This is so that one can build trust with the hope that their partners can be trusted when it comes down to different actions. Other texts indicate that once people are on the same wavelength, it is easy for everything to fall in place and stay that way. However, it is believed that being with someone for all the wrong reasons may doom any loving relationship before it even starts. This is because the energy exerted trying to love the other person, who does not mirror an individual’s own beliefs, may be harder than accepting they will ever fill the hole or emptiness they feel when alone (Curtis 46). Loving someone involves accepting risk Being in love or loving someone is already a risk in itself. This is because people take the time to be involved with another person, who may be the complete opposite of what they are. Such investments mean that people are taking risks with their emotions and time, which they might not automatically get back, but are still willing to do this. Once such investments fail to reap benefits, people may have already fallen into emotional traps, which might be difficult to get out from, thus; making individuals bitter and emotional. Loving someone involves getting tested at certain times. This is through testing the patience, tolerance, strength, and compassion of another individual. If one party seems to be receiving the better part of this deal, then the person giving it may feel used and worthless, especially if they do not receive the same in return (Singer 318). People are put to the test everyday when they take the risk to love someone. This means that, there is always the possibility of being let down. Individuals know about all the risks involved, but the rewards are always things one can boast of, in the long run. Many professionals and experts believe that love can only be measured depending on the challenges it faces. There are instances where one party might feel neglected and left out by their partner, and this often leads to fights and disagreements, which might challenge the strength of the relationship. As most experts believe, it is not impossible to avoid such situations. In fact, one needs to embrace such moments so that one can identify the level of love that exists between two or more people. This can be measured by the lengths they go to, to try and solve the disagreements and come to a compromise over the issues that led to the fights in the first place (Singer 320). Fulfilling love relationships are possible even without sex This statement has, over the years, been cause for debate in countless institutions. The question as to whether two sexually active individuals can be in a relationship without necessarily engaging in intercourse is still a matter that puzzles people. It is my belief that people can be together for a while and not engage in sex, but this might only be for a while. So I may not entirely agree with this statement. For a couple to be together there needs to be trust and love in order for the relationship to flourish. In modern times, the generational difference between people who lived in the past, for example; our parents, makes the concept of relationships without sex next to impossible (Silverman 74). Young people are keen on engaging in sexual intercourse as a means to share and create trust. This is especially for couples that are serious about each other, and are committed to each other. Other readings also indicate the same, especially with the changing times. Experts now believe that sex in relationships is healthy for people, when done in the right way and for the right reasons. Individuals might not be in a hurry to get married, but might want to be in a healthy, loving relationship. As earlier mentioned, couples can engage in sex with the right persons and for the right reasons. It is my belief that sharing the company of each other intimately may bring forth the avenue for trust and love to flourish and thrive (Silverman 76). Fulfilling sexual relationships are possible even without love Sexual relations in any situation need the presence of two consenting individuals, who actually understand the concept and actions surrounding sex. For any and all individuals who engage in sex, especially one that requires no love or emotional ties, then all parties must be aware of their situation. The different motivators that surround a loveless, but otherwise sexual relationship may affect the view of sex. Personally, I do not think the concept or idea of sex without love is possible. For people to engage in sex regularly there must be that aspect of liking each other. It is my belief that human nature cannot allow people to continuously do this without creating a much deeper and emotional bond between them (Giles 176). This means that with time, it is possible for one party to develop emotional ties to the other party, and if these emotions are not reciprocated, then this leads to an unhealthy relationship and hurt feelings. Experts have agreed that not many people can separate casual sex with their emotions and feelings. It has been said that women have the biggest problem when it comes to this separation, but I believe that men equally have the same problem. I tend to think that people who engage in sex without the aspect of love a just looking for a form of escape, which in most cases, is no different from other addictions that people face (Giles 178). Unfaithful partners have an obligation to tell their partners I agree with this statement. Unfaithfulness in a relationship by one, or both partners, often leads to resentment and eventual separation. Unfaithfulness is often an idea that is based on secrecy, which is the complete opposite of what a loving relationship is all about. Opting to be open is a crucial step in a healthy, loving relationship. By the time a cheating or unfaithful partner wishes to reveal to the other partner about his/her indiscretions, the other partner is already wondering what might be wrong. By revealing to their partners about their unfaithfulness, they are already freeing them from the constant wonder of what the problem might be (French 172). Experts believe that by revealing the indiscretion to a spouse, the unfaithful partner is making the action of cheating more actual. It moves one from the point of questioning oneself as to what might happen if the partner found out, to a point where they find out and move forward from that point. After getting through this point, then the strength and resiliency of the relationship can be tested by both partners to know of the next possible moves (French 174). Works Cited Curtis, Lee. Life is Great!: Let the Good Times Roll. New York: Hart Publishing, 2011. Print. French, Leanne. Fairytale Love: How to Love Happily Ever After. New York: PULP, 2013. Print. Giles, James. The Nature of Sexual Desire. New York: Cambridge University Press, 2008. Print. Lamanna, M. Shea. One Simple Question. London: SAGE, 2011. Print. Nelson, C. Noelle. The Power of Appreciation in Everyday Life. Oxford: Oxford University Press, 2006. Print. Silverman, J. Eric. The Prudence of Love: How Possessing the Virtue of Love Benefits the Lover. New Zealand: Hart Publishing, 2010. Print. Singer, Irving. The Nature of Love: The Modern World. New York: Palgrave Macmillan, 2009. Print. Read More