Personal Relationships in Twentieth-Century Britain - Essay Example

Human Sexuality Loving someone is different from being in-love with him or her. Being in love generally refers to that sense of infatuation that most people experience when they first lay their eyes on someone. Everything about this person is new to you and exciting which could be attributed to the rush that someone gets while caught up in the moment. It makes a person want to do everything they can in order to make the other person happy. The person one is in love with becomes the main concern in their lives, and one is willing to do anything and everything for them (Collins, 2006). Although for some this feeling may last for the remainder of their lives, for others it only lasts for a fleeting moment and fades away over time. To be in love is a feeling that comes and passes away after a while. To be in love with someone is often related to romance and relationships. Loving someone, on the other hand, is what one can say sustains a relationship after the infatuation fades away. At this point, one is fully aware of the other person’s flaws and the differences between them and still chooses to stay with them. To love someone is unconditional, like how a mother loves her child that makes her always defend the child no matter what or the general feeling we have for our family. You take the person you love for who they are and will always be there for them no matter what. The feeling of love is something that gradually grows as one gets to know the other person and accept them for whom they truly are. To love someone means that the feeling will never go away. Therefore, this implies that it is possible to be in love with someone and not love him or her. Alternatively, that you can love someone without necessarily saying you are in love with him or her. Like you can love your dog, but you cannot say that you are in love with your dog. 2. Self-love is necessary before we can love someone else. I agree with this statement. In unconditionally self-loving one’s self, one can feel like they truly deserve of the love they get in return from their partners, families or friends. If one were to sit and write down a list of things they want in their partner, you get to realize that it is all the characters you want in yourself. People try to be what they are not in order for other people to think that they are first before you can expect someone to fall in love with you (Collins, 2006). Self-love is all about falling in love with one’s self first, before turning to someone else to share that love with instead of only looking for someone to fill the hole we have in our lives out of feeling unworthy and undeserving of love. Awareness and self-acceptance are often viewed as the keys to happiness. People need to appreciate that there is a huge disparity between being in love with them and being with someone just to fill the emptiness that may exist in our lives and feed our ego. Not loving yourself often means that we feel that we are undeserving of the love offered to us by others. On the contrary, no one is undeserving of love. People will treat a person how they act like they should be treated. For one to be able to totally embrace the love of another person, self-love is important. Otherwise, one is likely never going to experience the thrill and joy that comes with being in love and being loved in return. In loving ourselves unconditionally first, we come to the realization that we truly deserve of love. It will help in ensuring that people do not take advantage of each other in any way or treat you wrong because ultimately you know what you deserve and will not accept anything less. 3. Jealousy shows that a loving relationship has depth. Most people view jealousy in a relationship as a sign of insecurity, but this is not always the case. In general, one can define jealousy as a response to an alleged threat, be it real or imagined, often to a relationship that a person values. Some jealous reactions are so normal that if a person does not respond to them, he may be perceived as “not normal”. Others are so extreme that one does not need an official diagnosis from a physician to declare them mad or insane. Jealousy is okay in a relationship as long as one still has some form of control on their action and does not go overboard with the simple excuse that they were jealous (Collins, 2006). For most people, jealousy often gives them tremendous pain and distress that they choose to let it remain an inner experience without necessarily showing it. Humans are territorial by nature, and it is, therefore, expected that one feels the need to react whenever they are faced with a threat to their relationship. Nevertheless, it is crucial that one identifies the difference between “normal” and “delusional” jealousy. Normal jealousy means that one can quickly identify the supposed threat to the relationship and it is actually real. Delusional jealousy, on the other hand, often persists even on an instance when there is no actual threat to the relationship. These are the people who often to come out as too possessive and their actions are often borderline psychotic. This jealousy is unhealthy, and will inevitably ruin the relationship in the end without one even realizing it. According to psychologists, whatever it is that drives two lovers to each other will determine the kind of jealousy that will be there in the relationship. Jealousy, just like other difficult emotional experiences, has its positive impacts on one’s life. It offers room for growth; it leads to increased self-awareness and gives one a better and clear understanding of their partner and their relationship. The key to a successful long term relationship is identifying the signs of romantic jealousy, differentiating between the normal and abnormal, scrutinizing the roots of the jealous feeling and learning how best to cope or possibly modify our feelings or actions. 4. Secrets are okay even in a loving relationship. Full disclosure is important for any relationship to survive. The two main reasons as to why most people opt to keep secrets from their partners is out of fear of losing them or that their partners feeling would be hurt if they were to find out the truth. If one fear telling their partner something out of fear that they will lose them, then the question is do they really have them to begin with? There is no relationship that is smooth to the end. Matter of fact how the relationship responds when faced with an issue that may end it is what defines just how strong the love is between the two people. However, before revealing a secret to the partner, one needs to anticipate the kind of reaction they are likely to get and decide on how best to respond to them. The truth has a way of coming out at one point or another (Collins, 2006). However, there is no “one shoe fits all” concerning secrets in a relationship. All situations vary which also means that the gravity of the situation will also vary. People are also different, and how one responds to a particular situation does not determine how everyone else will react when faced with a similar situation. People in love are farmiliar and understand each other better than anyone else would. Therefore, it would mean that when one opts to keep a secret from their partner, they know why. A successful long-term relationship means willingness to share your vulnerabilities and strengths with your partner, and a little sensitivity to the results likely to come about because of sharing and complete openness. Communication is key to the long term survival of any relationship and the minute that partners feel like they have to keep secrets from each other, there is a likelihood that the relationship may not survive that long. Once a partner finds out that the secret was being kept from them, they will tend to grow suspicious questioning what else their partner may have lied about. 5. Loving someone involves accepting risk. There is no certainty on how any relationship will ever turn out. It is all a mystery. No one knows how long it will last or if the other person is truly in love with you or just wasting your time. However, eventually, that should not stop someone from enjoying the feeling and being happy, no matter how short the period will last. When you fall in love with someone, you are at the risk of facing rejection (Collins, 2006). Maybe not immediately, but sometime in the future. To enjoy the feeling of being in love and to be loved back in return, one fully gives themselves to their partners without any reservations. There is no love without risk, and worst of all, there is no love without loss. This does not only apply to romantic relationships but also the other forms of love. A good example would be the love of a mother for her child. As the child matures, they begin to pull away bit by bit. Then they go to college, get a job and probably start a family of their own. As much it is not a total loss, part of you shall have lost the child you were so used to having around. However, this should not be a reason for one to only not give love a chance. Nothing in this life comes so easy without some form of risk. Deciding not to risk and love would imply that we would not receive love in return. 6. If you are unfaithful in a love relationship, you have the obligation to tell your partner. This statement is not necessarily correct. The decision to disclose infidelity to one’s partner is dependent of one’s personal beliefs and virtues. The field of ethics is broadly classified into two groups, the good and the right. Those who belong to the good group believe that disclosing infidelity to your partner may not be the right decision considering the impact it is likely to have on your relationship. Those on the right group believe that right is right and wrong is wrong, and it is, therefore, imperative that when one cheats on their spouse they are honest about it. Unfortunately, once cheating has taken place, it brings with it other bigger problems. This makes it difficult for an individual to choose whether to be honest with their partner about the infidelity. The fact that one chose to cheat on their partner shows that the relationship may be having a problem (Collins, 2006). Opting not to be honest about it is simply ignoring the problem. There is a high chance that ignoring the problem will not make it go away, it will actually make it grow out of proportion and possibly lead to the end of the relationship. Honesty will be helpful in determining exactly what the problem is in the relationship and whether or not it can be repaired. Most people tend to react blindly to cheating, possibly by seeking revenge and doing something they will inevitably regret. This is why it is vital to look for professional help if at all one is hoping to save the relationship. In addition, there is bigger social circle to consider before becoming open about an infidelity. This includes the kids and the extended family. Breaking up after one partner was unfaithful brings with it many consequences, which is why the decision about whether or not to be honest is highly personal and complex matter. Reference Collins, M. (2006). Modern love: Personal relationships in twentieth-century Britain. Newark: Univ. of Delaware Press. Read More