The Relationship Between Gender And Politeness - Essay Example

Politeness has been defined as the expression of good manners and etiquette (Wikipedia). It differs from culture to culture. What may be consideredgood in one culture may be considered rude in another. The ultimate purpose of politeness is that both parties be comfortable and relaxed. In different social situations it is obligatory to be polite and use socially acceptable phrases. The connection between language and society is called sociolinguistics. It is the effect of the society on the language. Brown and Levinson thus designed four different politeness strategies depending upon the individual relation and the situation – Bald on-record, positive politeness, negative politeness and Off-record-indirect strategy. According to Brown, women are more sensitive than men to face the needs of others and hence are largely more polite than men are. What is the relationship between gender and politeness and do men and women use politeness to index their social position? Brown and Levinson argue that everyone has a sense of their own and others’ face. This is known as self-esteem. The face has two aspects characterized by two wants. The positive face is the want that one’s own want is desirable to others. The negative face on the other hand is that others do not impede our actions. If one is not conscious of these two wants then there are chances of conflict. To avoid the possibilities of conflict politeness strategies are used and women are more conscious of avoiding conflicts. Sara Mills (2000) gives a new dimension to both the terms – gender and politeness. Gender and politeness cannot be generalized. It has to be analyzed in the perspective of the race, class, the particular situation, and the goals and interests in which politeness occurs. Mills states that politeness has to be observed over a period of time and it should be seen within the context of the community of practice. Women adopt different strategies in different situations. A general notion prevalent is that women talk more than men talk and are more vocal about their feelings but an experiment proved otherwise (More Gender Speech Issues). Marjorie Swacker gave three pictures to men and women separately and they were asked to describe it in as much time as they wanted. The average time that men took was 13 minutes while the women averaged at 3:17 minutes. Women should talk less and men should remain ‘calm’ has been culturally accepted by all societies round the world. According to Nancy Bonvillain (Politeness & Gender) women use more polite speech than do women; they are more conscious of the honor of the person or the hearer. Society has predominantly been male-dominated and they have been asserting themselves at every stage. Traditionally a woman first was under the protection of her father, then at the mercy of the husband and finally under the son. She was never allowed to assert herself. In fact, it was considered a disgrace if a woman was aggressive in her speech. Therefore, it was always expected that a woman should ‘behave like a lady’. A ‘lady’ is synonymous with calm and peace. She always had to look up to the man in her life. The sociolinguists described that ‘it reflects the role of the inferior status being expected to respect the superior’ (Politeness and Gender). For violating the norms of language or tone in a given situation, men’s impoliteness would be overlooked saying, ‘well boys will be boys’ but if women spoke the same way they would be rebuked and asked to behave themselves. Men were always encouraged to cultivate a deep masculine voice whereas women reminded to talk softly. Even amongst the teenagers, the boys would give instructions to the mother even to fix a button whereas a girl would always make a request. These values and traditions continue in the society even today and women are definitely more polite than men are. It is culturally and socially accepted and expected that women are more polite than men are. This implies that gender specific psyches stem from nurture rather than nature. Nurture affects and shapes the nature and the men and women develop different cognitive styles imposed by the society (Gender and Language Use). Studies conducted by the American sociolinguist Labov and the British anthropologist Trudgill (cited in Gender and Language Use) indicated that women used more standard language than did men regardless of their socio-economic level, age and race. They surmised that it was the result of the childhood societal norms which women were expected to follow. Girls play in small groups, have intimate friends, and are encouraged to talk softly; boys play in large groups, have more flexibility in the use of language, and hence learn more of confrontational speech (Erin Thompson). Thompson further maintains ‘speaking non-standard forms is an expression of both freedom and creative power in which females were not allowed to participate’. Today this may appear as compliance of social norms but it is the result of long-standing social imprisonment. Their politeness is in essence an index to their social position. Men and women have different social statuses, their conversational pattern differs which reflects the social inequality that exists between them (Stern, 1994, cited by Thompson). Thompson describes the result of an investigation on mixed gender conversations, which revealed that male speakers caused all the overlaps and 96% of the interruptions were men interrupting women. In fact, men even infringe on women’s right to speak. This again endorses the fact the women are definitely more polite than men are. Women use language primarily to establish connections and negotiate relationships; men use it to preserve independence, to negotiate and maintain status. Women can personalize conversations and are generally consciousness of their social status. They are careful what to speak where; they follow the norms of the right communication, at the right time with the right person in the right manner. Men do not indulge in personal relations and generally try to exhibit superiority. It could be the suppression and oppression in the earlier days that made the women meek, docile, and polite in their mannerisms. Both men and women, depending upon the circumstances, use negative and positive politeness strategies. If a person requests of a teacher or a parent ‘ Is it alright if you use this pen?’ denotes positive politeness strategy where the speaker is conscious of the desire of the hearer to be respected. It also implies that both have a friendly relation. This is usually found in groups or social gatherings where people are familiar with each other. The purpose is also to establish a positive relationship between the two parties concerned. Women demonstrate close relations and get close faster than men get and hence are more likely to use this strategy. Negative politeness on the other hand employs indirect speech. Here too the speaker realizes the need to respect the other person but also feels that he or she is imposing on the other person. The speech would go thus, ‘I do not want to bother you but…’. Negative politeness usually denotes an awkward situation or social distance between the two parties concerned. Honorific terms as Mr. or Sir are used to address the other person, which denotes respect as well as distance (Penn State News). This strategy is often useful in workplace negotiations and women tend to use it more often than men do. Too much use of negative politeness can result in miscommunication. Many theorists have criticized Brown & Levinson’s politeness strategies. A threat to a person’s face is called a Face Threatening Acts (FTA) and then the impoliteness has to be repaired. Mills argues that ‘politeness is already gendered, classed and raced, so that stereotypically it bears a signature of middle class, white femininity and this trace lingers on in the way that individuals react politely or impolitely, in the way that they react to politeness and impoliteness, and also whether they recognize an utterance as polite or impolite’. This leads one to expect what level of politeness to expect from which gender. When the same sentence comes from the boss to the secretary it can be termed as polite but when it is from the secretary to the boss, it would be considered impolite. Hence, sociolinguists feel that Brown & Levinson have limitations in their strategies and assumptions. The Cross Cultural Linguistic Politeness Research group observed that politeness is not merely a set of linguistic strategies; it is a general way of behaving as well as an assessment about an individual (cited by Sara Mills). Mills further cites that Janet Holmes observed that polite are those who avoid obvious face-threatening acts. Most theorists and sociolinguists agree that in general women are more polite than men are. To women language is the means to reach out to people and build relations while men use it as a tool for receiving and conveying information. According to Holmes, politeness should be non-imposing and should not create distance, which is exactly what the women aim at in being polite. It is a male-dominated society despite changes. Women have already been groomed to ‘be polite’ since childhood and this cannot be altered overnight even if he women feel they need to be more vocal like the men. This is the culture and the accepted norm and is here to stay. References: Sara Mills (2000), Rethinking Politeness, Impoliteness and Gender Identity, 25 December 2005 Erin Thompson (1996), Gender and Language Use, 25 December 2005 Nancy Bonvillain (1997), Politeness and Gender, 25 December 2005 More Gender Speech Issues (1997), 25 December 2005 Wikipedia, Sociolinguistics, 25 December 2005 Politeness (1997), < http://logos.uoregon.edu/explore/socioling/politeness.html> 25 December 2005 Wikipedia, Politeness, 25 December 2005 Negative Politeness may be more Successful in Difficult Workplace Negotiation (2000), 25 December 2005 Politeness Strategies (1997), < http://logos.uoregon.edu/explore/socioling/strat.html> 25 December 2005 Read More