Family Genogram - Essay Example

Genogram Essay

Shawnette Simons

Regent University

HSC 544/PAC 544/MHPS 624

Marriage & Relationship Counseling

Smyrna Khalaf, PhD

June 28, 2020

Female

Male

Deceased Female

Deceased Male

GENOGRAM KEY

Genogram Essay

A genogram refers to a person’s family pictorial display that helps to bring out the relationship they have with other family members. The traits to be analyzed in this genogram are the relationships between partners and how they have affected the generations as they perpetuate from one generation to the other. The analysis also focuses on the health issues that are rampant throughout both families on the genogram and the mental state of the various family members. This also includes the similarities in both the family structures for Troy and me, as we come from huge families. The genogram begins with our deceased grandparents.

My grandmother was an incredible young and beautiful girl who became pregnant at the tender age of 15 years due to forced marriage. She used to be a tranquil person and had limited education. My grandmother used to work in a hotel but it was short-lived as she was a housewife for a large proportion of her life. On the other hand, my grandfather was quite a good-looking man who also was quiet and started working as a mason at a tender age. He had limited education as he had to drop out of school in the 6th grade to go and work so that he could help support his family.

The little education that my grandfather had proved to be vital in his life as it helped him learn and acquire skills to be used in carrying out his work at such an early age. The skills he gained made him work for many years on end. Seemingly, the crafts made him become one of the best Masons in Bermuda despite having limited education. Over the years, my grandfather became an alcoholic. The alcohol consumption made him unable to work and eventually caused his untimely death.

Troy's grandparents were very young when they began dating and eventually got married back in the 1960s. They both worked in the school system as cleaners and gave up their eldest child to their parents to bring him up. Giving up the first-born child seems like something that often happens in both the families. For instance, my grandmother gave her eldest daughter to her parents, and my mother gave me up to her eldest sister to take care of me. At that time, there were relationship issues within their marriage and relationships did not last for long as they would later end in divorce.

The leading causes of marriage breakups were quarreling and disagreements within the families on this genogram. The other contributors to breakups were lack of education, structure, and even discipline in their homes. This would eventually be compounded by traits of anger, resentment, jealousy, and competitiveness within the setup. My mother, her brothers, and even their sisters only had girls and they ended up passing such character traits down to them as the next generation. These traits continue to be passed down through generations and are still a vital part of the Burch family. Sisters are even against their sisters and the cousins also carry the same resentment towards each other within the families.

Given that my grandfather was always missing from home, his daughters became very promiscuous at an early age. From this perspective, my mother and her sisters were able to come and go as they wished at any time of the day while they were young. It seems as if my grandfather's absence due to his work allowed his daughters to become rebellious and undisciplined in their lives. However, he passed the hardworking trait to my uncle who still poses it to date. This is because my grandfather used to spend more time with his sons while he was busy working and this helped them learn the skills of working to become family providers.

Troy's family side is not that different either as the grandfather and grandmother came from a background that had limited education. This resulted in the poor or harsh standards that they were brought up in during their lives. Jealousy, competitiveness, and meanness are characters which are rampant within Troy's family. Being mean and angry has been passed from the parents to their children and grandchildren simultaneously within the family. I never knew or understood how jealousy, competitiveness, anger, and resentment could be passed through families. Still, I have learned that these traits can be inherited or be passed down from one generation to the other if no one has tried to deal with them through counseling and therapy.

The same traits also manifested among my aunts and uncles when I was growing up. As the third born child in a family of nine, my mother was always guided by anger that ran through the family while making her decisions. She even carried this anger us as her children while we were growing up. At the same time, Troy's grandparents' were mean and angry as a married couple. His parents were also mean, and now there is a direct inherency of these traits in him.

Our Christian foundation came as a result of my great-grandmother as she always attended church. She was also known for her sweet spirit and love of the Bible. I recall the times that I needed to find a given scripture in the Bible and I would reach out to her where she would easily find the verse as she knew exactly where to find them in the Bible. I also believe that she loved her family as we would always seek her advice and she was happy to be of service to us. I feel this made her feel loved and useful within our family. On the other hand, Troy's aunt, his mother's sister, played a vital role in bringing him up together with his siblings as they were growing up. His aunt Levyette would transport them to church every Sunday and they even sang in the choir which was made up of him and his siblings.

Forgiveness towards our grandparents for their lack of parenting skills will allow us to move past all the real anger, resentment, and jealousy towards each other. The real enemy is not the siblings or parents. It is the inability to forgive as the family continues to live in the past. The pain of the past has crippled the family lines from becoming free and unable to move forward. Continuing to live in this vicious cycle will affect the forthcoming generations due to lack of love and nurturing. As the families continue this cycle, it will lead them to make poor choices for their lifelong partners as they will prove to be abuse in their marriages. The poor choices for the partners shall also be based on ending up with alcoholics, drug users, or even non-communicators. Being competent in choosing the right partner is not one of our strengths-based on our family backgrounds.

However, ​ something good was deposited in my mother’s life by having a father that always worked despite his absenteeism. Her family members are hard working in the same way my mother is and they have provided better homes for their children while some have more than three homes. They love their children despite the lack of love or nurturing that was shown towards them as children by my grandparents. Not being loved or nurtured as children by their parents has not prevented them from being better parents to their children.

Even though we had a spiritual foundation, the enemy somehow crept in and always kept confusion and strife lurking amongst the family. Our family was taught to be in church and seek God personally to build a relationship based on a Christian lifestyle. We believed that to be God-fearing people, we needed to be in church physically and pray to God. Being saved was necessary for us to have God in our hearts.

In the end, we were able to discern the love that our Great-grandma Dorothy, my grandmother's mother, had as it was unforgettable. I, for one, can imagine and picture the love of God in her and towards other people. My great-grandmother was the foundation for the love of God in our family as she was highly respected and admired by her husband, family, and the community at large. In the end, she passed this to her daughter, my grandmother, who ensured that her grandchildren loved and respected God at all times. The fear of God in us to serve him was far from within our hearts as it was more than being or going to the church building. The grandmother would always teach us to have a personal relationship with Christ and how to seek him while growing in his grace.

On the other hand, my great grandfather took good care of the family while providing for their needs. This allowed my great grandmother to be the loving person she was as she did not have to worry about how she would provide for her family. Her husband did provide for the family needs and this stability was the substance that allowed her to be the more significant person she was in life. Having this security was what contributed to her success as a mother and ultimately, a powerful woman of God.

The leading causes of marriage breakups were quarreling and disagreements within the families on this genogram. The other contributors to breakups were lack of education, structure, and even discipline in their homes. This would eventually be compounded by traits of anger, resentment, jealousy, and competitiveness within the setup. My mother, her brothers, and even their sisters only had girls and they ended up passing such character traits down to them as the next generation. These traits continue to be passed down through generations and are still a vital part of the Burch family. Sisters are even against their sisters and the cousins also carry the same resentment towards each other within the families.

Given that my grandfather was always missing from home, his daughters became very promiscuous at an early age. From this perspective, my mother and her sisters were able to come and go as they wished at any time of the day while they were young. It seems as if my grandfather's absence due to his work allowed his daughters to become rebellious and undisciplined in their lives. However, he passed the hardworking trait to my uncle who still poses it to date. This is because my grandfather used to spend more time with his sons while he was busy working and this helped them learn the skills of working to become family providers.

Troy's family side is not that different either as the grandfather and grandmother came from a background that had limited education. This resulted in the poor or harsh standards that they were brought up in during their lives. Jealousy, competitiveness, and meanness are characters which are rampant within Troy's family. Being mean and angry has been passed from the parents to their children and grandchildren simultaneously within the family. I never knew or understood how jealousy, competitiveness, anger, and resentment could be passed through families. Still, I have learned that these traits can be inherited or be passed down from one generation to the other if no one has tried to deal with them through counseling and therapy.

The same traits also manifested among my aunts and uncles when I was growing up. As the third born child in a family of nine, my mother was always guided by anger that ran through the family while making her decisions. She even carried this anger us as her children while we were growing up. At the same time, Troy's grandparents' were mean and angry as a married couple. His parents were also mean, and now there is a direct inherency of these traits in him.

Our Christian foundation came as a result of my great-grandmother as she always attended church. She was also known for her sweet spirit and love of the Bible. I recall the times that I needed to find a given scripture in the Bible and I would reach out to her where she would easily find the verse as she knew exactly where to find them in the Bible. I also believe that she loved her family as we would always seek her advice and she was happy to be of service to us. I feel this made her feel loved and useful within our family. On the other hand, Troy's aunt, his mother's sister, played a vital role in bringing him up together with his siblings as they were growing up. His aunt Levyette would transport them to church every Sunday and they even sang in the choir which was made up of him and his siblings.

Forgiveness towards our grandparents for their lack of parenting skills will allow us to move past all the real anger, resentment, and jealousy towards each other. The real enemy is not the siblings or parents. It is the inability to forgive as the family continues to live in the past. The pain of the past has crippled the family lines from becoming free and unable to move forward. Continuing to live in this vicious cycle will affect the forthcoming generations due to lack of love and nurturing. As the families continue this cycle, it will lead them to make poor choices for their lifelong partners as they will prove to be abuse in their marriages.