What Happens to Kids When Parents Do Not Pay Attention to Them because They Are Busy Working - Essay Example

?Every child that enters this world is a gift of God. A child does not have a choice when s/he is brought into this world. The choices and/or mistakes are wholly those of parents. Hence parents must think carefully about what being a parent will entail before they decide to have a child. A child is a tremendous responsibility, and its needs must be carefully taken into account before parents decide to have children. Children are totally dependent on adults at the time of birth, and to a great extent till the time they are equipped with the tools to be able to fend for themselves. Besides the basic physical needs of a child like food, clothing, medical care, education and a safe environment in which to grow; other needs that are of great importance to a child’s well being, and those that can impact the child’s future, are emotional needs; that if neglected, can scar a child for life, and cause untold damage to the child as well as to the society in which s/he lives. The problems of neglect among today’s kids are increasing. Till the first part of the twentieth century, these problems were not so evident. The support of extended families and the role of the mother who was a homemaker, ensured that enough time was given to kids although families were larger then, than they are today. As more and more women began to work and set up nuclear families the problem of children's needs being neglected has arisen, and of late has assumed gargantuan proportions. Today parents’ neglect of their children stems not just from lack of time or resources, but often is caused by parents being more self centered and putting their own need for having a good time before the needs of their children. Sometimes it is also caused because parents themselves have been victims of neglect and /or victims of drug abuse. It is shocking that these problems should arise at a time when family planning methods are easily available and parents have the choice of planning their family. Raising a child is a tremendous responsibility and the best parents have sometimes been stumped by the demands and pressures that a child is capable of putting on them. There is no question of quality time. Child raising is a job without hours and one that can try the patience of a saint. Yet, according to many parents who have successfully raised families with all the attendant problems, it is a tremendously satisfying and joyful experience. Those parents who can balance work and home life find that parenting is less stressful. One has to re-evaluate priorities and make some choices and hard decisions when one plans a family. A parent’s love for the child is the motivating factor that goads parents to make many adjustments in their lifestyle for their children. The bond that develops between loving, caring parents and their children makes children want to please their parents. The development of this bond of love between parents and their children is an important factor for the healthy physical, mental and emotional development of children, that can have long term consequences on the kind of human beings that children grow up to be. Babies need a lot of time because they are so helpless and need parents to fulfil every need. During the first few months after childbirth, the mother too is going through a lot of emotional stress and needs the support of her husband and other close family members. As the child begins to grow, s/he is learning at a fast pace and the need to feel loved, protected and secure is very great. At this point the toddler needs the reassurance of being loved and valued. As s/he conquers new milestones, the pride of parents in his/her achievement is the highlight of the toddler’s day and s/he strives to repeat the newly learned skill. In the growing years, children often have to be reprimanded for bad behavior or mistakes that are an inevitable part of growing up. At such times parents must ensure that the child’s mistake has been explained and understood. If a child does not understand why s/he is punished the same mistakes are often repeated without the child being aware that s/he has made a mistake. While punishing a child for misdeeds is necessary, it is equally important to reward and praise achievements, so the child grows up with a sense of self worth. An important factor to be noted while disciplining a child is that although punishment is necessary, it should be such that the child does not feel a sense of shame or injustice that can lead to feelings of low self esteem. If a child is publicly humiliated s/he can feel it is an injustice or shame leading to emotional problems. Handling a child’s mistakes and misbehaviors are a challenge for the parents too and much thought must be given before action is taken. A good way to build rapport with children is to play games with them or watch a favorite game or show together,or go shopping or eating out so that kids can communicate with parents. Problems of neglecting children stem from the fact that parents are unable to give adequate time and attention to the needs of their families. It is particularly stressful for working women, for whom it is a continuous juggling act between their jobs and families, leading to stress levels that become harmful both for themselves as well as for their children. When parents are at home, they might feel that they are giving time to their children while they manage kids along with household chores, but this is a fallacy. The full attention of their parents for some time everyday, is an important ingredient to enable children to feel safe, secure and an important part of their parents’ lives. All humans need to feel loved, a child needs to be shown a parent’s love physically by touching, hugging, kissing and paying attention to what the child is trying to tell the parent, all the while maintaining close physical contact through which the parent is able to communicate feelings of caring. A child needs to feel accepted by his near and dear ones, and the attention a child gets from parents is a positive way of reinforcing acceptance, and letting the child know that s/he can bring problems to parents who will help solve them. This rapport and communication between parents and children is built up during the early years and becomes very important during the teenage years when kids are grappling with multiple problems like hormonal changes that give rise to feelings of insecurity. When these needs of the child are neglected, it gives rise to behavioral problems like throwing tantrums in very young children to mental problems in older children and even drug use and teen suicides due to a feeling of being unwanted and unloved. Child neglect occurs when parents do not fulfil their obligations of caring and providing for their children, and being unable or unwilling to monitor or supervise the children's activities. The first sign that a child is going through feelings of neglect often go unnoticed, because children often throw tantrums because they are either used to getting their own way, or because it is the easiest way to get parents to listen to them. Such behavior is quite common and to a large extent normal in the age group 2 to 5 years. Sometimes these behaviors stem from the child being unable to communicate adequately and unable to control his/her frustration or anger. At other times such behaviors are noticed among children who face developmental challenges and are under stress due to these. Helping such children with patience and love and encouraging their efforts, go a long way in instilling positive feelings that help them overcome their insecurities. However, when children get overly aggressive and begin hitting, biting, kicking and scratching peers in school for no obvious reason, it means something is not quite right. This kind of behavior is indicative of a child not getting enough attention and demanding it in a negative way. Teachers and caregivers today are grappling with such behavioral problems all the time. Some of them stem from over indulging the child, while others are due to either over disciplining or just plain neglect. Sometimes parents feel guilt at not being able to spend enough time with their children. They try to assuage their guilt by giving in to every demand, pampering the child with toys and goodies, and trying to make it up to the child. Children too begin to take advantage of this, and become more and more demanding, throwing tantrums at the slightest sign of parents going against their wishes. As America’s Civil Rights leader Jesse Jackson once rightly commented “Your children need your presence more than your presents”. ( Jackson Jesse) At this stage, these problems can be corrected if parents and teachers or caregivers can chalk out a plan to give a child the confidence s/he lacks about the parents’ love, by giving him/her extra time and individual attention, till these negative feelings are overcome. Neglecting to give adequate attention to a child’s needs over long periods of time, can result in impaired or delayed brain development leading to psychological and behavioral problems. Research shows that the first few years of life are crucial to a child’s brain development, when the rate at which neural synapses form is very high. Children who are neglected during these years suffer developmental disabilities, and are more likely to suffer from difficulties in forming relationships. Unfortunately, since this neglect goes undetected, by the time the issue comes to the notice of a professional, a child’s social skills may be impaired for life. A medical condition associated with child neglect is "failure to thrive," which can be defined as "children whose growth deviates significantly from the norms for their age and gender. (Weinstein & Weinstein, 2000) Today in most homes both parents need to work to make ends meet and also put away something for emergencies. There are some truly valuable results when kids can have a parent in the home full time. Yet, this job is more stressful than an eight hour shift in office. The skills that this job requires are infinite patience, and being able to improvise quickly, with wisdom and the ability to get down to a child’s level to explain why something is permissible and something else is not. Where does a parent get this capacity for patience and wisdom? As Richard Waters counsels “We need some time every day when we can be quiet without all the “busy-ness” and demands of life pressing in on us — that may be through yoga or meditation, but it could also be going for a walk, being in the garden — whatever quietens you down” (Waters, How Much Attention do Children Need?). There are some priceless positives to being a full time parent. Studies have shown some marked differences between the kids of working parents and those where one parent stays at home. When the parent/s gets more time with kids, they are able to assess the strengths and weaknesses of their children, and hence better able to guide them with homework or choosing careers etc. These kids also show more confidence in themselves, do better at school and are better equipped to handle problems. They also have better social skills and are more content. Parenting is one of the most difficult jobs, needing a vast fund of wisdom, tolerance patience, understanding and the ability to forgive. The job is difficult, but the rewards of a job well done are very satisfying. What is needed is the ability to organise lives so there is adequate time for children. As School Founder, Vijayadev Yogendra, writes in his book Good Parenting “I have come to the conclusion that the approach one has to take in parenting is more a matter of looking at oneself, improving oneself and becoming a better person who is more content, patient and tolerant.” (Yogendra Vijayadev) Works Cited Jackson Jesse Web March 25 2012 Waters Richard Web march 25 2012 How Much Attention do Children Need? Published on web site: May 2011 Weinstein & Weinstein , 2000 Child Neglect: A Guide for Prevention, Assessment and Intervention Authors Children's Bureau, Office on Child Abuse and Neglect. DePanfilis, Diane Year Published: 2006 Web March 2012 Yogendra Vijayadev Web March 25 2012 How Much Attention do Children Need? Read More