Friendships as a Type of Unique Bond - Research Paper Example

?Conflict in friendships "Human relationships…are the building blocks of healthy development." (Shonkoff and Phillips, 2000: 4) Introduction Friendships or rather friends occupy a pivotal place in the lives of all human beings, and play a significant role in their overall development. According to Blum (1980) friendship is a type of unique bond which humans share with fellow beings, and entails a moral understanding involving a range of feelings and emotions such as care and concern for each other; kindness; empathy; understanding; compliance; and even a strong keenness to go out of their way to help their friends. Such love, care and understanding the relationship is based on the knowledge and trust on each other (Damon, 1977; Selman, 1980). It has also been observed through research, that close relationships play a key role in the socialization process during adolescence which in turn helps in an individual’s overall development of self. Friends become an integral part of people, during adolescence, when their dependence on their parents lessens, and that on their peers or people their own age, grow over time. However, interpersonal conflicts between friends are common, and given the high amount of reliance and interdependence on each other, such conflicts can prove to be devastating to their mental and physical health. This paper aims to study, analyze and discuss the normative aspects of such interpersonal conflicts among friends. Review Findings: Interpersonal conflict can be defined as a dynamic process which takes place between individuals or groups in co-dependent or interdependent relationships. The chances of occurrence of such an event are directly dependent on factors such as situational or personal i.e. where there is a personal history of conflicts between the individuals concerned, or differences between the individuals; or it may be on account of their positions (Fink, 1968; Pondy, 1967; Wall and Callister, 1995). The term conflict on the other hand, can be described as one which includes the presence of one or more of the following factors – disagreements over various issues; interference; and / or negative emotion (Barki and Hartwick, 2001; Pondy, 1967; Wall and Callister, 1995). These above mentioned factors can also be described as cognitive factors, behavioral factors or affective factors influencing interpersonal conflicts. Although there are various other key reasons behind the occurrence of interpersonal conflicts between friends, one of the most researched topic is the one related to disagreements. Friends often tend to argue over a number of things. These arguments tend to be over various issues on which they disagree and stems from various factors such as differences in their personal values and attitudes, perspectives and notions, needs; interests, opinions and goals etc among others. Interpersonal conflict is associated with certain typical behavioral traits or reactions which include excessive arguments and debates over certain issues; constantly trying to compete with each other; attempts to manipulate the situations or friends; backstabbing – which is considered one of the most common reasons leading to interpersonal conflicts among friends; often leading to aggressive and hostile reactions and repercussions. Furthermore, it must also be noted that despite these traits being closely associated with interpersonal conflicts among friends, the mere existence of one or more of such behavioral traits does not necessarily imply the existence of a conflict. The conflict is known to exist / occur only when one friend tries to interfere or argue / debate / question the other friend’s behavior or motives, and prevents them from attaining their desired goals. Furthermore, apart from factors which are known to be the cause of conflicts between friends, there are a range of overwhelming emotions, which are also closely related with interpersonal conflicts. These include a series of negative emotions such as fear, hatred, agony, anger, frustration, anxiety etc among others. There has been a sudden rise in the literature concerning interpersonal conflicts among friends, as the concept has been realized to be of extreme significance in influencing the development of individuals. In order to examine the same, various theorists have focused on the assessing the issues over which young children and adolescent argue and express their disagreements. One such study focused on the interpersonal conflict between friends, stated that conflict act as means of expressing ones’ disagreements over issues considered to be important by those involved and reaffirming their expectations. Such issues help in identifying the key characteristics of interpersonal relationships i.e. the factors which are considered to be extremely crucial for the development and maintenance of interpersonal relationships (Rizzo, 1989). In yet another study focused on interpersonal conflicts between friends, the researchers focused on a group of youngsters, and observed the manner in which they tend to resolve the conflict and address the issues causing such conflicts (Dunn, 1988; Selman et al., 1986). This study was also aimed at understanding the level of interpersonal understanding that exists between them, and the effect of conflict and their reactions to it. Another study highlighted the relationship and association between interaction during conflicts and the resultant impact on their psychological and social development (Berkowitz, 1985; Nelson and Aboud, 1985). According to Shantz and Hartup (1992) the issues mentioned above, help in understanding the concept of interpersonal conflict and the role it plays in the personal growth and development of those involved. Most of the interpersonal conflicts occur in individuals during their adolescence and the same has been observed by researchers and theorists alike to draw meaningful conclusions regarding the repercussions of such conflicts on those involved. As previously discussed, it is during this period that the youngsters start to delineate from their parents and grow to be more dependent on their peers or people their age. This strong association and understanding between them, leads to a creation of a strong bond, and conflicts at such a stage may take a toll on their health as well as on their social development (Forman and Kraker, 1985; Hay, 1984; Shantz and Shantz, 1985). However, the seriousness or complexity of its outcome was not studied initially. It is only during the recent years, that the fact that interpersonal conflicts in friendships could be potentially dangerous for the well being of those involved, has been recognized and explored. The causes of interpersonal conflict have been examined since long, however, the repercussions which may take a toll on the individuals’ physical and mental health, have been recently studied and recognized as important, by researchers (Berndt, 1989). Although the conflict between peers is also a relatively important issue which could have more or less similar repercussions as that compared to those with friends, the same has been regarded as less serious, when compared to conflict between friends (Caplan et al., 1991; Hartup et al., 1988; Nelson and Aboud, 1985). Conflict between parent and child is claimed to have disastrous consequences on the development of their relationship, however, the structure of conflict and the outcomes differ in both the cases. According to researchers, the cognitive development and social skills are greatly involved and affected in case of interpersonal conflicts between friends (Selman, 1981; Nelson and Aboud, 1985), while in case of conflicts between siblings or parent and child, no such similarity has been observed. This is because, in case of conflicts between friends, the relationships between the individuals involved is symmetrical in nature, while in case of conflicts, arguments or disagreements between a parent and a child, the relationship between them is that of dominance of one over the other, since parents tend to invoke emotions / feelings of obedience from the child, and thus dominate the argument, leading to immediate curtailment of the argument. Whereas in case of friends, there is no such relationship of authority and both the parties involved are on an equal footing. Furthermore, apart from the influence and consequences of conflicts between friends, the causes or the onset of conflicts is also a significant part of studies. On the basis of various studies, researchers have established the context or the structure in which such conflicts occur. The same is explained as a series of inter-connected events which lead to interpersonal conflicts among friends. These include, the onset of conflict – i.e. the events which occur before a conflict occurs; the process of conflict – which refers to the events which occur ‘during’ a conflict and lastly the aftermath – which refers to the repercussions or consequences of such a conflict (Berscheid, 1986; Hay, 1984; Shantz, 1987; Shantz and Hobart, 1989). According to researchers, the conflicts between friends depend on the occurrence of events and the depth of relationships shared by the individuals Collins and Laursen, 1992). Although the various stages of conflict have been clearly identified, the identification of actual causes of conflicts helps in resolving the same. For instance, on the basis of various studies involving the study of group of adolescents it was observed that one of the main reasons / causes of conflict were observed to be – “untrustworthy” behavior by friends. Also, a significant difference between the conflicts was observed with regard to boys and girls. Boys identified ‘disrespectful’ behavior as one of the key reasons of conflict while girls stated the cause as ‘lack of interest or attention” shown by the other person / friend (Youniss and Smollar, 1985). With regard to strategies adopted for resolving and negotiating the conflicts, employed by friends, it was observed that boys mostly relied on aggression and identified aggressive behavior as one of the most effective ways perceived by them, to deal with conflicts while girls identified or displayed ‘withdrawal’ symptoms or aloofness as a reaction to conflict (Crick, 1989). However, these reactions tend to change over time, and older friends, are observed to resolve conflicts through sophisticated and rational techniques such as problem solving and mutual discussions (Selman et al., 1986; Yeates et al., 1991). Conclusion The interpersonal conflicts between friends depict the depth of relationship shared by individuals with their friends, and the trust, love and care they hold for each other. The occurrence of conflict, although natural, is bound to affect such relationships and cause the development of negative emotions among those involved. Feelings of pain, angst, agony and betrayal which are largely experienced across genders and regardless of age, cause serious impact on the overall development of individuals affected by such conflict, and the most likely impact is caused on their social development. Strategies for resolving conflicts differ across ages and genders, for instance where girls resorted to overt measures such as issuing personal apologies, boys on the other hand, ignored the fact that the fight ever occurred and carry on their relationships as normal. Interpersonal conflicts between friends cannot be eliminated completely although strategies to overcome such conflicts can be applied in a more fruitful manner, based on observations and experiences around us. Friends are an important and inevitable part of our lives, and interpersonal conflicts can have a serious negative impact on the development of individuals. References: Barki, H. and Hartwick, J. (2001). "Interpersonal Conflict and its Management in Information Systems Development, MIS Quarterly, 25: 217-250. Berkowitz, M. W. (Ed.) (1985). Peer Confl ict and Psychological Growth. New Directions for Child Development, 29. Jossey-Bass, San Francisco. Berndt. T. J. (1989). Contributions of peer relationships to children’s development. In Berndt, T. J., and Ladd, G. W. (eds.). Peer Relationships in Child Development. Wiley, New York. Blum, L. A. Friendship, altruism and morality. London: Routledge & Kegan Paul, 1980. Caplan, M., Bennetto, L., and Weissberg, R. P. (1991). 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