How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie - Research Paper Example

Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence people Dale Carnegie’s book en d How to Win Friends and Influence People was first published in 1936 and has been translated in many languages around the world. The book has been very successful because it deals with a topic that concerns all people and addresses human relationships and interactions. Carnegie advocates displaying a positive attitude, willingness to spend time, energy and efforts as foundations of a strong human relation, but he also recommends appreciation, commitment to the other and sincere interest as important aspects of building relationships. He recognizes the power of the human mind that determines the sense of happiness. However, he also warns against criticism, self-centeredness and shallowness and qualifies them as destructive to any relationship. Carnegie foregrounds the negative impact of criticism in human relations because it severely affects the person’s self-esteem and puts him/her in self-defense with the feeling of being attacked. He focuses on how criticism ruins human relationships and recommends leaving it altogether if we want to maintain genuine interpersonal connections: The author informs: “Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a persons precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment”(Carnegie 23). This violation of the person’s integrity affects their pride and creates a feeling of rejection that deteriorates the relationships between the people. Instead of criticism, Carnegie advocates a diplomat attitude deeply rooted on being positive and rejecting any form of negativity. He gives the example of this famous personality in American history: “Benjamin Franklin, tactless in his youth, became so diplomatic, so adroit at handling people, that he was made American Ambassador to France. The secret of his success? ‘will speak ill of no man,’ he said, ‘ . . and speak all the good I know of everybody’” (Carnegie 29). This change of attitude gave Franklin the opportunity to become one of the greatest men in American history. Therefore, Carnegie associates success to a positive attitude that consists of eliminating anything negative while focusing on the good aspects of people and things. Besides, appreciation represents one of the most important concepts Carnegie recommends to use with the people around us. Getting recognition from family members, friends, employees, co-workers or any others makes people happy, elevate their self-esteem and encourages them to do more. Thus, people need to cultivate the habit of being appreciative of their relations’ actions because it generates a sense of gratitude and worth and allows the recognition of efforts. This statement reveals: “We nourish the bodies of our children and friends and employees, but how seldom do we nourish their self-esteem? We provide them with roast beef and potatoes to build energy, but we neglect to give them kind words of appreciation that would sing in their memories for years like the music of the morning stars” (Carnegie 39). This parallelism between food and appreciation demonstrates the importance of this kindness that nourishes self-esteem as food does the body. This possibility to raise people’s self-esteem through kind words has a long lasting effect on them that may generate happiness, confidence and encourage more positive actions. This critic argues: “Focus should be on improving good human relations by demonstrating good listening skills, effective communication, smiling and empathy towards the stakeholders. Genuine appreciation commensurate to the achievement will motivate people to perform better. Being proactive will give an edge over others and we need to always begin with end in mind” (B). Developing and implementing these aspects will improve human relations because people will feel very appreciative of these efforts. People are more likely to cooperate and be even more productive when effective communication, good listening skills and smiling are used either in the family or the workplace. Thus, making friends requires people to invest their time, energy and efforts in order to exhibit the proper behavior and undertake the right actions for the accomplishment of this relationship. Building a strong friendship goes with a strong determination to put the other person’s interest ahead and work meticulously to make them feel your presence, your efforts and more important show them that you care. This assertion reveals: “If we want to make friends, lets put ourselves out to do things for other people - things that require time, energy, unselfishness and thoughtfulness” (Carnegie 60). Therefore, friendship demands a strong commitment in the service of others in order to make them feel special and worthy. The author adds: “If we want to make friends, lets greet people with animation and enthusiasm. When somebody calls you on the telephone use the same psychology. Say ‘Hello’ in tones that bespeak how pleased YOU are to have the person call” (Carnegie 60). Basically, the ability to be friendly comes from within and needs to be openly expressed so that the other can feel it and respond positively to the attitude. People need to feel your enthusiasm, your livelihood and openness in order to adopt the same behavior. Unfortunately, many people are only interested in themselves and do not have time for others. This critic exposes: “Carnegie emphasises the self-absorbed nature of all of us but most particularly those with what we now call common mental disorder. He shows how concern for others, resilience in times of stress and exposure to what we fear (be they thoughts or things) are the keys to overcoming it” (King). However, caring for others may be a form of therapy that provides much good to the individual and helps face the challenges. However, the self-centered nature of human beings explains that people are more interested in themselves than in others. Therefore, it is not recommended to keep talking about yourself because people have their own interests, affairs, issues and even trouble that is more important to them than whatever you are telling them. Thus, keeping an interest in other people’s matters will earn you more friends than exposing yours. The author states: “Remember that the people you are talking to are a hundred times more interested in themselves and their wants and problems than they are in you and your problems. A persons toothache means more to that person than a famine in China which kills a million people” (Carnegie 84). Caring for the others and their preoccupations will make them feel important and compassionate whereas exposing yourself makes you boring and selfish. The author shares the secret of the success of a very influential man: “This policy of remembering and honoring the names of his friends and business associates was one of the secrets of Andrew Carnegies leadership. He was proud of the fact that he could call many of his factory workers by their first names, and he boasted that while he was personally in charge, no strike ever disturbed his flaming steel mills” (Carnegie 73). This tactic of making his employees feel important allowed him to earn their trust and loyalty that boast his business and ensure the stability of his firm. Giving the results of a survey these critics address the relationship between positive behavior and success in the business: “Whether the number of successful participants is fixed or relative to the number of participants, it is hardly surprising that there is a link between the social activity and later labor market outcomes” (Postlewaite & Silverman 4). Indeed, entertaining a good relationship with employees will make them more productive and committed for the success of the business. This emotional connection makes them care for you, in return, and then strives for the success of your enterprise. Besides, happiness is very important to human beings because everybody wants to be happy. However, there is a misconception about the concept because people tend to connect it to material possessions and other worldly matters. Therefore, people spend much time and effort trying to acquire these riches supposed to bring them happiness, but the concept relates more to your thought process and your inner feelings than anything else. The author argues: “Everybody in the world is seeking happiness - and there is one sure way to find it. That is by controlling your thoughts. Happiness doesnt depend on outward conditions. It depends on inner conditions” (Carnegie 67). This connection between happiness, thought process and inner feelings shows that it depends more on internal well-being than on external factors. Thus, a genuine friendship is likely to provide such feeling. This critic exposes the problem: Dale Carnegies How to Win Friends and Influence People deserves a second look. If you can put aside its focus of getting on in business, it offers insights into the human mind that have not been surpassed by the abundance of self-help books we see in bookshops now. That the way we think determines our happiness and fulfilment is an age-old idea contained in many philosophical and theological systems that have been rediscovered and expanded in cognitive–behavioural therapy today. (King) This statement supports the idea that happiness is closely related to the way people think as it all has to do with the way our mind functions. Moreover, sincerity must be the basis of every human relation because each side must believe genuinely in the interest shown to the other part. Any relationship not based on sincerity is doomed to fail because it may be rooted on false pretense. The commitment must also be mutual because a sided relationship cannot be fruitful and will result in failure. Therefore, both parties must invest time and effort in the relationship and express genuine interest. The author indicates: “A show of interest, as with every other principle of human relations, must be sincere. It must pay off not only for the person showing the interest, but for the person receiving the attention. It is a two-way street-both parties benefit” (Carnegie 63). The genuineness of the relationship guarantees the success of any friendship because both parties must benefit from the relation. However, some people cannot openly express their interest even if they may be able to maintain a strong friendship. This critic exposes: For many introverts, being forced to conform to a culture of extroversion has costs for their health, personal lives, and their sense of integrity and authenticity. While the ranks of tragic, unknown introverts are no doubt legion, throughout Quiet, Cain showcases the heroic use of "quiet power" by sketching the lives and accomplishments of Eleanor Roosevelt, Rosa Parks, Al Gore. (Pannapacker) Introversion does not necessarily mean an inability to engage in a friendship; however, introverts express their relations differently because they mostly keep to themselves. However, forcing them to become extroverts will not work and may result in failure. In addition, competition is part of the nature of human beings that makes them strive for success. People compete almost in every field in order to show their talent, to express themselves or to win honors and awards. This fierce competition has certainly a negative impact on human relationships and friendship building in particular. The author addresses this longing for success: “That is what every successful person loves: the game. The chance for self-expression. The chance to prove his or her worth, to excel, to win. That is what makes foot-races and hog-calling and pie-eating contests. The desire to excel. The desire for a feeling of importance”(Carnegie 151). This drive for success that characterizes humans calls for more self-centeredness that may conflict with winning friends. However, adopting a positive behavior and putting the right time, energy and effort will secure genuine results. This critic advocates Carnegie’ s theory: “Perhaps students can learn more about effective technology diffusion by studying the behavior of the used car salesperson and reading Dale Carnegie’s (1982) How to Win Friends and Influence People than we can by studying mathematical models of decision making” (Mallot). Nevertheless, others are skeptical about the efficiency of this theory: “Even a general-sounding type of success, like Dale Carnegies winning friends and influencing people, is not truly universal since it is obvious that one could master this art and yet fail at such things as sports, teaching, military strategy, debating, poetry, etc” (Finochiaro). Carnegie’s theory does not certainly work for everybody and people do not have the same abilities, so many people are not ready for such commitment. Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People presents helpful advice about how to win friends and have an influence on other people. The book foregrounds positive attitude as an important asset in winning friends and proposes a strong commitment with the determination to invest time, energy and effort in order to build a strong relationship. Carnegie also recommends appreciation, genuine interest, and making the other feel important as key components in building friendship: “The use of gentleness and friendliness is demonstrated day after day by people who have learned that a drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall” (Carnegie 120). This focus on kindness represents an important part of winning friends and influencing others. However, criticism, self-centeredness and insincere commitment ruin any human relations. Works Cited Primary Source Carnegie, Dale. How to Win Friends and Influence People. Newsgroup. Alt.binaries.e-book, 1981. Web. 8 Apr. 2014. Secondary Sources B, Jagadish. “Improving Personal Effectiveness by Influencing People and Developing Habits.” ABHINAV National Monthly Refereed Journal of Research in Commerce & Management 2.12. 116-20. ABHINAV. Web. 8 Apr. 2014. Finocchiaro, Maurice A. “Informal Logic and the Theory of Reasoning.” Informal Logic 6.2 (1984): 1-6. Philpapers. Web. 8 Apr. 2014. King, Michael. “Chosen by Michael King.” British Journal of Psychiatry 2007. BJ PSYCH. Web. 8 Apr. 2014. Malott, Richard W. “The Problem: Behavior Analysis Has Too Little Impact.” Journal of Behavior Analysis 10.60 (2004): 1-6. ProQuest. Web. 8 Apr. 2014. Pannapacker, William. “Screening out the Introverts.” The Chronicle of Higher Education 2012. Chronicle. Web. 8 Apr. 2014. Postlewaite, Andrew, and Dan Silverman. “Non-Cognitive Skills, Social Success, and Labor Market Outcomes.” Journal of Economic Inequality 3.3(2006): 243-262. Academic Search Premier. Web. 8 Apr. 2014. Read More