The Increasing Rate of Divorces - Essay Example

Divorce With the increasing number of marriages ending in divorces, it has become of upmost significance to discover and analyze the principles of marriage and the mistakes that couples make. Divorce can be an outcome of misunderstandings, failure of fulfilment of expectations, infidelities, and lack of individual identity, losing personal aims or inability to share same ideologies. With every couple, the reasons and mistakes are different and diverse. All in all, divorce has become an answer to claim one’s personal identity and true self in many modern couples and also the only possible solution to their problems. This increasing rate of divorces can be blamed on an imbalance between understanding the other person and maintaining one’s own self-esteem at the same time. The inability of the couples to appreciate their partner and the values of marriage has led to the soaring statistics of divorces (Kramer). With the advent of the same-sex marriages and state laws permitting them, a difference can be seen in couple behaviors and relationship attitudes between the same-sex and heterosexual couples. A very intriguing concept put forward by Peter D. Kramer, analyses the values of autonomy and mutuality amongst the couples and the importance of their equivalent preservation. Autonomy is one of those values that is imprinted in the American psychology and even in marriages the couples are emphasizing on maintaining their self-beliefs and their true identity against whatever the circumstances. Carl Roger states that, “a successful marriage is one that increases the self-actualization of each member”. In olden times, only men were privileged with this right of self-governance, however 1970’s introduced this ideology to the women as well. It is important to note here, when both members of the couple assert their self-importance and individuality, it is a step forward towards progress and social evolvement. But the irony of this concept is that it leads to a greater number of divorces. Therefore it is of most importance that this ideology should be in a state of equilibrium with mutuality and acceptance of the other person. Mutuality is a virtue that is not commonly practiced in our society and the attention of an individual is mainly directed towards self-enhancement, self-help and self-esteem. It is not something that can be taught or practiced spontaneously; rather it needs to be incorporated in our society just like the concept of autonomy is. Marriages will not be able to thrive in a healthy manner until and unless both the members of a couple learn to not only emphasize on their own individuality and self-acceptance but also at the same time learn to compromise and maintain a level of equality with the other person as well (Kramer). Same-sex marriages have been permitted in many states in the United States of America. However, there are still many states that consider it a taboo and same sex marriages are legally banned in these states. With the advent of this new concept of marriages, various researches have been done to find out whether these marriages would work or not. Psychologists and clinical experts are also in a struggle to analyze the benefits and short-comings of this unconventional marriage. It has been observed that same-sex marriage, although untraditional and unacceptable; represents better outcomes and healthier relationship attitudes of the members. Researches have showed that states that allow same-sex marriages have a 20 percent lower divorce rate as compared to those states that do not permit gay marriages. Massachusetts legalized same-sex marriages in 2004, first in the list, and has the lowest divorce rate in the whole country (The Huffington Post). Fifteen states that have the highest divorce rates in the country are all those which have banned gay marriages. The statistics provided by the U.S. Census Bearu shows that in states where same-sex marriages are permintted, divorce rates are lower as compared to the states that ban gay marriages. The average of divorce rates in 13 states allowing same-sex marriages is 3.1 with the lowest in Massachusetts, of 2.2 and highest in Washigton (3.9). The average of divorce rates among the 38 states that ban same-sex marriages is 3.9 with the highest in Nevada (6.7) and lowest in Illionis (2.5) (McClelland). The statisitcs are comparatively supportive of the same-sex marriages when it comes to lower divorce rates. It is still to understand what are the reasons of better relationships among the same sex couples. Psychologists have observed that same-sex couples have a more tolerating and affectionate attitude towards each other. Gottman has done a 12 year study on the gay marriages to observe their similarities and differences from the hetrosexual couples. Homosexuals appreciate their marriages and have a less domineering attiude towards each other. They are more optimistic towards their spouse in periods of stress and disagreemants and deal them with a postive approach. The study included 42 same sex couples and 42 hetrosexual couples who were observed over a period of 12 years. The study assessed various aspects of their relationships which included evaluating their attitude during conflict and their perosnal opinions about their relationship. At the end of 12 years, 20 percent of the same-sex couples broke up as compared to 38 percent of the hetrosexual couples. Same sex couples share an equal relationship with each other by sharing powers and showing greater acceptance towards their life partners. Same sex couples tolerate each other better in conflicts and try to ease each other as compared to the hetrosexual couples who become more physically agitated. The studies represent the better acceptance of same-sex couples towards each other (Kelleher). The effects of same sex marriage on children has also shown a positive outcome. It has been observed that children brought up by gay couples are healthier and are developed in a comparatively more positive environment. Same sex couples are more open to communcation and they maintain a better understanding with their family members. This provides for a healthy family life. Studies also reveal that children brought up by lesbian parents have a tendency to develop less behavorial problems and social difficulties. These children are psychologically more resilient which has been attributed to the ability of same-sex parents to approach issues with a more open and optimistic attitude. Same sex couple exhibit not just self-enhancement but also acceptance and compromise towards their partner. They represent a balance between autonomy and mutuality when compared to the hetrosexual couples. Perhaps this is one of the reasons, they appreciate their commitments strongly and develop an optimistic attitude towards each other (Morse). The statistics of divorce have greatly increased over the years owing to many reasons. Couples are either becoming more self-oriented or they are expressing an inability to accpet their partner and develop equality. However, the same-sex couples emerge as a relatively fair and accommodating couple. Studies have revealed that the divorce rates are lower in same sex marriages in comparison to heterosexual couples. This has been revealed by the higher divorce rates in the states where homosexual marriages are banned. It has been observed that homosexual couples appreciate the true essence of marriage and value each others presence in the relationship, exhibiting the necessary acts of fairness, power sharing, tolerance and optimism. They maintain a better family life and children of homosexual couples are also healthier in comparison to those of heterosexual couples. These may account for the reasons why the same-sex marriages are more successful in comparison to the heterosexual marriages. The success rate of same sex marriages have provided for a conclusion that optimism and compromise are essential elements for making a marriage work out. Works Cited Kelleher, Kathleen. “Turns out the Happy Couple Is... Gay?” Los Angeles Times. 5 Feb. 2001. Web. 28 Nov. 2013.< http://articles.latimes.com/2001/feb/05/news/cl-21203> Kramer, Peter D. “Divorce and our National values.” The NewYork Times 29 Aug. 1997. Web.28 Nov. 2013.< http://www.nytimes.com/1997/08/29/opinion/divorce-and-our-national-values.html> McClelland, Edward. “States that allow same-sex marriage have lower divorce rates.” NBC Chicago 27 Jun. 2013. Web.28 Nov. 2013.< http://www.nbcchicago.com/blogs/ward-room/States-That-Allow-Same-Sex-Marriage-Have-Lower-Divorce-Rates-213335351.html> Morse, Felicity A. "Gay Marriage: Children With Same-Sex Parents Happier And Healthier Study Says." The Huffington Post .5 Jul. 2013. Web. 28 Nov. 2013. The Huffington Post. “Gay Marriage: States that allow same-sex unions have lower divorce rates.” The Huffington Post. 6 Jul. 2013.Web. 28 Nov.2013 Read More