Comment on the article - Essay Example

Response Paper Response submitted by: here Draft written by: Abdalaziz Alajmi Well, your paper seems to be good at presenting the ideas, describing the plot, and differentiating the opponents, but you have made some major mistakes in different parts of the paper. First, you should have a clear introduction for the paper. Your paper just starts with portraying the contest between Katniss and her opponents. It does not provide a clear introduction.Next, you have many punctuation errors. You need to correct all of them in order to make it a good paper.

For example, in your paper, you state, “This occurred because; she had been hardened by the death of her father” (Alajmi 2). In this case, you should not have included the semi colon within the sentence because it does not fit there. You have also some sentence structure mistakes, which you need to correct. For example, you state, “They decide to both die if the game expects only one winner” (Alajmi 4). Here, you have added the word ‘both’ unnecessarily. You should have written ‘both of them’ instead of ‘they decided to both’.

Moreover, you have also made some unnecessary word inclusion mistakes. For example, you state, “Therefore, despite the strength and better position in which the opponents of Katniss are in” (Alajmi 4). In this sentence, you did not need to include the word ‘in’ at the end of the sentence.Next, you did not introduce the friends of Katniss properly. For example, you just wrote about the kind of care that Katniss gave to Peeta. You did not introduce her at all. Repetition of ideas is another problem that I have found in you paper.

For example, you talked about Katniss as a celebrity in paragraph no. 7, as well as in paragraph no. 9. Both paragraphs presented the same idea. You should avoid this in future.You have also made an error in the header section. There should be three spaces between the surname and the page number in the header. You have included only one space. You also need to correct your in-text references. Writing in MLA style, you need to indent the entire quote one inch from the left margin if the total number of words exceed from 40.

You did not do this. Moreover, if you write in MLA style, there should be no comma between the last name of the author and the page number. For example, you wrote “….” (Collins, 135). It should be “…” (Collins 135). Another thing is that you needed to include 5 direct quotes from the text. You have included just 4. You also need to correct the format of your reference, which you have included in the works cited section. You need to italicize the name of the book and place a full stop at the end of the reference.

Please correct these mistakes in your paper to achieve a good grade. You have presented your paper very well but you need to improve the above-mentioned mistakes to make it more appealing. I hope you will not come up with these writing mistakes again.Word Count: 509