Love Marriage vs Arranged - Essay Example

Number] Love Marriages Marriage is a social where a man and a woman agree to legally live together and unite usually to form a family. The man and the woman are united in a special relation based upon mutual dependence and understanding. Although the marriage is a social phenomenon which is accepted and carried out in all the cultures and religions around the world, there may be different perceptions of the societies on how important they think marriages are, and the form that they should be. Usually, the research has found out two types of marriages in which a man and a woman can be involved; love marriage and arranged. Arranged marriages are when the parents or the adults of the man or woman choose the spouse for them to whom they will marry; with consent or in severe societies without consent. Arranged marriage have been accepted almost everywhere throughout the history, but now as the trends have changed, they have eventually ceased to predominate the Western societies, even though it has been held that they had been persisted in the aristocratic society up to the 20th century. Now, the usual view of the arranged marriages comes from the eastern culture which was not always so. The history shows and proves how western culture had been following arranged marriages too, for example most of the kings and queens of England had gone through arranged marriages. Love marriages are the new and modern type of marriages that are being greatly followed now. The rise of love marriages have not dominated the arranged marriages but have definitely caused an issue on which marriages are usually talked about. The love marriages do not go to a history of culture and society, but has greatly influenced the societies since a few decades. Love marriages allow the man and a woman to choose their spouse themselves and marry them. Though there seems nothing wrong with this view, there still are many conflicts arising between the two marriages. These conflicts are usually based on the views of the societies and individuals rather on cultural differences or facts to justify them. As arranged marriages have a history that goes to the kings and queens of England, these historic events show some justification to the rise of love and arranged marriage conflicts. The arranged marriages tradition was strong in these western societies until King George V broke the tradition by marrying a commoner. Along with that, the more and more exposure of the generations to education and the urge to think beyond the traditional boundaries created the hook between love and arranged marriages. Media influence and social networking with people of other cultures and societies lead the generations to believe the fact that they can choose their own marital partner without being dependent upon their parents’, relatives’ or matchmakers’ advice. This is where the love marriages received a boost. Although love marriages and arranged both are existent in the western societies now, the problem lays in the eastern societies where there are still traditions that have to keep going. Children, who are adults are still bound to follow their traditions and as per, listen to their parents on deciding who to marry. The trend has been a very big influence over the children of this century, eventually giving a rise to parent-children conflicts. The increasing force of media and education have lead the children to broaden their scope of thinking which lies beyond the traditional and cultural boundaries. Unable to understand, parents still get their children forcefully married. This is the case in many societies where illiteracy is at its peak, like some areas of India. Despite the many historic love stories that are related to the eastern societies like Sohni-Mahival, Heer-Ranjha, Laila-Majnu and many others written by great Sufi poets in the Mughal times and so, there has been no influence of these over the norms of the society. Love marriages have not been influenced by these literary characters, and have failed to have an impact on the society. Eastern societies have had a long history of arranged marriages going to their religious beliefs as well that have overpowered their cultures and influenced the elderly still. And yet there is no sign that would change this perception in the near future. On the other hand, the love marriages in the western society have emerged so much that arranged marriages have almost been extinct. Though arranged marriages still exist, they are not viewed as troublesome for the children as in the eastern societies, maybe because they are not forceful. The western societies believe in the rights of individuals and the freedom when a child is an adult, and thus their perception is to allow the children to choose their own spouse. They believe that families may choose spouses that are better for the family, while the individual can choose a spouse that he believes is better for himself, increasing the self satisfaction. In the war of love marriages vs. arranged marriages, several debates have been made throughout the years. Many people have spoke on it, revealed statistics on opinions and marriage successfulness and placed their arguments. Regardless of the tradition, culture or religion, the debate has been going on around the world wherever opposition exists. Modern and literate societies and perceptions have tended to change the traditions throughout and believed on the thought of freedom of choice. Love marriages and arranged marriages have their own arguments to support the phenomenon which is on individual basis. Despite these arguments, the researchers have not reached to a conclusion yet. The divorce statistics have shown that the couples who have gone though love marriages get the most divorces, throughout the globe. This fact has greatly supported the arguments against love marriages. The facts that have been noted are showing the possible outcomes of love marriages which support the views of the people supporting arranged marriages. Although the divorce rates of arranged marriages are also higher, they still tend to be lower than those of love marriages. As the divorce rate is increasing throughout, it might be possible that it becomes equal in the near future. Individuals support their arguments against love marriages mainly on this fact (Lamanna and Riedmann 167). On the other hand, love marriages are supported by the facts that legally exist, consisting of human rights. Individuals and groups supporting love marriages argue that they offer more freedom and independence as compared to the arranged marriages where the person is not only bound by his parent’s choice, but also with their expectations. Parents give them the pressure to fulfil these expectations for example participating in family rituals, contributing to family expenses, keeping up with the members etc. And one of the major questions placed forwards is how can someone marry a person they do not know at all. Love marriages allow partners to know each other before marriage, and form a better respect and understanding amongst them. In this way, the couple is better adjusted with each other after marriage ties. Coming to the arranged marriages, they tend to provide much more security to the women than love marriages where most relations depend upon the physical beauty as the males go for women who are beautiful, tall and slim. This way the women face a lot of rejection which affects their psychology. As the society and the technology will change, this perception will get stronger resulting in women gaining insecurity around their society. Arranged marriages allow women to hold lesser pressure about how they look and how slim they are. In this aspect, parents go for the mature and wise decisions when they are choosing the spouses suitable for their children (Lamanna and Riedmann 167). Many parents think the children are too young to make their own mature decisions and choose the suitable person to marry. Also, it is suggested that since both the partners will be belonging to the same religion, culture and traditions, they will tend to have lesser incompatibilities and lesser conflicts in understanding each other’s worlds, societies and cultures and will keep lesser expectations from people of the family with whom they are living. However, this still does not mean that arranged marriages are the most successful suitable sort of marriages. It does not mean that the couple will stay happy ever after and maintain peace in their relationship. The cases of dowry, community issues, concept of horoscope matching and other extremisms have taken the argument against arranged marriages very far. Overall, the arguments for love marriages suggest that they promote the sense of love throughout and allow the person to choose their own partner with whom they wish to spend their whole life. Technically, this decision remains to be the person’s alone as the human rights state that after the legal age, the children can take their own decisions and are eligible to human rights of freedom and freedom of choice. As they say ‘Love conquers all’, marriages based on true love do not tend to result in divorce. However, it is true that love can be dangerous at times in terms of being just infatuation for a short time. Thus, marriages based on infatuation may not tend to last. And this is where the arranged marriages walk in with the fact that they last longer. Arranged marriages may last longer as they are based on mature decisions of the adults and bound by them. The couple is usually bound by the decision of their parents and tend to adjust with each other. These marriages may not be based just on love, but they expect the love to grow as the time passes and they get to know each other. Loving each other is not how these couples measure their marital satisfaction. And as said by a famous Marriage Counsellor and Professor, Dr. William Cornell, “being in love is not a good reason to get married”. Thus, undoubtedly culture plays the most significant role in deciding which marriage will last longer, and which marriage is better; love marriage or arranged. It is all the matter of perspectives that have been created and build upon the various historic events and traditions being carried out since centuries. In the end, it also matters on how the couple believe in each other, whether knowing each other after marriage of before. Hence, because of the cultural and religious boundaries, it is very difficult to conclude which form of marriage is the best but the above discussion provides a framework in which many people can think and form their own perspective. Work Cited Lamanna, Mary and Riedmann, Agnes. Marriages and Families. USA: Cengage Learning, 2006. Print. Read More