Revison of Parallel States - Essay Example

Revision of Parallel s Revision of Parallel s After reading “Parallel s: Israel and Ireland”,classified as a comparison – contrast essay, one noticed that there were strengths in organization and style. For one, the thesis statement was indicated to expound on “Israel and Ireland share striking similarities” (Parallel States: Israel and Ireland, n.d., par. 1). All supporting arguments validated the thesis through the use of eight conclusive similarities. The structural development followed the point-by-point method with appropriate use of transition words to avoid the see-saw effect.

The only improvement needed is presenting a balanced discourse. As evident, the similarities were comprehensively discussed. However, no information was provided on the disparities between Israel and Ireland; making the content insufficient and skewed towards providing details only in comparing their similiarities. Aside from the first statement indicating that “despite obvious historical and cultural differences” (Parallel States: Israel and Ireland, n.d., par. 1), nothing was mentioned in any portions of the essay that relates to noting contrasing details.

Therefore, the points of comparison and contrast could be categorized according to georgaphic and demographic details; political orientations; and religious traditions. The essay failed to use any form of analogy, but could have been used to effectively clarify and explain, or even dramatize or capture an image (Chapter 9: Exposition, p. 246). Analogy could have been used in the section where it was stipulated that “since their creation, Israel and Ireland have endured decades of violence and terrorism” (Parallel States: Israel and Ireland, n.d., par. 4) by comparing this argument to a more mundane scenario through the provision of a concrete and vivid example.

References (n.d.). Chapter 9: Exposition. Parallel States: Israel and Ireland. (n.d.). Retrieved August 18, 2012, from Grammar Resources: http://www.wadsworth.com/devenglish_d/templates/student_resources/S.