Cross-Cultural Marriage - Research Paper Example

Cross Cultural Marriage al Affiliation Cross Cultural Marriage The cross cultural marriage of Niall and Kevitta is a true indication that Love is blind. Niall is an atheist from Northern Ireland and Kevitta is an African American and the two don’t care of their differences on race, color, religion or culture. They get married despite being from different countries. Even marriage from the same country has its own distinct differences since couples are from different families however for Niall and Kevitta, there are more differences since they both come from different countries. This paper discuses the love of two people from different cultural backgrounds, how they fell in love, overcoming religious differences, family and friends concerns on race, the impact of their relationship on their adopted two children as well as differences in their everyday life. The paper provides how they manage to cope with their differences. How they fell in love with each other Niall and Kevitta fell in love at first sight. Kevitta says that she met with her husband when she was taking the bus to meet her father at his work. At that time, Kevitta was working as a general assistant in clothing store that sells jewelry. That morning she was her father was to take her to buy her first car. At that time, Niall was a freelance journalist and he had just gone to America to complete his internship.1 Kevitta was standing at the bus stop just up the hill from an intersection when she noticed this guy watching over her from the corner at the bottom of the hill. At first, she started smiling at first, and then became a little uncomfortable when she remembered her past experience in marriage and her painful relationship with her past lover. Kevitta says that Niall started walking across the intersection towards the other side of the road - however the entire time he was walking he kept looking back at her and smiling. Kevitta thought it was kind of cute even though Niall didnt naturally look like the type of guy that she would be attracted to. Niall had a torn black leather jacket, and his beard was large. When Niall got to the opposite corner of the intersection, Niall leaned against the building and watched over her. He was flirting with her, his sexy looking eyes and the sweet little grin. Kevitta couldnt help but smiled back. She was thinking, "What a silly guy for standing there and staring at me like that!" Niall later walked back across the intersection and to the same side of the road where Kevitta was standing. Kevitta again thought, “Why is he coming back over here! Where is my bus! Why did I smile at him?” But her bus didnt get to her before Niall. They talked briefly about where she was going and Niall then he asked if he could call her and they could go out sometime. Kevitta was so possessed to give out her number to a stranger! As she looks back, Kevitta says that it was fate - like that they did not understand at that time that they had a connection.2 After a couple of days, Kevitta had bought a car and she decided to make plans to go for coffee with Niall. Unfortunately, she had the wrong address from Niall. She had to spend over two weeks trying to find the address on 10th Street, which she later found that it was actually 10th Avenue! She thought she had been stood up and decided to forget on pursuing the date. She carried on with her life, usual friends and meeting new people. Four months later Kevitta’s organization launched a new promotion for our jewelry store and it was a massive success. Kevitta was behind it and she was to be interviewed after being rewarded with promotion. Coincidentally, Niall was working as a journalist in America and was scheduled to undertake the interview. Going in Kevitta realized, that he was the guy she had met at bus stop!, later after the interview, they went for coffee and within 2 months they had fallen so deeply in love with each. Niall was already informed on Kevitta’s past marriage affair and it kind of scared him at first however he was ready to take on and marry her. They are still happy together despite the ups and downs in married life. They how have the third child aged 5 and are still working at following their dreams. They are honest with each other even when happy, angry, or sad. Kevitta says that they have learned how not to go to bed angry with each other. They help each other as they can and do their very best to be an example to their children. They have learned to be healthy and strong as a legacy to their children. Niall says that he has learned a lot about relationships and the family in his last five married years and is so grateful for coming to America and getting married to an African American. Kevitta was a single mother of two children from her previous interracial marriage. She had never dated a man from Northern Ireland, however wasnt opposed to it. They consider themselves interracial Brady Bunch! Though they have faced some adversities, their differences make them unique, and they embrace each others culture. They are truly blessed.3 How did you overcome religious differences? There were many religious challenges for Niall and Kevitta after they got married since they both have different religious. For Niall, he is an atheist while Kevitta is a Christian. There are two diverse religious that have different beliefs. In their issues on religion, they most importantly agreed and accepted that each one of them had own beliefs and cultural mindset that were difficult to change or to be swayed on the other persons side of the fence when they go married. Luckily they came around and accepted that they had to follow one religion for the good of their children 4. For Kevitta, she was a true believer in Christianity. She believed on the life and teachings of Jesus Christ. Christianity was not only a religion but a set of beliefs and a way of life for Kevitta who was among a strong community of believers. In Christianity, they believe that there is only one God and no one else before Him. They believed that Jesus is the son of God and were sent down to the earth by God in human form so that people could be saved from sin. Kevitta always believed and abided by laws and covenants of Christianity. Kevitta believed in the teachings of Jesus which were a guide to her on leading a good life. These were some of the Christian beliefs that Kevitta had to show and encourage Niall to cope with. As a Christina, she also believes that God is not physical but totally spiritual as well as the mystery of the Holy Trinity where it is believed that there are three Gods in one, that include the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. These different forms of God are meant to help and aid humans. Christianity also beliefs in eternal life after death and these were among the main beliefs that Niall had to cope with to have a religious connection with his wife5 On the other side, Niall’s religion is totally different from Christianity. He is an Atheist and they basically believe in the doctrine that there is no God. Niall and Kevitta are religiously different because Atheists do not believe in the existence of God while Christians do. Niall argued that his beliefs are rooted in the human potential for achieving good, endurance and will through logical reasoning, values such as love, hard work as well as truth. Niall was spiritual but not religious. He did not believe in an invisible God and could always attribute the good and the evil to human actions. It was so hard for Niall to follow a following a particular religious belief, be it Christianity, which was his wife’s religion. Niall could look for a reason in everything and followed what he thought was right for him to have a happy and peaceful life 6. The question of religion could a major stumbling block in their family as they Kevitta indicates that she feared for the worst for their children. However the main advantage was that Niall truly loved her and was ready to make a choice on the religion to follow as Atheism could allow every individual to freely choose their own beliefs for a respectful, selfless and fulfilling life7. Kevitta would pounce on the chance to convert him into a Christian. The first thing that Kevitta says is that she lived a godly life to be a Godly Example to her Niall. As a Christian, she believed that her godly lives would be an opportunity for Niall to be won to the Lord. Kevitta did not think of leaving her unbelieving spouse as long as the husband was open to continuing their relationship. Kevitta believed that her life could effectively convert Niall than her words and therefore she was honest, faithful, good, kind and compassionate8. Kevitta’s second strategy is that she established a deep and caring relationship through loving Niall to the best of her ability. She did not harangue Niall for not being a Christina. Through Her kindness and loving behavior, she believed she would convert Niall Kevitta also shared her faith. Niall was open to discussing faith issues, and Kevitta talked about she believed and what her faith did to her. She showed her husband that her faith governed her way of life and how she treated him. Kevitta also shared her faith with her children, through taking them to church, reading Bible stories and teaching them on living a godly life. Her last strategy was that she used to maintain a Godly attitude. She never approached her husband with a judgmental and superior attitude. She treated her husband with respect and appreciation for who he was. She also Prayed for blessings on him and encouraged him to become all he can be as a man. Through being the best believing partner, Kevitta encouraged Niall to be the best he can be. These were Kevitta’s strategies for ending her families religious challenges by converting Niall to Christianity and making him personally accept and believe in Christianity. Through Kevitta’s own experiences, Niall decided to follow her wife’s beliefs. He was not forced into changing his religion. Kevitta says that they had mutual respect for their different religions at first. It took them two years for Niall to reach at the point of accepting and respecting the decision to seek salvation through Christianity9. Racial issues There were some concerns from family and friends about Niall and Kevitta’ relationship. One of the major issues was race. However in their marriage, they were not concerned of their racial differences since they loved each other. However some issues on race had to be dealt with since it was not going to be smooth for everyone to support the couples who were totally in love. One of the main concerns was that they had adopted trans-racial children and this could have led to racial confusion, parental rejection, psychological and behavioral difficulties, and ambivalence towards family as well as low self-esteem. The friends and family of Kevitta were also afraid of dual cultural conflicts and did not want for their daughter to feel as an outcast and be targeted for parental anger in a foreign country. Kevitta says that she had to accept her husband’s diversity in order for her parents and family to overcome barriers such as lack of acceptance and the denigration of non-whites in the society10. One of the main things that the couples can attest to is that they had to change their geographic location. Niall had to relocate to the America. In America, they would be easily accepted into the society since there is racial diversity that includes the whites and the non-whites. In America, the sense of being unaccepted is lower compared to living in Northern Ireland. Kevitta had lived America for the rest of her life and therefore it was easy to move with Niall to America if she loved him. For the children, they were already accepted and exposed to the people and the background of the American diverse society. Secondly, there is evidence that children, whether from black or white families, could get greater acceptance within a black community than in a white community. The Northern Ireland community where Niall hailed from was more white and had few blacks compared to America where there were many black Americans. Therefore the American society was easy for the children to identify with as there were people having the same racial background and therefore greater sense of belonging and acceptance. Such social support was not present in Northern Ireland11. For Niall and Kevitta, there is no problem with race. They believe that all people are brothers in Christ!" therefore the couple’s friends and parents were not ready to break off their engagement on racial grounds. They could interact with other friends, go for family get-togethers and it turned out that race was not much a debate for them. One of the issues that Niall can remember is that his parents consistently failed to say his wife’s name properly. After a certain point he thought that they were mispronouncing her name deliberately so that she thinks of herself to be a different race but later he was convinced that it was not the case12. Niall and Kevitta say that they made a broad move. They decided that their families would reside in integrated areas. This would help the children to racially integrated and feel positive on their race. For Niall, he says that he acknowledged the childrens race and never thought of developing stereotyped impressions of Blacks. For him to feel cope with racial differences, Niall usually dismissed the importance of race, and emphasized on humanness. Kevitta says that she ensured that her children learned to value both parts of self, for positive identity. For children being black and having a white father, she says she feared for ambiguous identity that include colored or non-White and could lead to identity conflicts. But she always taught her children about the reality of racism in order to reduce anxiety as well as social identity conflicts13. Kevitta says that everyone was supporting as they saw that the couples loved each other. There was support from school networks, relatives, friends, grandparents, and the community at large. Their children had the opportunity and resources for relationships development through integrating with Black and White peers in integrated schools and neighborhoods rather than all-White schools and neighborhoods. Secondly, the family created an open atmosphere of to discuss racial issues such as, skin color, hair texture as well as cultural identification complexities. Children were given the opportunity to candidly talk about their feelings and they could share what they felt was upsetting to do with adults. Being racial accepted and confirmed was important for the couple’s positive connections with people from both groups14. Niall and Kevitta say that despite many trials, their marriage wasn’t put off and that their cultural difference strengthened their resolve. Niall argues that people should not give up on their big romance due fearing of tripping up on prejudices from both families as it would send wrong messages. However he also provides that people should not try cross-cultural marriage in a novelty way to prove that they are liberal. Niall and Kevitta’s cross cultural marriage was not a "magical journey" as they would have to face family strains such as damaged relationships with parents, which could to almost take them to their breaking point. However they have learned to cope and not internalize negative reactions. For Kevitta, she has learned to live and value the White community. Being happily married for five years has led to their Parents and friends appreciating their racial differences and supporting them15. They say that they have become suitable role models for both groups of parents. The impact of the relationship to the two children The two children include a girl and a boy aged fifteen and twelve respectively. These two children are mature enough to recognize that they have a new family after their mother gets married to a new husband after ending his previous marriage amicable. With Niall and Kevitta having a stable and positive relationship, the relationship will likely have a positive influence on the two children. The first effect is that the new relationship outperformed the previous marriage as Niall and Kevitta were loving and supportive them. The children forgot the differences and with the parents being loving, educated and supportive, the relationship became more stable and there were no problems for material advantages that may otherwise could have been a contributing factor to the termination of the previous marriage. Niall was working as professional journalist and Kevitta had been promoted to a manageress at the clothing and jewelry shop and this new relationship meant more financial power for the family. Kevitta says that Children were able to enjoy being taken to schools of their choice. They could also enjoy reading newspaper articles written by their father. They improved academically as their father had exceptional interest in their education16. The relationship gives the children a home and a secure future. The children will get a family to be with and loving parents to build them a home to live. Their life will change and change for the better. A beautiful bond will be born and even though they are not biological parent and child, they will have a new life, family and a secure future. The relationship provides the most basic human needs for the children, that is, a safe and loving permanent home. The circumstances of the children will be improved and they will have newfound opportunities and possibilities for productive potential in life17. The relationship also brought the positive influence of having a father figure in the household. Both children were brave enough to see that their Dad loved their mom and the entire family. Children were being bored and stressed with life without a father who they were used to. Being a single mother was also a lonely life for one Kevitta after she ended her previous marriage. Hence the security and the assuredness of a father were of great positive influence to the two children. With a father in the house, the children are more assured of a stable home and stability. And with the current relationship being very much steady, the children were sure that their mom was now in a healthy marriage and with a caring and loving husband who they could share difficulties and pressures of life thus being guaranteed stability and consistency18. The relationship also improved child communication. For the boy, he could communicate to the father on critical gender related issues such as adolescent adjustments. Being happily married also provided enough time for Kevitta to communicate with her daughter. This relationship reduced the children’s risk for adjustment problems. In complex family structure, children only communicated through extended families, they suffered from poor adjustment since they faced hostile, angry and conflicting interactions. But the relationship means that children enjoyed strong parents association, interactions and communication characterized by warm and supportive behavior, open communication as well as the firm and consistent enforcement of developmental suitable expectations leading to positive influence o child adjustment19. However the relationship had two major negative impacts on the children. They felt loss and grief at some point due to the loss of their fast family. It is obvious that they had some connection with their biological father however they are not able to articulate such grief until their later stages of life. They may have felt rejected as they wonder why their biological father gave up with them and the family. Secondly, the relationship may have led to loss of identity. They might have begun to question their identity since they felt that in this relationship, much of their history is not known. They may start a lifelong search of how their biological father looked like and how he acted like. The relationship leads to loss of background and they cannot trace how much of them are due to genetic results of their previous family as compared to the new family. Limited information on birth parents and cultural origins due to the new relationship may damage the children identity development process20. Differences in their daily life There are many differences in everyday life between Niall and Kevitta. For Niall, he has a university degree in journalism and is a professional journalist. For him, he is passionate in his job. Being a journalist is a unique job. At home, he sleeps very little, eats when he can and drinks a little too much. His profession had made Niall to be going to the launderette and eating of convenience microwave meals because he used to spend most time at work and not meeting domestic chores. These are some of the things that Kevitta dislikes about his husbands profession. Niall works extremely hard and is well paid. He does not have reliable hours or reliable schedules as he may be sitting down at a restaurant at one moment and the other moment he is out of the door covering an accident, a fire, a fatality. He says that he usually works for very long in the day and sometimes until midnight, and does it again the following day. He sometimes is surprised leaving the office when the sun is still up. However he says he does it because he loves it. The pleasure of the job is covering everything from racing dogs to homeless shelters. Most of his time, he spends on meeting new people, trying to know about their life and then moving on to the next story. He loves meeting new people, to learn new things and gain new experiences every day. Sometimes he may be talking with fishermen on a boat and another time at a local library as he covers a book fair. Niall duties involved interviewing sources and reviewing records to assemble, collect, and report information as well as exploring the implications of the facts. His work is to inform, educate, and chastise. Another thing that Kevitta dislikes in his husband profession is that its time pressuring. He has to be objective on his subjects, which sometimes is difficult. However Niall’s major strengths is his strong Interpersonal skills, excellent writing skills, as well as having a reporter’s instinct. What makes his profession difficulty is the uncertainty of daily routine whereby he cannot incorporate his family and hobbies. Other negative factors include Long hours as well as chronic deadline pressure. When there is a breaking story, you have to drop everything. However the opportunity for his article to be read by over 40 million people in the United States everyday encourages him to continue, trading off with the uncertain and occasionally chaotic schedule. There conditions are just excitements and challenges that draw to continue in his profession. On the other hand, Kevitta does not have a tight schedule as her hand. She is a manageress at a clothing store that also sells jewel. She has risen through the ranks from a general assistant to her current position. Her main responsibility is to ensure that the store continues to generate revenue. Through her experience, she knows the amount of work and expertise required. Her duties include hiring staff, scheduling, opening and closing of the store, inventory management, enforcing policies and conflict resolution. Most of Kevitta’s job is about management and not the day to day running of operations. She hires the store employees and spends time judging their character and abilities. She evaluates employees on their knowledge, personality as well as practical skills. She also makes the work schedule to meet customer demands. She ensures employees are available during busy times. Kevitta will open and close the store daily but does not have to be physically available during day time. She verifies that everything is properly set, assigns cash register drawers and reconciles deposits. She closes daily accounts and makes bank deposits. Kevitta also ensures enough inventories in the store for daily operations. Policy setting and conflict resolutions are part of her everyday life.21 Kevitta’s job is not that involving and not pleasant compared to her husband who meets new people every day. Therefore she is more focused on the family since she has the time and everyday in her life is a carbon copy of the previous day. To her, she enjoys with the family, taking time off to teach her husband basic cooking and housekeeping. Kevitta has changed the Niall’s lifestyle such as eating habits and daily scheduling and the husband also has to create time out of job for the family. Despite the many differences, the couples have developed a strong and lasting relationship. Bibliography Brodzinsky DM (2006). Family structural openness and communication openness as predictors in the adjustment of adopted children. Adoption Quarterly.9:1–18. Dion, K. K., & Dion, K. L. (1993). Individualistic and collectivistic perspectives on gender and the cultural context of love and intimacy. Journal of Social Issues, 49(3), 53-69. Forsyth, J., & Carter, R.T. (2012) The Influence of racial identity status attitudes and racism-related coping on mental health among Black Americans, Cultural Diversity and Ethnic Minority Psychology, 18(2), 128-140. Hungelmann, J., Kenkel-Rossi, E., Klassen, L., & Stollenwerk, R. M. (1985). Spiritual well-being in older adults: Harmonious interconnectedness. Journal of religion and Health, 24(2), 147-153. Johnson, D. E. (2002). Adoption and the effect on childrens development. Early Human Development, 68(1), 39-54. Kagitcibasi, C. (2005). Autonomy and relatedness in cultural context implications for self and family. Journal of Cross-Cultural Psychology, 36(4), 403-422. Lamb, M. E. (Ed.). (2013). The fathers role: Cross cultural perspectives. Routledge. PARGAMENT, K. I. (1997). The psychology of religion and coping: theory, research, practice. New York, Guilford Press. 160 Pieterse A. L., & Carter, R.T., (2010) The role of racial identity in perceived racism and psychological stress among Black American adults: Exploring traditional and alternative approaches. Journal of Applied Social Psychology, 40 (5), 1028-1063. Read More