Concept of Arranged Marriages - Essay Example

Concept of Arranged Marriages Marriage is a legal bound between a man and woman. The concept ofmarriage is different in every society. There are different customs, trends, cultures and traditions along with varying religious beliefs regarding marriages in the world. Arranged marriages are mostly seen in tribes, villages and conservative societies. Many Muslim countries in Central and South Asia consider arranged marriages as the best fate of a man and woman. But this concept is not only limited to Muslims, many Christians also prefer arranged marriages. But there are liberals in the world who believe that arranged marriages are forced marriages. Is an arranged marriage a forced compromise for life or perfect marriage? In the past, parents or elders would choose a life partner for their children at a very young age. It was sown in their minds that they had to marry that particular match someday. Such decisions would restrict the child from even imagining about someone else. In fact, marriages used to happen at a very young age. An unmarried girl or boy beyond twenty years of age was considered a rejection and unfortunate. The ultimate goal of parents and elders of the family was to find the right match for their children. This trend existed in every tribe, village, city and country from east to west. (iloveindia.com) There are certain reasons to why arranged marriages are chosen by some and opposed by others. Basically, arranged marriage is a marriage in which the bride and groom are purely the elder’s choice. The couple doesn’t have any say before their parents’ decision. Instead it’s a matter between two whole families. It connects every member of the two families rather only the bride and groom. In most cases the couple haven’t even met or seen each other before. This is common in Islamic societies where the religion doesn’t permit interaction of a man and woman before legalization their relationship in the form of Nikkah.Christian and Hindu cultures also tend to reflect this concept. In the past arranged marriages were also a means of economic arrangements or peacemakers of property conflicts. Today, the idea is being revived in many societies especially in the elite class because they are status conscious. Such families need to choose the right person to be part of their families in order to maintain their economic and social status. (iloveindia.com). Unlike in the past, arranged marriages of the present are slightly different. In the past, it was an obligation of parents to search for a marriage proposal for their child and the duty of the child to respect and accept that decision no matter what. While, contemporary arranged marriages involve the consent of both parents and the child. The boy/girl is allowed to choose a partner for themselves taking parents into confidence. Furthermore, meetings of limited interaction are arranged by the parents for the girl and boy before taking a final decision. There are some pros and cons of arranged marriages. The better side of the picture is painted with integration of two new families with different backgrounds, traditions and customs. A lot is learnt from one another when there is an amalgamation of different individuals. The bond between parents and children is strengthened when the decision is taken and respected with mutual consent and understanding. A life full of new experiences is awaited ahead of the couple destined to get married. The negative features of an arranged marriage can’t be ignored. The most striking drawback of this concept is that the two people who are to be married are unaware of each other. They are total strangers and this gives rise to a communication gap. When there is a vacuum between two people, their mentality doesn’t click and hence there is no compatibility. So arranged marriages are a risk to take. Whether the couple would be able to get along and open to each other or not is something very unpredictable. If after marriage they fail to develop mutual understanding and decide to opt for a divorce, they would be met with atrocious remarks from the society. In many cultures, divorce is unacceptable and seen as the end of the world especially for the woman. This could lead to the destruction of two people’s lives. Also, the couple is not accepted by their own families like before only because of going against and hurting their elders’ pride and decision. But there are couples born out of arranged marriages that compromise on their differences and incompatibility just for the sake of saving their families from shame and humiliation that comes with divorce. The worse come after this when the couple seeks comfort outside their matrimony. Other than this aspect, it gives rise to racism and class divisions within the society. Families that are financially well-off always go for arranged marriages within their circle. They choose brides or grooms from families who can meet their criteria of dowry. Such families use arranged marriages as a symbol of exaggerating status in the form of extravagant dowry. Arranged marriages are also considered as force marriage by most. This is common when there is a dispute between two parties over properties or businesses. Here arranged marriages form a means of trade for the settlements of conflicts. This is viewed as inhumane and disrespectful in today’s world. Many laws and bills have been made to stop such violations of human rights like the Prevention of Anti-Women Practices (Criminal Law Amendment) Act 2011 passed by the National Assembly of Pakistan. (Khan 2011). In the past, it was custom that was accepted by all for the betterment of every party. Such animosities would compel the woman to cut all ties with her family and abide by the rules of the in-laws. Such marriages are now considered a tool for subduing women that is why they are met with disgrace by today’s youth. The trend of arranged marriage is changing now through the introduction of new means of communication channels like the Internet and various social networks. Now matchmakers are sitting across the globe and connect people through online dating. This process requires the individual to give out details about his personality, interests, likes and dislikes. The matchmakers search and find their alike within a matter of seconds. Another trend that is seen in arranged marriages is that the West has also started to adopt this concept as a result of inspiration from countries like Pakistan, India, Srilanka and Orthodox Jewish groups. The rate of divorce in the West is comparatively greater than in the aforementioned countries. This is because the marriages in West are based purely on love which is more or less equal to lust. Such marriages don’t last long. This was proven by the research of a Harvard academic, Robert Epstein who studied the concept of arranged marriages for eight years. He managed to interview over hundred couples bound in arranged marriage during his period of research and found out that unlike in the West the rate of divorce was low and there was a sense of strong passion as result of deeper understanding of each other in the marriage. (Bentley 2011) Marriage whether arranged or love cannot be successful without a little sugar and spice. It requires compromise, mutual understanding, space and time to achieve that zone where two people can exist comfortably. In this era, arranged marriages are not less than love marriages. A change has been experienced in the thinking and perception of arranged marriage over time. There is more flexibility and resiliency in the understanding of both parents and children. Even villages and tribes have broadened their views and no longer exercise the strict and rigid customs and traditions of the past. An arranged marriage could be a perfect marriage if worked out wisely with a bit of compromise and acceptance or a complete disaster otherwise. References Arranged Marriages. iloveindia.com. Retrieved on 11th December 2011 from http://weddings.iloveindia.com/features/arranged-marriages.html Bentley Paul,4th March 2011, “Why an arranged marriage is more likely to develop into lasting love”. Mail Online. Retrieved on 11th December 2011 fromhttp://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1363176/Why-arranged-marriage-likely-develop-lasting-love.html Opponent’s views on Arranged Marriage. Ygoy. Retrieved on 11th December 2011 from http://marriage.ygoy.com/opponents-views-on-arranged-marriage/ Khan Zia, “National Assembly passes landmark women’s rights bill”. The Express Tribune. (15th November 2011). Retrieved on 11th December 2011 from http://tribune.com.pk/story/292165/prevention-of-anti-women-practices-bill-unanimously-approved-by-na/ Read More