Advantages and Disadvantages of Online Dating - Essay Example

Online Dating "Online dating" refers to the use of online dating service websites on the World Wide Web to seek out members of the opposite sex, initiate and develop relationships, the ultimate goal of which is to find an ideal, lifelong partner. Internet dating is here to stay, and it is a growing phenomenon among the public today. This essay discusses the advantages and the disadvantages of online dating before reaching a conclusion based on the analysis. Primarily, online dating scores high on convenience of use. All it needs are a computer, an Internet connection, and time. With these resources at their disposal, the user has placed themselves in the midst of the dating arena and in touch with like-minded singles. It is therefore accessible to anyone who can afford and access the electronic media through ownerships or internet kiosks. Internet dating has bridged the geographical gaps and done away with the time zone constraints. Although being within communicable distances eases the fostering of a relationship, for people who can stand the test of long distance romance, online dating is a boon. With its convenience, it is cost effective too, with initial prepping totally absent and users do not meet until the relationship has progressed further down the road enough to pique their interests. It is no longer necessary for singles to endure a tense multi-hour first date in order to discover the fatal flaw that makes sitting through the date a chore. With ideal online dating, anyone with such a flaw is weeded away when the profiles are read. A "deal breaker" characteristic never makes the first cut; straight forward honest profiles help do away with initial contact that are doomed from the first minute between involved parties. This not only saves a lot of time and money, but also avoids unnecessary emotional seesaws. Mel Morris, Udate.com's CEO explains, "Essentially the process of chatting online [...] enables people to be more frank and honest in the initial stages of a possible relationship" (2) One other great concept is that in contrast to a blind date, frequenting a bar, or attending a singles function, meeting online does not require any preparation in terms of wardrobe upgrades, or salon visits or busting the wallets. This reduces unnecessary wasteful expenditure incurred due to traditional methods. One does not even need to be in a good mood to log on and make a good impression through the written medium. As Andrea Baker, a sociologist at Ohio University explains, "The written word promotes people talking about themselves without the self-consciousness of how do I look, how am I dressed" (1). Online dating is discreet; no one need ever know until it is disclosed often when the ubiquitous question "where'd you meet" pops up. With social stigma's still attached to advertising in the periodicals and posting online classified, online dating assures privacy once the window is closed. The initial anonymity offered induces even shy people to approach people and make moves that they would never attempt in person. The chances of meeting people from different realms are also high that would normally not be possible because of lack of interaction in varied circles. The most important advantage is that profiling can be done as per individual's tastes and preferences. Interests can be based on personality characteristics, background/values, likes/dislikes, proximity to place of residence, age, religion, ethnicity etc. This also helps to weed out incompatible traits or qualities and hobbies that are uncomfortable to be dealt with personally. "Eyes are the windows of the soul" and genuine well-taken and published photos added to the profile often instigate an instant appeal and elicit an instant attraction that heralds the beginning of a fruitful chat. It can be an especially great ego boost to individuals seeking a relationship with emotional baggage and lower self-confidence. The anonymity will urge them to venture into the playing field sooner than later, and a lot of interest generated by their profile and being pursued by dates will help them get back a more optimistic outlook on life. More replies offer them a wider choice and when able to choose, gives them a confidence of being needed and desirable which is a desired trait to approach a future date. Initiating and maintaining an online relationship for a while lets the users get comfortable with each other without the early awkwardness of the initial meetings. The ability to display individual abilities beyond the distractions of physical endowments may pave the way for a building a more strong fundamental relationship. When physical attributes are not one's main strengths, it gives the individuals a fair chance to impress others with their intelligence, sense of humor, worldliness and other intellectual abilities. Andrea Baker, a sociologist at Ohio University, sees the Internet as "a haven for the shy, the tongue tied and the thoughtful" (1). Dating sites that offer paid subscriptions to get in touch with "would-be" mates often have serious profilers who are genuinely on the lookout and are a good opportunity to meet wonderful people in an efficient way. Once a relationship is underway and something does not ring true, it is simply easier to get out of it as well, during Internet dating. It is so much easier to "ignore" or "block messages" and end the relationship, rather than the traditional breaking up scenario of turning down someone in person, mouthing the expected clichs and waiting to see how the rejection is received. There is no need to endure the relationship because of the lack of courage to end it. There is no agonized parting and the time taken to rebound of it is often minimal. Internet dating does have its share of disadvantages. The most obvious one is that though it involves a varied wide audience, it restricts the candidates to those who spend time on the Internet, which excludes a whole other horde of people. The great convenience of the writing aspect of the courtship of Internet dating also translates into a disadvantage. Unlike traditional courtship involves communication through all the senses and allows attraction to grow at a more controlled balanced pace, the written communication often proceeds very fast and is often surreal and in a world of its own. It is like a coccon that shuts off the outside world and often accelerates the pace of the relationships, which create undue expectations among the involved users. It is also a great setting to "bar the soul" on the perception of finding a soul mate and the natural progression of those courtships are often fast. The psychology of courtship on the Internet raises repeated concerns about the terms of relationships evolved and how they stand up the test of meeting face-to-face. In addition, getting into the online dating realm with too many expectations can also be detrimental. The disappointment of not meeting that "soul mate" soon enough coupled with meeting some wrong people may disillusion a number of users. It is easy to get obsessed on online chats. It is addictive and it is easy, and for those lonely or suffering from boredom, it is a virtual short-lived remedy. With the lack of any visual appearances to strengthen or dispute written assumptions, if no action is taken beyond the chatting sessions, the dating scene will not move forward. When you meet a person, there is body language and facial expressions, little gestures and speech to guide our assessment. So if an online date has to progress, a personal meeting has to happen at some point. The little emoticons and the smilies are poor substitutes. If that step is not taken, the Internet will serve no purpose at all. While paid profiles on the dating websites do block the profile and assure some anonymity, the unpaid "free-for-all" entries create a loss of privacy. These generate a lot of emails, bulk of them not serious enough and lots of unwanted exposure. Seeing emails very unsuitable, nurture self-doubts amongst the vulnerable about their appeal and dampens their self-esteem. On the other hand, very few responses too create depression among users and leave them feeling lacking. Chemistry is the most fundamental limitation of online dating in contrast to traditional in-person methods. No amount of database field matching or grooving over instant messaging can guarantee that two people "click" in person. "You cannot assess information about another person without physical, nonverbal cues," says Dr. Reece Burka, a New Orleans psychologist. "A false sense of intimacy is created when interaction remains purely cognitive" (1). The greatest bane of online dating is the dishonesty in the profiles. There are myriad stories about e-liars, deliberately forged marital status, posted photos taken decades ago to mislead users, misleading information about personal information like age, physical appearances, income, interests etc. There are sexual predators that lurk behind innocent identities and wait for a vulnerable prey. Profiling questions are also very ambiguous and can be interpreted individually as per their attitude. Dating sites often subtly encourage a certain level of deception in order to make their profiles more interesting. There are close to 100 million single adults in the United States alone. Of those, 17 million looked at online dating sites in 2002, with 2.5 million paying for site memberships (SiliconValley.com). The industry grew by 73% in 2002 and 77% in 2003. However, in 2004, as the number of users actually started to decline, the market grew by only 19%. In 2005, the industry will grow by just 9%, to $516 million."(Jupiter research.com). FriendFinder.com claims over 9 million members. Eharmony.com reports 10,000 to 15,000 new users every day, with more than 6,000 marriages to its credit. E.harmony.com, Match.com, Udate.com, Yahoo personals, are few of the major dating sites all claim growing number of paid subscribers that are a good indication of the serious users that add creditability to the concept. On the other hand, there are those who think the online dating industry may have reached its saturation point. According to Forbes spending on these sites declined slightly in the fourth quarter of 2004, indicating that growth for online dating sites may be stagnant. In spite of all this, the numbers are huge for online dating services. With the movie" You've got mail" featuring Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan, which glorified online dating, the public has woken up to the concept and online dating has definitely lost much of the stigma associated with it. Based on the above analysis, I would support online dating. It has definitely come here to stay and offers many advantages to those who play by the rules in a balanced manner supported by a lot of common sense. To sum up, it offers convenience, is cost effective and can be done from a comfortable environment without any preparatory measures. It encourages every human being to play the field in quest for long lasting relationships. It serves to do away with the loneliness and fuels hope to find companionship and love. The paid profiles that let you meet genuine serious partners often cost a fraction of the traditional dating expenses. It offers better chances for the vulnerable and shy and there are some happy stories to counter the horrors of dating. It does have some serious disadvantages, but most of them can be addressed by being sensible and cautious. Being choosy about dating sites, not giving away too much personal information until the first date, meeting at a public place and not accepting a ride home until comfortable, are few of the things that can help. If you are mature enough to date, then this maturity needs to manifest itself into taking precautions. In today's world, there are myriad ways to authenticate the information received. "Google" a name and you can get more details than you bargained for. Courthouses, marriage licenses, divorce decrees- the list is endless if you need serious confirmations. It should be clearly understood, the entire online dating process just is a means of leading to a compatible first date. The first date may be based on the entire online process, but for it to move forward thereon it relies on the "chemistry" between the parties and all the visual clues that go with it. It pays to remember that even in traditional dating scenarios often there are subtle misrepresentations, unique to the individuals, who are trying hard to appeal to each other coupled with the effects of alcohol and romanticized settings. It is a basic human instinct to combat competition, and blatant lies surface eventually leveling the playing field. Personally, I am a user of the online dating services. I have had a few chatting sessions that went nowhere, have blundered through a few wrong dates which put me off for a while. I eventually went back to it, and found a great relationship I am still in at this moment. In spite of my negative experiences, I would still recommend it because of the positive result that has made the journey worthwhile. Traditional dating is a painful process of trial and error and this was more private for me than the age-old approach. With more and more people climbing on the bandwagon of the Online-dating scene, I would recommend that if it gives the user that small edge to find a chance at happiness, to go for it, with a balanced expectation using caution and common sense as their watchwords. Good luck! Works Cited (1) Kirn, Walter. "The Love Machines." Time February-14-2000: Volume 155, Issue 6, pgs 73-74. Proquest database (University of Washington Library). (2) "Survey of 14,833 reveals that offline dating trends are spilling into the online world." Editorial. Business Wire August-6-2002: Lexus-Nexis database (University of Washington Library). Sources Jupiter research reports the number of users visiting online [] to slow Retrieved 26th November 2005 from Jupiter Media website http://www.jupitermedia.com/corporate/releases/05.02.09-newjupresearch.html Neils, Joan The Internet as a Medium for Meeting An Analysis of the Cultural Implications of Online Dating Retrieved 26th November 2005 from jneils website: http://www.jneils.com/onlinedating/07profiling.html Online dating Statistics Retrieved 26th November 2005 from How Stuff Works website: http://people.howstuffworks.com/online-dating7.htm Boothman, Nicholas Internet dating- Advantages, Disadvantages and Advice Retrieved 26th November 2005 from Third Age website: http://www.thirdage.com/news/articles/ALT03/05/01/25/ALT03050125-02.html 94% success rate for cyber dating 14th February 2005 Retrieved 26th November 2005 from Manchester News online website http://www.manchesteronline.co.uk/news/technology/s/146/146116_94_success_rate_for_cyber_dating.html Browne, Dr. Joy. Dating for Dummies. New York, NY: Hungry Minds, Inc., 1997. Read More