How online dating affects real life dating experience - Research Paper Example

? How online dating affects real life dating experience Introduction: Online dating is one of the fastest growing trends in today’s world. With the easy access to internet in all the developed countries of the world and some of the developing countries as well, people now have the chance to be social from the comfort zone of their homes. Rather than hanging out in pubs or going to clubs, which is the usual way of getting to know new people, more and more people are now opting for the ease of communication offered by online dating. They can talk to anyone they like while sitting in pajamas, without having to worry about the intense effort required my real life socializing i.e. keeping appropriate facial expressions and dressing up properly etc. Consequently, the dating lives of people are taking on a whole new meaning. It is important to study these changing trends in order to see how they are affecting people’s social lives and what problems or favorable aspects arise out of such networking. The purpose of this study is to weigh the pros and cons of online dating. While having its benefits, this form of socializing also has some side effects. It is a gift and curse at the same time. Chatting online gives everyone the chance to be social without any of the normal anxiety like possible rejection and thinking up unique ice-breakers. For people who are anti-social or shy, online dating is bliss. On the contrary, Internet allows people to create the most favorable versions of them and they can ‘be’ who they want to be. As such, it can become very easy to fall in love with the online self of a person and ignore the dissenting aspects of his/her personality in real life. In this study therefore, I want to mention the advantages and disadvantages of online dating and assess the favorability of this new chapter in dating. The overview of the study is basically how online dating has affected the real lives of the individuals. Obviously, as it is said, too much of everything is fatal – it applies here that the negative aspects of online dating outweigh the positive ones, resulting in heartbreaks, lack of trust, mental illnesses, suicides and time wastage. Literary Review: The famous culture media in modern years has become all the time more spellbound by online relationships, both those that are flourishing and particularly those that conclude in heartbreak. A movie released in 1998 entitled, “You've Got Mail” (Brown, Durk, & Ephron, 1998) portrays the tale of two people who fell in love while using the Internet. Social scientists have also recognized these modern-day relationships, and at present, a large accessible literature is based on computer mediated e-mail, Internet culture and Internet relationships. Nevertheless, there is in plain sight lack of pragmatic research in particular dealing with romantic Internet relationships. According to Ellison et al (2006), there are infinite people nowadays who will give an undertaking for the fact that online dating is an enjoyable way of getting to know remarkable people. They think this way you get more choices and you too have the choice of breaking up with someone who you do not like without any worries unlike in a real relationship, which can get a teensy weensy bit knotty when it comes to wrapping up. Kira Leck (2006), in her article on ‘Dynamics of Online Dating’ stated that, love is trouble-free to find and practice on the internet or so it gives the impression. In addition, for individuals who have not been doing well in getting companions or friends in actual life in bona fide social circles, online dating is indeed a blessing for them. If truth be told, many people date several people at the same time not knowing which could be the right one. However, here comes the catch. According to Robert (2010) the more choices available, the more probability is there for lack of commitment. When one is busy trying to decide, first-rate, add up and even uphold the number of online dates, you sure are going to give attention to a likely relationship. What matters is that one could be missing some great date if they did not seek out for better options. Therefore, they do not give adequate attention to any one date. Again Robert (2010) said, folks happen to become more infatuated with gathering dates and the hunt never stops until they are tired of it or hit the reality with a sensible mind that they are not left with even a single relationship According to Toma et al (2008), grown-up men and women are believed to stalk younger women and men irrespective of the reality that they are already wedded. It becomes a hobby for them, to flirt around or even have cybersex. Without focusing on their current relationship statuses’ they get involved in online dating. Disloyalty, it is presumed, is all right as long as it stays in the brainpower, but it starts becoming apparent that it can lead to a disaster. Similarly, there exists a risk of people lying openly and bluntly when dating online. It is very easy to expose a different, more charismatic ‘you’ than what in reality you are. Therefore, the energy and time invested in a digital relationship could end up in heartbreak and an individual who stops trusting everyone around him/her. On the other hand, the real world dating is not a safe option either. According to Merkle and Rhonda (2000), heartbreaks thrive in abundance here too. At least, people appear to have a cling to something. Online, it gives the impression that people are only courting a gentle wind that made you undergo a special feeling for some time and then abruptly it is all gone with the wind. For others, it is better than staying alone in the real world. According to Gibbs (2006), in her article ‘Managing Impressions Online, she says that in confronting each other in a relationship, unconstrained self-disclosure involves one to let go of the nervousness and trepidation of losing someone else's fondness or appreciation because the other person is known thoroughly. Because of the influential temperament of this anxiety, only one’s most dear and profound relations are usually supposed as sensible way to take such a peril. However, self-disclosure cannot merely be classified as one's extremely cherished relationship or else social seclusion and lonesomeness could follow. According to Finkel (2007), speed dating has swiftly become a huge business, with millions of folks paying hundreds of millions of dollars to attend the events. It has also been shown in well-liked TV programs e.g. Sex and the City, and movies e.g. the 40-Year-Old Virgin, and almost all conventional news channels. Even if these media depictions differ, they join in signifying that speed dating is thought of as a new alternative for individuals keen to meet latent romantic cohorts. Certainly, putting side by side to those more established settings, speed dating has the plus point of do away with noteworthy obstacles to commencing a conversation with a sought-after unfamiliar person. For example, according to Finke et al (2007), one can in one piece presuppose that speed-daters are to some extent amorously accessible and raring to go to meet prospective romantic partners, and one is practically assured a few minutes of heart-to-heart time with all the ideal-sex speed-daters at hand.’ According to Darcy (2009), lately at least two self-sufficient teams of social scientists have acknowledged the colossal influence of speed-dating actions to lecture to varied methodical investigations and have run their personal speed-dating learning’s. In their study, Lawson and Leck (2006) have studied people that have been dating online for years. What shocks them is the fact that a huge proportion of them can converse online with ease and devoid of self-consciousness, shyness or hung-ups. Their study states that inside the relieve zone on practical relationships, people can easily become uncomfortable in real life relationships. Somebody that types a billion words online chatting with another can be the same being who has impenetrability conveying them-selves in real social life. According to Johnson (2010), in his article, ‘The dangerous effects of online dating’, online dating has been an upheaval from the time when it was set on track but like all coins have another face to it, online dating masquerades some grave consequences, which if not dealt with in time shall upshot in catastrophe. One needs to be aware of how online dating can have an effect on your life, lifestyle, habits and time management. It is important to understand that the precaution is better than a wasted heart over some stranger. Critique of the Literature Review: The common pattern that was found in all the articles was that internet dating proved to be a hassle-free way of meeting new people and parting ways easily if the things did not work out. However, another arrangement that was seen was that being faithful would prove to be highly improbable in case of online dating, as the person searching for love online is likely to have many choices, this can lead to a slight swaying of their moral compass, and they can be involved in multiple relations all at once. Moreover, unethical behavior also stems from the readily available single men and women and their ability to remain incognito and hide the traits that might otherwise inhibit their relationships from fostering. Another main cause that, according to most writers, led to failed online relationships was the fact that none of the men or women actually portrayed their true personalities. In fact, they morphed themselves according to the situation presented and didn’t give a true picture of what they were like in order to garner praise and acceptance from the other party. This kind of behavior is unhealthy and can lead to a person becoming insincere and delusional. Hypothesis: The most basic purpose of this research is to find the effect of online dating on people’s real life dating experience. How has this changed their perceptions of real life dating, and how technology has manipulated people’s dating priorities? This study will look into people’s expectations from relationships these days that lead them to preferring online dating to real life dating. METHODOLOGY The topic of the study suggests that use of a general questionnaire is the most appropriate method for conducting this research. The reason is that the data to be collected is qualitative in nature and it is not required to be statistically evaluated. Secondly the topic is somewhat personal in nature so the respondents can be hesitant in providing genuine responses if one-to-one interviews are conducted. In case of this research the questionnaire was developed around the hypothesis already developed so the questions were intended to explore the topic of study. Thirdly the questionnaire is developed by considering the target respondents, their attitudes, culture and environment to get the unbiased response. The words used for the questions and their sequence and format are specially considered not to be intruding, yet clear enough to convey the meaning. Finally the questionnaire is not so lengthy that the respondent starts ignoring the questions to fill it up quickly. Thus the methodology is suitable both in terms of topic and the construction of questionnaire. The respondents are college students between the age 17-27 and from freshmen to seniors and most of them were the students of graduation. The respondents were from the departments of Psychology, biology, computer sciences, public administration, marketing, accounting, mathematical sciences, journalism, graphic designing, photography, and human behavior and so on. Thus the study has catered youngsters from all different fields of education. Furthermore the study has incorporated the responses from teenagers to the people in their late twenties. The data is collected by distribution of questionnaires to the target respondents. The analysis of data is performed by proper arrangement of responses in a way that produces some results. The questions having multiple options were analyzed by simply quantifying the number of options selected, while the open ended questions were pondered upon in the light of previous research and the current responses provided in the questionnaires to draw some conclusion. No specific software is being used as the data was collected for qualitative research and the questionnaire was not developed using a specific scale. RESULTS: The result is based on the responses of 24 surveys as one of them needed to be discarded due to inappropriate responses. The results are prepared by grouping the questions and then finding the percentages of different responses. The results show that 41.6 % people take online dating as being normal and give the freedom of having a relationship as one likes it to be but there is an equal percentage of people i.e. 41.6% who think that online dating is stupid and awkward. People going for online dating are socially incompatible, afraid of having face to face interactions and are unable to maintain real life relationships. Thus online dating is considered to be the easy way out for people having issues in socialization. The research has shown that majority of people do not prefer to have online relationships and they are still agreed that there is no substitute for one-one and physical interaction. The results have proven this thing, as only 16.6% people have a real experience of online dating and even they are not pursuing this relationship. People have different expectations from their online relationships. Majority have a point of view that online relationships are risky, unreliable, uncertain, dishonest and full of fake statements. One can expect anything in online relationship from treachery to showing highly unethical behavior, damaging self respect of individuals. But there is also a second opinion that one can expect ideal partners with common interests and access to them in a speedy and convenient way. Only 25% people agree that their online personalities match with their original personalities. Majority has the opinion that they do not have an issue in presenting themselves as they are. There are also a percentage of people who think that they are better than the personality presented online. Then there are people who feel more confident in their online presence than their real life presence. 20.83% people think that there are no benefits associated with online dating but the rest of the people think that there are many benefits attached to them. This shows that even at present not too many people are having online relationships; they are having a positive stance in their minds about this phenomenon. The benefits associated with online dating are described as avoidance of money-hungry women, saving time, opportunity to interact with people special to you, easier, speedier, comfortable, confidence booster, and opportunity to interact with many people at the same time. Online dating facilitates long distance relationships; it strengthens them, and facilitates the relationships for people having busy schedules. Research has shown that 62.5% of people think that online relationships are not real. They can be taken as a way to make friends for a short period of time but they cannot be taken as a way to dating. At the same time there are opinions that online dating is not taken real because it does not have physical interaction which is an important element in dating. One cannot have a complete idea of the physicality and body language of the other so it is found that people although are moving towards this trend they are not completely absorbed by it. Research has found that 25% people believe that they can rely on their online relationships if mutual understanding has been developed but the majority opinion is that online relationships are never reliable. 29.1 % people think that online dating is affecting their lives in a way that it is more flexible and accessible with a lot of options. As the society is moving towards the heights of technology and materialistic approach this trend is going to be followed more and more. There is high probability that people in future will be able to manage their time only for online dating. DISCUSSIONS: The research has shown that online dating is an emerging concept which is gaining popularity as the life is becoming more and more challenging. The responses to the questionnaires developed show that the trend is not in practice to a large extent but still the idea is not novel to the audience. People have a clear idea of online dating and its impacts. The thing is that people still prefer one-one dating experience; they prefer the intimate settings and physical contact. Individuals will not pursue online relationships if they are given the opportunity of a real life experience. But in today’s world when professional life has become so challenging and time consuming, people are looking for flexible relationships which are not binding and limiting. Thus people love to have a relationship which does not try to gulp their freedom and individual existence. There is a conception that online dating is not reliable and people can make a fool out of you but when an individual is busy in his/her tough schedules, s/he prefers to be in a relationship even like a fool for some time and then get out of it easily without any regrets. In addition to that after having experience of online dating, people start having unrealistic expectations from people in their real life. The personalities they have experienced in their online world are so composed in a way that one can show what s/he wants to show and can easily dress up the reality. While in reality, dressing up of facts is not so easy. Thus people feel that their online world is more fascinating and complete than the actual world. Although majority of people have shown that they have no intentions to indulge in online dating but the benefits they have described shows the actual intention. Even people are moving towards the idea of ‘phone sex’ to meet the human need for physicality and intimacy. The phenomenon of online dating is not deeply rooted in the society, yet but there is a need to create awareness about it so that people having their online experiences can relate to the realities of actual life and real world. This idea should not be responsible for making an individual remote to the real world. The scope of this study is to cater the area of educating people about online dating and its impacts so that one can have the opportunity to enjoy online relationship; however, these relationships should not spoil the real life relationships. Imaginary world should be created to enjoy but it should not be capable of destroying the real world. The strongest temptation for an individual is nothing but another individual. The research has shown that people are not so actively involved in online dating as described by the previous research. LIMITATIONS: The limitations of this research include small sample size, specific target respondents, non serious attitude of respondents, and delicacy of the topic to be explored and analytical capabilities of the analysts. Despite all these limitations the research is a significant addition to the body of literature in terms of recent attitude and behavior of people towards online dating. The future perspective of this study lies in opening up areas of study like how individuals meet their needs of physicality in online relationships, can individuals be dependent solely on their online relationships, and can the awareness about impacts of online dating protect individuals from getting emotionally upset and unstable? Is online dating an easy way out to personal issues and lack of capabilities? References Ellison, Heino and Jennifer Gibbs, ‘Managing Impressions Online: Self-Presentation Processes in the Online Dating Environment’, PS: Communication and Media Studies, 11.2, (2006): 415-441, retrieved on April 2, 2011, from http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1083-6101.2006.00020.x/full Finke, J. 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