Nature of Online Dating - Research Paper Example

Online Dating Introduction Dating or Matchmaking is an act in which two people interact with each other to ascertain his/her capability to be a partner. People on a lookout for romantic or sexual relationships spend time with a potential partner and have conversations with them to get to know them, their thoughts and interests etc. This ‘getting to know’ act is done over lunch or dinner, taking one out for a movie or just spending time doing something of interest like visiting art galleries, museums, going to a concert or an amusement park etc. This activity is basically a way of determining whether they are mentally and physically a match. The practice of taking someone out for a date is called ‘asking out’ someone and it is usually taken as in invitation to date. With the advent of technology there has been a shift in the dating avenues used. Where communication has become faster and cost-effective, and social networks allow one to search for and interact with people with similar interests, thus, dating too has become virtual. Online Dating refers to an act of getting to know someone through electronic means which can be through the internet or cellphones and it allows people at communicate and get to know people at a long distance (Merkle 187).Free video chatting allows one to not only talk to someone but also see and hear them while talking to them. The only sense that is not present in online dating, as compared to conventional dating, is that of smell and touch. History The evolution of dating dates back to the early 1920s when men and women would interact with each other under supervision of the elders or at parlors where it was customary to mingle and socialize with the opposite gender. This was replaced with taking women out for drinks or diners. Later, this socializing moved to activities like spending time at parks, a movie theatre or art galleries etc. giving the couple something to talk about, break the ice and get on with the conversation. This was followed by revolution of dating in terms of increased intimacy in order to gauge suitability. This age is prevalent to this day and courtship or marriage has taken a back seat as far as relationships are concerned. Pen paling was an activity associated with writing to get to know and befriending people who were at a distance. In the digital age, this was replaced by online pen paling or social networking. In consequence, this friendship aspect took a romantic turn and the internet became the new medium to search for potential life partners. Prevalence There is no question about the popularity and gaining momentum of online dating. In this world of chaos, one has a hard time coming across people who have similar mindsets, interests etc. The internet provides an array of dating sites that feature profiles of people from all backgrounds. This makes it easier to not only search someone of likeness but also narrows down the number of people to a selected few. The availability of other people on online dating sites also signify that they are looking for a partner too, and so they are more open to the idea and easy to approach. Initially, this service was started by match.com, e-harmony and plenty-of-fish. When the practice became acceptable and popular, more joined them and now there is a bandwagon of such sites all over the internet. The most popular ones, apart from the mentioned pioneers, are Yahoo personals, JDate, Shadi.com etc. The popularity of this dating service can be determined from the fact that 37% of the single individuals in the United States visited online Dating Sites (Hitsch 130). Causes of Online Dating The main purpose of indulging in online dating is the urge to get involved in a romantic relationship. People on a pursuit of potential partners use online dating to get to know people who have been filtered according to their interests, gender, physique, religion etc. Virtual dating is not only specific but also faster as compared to conventional dating due to its 24 hours connectivity feature. One gets to know more about a person in less time making the whole online dating experience less bothersome and exhausting. Benefits of Online Dating There are many advantages of Online Dating. It lets onebe themselves when talking to someone. Not having to worry about their reaction or embarrassment, one is more ‘real’ behind their computer screen. It gives them the chance to get to know someone from the inside, which is what should really matter. While it’s normal to fall for looks, online dating lets people be themselves and talk their heart out being more open to the person on the other side. Similarly, It is more convenient and cost effective to meet a larger number of people possessing the qualities that one seeks in a potential partner, because the search is customized accordingly. Internet dating provides convenience, speed, accurate potentials and confidence to many. It is not uncommon for people to have found their soul mates through online dating and match-making sites. Disadvantages of Online Dating According to Eli Finkel, Associate Professor of Social Psychology at the Southwestern University, USA, Internet dating is a positive means to get to potential romantic partners, but its pitfalls should also be considered before venturing into this online world of romanticism (Finkel 3). There are several disadvantages of online dating, but nearly all of them can be prevented through proper precautions and knowing some important information regarding these sites. Firstly, the misleading phrase ‘perfect match’ might not be true always. This is because one is asking a machine to calculate the potential ‘perfect’ partner on the basis of limited information. Some things are better understood by talking to someone in person and actually ensuring the existence of chemistry between them, before going forward with the relationship. There are security and privacy concerns as one is disclosing personal details without having completely known the person. It is ideal to keep in mind the possibility of bogus accounts and identity theft. One needs to be absolutely sure about what information to disclose and to whom. It is no secret that all other members are looking for their perfect match as well. One can never be sure about the level of seriousness adopted by the other person. There is a chance that one might just disappear upon finding someone better. Many incidents of fake profiles and people on a lookout for a ‘fling’ have also brought upon a negative name on the whole practice of online dating (Atik 20). The key is to be vigilant regarding the possibilities of such profiles and maintain a personal distance until absolute trust has been built up. Also, unrealistic expectations, without actually meeting a person, should be kept at bay. Psychologically, the online dating websites create an unnatural notion in the minds of the people that there is a perfect someone for everyone out there. Many people become vengeful at being rejected by the one they tried to approach and this leads to a negative impact on their psychological health and demeanor. Apart from that, the ability to sift through profile choices to choose a correct one creates an aura of a shopping arena, making people commodities to be picked up by choice, and being let go at the sight of a better prospect. In hopes of meeting their dream match people disclose their personal information and are unaware of the loopholes in the privacy policies of the dating sites, which might make their personal information, appear on other public sites. The possibility of stalkers and sexual offenders should also be borne in mind, as there have been many instances of psychologically disturbed people sexually targeting innocent singles. Channels of Online Dating There are several means of getting through to prospective partners through the internet. There is an abundance of dating and match making sites online, some of the most popular being match.com, plentyoffish.com, e-harmony.com and okcupid.com. There is an array of specialized dating sites as well, for example, shadi.com for Indians and JDate for Jews. Once one is able to set up a profile to represent him on these sites, he can make use of the chat option to invite someone to date. If the other person deems it acceptable, he can pursue a conversation. These are facilitated with voice messaging and video chat options, depending upon the preferences of the partners engaged. Social Networking sites have also made the whole partner selection regime easier by allowing specialized searches that filter people according to several characteristics: gender, studies, relationship status, age etc. However, these means are used mostly after some connection has been established in general or if the person knows the other through an acquaintance. Online Dating Versus Conventional Dating There is no doubt that technology has enabled single individuals from all corners of the world to interact and communicate with each other in anticipation of a perfect match. In practical life, people are bound to their limited social circles. The internet provides them with means to approach other singles from all over the world, making a large pool of prospects and possibly better chances of coming across someone who is close to the ideal partner in one’s mind. There is more confidence and the person opens up himself more because he is dependent upon words and there is no stress related to looking good, dressing well, immediately responding to something etc. (Aretz 8). This helps in gauging his mind-set and thoughts and really understanding the person before the initiation of a relationship. However, there are some things that the technology cannot replace. The charm of meeting someone face-to-face and attempting to woo them has been a constant cliche in romantic movies for decades and no matter how advanced the technology might be, it cannot replace the flurry of emotions associated with physically interacting with a prospective partner. There is a chance of deception, misuse of personal information provided, and false hopes that can lead to one of the parties to get hurt. There is no surety of people being truthful about their appearance and background and there have been many instances of people being sucked into misleading relationships. On the other hand, traditional dating is initiated by having mutual acquaintances making it more comfortable as compared to meeting entirely new people online. One’s chemistry with a person can only be judged through an actual meeting and face-to-face conversation with him, which is a feature of conventional dating. It is clear that there is no winner amongst online and conventional dating. A blend of both is an ideal strategy in order to come across someone who fits one’s perception of an ideal match (Rosen 13). Future of Online Dating The phenomenon of online dating is gaining momentum each year, signifying greater acceptability of the practice and its success in bringing couples together. However, more accurate match making techniques are still under research. According to Arthur Aron, Psychology Department of University of New York, the possibilities in technological refinement, in terms of more accurate match making, are endless. He suggests evaluation of communication skills of the participants, along with encouraged online intimacy and structured meetings to bring out the best results. He also suggests additional features like lifetime support, an option to befriend other couples, recording success stories and their progress etc (Aron 1). Another trend that can be identified and deemed as the ‘future’ of online dating could be the one that is linked to social networking sites. To do away with the meeting-a-stranger part of the online dating phenomenon, there are sites like coffeemeetsbagel.com that link people to their friends of friends on social networking sites. This makes people more comfortable interacting with suggested partners because they have a mutual friend in common and this builds up on the authenticity aspect of the profiles. Another such site called on.com links people on the basis of their LinkedIn profile along with additional information like ethnic background, weight, height, etc. Conclusion In conclusion, there is no denying the fact that technology has opened several effective means to bring single people from all over the world together. Yet, there are several concerns regarding the increasing popularity of this feature. According to Dan Slater, Author of “Love in the Time of Algorithms: What Technology Does to Meeting and Mating” the increased number of potential partners will lead to a decrease in the commitment level of the people (Slater 17). They will always be in a look out for a better prospect and this will affect the societal balance negatively. Online dating should be considered as a pre-meeting means to do away with first meeting awkwardness and knowing the person well before taking the next step i.e. conventional dating. Dating should not be considered as a past-time and such websites should employ certain methods to determine the authenticity of the people registering. The precautions should be clearly communicated to all the members so they are aware of all the possibilities that may result in the potential relationships taking a down-turn. It is only natural for human being to be on a look out for a partner for life. Technology has given them an efficient and cost effective way to come across other singles from all over the world. However, it should not be looked at as a ‘desperate’ move on someone’s part; neither should it become a leisure activity. The goal should be to get to know people and gauge their suitability as life partners and all members of such dating and match making sites should be clear on these particulars. Works Cited Aretz, Wera, et al. "Partner search in the digital age. Psychological characteristics of onlinedating-service-users and its contribution to the explanation of different patterns of utilization." Journal of Business and Media Psychology 1 (2010): 8-16. Aron, Arthur. "Online Dating The Current Status—and Beyond." Psychological Science in the Public Interest 13.1 (2012): 1-2. Atik, Chiara. Modern Dating: A Field Guide. Harlequin, 2013. Finkel, E. J., Eastwick, P. W., Karney, B. R., Reis, H. T., & Sprecher, S. (2012). Online dating: A critical analysis from the perspective of psychological science. Psychological Science in the PublicInterest, 13(1), 3–66. Hitsch, Gunter J., Ali Hortacsu, and Dan Ariely. "Matching and sorting in online dating." The American Economic Review (2010): 130-163. Merkle, Erich R., and Rhonda A. Richardson. "Digital dating and virtual relating: Conceptualizing computer mediated romantic relationships." Family Relations 49.2 (2000): 187-192 Rosen, Larry D., et al. "The impact of emotionality and self-disclosure on online dating versus traditional dating." Computers in Human Behavior 24.5 (2008): 2124-2157. Slater, Dan. Love in the time of algorithms. New York: Current, 2013. Print. Read More