Incorporation of Birth Order and Parenting - Coursework Example

of the Birth Order Parenting Parenting refers to the process which involves the support and promotion of emotional, physical, intellectual, and social development of children which begins from the period of infancy and continues up to adulthood. Thus, it is another name of rearing a child. There are variations in parenting skills and even the nature and process of parenting has witnessed change, or evolution, in the passage of last 25 years. Major differences can be observed in the parents and parenting of past and present times. In the past, usually parents paid more attention to raising children in such a way that they become obedient, non-self-centered, and disciplined individuals. However, now, parents emphasize more on laying the foundation of the self-esteem, autonomy and individuality of a child (Emily, online). Thus, the conventional parents taught their children traditional values, while parents now teach modern ways and morals. Birth Order The concept of birth order refers to the rank or position of siblings in term of age. Psychologists believe that birth order carries with it a lasting and profound effect which is ultimately visible on the psychological development of children with the passage of time. Encyclopedia of Childrens health defines birth order as the chronological order of sibling births in a family (Encyclopedia of Childrens Health, online). However, there exists only a limited amount of empirical support for this claim and the researchers have challenged it time and again. Yet the popular culture and pop psychology continue to exhibit a strong presence of the birth order and its influences on childrens lives. Psychologists have, for long, been intrigued by the influence that birth order has carried major impacts to children and their personalities. This issue was raised formally by the pioneer of Individual Psychology, Alfred Alder, during early 1900s. He defined birth order as the place of an individual in family which has also been termed as “family constellation" by some other psychologists. The personality of children or siblings is affected by their position in the family, thus compelling them to act different. Despite of being brought up in the same household and having same parents, children still do not like each other much and even the circumstances and attitude of parents and relationships tend to change over time (Paulhus, Trapnell, Chen, pp. 482–488). Therefore, those children who are born to the family first, do not usually get the same parents as the child in between or other younger children experience. Science has proven each individual to be the product of environment and hereditary, thus unique. Measuring birth order theories is difficult due to the appearance of common tendencies over the passage of time that provides a strong foundation to the generalizations with regards to behavior (West Virginia University, online). As suggested by psychologists, the birth order may be divided into the following categories: Firstborns and only children: The firstborn are conscientious and reliable. They are usually structured in their thoughts, make lists, and are black-and-white thinkers. These children possess eagerness with respect to judging wrong and right and always believe in the right manner of doing things. They are achievement-oriented and born leaders. They like reading books and act mature by being independent at early stage of life. Middle-born: These children are hard to identify in the whole of the birth orders, and do just the reverse of what the child above them in the birth order does. For example, they tend to be extremely unconventional if the child before them, or the firstborn, was extremely conventional. Middle children are people-pleaser, competitive, peacemakers, a bit rebellious, and succeed on friendships. Lastborns: The Lastborns are usually outgoing, fun loving and social creatures. They are least creative, humorous, spontaneous, and usually self-centered. They tend to seek attention, enjoy life and are extremely manipulative (Jocelyn, online). Incorporation of Birth order and Parenting It is essential that birth order be incorporated into parenting as it carries a significant meaning in the development of children. An Austrian psychiatrist, Alfred Adler (1870–1937), was first psychologist to introduce the concept of birth order as the major influence of childrens personality. According to his analysis and study, the style of an individuals life can be permanently impacted by the birth order, and can alter an individuals usual mannerism of dealing with love, friendship, and work. Adler asserts that the firstborns are more likely to be "dethroned" as soon as the next child is born; this situation might pose long lasting effects on the personality developments of the firstborn. He claims that younger children, or the only child, is usually more spoiled and pampered, and this can influence their personalities in adulthood too (Adler, pp. 13-16) Born to Rebel is the book composed by Frank Sulloway in which he makes suggestion that there exist consistent and strong impacts of the birth order on the Big Five personality traits. According to him study, the children born to parents first tend to be more socially dominant, conscientious, less open, and less agreeable towards newer suggestions and ideas in comparison to children born later (Sulloway, pp. 39-83). Other critics and theorists, however, do not agree to this idea and Judith Rich Harris, Toni Falbo, and Fred Townsend have presented differing theories. Due to such lasting impacts on personality, it is essential that birth order be incorporated into parenting so that the children develop into balanced personalities. Parents should understand the needs and wants of their children in each category and bring them up accordingly. It can be done as follows: Firstborn Child Parents should let them make their own decisions. Not letting them do this can backfire parents since firstborns are observed to be high achievers. It is not good to expect them to be parents most obedient all the time. Children should be treated as individuals, and responsibilities and privileges are given to them with regards to their ability instead of age. If the older child feels overburdened with work in comparison to younger children, hard feelings are likely to occur. Therefore, a child who can babysit better should be charged with this duty instead of the one who is older. It is not advisable to criticize the firstborns. It is good to only reinforce the talents and personality traits already ingrained in them. Firstborns need to be helped in seeing the big picture as they are known to focus upon the task that is already at hand instead of beginning a new one at the same time. Parents should praise their child, not his skills. Else, it may become overburdening or overbearing on them. Firstborns are rule-followers so parents should be patient in laying things out for them. Children born first tend to have leadership qualities, so they should be taught to go halfway with things. If this is not done, they might grow up to be uncompromising or aggressive. The most important need for the firstborns is that parents spend time with them, even if, and especially if, he has many other siblings. Middle Child The middle child needs reassurance and the factor of acceptance for his personality. This should be necessarily done in order to counter the affection and attention that parents have already lavished upon their overachiever firstborn. Keeping the fact in consideration that the children born in middle of the birth order might be rebellious, parents should make him realize that he is the best of all children. This can be done by lavishing praise on him and making him feel good. Parents should spend time with the middle child as a way of reassuring him or her of being considered as important as other children. Parents are usually not much excited for the achievement of middle children and do not celebrate as enthusiastically for them as they did for firstborns. So, it is advisable that they recognize the middle childs accomplishments too as worthy of being celebrated. Parents should encourage the middle child to be different, respect uniqueness, and follow his own interest in every capacity. An open communication channel is maintained with the middle child so that he does not feel lost or left out. Last Child Taking into account the personality traits of lastborn, parents should play fair. It happens that they get so busy with the other childrens activities that they tend to forget last child. Thus, in order to strengthen the sense of identity of the youngest child, parents should pay attention to him in order to make him feel as important part of the family. The lastborn should most importantly be held accountable for his actions. Being the last child, he may get ignored and neglected, thus becoming more vulnerable to aggressive and manipulative attitude. Parents should keep a check on him. Parents should protect him when the elder children try to tease or bully him around. This will give a sense of safety to younger one and induce civic sense into older ones. In order to teach the last child to behave properly, parents should spend more time with him. This will prevent him from feeling aloof of everything. It is important that the lastborn is integrated into the circle with other children. Parents need to plan such activities, as a visit to museum or trip to water park, which can be enjoyed by a 13-year-old, 9-year-old, and equally a 6-year-old (Jocelyn, online). In this way, parenting can be very well integrated into the birth order, leading to required developments in the personalities of children. It is usually considered that parenting combines with the birth order shapes behavior of the children; therefore it is true that a proper blend of birth order in parenting will result in good personality development of children. Adding to the birth order, there may also be other factors, such as number of children and combination of gender constituting a family that can have profound impacts of the personality of a child. Thus, the knowledge of the birth order will help parents to understand ways in which they can bring up their children. Circumstantial anomalies of birth order The term anomaly refers to abnormality or deviations from standard or expected. Circumstantial means pertaining to or derived from circumstances. With reference to birth order, the term circumstantial anomalies would pertain to a situation in which there are deviations or abnormalities created by incidents or change in circumstances. An example of such a situation can be the circumstances in which the eldest child is suffering from a bad illness, and all his responsibilities are transferred to the younger one, who has to replace the "the eldest". Such circumstantial anomalies may also occur when parents die, separate, the eldest children or the parents become disable, or when they are hospitalized. In case of circumstantial anomalies, the replacement of the older children, or oldest child, with the younger ones might be a difficult task due to the inherent qualities of their birth order. The firstborns are usually leaders and approval seeking children. They tend to be rule-followers and more organized along with being achievement-oriented and conscientious. Moreover, since they have been receiving lavish attention from their childhood, they are more improved, enthusiastic and powerful. On the other hand, the young children are more likely to be less competitive and are brought up by their elders taking all the responsibilities on their head. Thus, they are not able to volunteer but put others to work (Jefferson, Herbst, McCrae, pp. 498–509). In such a situation where circumstantial anomalies occur, young children may take in next to impossible to accept responsibility. They might get distressed and overburdened with workload all of a sudden which is likely to spoil their health too. Though, such a situation can contribute a lot to their personalities and make them more responsible, still they may feel frustrated and not being treated fair all of a sudden. However, if there has been a proper integration of birth order in parenting, the circumstantial anomalies would not be a big problem for children. It is, when children know their original places and are ready to switch ranks in case of any unexpected or sudden occurrence, they begin taking up challenges and facing life. They are molded into balanced personalities in accordance with their birth orders and are responsible enough to take up challenging tasks with determination. Conclusion Parenting refers to bringing up children and birth order is a related concept maintaining the order in which the children are born in a family. Birth order and parenting combine and shape the personality traits of children which are visible in his behavior. It is essential that parents integrate the birth order with their upbringing in order to bring up their children as balanced individuals. Work Cited Adler, A. Problems of neurosis. New York. Harper and Row. (1964). Web. Childrens Health, Birth Order. 2014. Encyclopedia of Childrens Health. Web. Accessed on March 3, 2014. Emily Morman, "25 Years of Parenting: A Look Back (and Ahead)" Metroparent. Web. Accessed on March 3, 2014. Jefferson T., Herbst J. H., McCrae R. R. "Associations between birth order and personality traits: Evidence from self-reports and observer ratings" Journal of Research in Personality 4 (1998): 498–509. Web. Accessed on March 3, 2014. Jocelyn Voo, "Birth Order and Personality", Parent. 2014. Web. Accessed on March 3, 2014. Paulhus D.L., Trapnell P.D., Chen D. "Birth order effects on personality and achievement within families". Psychological Science 10 (1998): 482–488. Web. Accessed on March 3, 2014. Sulloway, F.J. Birth Order, Sibling Competition, and Human Behavior. In Paul S. Davies and Harmon R. Holcomb, (Eds.), Conceptual Challenges in Evolutionary Psychology: Innovative Research Strategies. Dordrecht and Boston. Kluwer Academic Publishers. 2001. Web. West Virginia University, Does Birth Order Really Matter? 2014. WVU Extension Service Families and Health Programs. Web. Accessed on March 3, 2014. Read More