How Is a Child Attitude About Marriage Shaped by Divorce - Research Paper Example

How Is a Childs Attitude About Marriage Shaped By Divorce Introduction Family plays a very important role in the development of a child. The family environment, especially the nuclear family, provides for supportive systems which the child depends on for development. At almost any age during the childhood years, the child is always highly dependent on the family as a way to live and have confidence in life. However, not all families succeed. Divorce can rip the family apart prematurely. Divorce definitely affects a child in their development and with the recent studies showing an increasing rate of divorce, it is necessary to know how this can be handled. Divorce affects children in so many ways, and in some cases, even affects such children of divorce in their adulthood. There is a question of whether such children may have a negative view on family and commitment as they grow up. Are children of divorce more likely to have a low regard of marriage and commitment? Are they likely to have the same regard for marriage as those who had a stable family or are they more likely to have a better sense of commitment to marriage? These are the questions that definitely need to be answered. Given the fact that the parents act as role models for the child, the hypothesis assumes that these children are capable of having a low opinion on marriage and commitment. Background of the effect of divorce on children Before tackling the issue of how divorce leads to the children regarding marriage and relationship commitment, it is necessary to first identify how the process of divorce affects children psychologically. There exist several important issues that have to be considered with regard to the process of having a divorce and the way this affects children. When the parents decide to divorce, their children who are still in childhood years (up to age 16) will have to suffer some psychological problems. According to Berlin (2005, Para 4), a child from parents who are divorced has a higher probability of performing poorly in the various areas such as in academics, games, and in discipline issues. This is a matter of concern of many parents as well as the various agencies that deal with the wellbeing of families and especially children. Divorce and Attitude towards marriage According to Whitton (2008, 789–793), there is a high correlation between low levels of trust and commitment in long lasting relationships such as marriage with the fact that the people come from divorced parents. Whitton (2008, 789–793) did the research from the perspective that even though there is a general consensus among scholars that there is a trans-generational effect on divorce for the children who come from such families, there is scarce literature and studies on how divorce affects the commitment levels of such children when it comes to marriage. The study also tried to find subsets of data on whether the effect of divorce on children with regard to marriage is differentiated between the genders. According to what they found out, gender is a significant factor with regard to how divorce children are affected by divorce especially in the area of their attitude towards marriage. According to the study, females who come from divorced parents are more likely than males to enter into relationship with less confidence that the relationships will work. They are also likely to have less trust for their partner, as compared to males who come from divorce families. Trans-generation effect The significance of these findings is the fact that since adult children of divorce, as they have come to be called, are more likely to be less committed to family and marriage life, they enter such relationship with less trust and reduced confidence and this acts as a recipe for conditions which lead to divorce. In this regard, children, especially females, who come from divorced parents, are highly likely to go through divorce themselves in their own marriages. This would then lead to the same thing happening to their children leading to a trans-generational affect of divorce. Even though it does not mean that all divorce children will end up in divorce in their own marriages, it is evident that they have a higher tendency to have failed relationships. Cui and Fincham (2010) also carried out a study of 255 college students to identify how divorce affects such relationships of the children from divorce. They also found that children with divorced parents are more likely to have more negative perspectives and attitudes towards marriage and other long term personal relationships such as having a lover (boyfriend/girlfriend). These young college students with divorced parents also displayed a more positive attitude towards divorce. Their levels of commitment to personal relationships such as towards their partners were incredibly low and they did not put any value in having long term relationships. In the same study, students who came from stable and not divorced parents seemed to have a more positive attitude to marriage and a negative attitude towards divorce. They also seemed to have higher levels of commitment in their personal relationships, especially romantic relationships. This literature indicates a very obvious correlation between divorce of parents and the attitudes towards marriage by children who come from these divorces. It can then be said that the impact of divorce of parents is affected by the following factors with regard to adult children of divorce; Internalization of the idea divorce Adults whose parents divorced, especially those whose parents divorced when the child was young, eventually seem to internalize the idea of divorce. This impact strongly on the way the child looks at marriage, especially when they grow up. It will mean that the children will not have the feeling that marriage is something that they should commit to and protect with all they can. Lack of confidence in the institutional of marriage Such children will also have a more difficult time having confidence in that they can sustain a long term relationship, especially marriage which is a till-death relationship. They feel that they don’t have what it takes to remain in such a relationship that demands such high commitment. Lack of trust and faith in the other partner Such children also suffer from low trust about their partner. They are likely to be scared that their even if they toil hard to make the relationship function, their partner will be the one to mess things up. Due to the hurt they got from the divorce of their parents, they don’t want this to happen a second time and therefore seek a protective mechanism which involves refusing to fully vest themselves in the relationship. Is there hope? The crucial thing is to establish if there is any hope these children from divorced parents can still have a better way to live. Since it cannot be hoped that divorce is going to be eradicated, it is necessary to identify any way to make sure that children of divorce are not affected too negatively. According to Arkowitz and Lilienfeld (2013, Para 2), most of the children from divorce actually triumph over the pain of divorce and perform well in life both in childhood and in their later lives as adults. One thing to appreciate is that not all divorces are the same. How the parents handle the divorce is an important factor tot determining to what extent the children in the family will but affects. As Kemp et al (2013, Para, 1) says, the ability to reduce conflict and handle the divorce process with as much maturity as possible can minimize the intensity of the impact the divorce will have on the child. The secret to such success would be to reduce the negative and direct confrontations with each other. Ensuring that the children are not too involved in the divorce, by for example not fighting over, who will keep the children, is also important. The parents should also be honest enough with the children in terms to explaining to them why the divorce is happening. Maintaining a cohesive and independent partnership after the divorce process also helps in making the child feel secure and protected. All these are factors which will determine the extent to which the children from divorced parents will react to divorce. Divorce children whose parents are able to handle divorce as amicably as possible without using the children as weapons to fight each other will not be too affected. Bitter divorce processes where parents fight over children only increase the child’s mistrust and lack of confidence in the institution of marriage and therefore parents should avoid this if they have the best interest of the child. Conclusion It is very evident that divorce has a very fundamental impact on children, not only during their childhood but also after they grow up. Literature indicates that there is a very high correlation between the divorce of parents and how these children regard marriage and divorce. It is however obvious that not all divorces need to be hurtful to the young children. Handling divorce in a most mature way and keeping the happiness of the child ahead of everything else is a better way to guarantee that the children will not be affected negatively by the divorce. References Arkowitz, H. & Lilienfeld, S.O. (2013, February 14). Is Divorce Bad for Children? : The breakup may be painful, but most kids adjust well over time . Retrieved May 14, 2014, from http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/is-divorce-bad-for-children/ Berlin, G. (2005, 04). The Effects of Marriage and Divorce on Families and Children. Retrieved May 13, 2014, from www.mdrc.org: http://www.mdrc.org/publication/effects-marriage-and-divorce-families-and-children Cui, M. & Fincham, D.F. (2010). The differential effects of parental divorce and marital conflict on young adult romantic relationships. Personal Relationships, 17, 3, , PP. 331–343. Kemp, G. et al. (2013, December 15). Children & Divorce: Helping Kids Cope with Separation and Divorce. Retrieved May 13, 2014, from ww.HelpGuide.org: http://www.helpguide.org/mental/children_divorce.htm Whitton, S.W. (2008). Effects of Parental Divorce on Marital Commitment and Confidence. Journal of Family Psychology, 22, 5, , PP. 789–793. . Read More