How Children from a Divorced Family Are Affected - Essay Example

Menendez English 110 October 26, Essay: What effects does being raised in a single parent family have on children and how they view and understand relationships and marriage. Introduction Judith: “He's been sullen and uncooperative for days. I think he needs to see someone”. Alan: “What, you mean like a... like a shrink?” From the episode ‘Hey, I Can Pee Outside In The Dark’. In the above conversation after their divorce Judith and Alan are trying to explain the behavior of Jake, their only child. The specific dialogues are taken from the hit sitcom show two and a half men declared as the biggest comedy hit of the last decade by The New York Times. The sitcom is based on the life of Harper brothers; Charlie and Alan Harper and Alan’s son Jake, who is referred to as a half man in the title of the sitcom. After the divorce Alan and Jake move to Charlie’s place forming unique relationships amongst themselves with changing circumstances and behaviors exhibited by these three characters. Alan is a dim wit and weak personality with childhood issues of his own, lives with his brother but has no say in the household matters. He has a tendency to be obnoxious, exhibits vindictive behavior towards her mother and sees his alcoholic sex addicted brother as an inspiration. Jake is a lethargic child with low self esteem and no real ambitions, after his parent’s divorce he spends time with his mother and father but is more influenced by his father and uncle. He has low intelligence and no concern for personal hygiene but is aware of the norms prevalent in the house; norms set by Charlie. Charlie Harper is an alcoholic and sex addict on a self destructive pattern, a confident and self righteous person but in a wrong way. He has no respect for the opposite sex and has no desire for a real relationship. In the episode ‘The big pink things with coconut’, Jake is stretched away from his grandmother by Alan as he does not want her to damage the self esteem of Jake something she did to her own children, Alan and Charlie. This shows that the Harper brothers have childhood issues of their own and treat their own mother poorly. In the same episode ‘The big pink things with coconut’, Charlie curses her mother for faking illness and wishes her to die, an extremely disturbing behavior from a son and represents a total breakdown in the relationship. The personality of Charlie Harper is a significant influence on Jake and Alan, who has no respect for the opposite sex, no concern for his health or the affects he is having on the child due to his abysmal behavior. Jake’s lazy attitude and direction less life is due to his unsuccessful father who married and divorced two women. Using the scenarios in the sitcom the essay investigates and defines the affects single parenting has no children and how they view different relationships. Working Thesis: The sitcom is packed with instances where the child exhibits an unusual behavior towards life, relationships and marriage. Being influenced by the nature and attitudes of accompanying elders the child has a lackluster personality with no goals in life, no respect towards elders and no real want for a healthy relationship. During the past two decades the American family system has experienced significant change from the ideal of nuclear family, the common families seen in America today are single parent families. These single parent families due to one reason or the other are headed by either mother or the father and in some cases by grandparents (Coontz). There are many elements that result in to single parenting but dissolution of marriage or divorce is the most common and leaves many psychological effects on the growing child. The life of a single parent and accompanying child can be difficult, besides the obvious economic hardships there are many emotional effects resulting in depression and behavioral instability. According to Stephaine Coontz (1992), children undergoing a parental divorce try to cope up with the mental stress by finding refuge in extra familial social support networks or harmful activities, shaping a negative behavior towards life and relationships. A testament to that is the 80% increase in psychological assistance provided between 1981 to 1988 to disturbed youngsters mostly due to broken family structures and consequent child treatment. In similar circumstances the child seeks a role model in the parent or other accompanying adults, where influenced positively the child can grow up as normal and achieves similar successes as others although in case of a negative behavior exhibited by accompanying parent or other relatives the child can develop same attributes or adopt a rebellious attitude towards traditional rules and family norms, another phenomenon is the give up attitude where child develops a reluctance towards physical activities, education and becomes extremely passive. Another affect on such children is hatred towards the traditional marriage, as they see a broken relationship between their parents they lack belief in the institution of marriage and sometimes commit themselves to never getting married throughout their lives. Most children in an understanding age think of themselves as the cause of divorce between their parents which also breeds negativity towards marriage and opposite sex (Coontz). Jake has clearly developed a lethargic attitude towards life with no goals and ambitions, most of the time he only speaks when he is spoken to and exhibits his own unintelligent take on things. In the episode ‘Rough Night In Hump Junction’, Charlie wants to have a word with Alan, Jakes leaves while saying, “Gotta be about sex, you know I am 14 you are not protecting me anymore” and “this is just a pathetic sham”. This shows us that Jake has no respect for his elders and he is highly influenced by sexual relationships of Charlie; the most talked about subject in the house. In the sitcom all the characters enforce a negative influence on Jake, in the episode ‘Those Big Pink Things with Coconut’, Jake’s grandmother undermines his educational achievements and criticizes him for his unhygienic ways. This type of attitude further de-motivates the child and reinforces negative thoughts. In another instance Jake shows his hatred towards marriage and declares Charlie as his role model stating, “Are you kidding? You drink, you gamble, you have different women here practically every night. You're the best role model a guy could want!”. Children living with single parents or under shared custody are influenced greatly by parental education, household income and adult characteristics, these factors would affect the child significantly and could have damaging long term consequences (Coontz). Alan has no achievements of his own; he is dependent on his brother and has a menial job with deteriorating relationship with his mother and ex-wife. While growing up Jake develops similar interests as the adults as he mentions at least 10 love interests and after meeting Eldridge, a dim witted friend he starts doing drugs and impregnates his chemistry tutor Megan. He hangs posters of naked women in his room and watches pornography mentioning masturbation as his favorite hobby. Similar attitude is discussed by Coontz (1992) in her paper relating adult misdeeds with prevalent attitude adopted by the child. Jake is clearly following the same destructive patterns exhibited by his father and uncle; he has a desire to do drugs and has no respect for women something he witnessed in his accompanying adults in their routine lives. American family system is deteriorating and a shocking 40% of American families are headed by single parents or with no parents. America has seen many successes; financial stability and Americans take an undoubted pride in their national principals, but why is American youth so angry and desperate? According to researchers the root cause is the deteriorating family structures and changes in family forms and values. Single parenting in most instances results in poverty and deprivation, the child under such circumstances bears many hardships during his adolescent age but one cannot isolate these problems to only economic conditions or a divorce; the reasons are several and relate to our societal norms and prevalent culture. In third world countries even with much poverty and deprivation family structures are stronger than ever with most births occurring after marriage with a low divorce rate. It is debated by Coontz that changing American values after massive industrialization had its devastating effects on the family structure; it took us away from our religion, made us dangerously liberal paving the way to unrelenting individual egos with decreased tolerance for each other. Abortions are considered righteous hence the value of life has been undermined, if abortion is escaped by the new born it takes birth without a father resulting in a crisis of identity as outside marriage births have become a norm with fathers unwilling to take responsibility of the child. In traditional beliefs family meant stability, it was the essence of togetherness and support, if the society continues in a similar pattern, without healthy nuclear families our society would further deteriorate and the young generation will have even less morals and ethical values. Jake is the classical example of such an epidemic, since his childhood he saw his uncle engaging in anonymous sex, drunk most of the time with no morals and ethics. He saw his father being the target of condescending behavior from his uncle, his mother and grandmother with no self-esteem whatsoever. What he saw in his adults shaped his personality and there is no doubt that such children can suffer more than their parents and inculcate similar traits in their off spring. Conclusion: The found effects of single parenting on children provide us with a reality check, the researchers emphasize that traditional family structure has been affected by liberalism and industrialization. A father openly discussing his sexual deprivation and admitting his failures with dependency on others is not an ideal model for any child let alone a divorce struck child who should be inspired by a strong ethical role model. His uncle is a raging alcoholic and a womanizer, her mother is remarried to his father’s friend and grandmother actively seeks and takes advantage of younger sexual companions. It is not a surprise that Jake himself possesses a weak personality with lazy attitude and a desire for sex and drugs. These norms are by no means American nor do they depict majority of the American families although many single parented families undergo similar circumstances resulting in disturbed children and later on violent teenagers. America needs to incorporate its core values in its family structure, the values of loyalty and commitment, freedom of speech but with more social and cultural responsibilities. Works Cited Coontz, Stephanie. “The Way We Never Were”. Basic Books, 1993. Print. “Hey, I can pee outside in the dark” Two and a half Men: season 1. Writ. Chuck Lorre. Dir. Gary Halvorson Warner Brothers, 2004. “Rough night in Humo Junction” Two and a half Men: season 5. Writ. Chuck Lorre. Dir. Gary Halvorson. Warner Brothers, 2008. “Something salted and twisted” Two and a half Men: season 3. Writ. Chuck Lorre. Dir. Gary Halvorson. Warner Brothers, 2005. “The big thing with coconuts” Two and a half Men: season 2. Writ. Chuck Lorre. Dir. Gary Halvorson. Warner Brothers, 2005. Read More